My life is at a crossroads

MikeyC

Well-known member
I hate making threads and I hate talking about myself at such length, but I need to vent.

I feel like my life is at a real crossroads.

It's no coincidence that these thoughts coincide with the issue with Fiona, but I think it's more than that. Fiona's rejection has not been easy to handle, but I do think that I'll get there in time, no matter how difficult it is now. The problem is that I've invested a lot of time and a lot of heart and a LOT of driving in this for no reward. I feel really let down. I still can't hate her, though.

Besides that, I have been thinking about going to do psychology at uni. Now I'm wondering if that's the right option. It's the only thing I've decided has been good enough to study, but I doubt myself - not just on the course, but my ability to complete the course with my mental issues, and if I'm going to enjoy it. I worry that I will be making the wrong decision.

Right now I have no skills for better employment. At the age of 27 I am more unlikely to be hired than a 16 year old, even if I did have some qualifications. I do need to change that...somehow.

I am shit with money. I also need to learn how to be better.

People ignore me. I don't get it. There's got to be something weird about my personality that makes this happen.

I've gained weight. I'm not obese or anything but I have definitely put on the kilos. Thanks to depression for making this happen.

I just don't know what to do. I don't know what the next step is. I feel confused and that makes me depressed - a feeling I've not been able to fully shake for weeks.

I don't know what kind of advice I need. I guess just getting this out and hoping I can help others in a roundabout way will satisfy me. Thanks for reading.
 

hidwell

Well-known member
Most of the things that you have mentioned I can relate too, and these are the reasons I have given up. I have accepted that with my problems trying to change who I am is just too hard too painful and the main reason is I'm too weak. I admire your courage but as you might know there are no guarantees with life you can try your hardest and still come away with nothing. Rejection is a bitter pill to swallow and is the one of the main reasons I have opted for life in the slow lane. I wish you luck in the future Mikey.:thumbup:
 

bladeds

Active member
Man I am educated up to degree level and still can't get a job, just can't get past the damn interviews.
 

MikeyC

Well-known member
Most of the things that you have mentioned I can relate too, and these are the reasons I have given up. I have accepted that with my problems trying to change who I am is just too hard too painful and the main reason is I'm too weak. I admire your courage but as you might know there are no guarantees with life you can try your hardest and still come away with nothing. Rejection is a bitter pill to swallow and is the one of the main reasons I have opted for life in the slow lane. I wish you luck in the future Mikey.:thumbup:
I find it a shame that you've given up, hidwell. I haven't given up, but I am absolutely clueless. I don't know what the hell I'm doing. :sad:

Rejection is difficult but life has taught me that there's always other girls around the corner. It's just that it takes 12-18 months to reach that corner for me, historically. Gah. Too long.
 
It is sad to read that you are so confused and depressed at the moment Mikey.:sad:
I can relate to having some self-doubt about the ability to do further study. I am having thoughts like that too. It is so hard for those of us with things like depression which can be so unpredictable and debilitating. It automatically makes us doubt that we can see something that will require so much effort and commitment through to the end, let alone successfully.
However you are still quite young, you have plently of time to complete a Uni course, even if it may take you a bit longer then others because of any depressive episodes.:)

Is there anyone like a family member who knows you well that you could ask for some advice on what to do next in your life?
And yes there are many more girls for you to meet and try again with. I just hope it does not take as long as you are predicting! :giggle:
 

laure15

Well-known member
I'm not sure if studying psychology is a good option because people who majored in liberals arts have higher unemployment rates than people who graduated with business, health care, or engineering degrees. A B.A. in psych is not as useful as a master's or phD, plus in some countries having a B.A. is not enough to become a counselor, therapist, or psychologist. The B.A. should be complemented with certifications. If this psychology degree doesn't work out, you can explore psychology as a hobby.

As for the breakup, you will live. Take comfort in the fact that millions of people in this world, both past and present, have gone through harsh breakups and survived. You will too.
 

NathanielWingatePeaslee

Iä! Iä! Cthulhu fhtagn!
Staff member
I'm not sure if studying psychology is a good option because people who majored in liberals arts have higher unemployment rates than people who graduated with business, health care, or engineering degrees.
Agreed. It seems worth studying because it's of interest to you. The thing is, it's remarkable how being able to pay rent and feed yourself tends to end up overriding other priorities.

Study the heck out of what interests you on your own time--you really don't need to pay for college classes to do that. Self-education is entirely plausible, and generally far cheaper.

You have much time still to figure things out like direction, relationships, and career. You may not feel like 27 is young, but I'm allowed to call you that since I'm 42. ;)

You spent energy on the Fiona thing, and you learned a great deal--though your mind still needs time to process what all you've learned.

Keep trying at relationships, and you will get better at them. Keep trying to be a decent student, and you will be after a while. Same goes for managing money and anything. else.

:thumbup:
 

Hoppy

Well-known member
From an old fart to a young squirt, some advice; some useless and some not, read, adopt, adapt, ignore as needed:

Everybody's life is at a crossroads, all the time. The best solution is the deck of cards principle: Ignore what happend before, you have been dealt this deck, this is what you can use, how can you use what you have and what you are to go forward from here.

Fiona is available? What is her number? Sorry, wrong continent. Feel your pain brother, I tried to have a relationship 2 hours away and spend hours in the car and she wasn't really interested. The pain goes away.

Studying psychology may not bring in much money, and then only after doing postgraduate work, so that may not be a good option, but be assured that having a degree in psychology is better than having no degree at all. And while you're at uni throw in a course in accounting and a second language, making yourself more employable.

I am not going to say much about skills, except to say it is possible to learn a bit about lots of things online, and I do not know if you've ever considered blue-collar work, there are opportunities and apprenticeships out there, and to paraphrase Coyote, some of us make a good living out of it.

"Shit with money" is solvable, try 30 days to fix your finances, and also read the earlier parts of "Get Rich slowly". This will take time, it is a new skill to learn, but really worthwhile.

People ignore you. Try to meet different people.:kickingmyself:

Weight

Next step? Stand up tomorrow morning at 5am, and go for a long walk. Alone. Nobody has ever regretted working out.

559150_388737071187232_151959533_n.jpg
 
I'm sorry Mikey. I can relate perfectly, in nearly every aspect.

Everyone else already gave all the advice I can think of. All I can do is echo it and say that if you ever want to talk I'm here. And I think the university idea is a great one, provided you feel you are ready. If you don't yet, that's okay. But if you went not only would you be working toward a degree, but you'd also meet more people - maybe even potential girlfriends - and would probably feel better in that regard. Having something to work towards often gives people the motivation they need to pull out of a slump and get excited about something.

I also wanted to say that I can relate what you said about feeling like there must be something wrong with your personality because people ignore you (or, in my case, it often seems like they regard me as inferior or something, although that could be in my head). Maybe people really are that good at picking up on insecurity. I hope not, but... I don't know what else would explain this treatment we receive.

I hope you feel better soon.
 

Kiwong

Well-known member
Good luck MikeyC, study might work well for you.

Rejection hurts me too, so does ridicule and ignorance. People really dislike, distrust me, they get angry with me, call me names, gossip about me, sometimes it gets too much, seems too hard. They make me feel lazy, shallow and hopeless. They see in my anxiety the worst things possible, hurtful damaging things. That my work is not good enough, that I am old and shouldn't bother racing, they don't want to hear about my achievements, they would rather criticise and brand me with low expectations. The world closes in then an I despair and lose hope.

But then when I reached out threea years go a few people were kind, and that surprised me. Some people have suggested I am creative, a good runner, they like my photos and my words, I have been called an inspiration for trying to help those suffering from illness and pain.

Then I think of all I have achieved and what I can still achieve if I just try. I beat knee pain, panic disorder, I learnt to swim despite a fear of water, I've run a marathon, and an ultra marathon, I kept a blog that helped people suffering from knee pain, I raised money for charity, I have acted in good faith, I made myself happy even for moments. So I give myself a pat on the back.

And then my mind switches There's always an alternative better truth that can sustain me.

Whether I see life as a dream or a nightmare depends on which way I turn to face my mind. I reckon that self belief is the truth inside us all that we don't listen to enough.

You're a good helpful person, MikeyC the friendliness, advice and support you give on this forum is a good thing, mate. There are a lot of people who appreciate, it would make their day. So give yourself a pat on the back you've done good.

If you work hard at the study you might surprise yourself. Studying mature age can really work, when you are determined to change, and know what you would like to do. There maybe a whole range of subjects you may have an interest in. Don't just select a course because it may have a financial outcome, do something to learn, to feel passionate about.

I studied mature age at 23, and topped my course, only because I didn't think I was good enough. By working hard I more than passed I got HDs, all through. It is one of my biggest achievements.

I really believe if you keep trying some good stuff will come your way as well as the bad stuff. And even if it doesn't work out then you can always fun on the way there.

I want to try and focus more on the artistic and creative things I enjoy and have a passion for. I enjoy these things regardless of what the world thinks of me.
 
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cowboyup

Well-known member
Mikey, I'm terribly sorry you feel this way. Though, I can relate. Sounds perhaps, that you are in a quarter life crisis at the moment. You have had a lot to deal with regarding Fiona, the breakup, you are thinking about your future...etc. and I ain't gonna lie, it's rough. Even more so when you're dealing with stuff we go through.

Look, I'm 43, my sister pointed out that I'll be pushing 50 by the time I get back out in the job market and it's going to be even slimmer pickings for me.

That scared the hell out of me, and put me in a really bad, low place. Actually I am still trying to figure out if all this 'life stuff' is even worth it at my age.

I digress, sorry. But point is, chronogically, you still are young. Even if you decide (which I think would be awesome for you) to go back to finish your education. That, actually is a step in the right direction. Though there are a lot of things to weigh regarding that as well.

You have a lot of years left. I am confident you will get there, it may feel like you are dragging a 2 ton weight uphill at times, but slowly, you'll make it.

You are usually the first person to cheer us all up. It's sad to see you sad :crying::crying:

But I have faith in you, man!! Vent/shout, throw things...even cry if you must...it's good for the soul, I hear. In a little time and effort on your part (don't forget that!) you can make awesome things happen.

It's cliche, but somehow, things work out...
:)


I hate making threads and I hate talking about myself at such length, but I need to vent.

I feel like my life is at a real crossroads.

It's no coincidence that these thoughts coincide with the issue with Fiona, but I think it's more than that. Fiona's rejection has not been easy to handle, but I do think that I'll get there in time, no matter how difficult it is now. The problem is that I've invested a lot of time and a lot of heart and a LOT of driving in this for no reward. I feel really let down. I still can't hate her, though.

Besides that, I have been thinking about going to do psychology at uni. Now I'm wondering if that's the right option. It's the only thing I've decided has been good enough to study, but I doubt myself - not just on the course, but my ability to complete the course with my mental issues, and if I'm going to enjoy it. I worry that I will be making the wrong decision.

Right now I have no skills for better employment. At the age of 27 I am more unlikely to be hired than a 16 year old, even if I did have some qualifications. I do need to change that...somehow.

I am shit with money. I also need to learn how to be better.

People ignore me. I don't get it. There's got to be something weird about my personality that makes this happen.

I've gained weight. I'm not obese or anything but I have definitely put on the kilos. Thanks to depression for making this happen.

I just don't know what to do. I don't know what the next step is. I feel confused and that makes me depressed - a feeling I've not been able to fully shake for weeks.

I don't know what kind of advice I need. I guess just getting this out and hoping I can help others in a roundabout way will satisfy me. Thanks for reading.
 

ImNotMyIllness

Well-known member
Mikey! I hate to see you so down. No reward? You're not looking at it in the proper perspective. Relationships help you learn about yourself and what you want in another partner. One of the things you want is someone who wants and needs you! Unfortunately, that wasn't Fiona but there is someone out there for you. Now, you're more experienced and wiser which will make you a better boyfriend to whomever you end up meeting! Don't be surprised if the next relationship doesn't work out either. These things happen, it's an important part of life and in the end will only make you a better and stronger person!!

I think studying psychology is a great idea. I was reluctant because of my own mental issues. That was a mistake! Your mental issues will give you more clarity and a deeper/richer understanding. Translation: You will be more effective in addressing other people's problems! You also have the personality for it. You always make me feel better!!!!

Now start eating better, and live life! You have someone very special waiting for you. She (and you) just don't realize it yet. :)
 

MikeyC

Well-known member
Thanks to all that have replied. Too much to quote. Thanks for the links, Hoppy. I'll look at those.

Is there anyone like a family member who knows you well that you could ask for some advice on what to do next in your life?
My brother would be the person to talk to here, but I wouldn't feel comfortable. I don't think he would say anything besides going to uni, because that's what he knows.

I'm not sure if studying psychology is a good option because people who majored in liberals arts have higher unemployment rates than people who graduated with business, health care, or engineering degrees. A B.A. in psych is not as useful as a master's or phD, plus in some countries having a B.A. is not enough to become a counselor, therapist, or psychologist. The B.A. should be complemented with certifications. If this psychology degree doesn't work out, you can explore psychology as a hobby.
I can get a bachelor of psychology, not going through the arts route, but I don't know how different that is. I do have to do heaps to be a psychologist, and the sheer amount of time it's going to take me is daunting, but it's the only thing that has interested me so far. I see what you're saying, though.

I'm sorry Mikey. I can relate perfectly, in nearly every aspect.

Everyone else already gave all the advice I can think of. All I can do is echo it and say that if you ever want to talk I'm here. And I think the university idea is a great one, provided you feel you are ready. If you don't yet, that's okay. But if you went not only would you be working toward a degree, but you'd also meet more people - maybe even potential girlfriends - and would probably feel better in that regard. Having something to work towards often gives people the motivation they need to pull out of a slump and get excited about something.

I also wanted to say that I can relate what you said about feeling like there must be something wrong with your personality because people ignore you (or, in my case, it often seems like they regard me as inferior or something, although that could be in my head). Maybe people really are that good at picking up on insecurity. I hope not, but... I don't know what else would explain this treatment we receive.

I hope you feel better soon.
Thanks, Opal. I don't know how ready I am for university, but I'm not getting any younger. This is a big reason why I'm at a crossroads: do I go for it or do I wait some more? I feel that no matter what, the answer will be wrong.

Maybe people are good at picking up on insecurities. I'm having a lot of people ignore me recently, when all I'm trying to do is reach out, and it's not helping. Some that do talk to me only come to me as a last resort (I had a girl once tell me I was the only person left to ask for a social event) or for advice. I hope people don't regard you as inferior because you're anything but that.

But then when I reached out threea years go a few people were kind, and that surprised me. Some people have suggested I am creative, a good runner, they like my photos and my words, I have been called an inspiration for trying to help those suffering from illness and pain.

Then I think of all I have achieved and what I can still achieve if I just try. I beat knee pain, panic disorder, I learnt to swim despite a fear of water, I've run a marathon, and an ultra marathon, I kept a blog that helped people suffering from knee pain, I raised money for charity, I have acted in good faith, I made myself happy even for moments. So I give myself a pat on the back.

...

You're a good helpful person, MikeyC the friendliness, advice and support you give on this forum is a good thing, mate. There are a lot of people who appreciate, it would make their day. So give yourself a pat on the back you've done good.
That's great that you managed to overcome such obstacles, Kiwong. It's awesome. :thumbup: Inspirational. And thank you.
 

MikeyC

Well-known member
Look, I'm 43, my sister pointed out that I'll be pushing 50 by the time I get back out in the job market and it's going to be even slimmer pickings for me.
Why does she think it'll take you until 50 to get back out there? That's seven years.

You have a lot of years left. I am confident you will get there, it may feel like you are dragging a 2 ton weight uphill at times, but slowly, you'll make it.
I am young, and I know that, but I do feel very behind. That 2-ton weight uphill is such an apt description.

Mikey! I hate to see you so down. No reward? You're not looking at it in the proper perspective. Relationships help you learn about yourself and what you want in another partner. One of the things you want is someone who wants and needs you! Unfortunately, that wasn't Fiona but there is someone out there for you. Now, you're more experienced and wiser which will make you a better boyfriend to whomever you end up meeting! Don't be surprised if the next relationship doesn't work out either. These things happen, it's an important part of life and in the end will only make you a better and stronger person!!

I think studying psychology is a great idea. I was reluctant because of my own mental issues. That was a mistake! Your mental issues will give you more clarity and a deeper/richer understanding. Translation: You will be more effective in addressing other people's problems! You also have the personality for it. You always make me feel better!!!!

Now start eating better, and live life! You have someone very special waiting for you. She (and you) just don't realize it yet. :)
Thanks for the great post, mate. You are right, and I know you're right, but I just need to accept it.

Fiona might not want to get anything going, but I did have some good times and it'll make me more vigilant for the next girl.

I am already quite good at figuring out issues people are having, but it'll take me a long time to get a piece of paper saying I can do that for a living. A lot can happen in 6-10 years - I am daunted by it.
 

cowboyup

Well-known member
I think she was just looking way into the future...after I finish my degree, get moved out of here and into a place of my own, I don't really know! lol She is a highly anxious person herself.

PS: What Imnotmyillness said, is very true :)
 

MikeyC

Well-known member
If she's anxious herself, that's probably her time frame. Hopefully it doesn't take you seven years. :)
 
Would it do any good to suggest going on a vacation or even a mini vacation? Like get away from the normal routine and regroup (albeit with yourself), clear your head, have some fun (?), and when life feels good, try and decide again which way to go. Or do you already know what you want to do but you can't stop second-guessing yourself? As elementary as the suggestion is, have you wrote down the pro's and con's of each decision and stared at them in black and white? Some others may have already suggested the above and if so, my apologies in advance, it's been a long night. Good luck dude. You'll make the right decision.
 
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