vj288
not actually Fiona Apple
Motivation, I find, can be very fickle. I find this especially true for individuals like myself who are prone to bouts of depression. That is why I feel when you grab hold of that motivation, you cannot let it go, since you do not know when it will pop up again. That is why I am creating this thread.
To some of you older members, you may recognize the title as a nod to a thread I made a few years ago, http://www.socialphobiaworld.com/one-year-plan-36563/. This is a similar idea, but as I feel like a different person with different things to work on, as well as new goals, I find a new thread to be in order. A fresh start is good in this case, I can sit myself in the drivers seat and see where I want to go in life.
So what should I do with all this new found motivation? The One-year thread had motivation sparked as a result of a suicide attempt. I was at rock bottom and could not see anything but the struggle in life. Then it donned on me, I haven't tried everything yet, and there is so much room for change and improvement. I fought and I worked, and I made leaps and bounds. After I started to see some of these results though, I started to slack off a bit. I embraced the newly discovered fun without continuing to work with my many struggles. From some point between then and now, I stopped being that hard working, long term goals type of person and suddenly only wanted the hedonistic pleasures I now had the opportunity to experience.
Unfortunately, what I didn't realize is that in this I made myself more or less a total douchebag.
It was those core values, strong qualities and characteristics and mindfulness of myself and the world that made those experiences as fun as they were. I just really don't even want to be around myself most of the time, the way I act and more disturbingly the negative and judgmental way in which I think is just unacceptable.
That, first and foremost, is what I need to work on most. The approach to solving it is fairly simple as well, it will take effort and consistency though. First, I need to recognize these thoughts. This is something I would like to use this thread regularly for. These thoughts are almost automatic, and the first step is taking a step back and questioning whether or not it is a worthwhile thought. Once I do that, I need to figure out what thought I should have. If I just say "this is negative thinking" and shrug and move on, I didn't really accomplish anything. Thirdly, I need to then act in accordance with the new positive thought, and reinforce it.
Let me use an example.
I am currently working with a nice, older man who works a little slower than I do. The other night, we had a really early close and could have been home an hour earlier than usual. When it was near end, I went to go do some other closing stuff, expecting he to be done before me. He was not, and when I returned I was irritated instantly. I was very dramatic in all my motions when I came over, and gave him the complete cold shoulder. My thoughts were along the lines of "How is he not done?!? is he waiting around for me, or just being lazy? He so short to, my god, and his goofy accent. I just have to do everything because I am perfect. This is such a big deal!"
Reading this I imagine you can imagine all the things wrong here.
First, it is not a big deal. In all honesty, when you are a dishwasher nothing should be a big deal. Here I need to think then: what is important? Treating the other dishwasher with respect and aiding him how I can. Helpfulness and considerateness should be on my list of important values, not the time I get out of work. To get rid of the thoughts of superiority, modesty needs to be applied. In a case like this it should be easy, since when I first started at work I was dreadfully slow. I am very far from perfect, and should be able to draw from a myriad of social downfalls I have. Now this isn't to put myself down, just a reminder I too am not superhuman. The modesty clause is hardly even necessary here, since I should realize he is doing completely satisfactory work. I should not hold him to standards I hold myself or higher.
Once changing all those thoughts to positive things, I need my behavior to follow through. No more cold shoulder, be friendly. Be willing to change my behavior, change is ok.
Along with this, I also want to focus on the long term as opposed to the short term. This helps me get in that mentality that giving the cold shoulder just that one day does make a difference, as each step is part of a longer walk. I plan on coming on tomorrow with some of these longer term goals. Running a marathon is something that would require a lot of work and effort, and is one idea.
Slowing things down and giving my attention to things is also something I want to work on. This used to come natural to me, because I was very sensitive to every possible mistake I could possibly make, and was careful and cautious before doing or saying anything. Now, as stated above, I am a douchebag and only care about intimidate pleasures. I need to slow down everything I do, and get perspective. Not fill every moment of my life with distraction or entertainment. Be aware of myself and the world.
This is the start, and have a lot to work on. To take what is important from these initial thoughts, it is that I need to be aware of my negative thinking, work on long term goals, and slow things down. There are not a lot of concrete plans in there yet, but they are coming. I don't want to live as the person I am anymore.
To some of you older members, you may recognize the title as a nod to a thread I made a few years ago, http://www.socialphobiaworld.com/one-year-plan-36563/. This is a similar idea, but as I feel like a different person with different things to work on, as well as new goals, I find a new thread to be in order. A fresh start is good in this case, I can sit myself in the drivers seat and see where I want to go in life.
So what should I do with all this new found motivation? The One-year thread had motivation sparked as a result of a suicide attempt. I was at rock bottom and could not see anything but the struggle in life. Then it donned on me, I haven't tried everything yet, and there is so much room for change and improvement. I fought and I worked, and I made leaps and bounds. After I started to see some of these results though, I started to slack off a bit. I embraced the newly discovered fun without continuing to work with my many struggles. From some point between then and now, I stopped being that hard working, long term goals type of person and suddenly only wanted the hedonistic pleasures I now had the opportunity to experience.
Unfortunately, what I didn't realize is that in this I made myself more or less a total douchebag.
It was those core values, strong qualities and characteristics and mindfulness of myself and the world that made those experiences as fun as they were. I just really don't even want to be around myself most of the time, the way I act and more disturbingly the negative and judgmental way in which I think is just unacceptable.
That, first and foremost, is what I need to work on most. The approach to solving it is fairly simple as well, it will take effort and consistency though. First, I need to recognize these thoughts. This is something I would like to use this thread regularly for. These thoughts are almost automatic, and the first step is taking a step back and questioning whether or not it is a worthwhile thought. Once I do that, I need to figure out what thought I should have. If I just say "this is negative thinking" and shrug and move on, I didn't really accomplish anything. Thirdly, I need to then act in accordance with the new positive thought, and reinforce it.
Let me use an example.
I am currently working with a nice, older man who works a little slower than I do. The other night, we had a really early close and could have been home an hour earlier than usual. When it was near end, I went to go do some other closing stuff, expecting he to be done before me. He was not, and when I returned I was irritated instantly. I was very dramatic in all my motions when I came over, and gave him the complete cold shoulder. My thoughts were along the lines of "How is he not done?!? is he waiting around for me, or just being lazy? He so short to, my god, and his goofy accent. I just have to do everything because I am perfect. This is such a big deal!"
Reading this I imagine you can imagine all the things wrong here.
First, it is not a big deal. In all honesty, when you are a dishwasher nothing should be a big deal. Here I need to think then: what is important? Treating the other dishwasher with respect and aiding him how I can. Helpfulness and considerateness should be on my list of important values, not the time I get out of work. To get rid of the thoughts of superiority, modesty needs to be applied. In a case like this it should be easy, since when I first started at work I was dreadfully slow. I am very far from perfect, and should be able to draw from a myriad of social downfalls I have. Now this isn't to put myself down, just a reminder I too am not superhuman. The modesty clause is hardly even necessary here, since I should realize he is doing completely satisfactory work. I should not hold him to standards I hold myself or higher.
Once changing all those thoughts to positive things, I need my behavior to follow through. No more cold shoulder, be friendly. Be willing to change my behavior, change is ok.
Along with this, I also want to focus on the long term as opposed to the short term. This helps me get in that mentality that giving the cold shoulder just that one day does make a difference, as each step is part of a longer walk. I plan on coming on tomorrow with some of these longer term goals. Running a marathon is something that would require a lot of work and effort, and is one idea.
Slowing things down and giving my attention to things is also something I want to work on. This used to come natural to me, because I was very sensitive to every possible mistake I could possibly make, and was careful and cautious before doing or saying anything. Now, as stated above, I am a douchebag and only care about intimidate pleasures. I need to slow down everything I do, and get perspective. Not fill every moment of my life with distraction or entertainment. Be aware of myself and the world.
This is the start, and have a lot to work on. To take what is important from these initial thoughts, it is that I need to be aware of my negative thinking, work on long term goals, and slow things down. There are not a lot of concrete plans in there yet, but they are coming. I don't want to live as the person I am anymore.