Motivation - The next year plan

[vj288]

Motivation, I find, can be very fickle. I find this especially true for individuals like myself who are prone to bouts of depression. That is why I feel when you grab hold of that motivation, you cannot let it go, since you do not know when it will pop up again. That is why I am creating this thread.

To some of you older members, you may recognize the title as a nod to a thread I made a few years ago, http://www.socialphobiaworld.com/one-year-plan-36563/. This is a similar idea, but as I feel like a different person with different things to work on, as well as new goals, I find a new thread to be in order. A fresh start is good in this case, I can sit myself in the drivers seat and see where I want to go in life.

So what should I do with all this new found motivation? The One-year thread had motivation sparked as a result of a suicide attempt. I was at rock bottom and could not see anything but the struggle in life. Then it donned on me, I haven't tried everything yet, and there is so much room for change and improvement. I fought and I worked, and I made leaps and bounds. After I started to see some of these results though, I started to slack off a bit. I embraced the newly discovered fun without continuing to work with my many struggles. From some point between then and now, I stopped being that hard working, long term goals type of person and suddenly only wanted the hedonistic pleasures I now had the opportunity to experience.

Unfortunately, what I didn't realize is that in this I made myself more or less a total douchebag.

It was those core values, strong qualities and characteristics and mindfulness of myself and the world that made those experiences as fun as they were. I just really don't even want to be around myself most of the time, the way I act and more disturbingly the negative and judgmental way in which I think is just unacceptable.

That, first and foremost, is what I need to work on most. The approach to solving it is fairly simple as well, it will take effort and consistency though. First, I need to recognize these thoughts. This is something I would like to use this thread regularly for. These thoughts are almost automatic, and the first step is taking a step back and questioning whether or not it is a worthwhile thought. Once I do that, I need to figure out what thought I should have. If I just say "this is negative thinking" and shrug and move on, I didn't really accomplish anything. Thirdly, I need to then act in accordance with the new positive thought, and reinforce it.

Let me use an example.

I am currently working with a nice, older man who works a little slower than I do. The other night, we had a really early close and could have been home an hour earlier than usual. When it was near end, I went to go do some other closing stuff, expecting he to be done before me. He was not, and when I returned I was irritated instantly. I was very dramatic in all my motions when I came over, and gave him the complete cold shoulder. My thoughts were along the lines of "How is he not done?!? is he waiting around for me, or just being lazy? He so short to, my god, and his goofy accent. I just have to do everything because I am perfect. This is such a big deal!"

Reading this I imagine you can imagine all the things wrong here.

First, it is not a big deal. In all honesty, when you are a dishwasher nothing should be a big deal. Here I need to think then: what is important? Treating the other dishwasher with respect and aiding him how I can. Helpfulness and considerateness should be on my list of important values, not the time I get out of work. To get rid of the thoughts of superiority, modesty needs to be applied. In a case like this it should be easy, since when I first started at work I was dreadfully slow. I am very far from perfect, and should be able to draw from a myriad of social downfalls I have. Now this isn't to put myself down, just a reminder I too am not superhuman. The modesty clause is hardly even necessary here, since I should realize he is doing completely satisfactory work. I should not hold him to standards I hold myself or higher.

Once changing all those thoughts to positive things, I need my behavior to follow through. No more cold shoulder, be friendly. Be willing to change my behavior, change is ok.

Along with this, I also want to focus on the long term as opposed to the short term. This helps me get in that mentality that giving the cold shoulder just that one day does make a difference, as each step is part of a longer walk. I plan on coming on tomorrow with some of these longer term goals. Running a marathon is something that would require a lot of work and effort, and is one idea.

Slowing things down and giving my attention to things is also something I want to work on. This used to come natural to me, because I was very sensitive to every possible mistake I could possibly make, and was careful and cautious before doing or saying anything. Now, as stated above, I am a douchebag and only care about intimidate pleasures. I need to slow down everything I do, and get perspective. Not fill every moment of my life with distraction or entertainment. Be aware of myself and the world.


This is the start, and have a lot to work on. To take what is important from these initial thoughts, it is that I need to be aware of my negative thinking, work on long term goals, and slow things down. There are not a lot of concrete plans in there yet, but they are coming. I don't want to live as the person I am anymore.

 

[Rawz]

I like what you've written about thoughts and thinking, and changing/correcting thoughts. It's something I've been working on and posting about for months now.

Good luck with this!

 

[vj288]

I like what you've written about thoughts and thinking, and changing/correcting thoughts. It's something I've been working on and posting about for months now.

Good luck with this!

Thanks for the luck, and good luck to you too!


On reflection my post above felt like a mess, very much my life is, and especially my head. So for now, I want this thread to be more of a journal as opposed to a plan, by with a focus on improving my life and myself. I've decided to be very adventerous though, and have every other post be a video post.



This first one I know isn't very good (especially the editing) but I think it'll be good for me. It makes me communicate in a way I don't like, but in a place I feel safe. It makes me think about what I say ahead of time, and work on molding myself into who I want to be. I communicate better and more easily through text, so I'd like to do that on the other days I post. I want to take advantage of both: the verbal and "real" feeling of video, and the clearer and more fine tuned method of typing. I want to start making these changes I keep talking about, and hope this is the first step toward that.

Also, any thoughts on what I said in the video would be greatly appreciated, thanks!

Motivation - Intro and Happiness. - YouTube

 

[vj288]

I've been talking about all these bad qualities and behaviors and attitudes I've developed over the last year or so, and in response to that made a list of the qualities I will be exhibiting from now on. It is not an all inclusive list, but it feels like a good core.

-Considerate of others
-Conscientious
-Friendly
-Helpful
-Thoughtful
-Hard-working
-Mature
-Trusting
-Aware
-Honest
-Loyal
-Deep (Meaning not shallow, superficial, or objectifying)
-Sympathetic
-Brave (as in, a willingness to try new things, even if it makes me nervous)
-Positive
-Mindful of myself, others, and my surroundings
-Kind
-Smart
-Healthy
-Introspective/reflective
-Humble/modest - Not too proud to recognize mistakes, faults, and downfalls.
-Not jealous or envious (I could not find an antonym for this one, but very important. Working on being me and bettering myself than wishing I had what others do)


They may be some other important pieces to this list I am missing, but this is a good idea of the mold of the person I would like to be. Unfortunately I am running into some problems in attempting to be this person.

The first, frankly, is being unsure of how exactly a person like this is too function. How should I think and act in order to become this person? My usual approach to this is to think "if someone was watching me, how would I act/think?" In going through that thought experiment, my thoughts and actions fall into line with the person I want to be, assuming I want people to see me a way that to me constitutes a good person. If I see a person drop $100 bill, should I return it or pocket it? If I thought I could get away with it, I'd consider pocketing it, but act as if someone was watching me, I would know the right thing is too return the money.

The person who is supposedly "watching" me is not a random person I pick, since then I could imagine someone who follows the philosophy "finders keepers losers weepers." It's not exactly myself watching either, since I could understand a persons need for the money, especially my own. The best way to explain it I think is, that I am looking at myself through someone else's eyes, who has the morals and values that I want to exhibit. I'd feel bad if I took that money, because it is wrong, and the idea of someone else knowing I did wrong is usually enough to deter me from doing so.

My problem is this though - I don't know what I should be doing anymore. I imagine being watched in my apartment while not doing anything, and thinking "What should I be doing? Or what could I be doing that aligns with the values I want to have?" and I come up blank. In a lot of ways, all these things have more to do with how I do things as opposed to what I'm doing. I know sitting around is not the correct thing to be doing.

I've been to the park the last few days, and tried turning off distractions and listening to music or just thinking, and I just end up feeling bored. I need to work on becoming this person, and don't know how. Every opportunity I do get I will take, and will try to be this person through all my actions.

I have come up with a few things. I am sick, and I think possibly it's very serious. I can't eat without feeling nauseous, and am tired all the time. I will make a call to a doctor and set up an appointment. Stuff like this, while I know I can do it, makes me very nervous. I'm going to do it the right way, and practice all those qualities I mentioned above the best I can.

I'm also going to to go to the library and ask about a book on closed shelves. This too, even though it is something I know I can do, makes me very uneasy. And I know not only will the experience be good, but reading as well will be a healthy way to spend some of my time.

There's a lot of things I know I can do that will make my life better, but is easier not to. This is living my life the easy way instead of the right way. So I will continue to try to live my life the right way, and make progress toward the person I want to live.

 

[vj288]

Video Update!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2zqfSs6myfU

 

[TreeBones]

I liked your videos, thanks for being brave and making them. I relate to the part in the second video when you were talking about not sounding friendly. Sometimes I think I come across sounding like a cynical a******, when really I don't mean to at all (tone and everything), and also when you were talking about being lonely in the other one. Everyone gets lonely,... that makes me feel a bit better about it.
Anyway I'm glad you've decided to set goals for yourself and try following through

 

[springk]

Hi Vj
Motivation for me fickle too. It doesn't lasts longer. When I get motivated, I make plans of things I got to do but all my plans remain just plans.

Its a good thing you have started a new effort. I really relate to you when you say you don't want to live as a person you are anymore. For me I want to change a lot about me. But change is a scary word for me , it feels like a heavy task and something big to achieve. So I always tell myself that I want to grow, become a better version of me.

All those qualites are highly desirable. I would like to have them as well. The foremost thing for me right now is being confident and acceptance.

I could not watch your first video. It is not working for me, I saw the second one. You sounded positive and its great you feel more healthy and good.
It is also a brave thing to do. I always wanted to do something like this. It gives more 'real' feeling but for me text is a better way to express. I could try voice recordings someday
Great job vj! You should keep working.
Between what is the name of the book you took from the library?

 

[NathanielWingatePeaslee]

Motivation, I find, can be very fickle. I find this especially true for individuals like myself who are prone to bouts of depression. That is why I feel when you grab hold of that motivation, you cannot let it go, since you do not know when it will pop up again. That is why I am creating this thread.

To some of you older members, you may recognize the title as a nod to a thread I made a few years ago, http://www.socialphobiaworld.com/one-year-plan-36563/. This is a similar idea, but as I feel like a different person with different things to work on, as well as new goals, I find a new thread to be in order. A fresh start is good in this case, I can sit myself in the drivers seat and see where I want to go in life.

So what should I do with all this new found motivation? The One-year thread had motivation sparked as a result of a suicide attempt. I was at rock bottom and could not see anything but the struggle in life. Then it donned on me, I haven't tried everything yet, and there is so much room for change and improvement. I fought and I worked, and I made leaps and bounds. After I started to see some of these results though, I started to slack off a bit. I embraced the newly discovered fun without continuing to work with my many struggles. From some point between then and now, I stopped being that hard working, long term goals type of person and suddenly only wanted the hedonistic pleasures I now had the opportunity to experience.

Unfortunately, what I didn't realize is that in this I made myself more or less a total douchebag.

It was those core values, strong qualities and characteristics and mindfulness of myself and the world that made those experiences as fun as they were. I just really don't even want to be around myself most of the time, the way I act and more disturbingly the negative and judgmental way in which I think is just unacceptable.

That, first and foremost, is what I need to work on most. The approach to solving it is fairly simple as well, it will take effort and consistency though. First, I need to recognize these thoughts. This is something I would like to use this thread regularly for. These thoughts are almost automatic, and the first step is taking a step back and questioning whether or not it is a worthwhile thought. Once I do that, I need to figure out what thought I should have. If I just say "this is negative thinking" and shrug and move on, I didn't really accomplish anything. Thirdly, I need to then act in accordance with the new positive thought, and reinforce it.

Let me use an example.

I am currently working with a nice, older man who works a little slower than I do. The other night, we had a really early close and could have been home an hour earlier than usual. When it was near end, I went to go do some other closing stuff, expecting he to be done before me. He was not, and when I returned I was irritated instantly. I was very dramatic in all my motions when I came over, and gave him the complete cold shoulder. My thoughts were along the lines of "How is he not done?!? is he waiting around for me, or just being lazy? He so short to, my god, and his goofy accent. I just have to do everything because I am perfect. This is such a big deal!"

Reading this I imagine you can imagine all the things wrong here.

First, it is not a big deal. In all honesty, when you are a dishwasher nothing should be a big deal. Here I need to think then: what is important? Treating the other dishwasher with respect and aiding him how I can. Helpfulness and considerateness should be on my list of important values, not the time I get out of work. To get rid of the thoughts of superiority, modesty needs to be applied. In a case like this it should be easy, since when I first started at work I was dreadfully slow. I am very far from perfect, and should be able to draw from a myriad of social downfalls I have. Now this isn't to put myself down, just a reminder I too am not superhuman. The modesty clause is hardly even necessary here, since I should realize he is doing completely satisfactory work. I should not hold him to standards I hold myself or higher.

Once changing all those thoughts to positive things, I need my behavior to follow through. No more cold shoulder, be friendly. Be willing to change my behavior, change is ok.

Along with this, I also want to focus on the long term as opposed to the short term. This helps me get in that mentality that giving the cold shoulder just that one day does make a difference, as each step is part of a longer walk. I plan on coming on tomorrow with some of these longer term goals. Running a marathon is something that would require a lot of work and effort, and is one idea.

Slowing things down and giving my attention to things is also something I want to work on. This used to come natural to me, because I was very sensitive to every possible mistake I could possibly make, and was careful and cautious before doing or saying anything. Now, as stated above, I am a douchebag and only care about intimidate pleasures. I need to slow down everything I do, and get perspective. Not fill every moment of my life with distraction or entertainment. Be aware of myself and the world.


This is the start, and have a lot to work on. To take what is important from these initial thoughts, it is that I need to be aware of my negative thinking, work on long term goals, and slow things down. There are not a lot of concrete plans in there yet, but they are coming. I don't want to live as the person I am anymore.

Overscrupulous, unscrupulous...hedonistic, anhedonia...you will find your balance.

My usual approach to this is to think "if someone was watching me, how would I act/think?" In going through that thought experiment, my thoughts and actions fall into line with the person I want to be, assuming I want people to see me a way that to me constitutes a good person. If I see a person drop $100 bill, should I return it or pocket it? If I thought I could get away with it, I'd consider pocketing it, but act as if someone was watching me, I would know the right thing is too return the money.

The person who is supposedly "watching" me is not a random person I pick, since then I could imagine someone who follows the philosophy "finders keepers losers weepers." It's not exactly myself watching either, since I could understand a persons need for the money, especially my own. The best way to explain it I think is, that I am looking at myself through someone else's eyes, who has the morals and values that I want to exhibit. I'd feel bad if I took that money, because it is wrong, and the idea of someone else knowing I did wrong is usually enough to deter me from doing so.

My problem is this though - I don't know what I should be doing anymore. I imagine being watched in my apartment while not doing anything, and thinking "What should I be doing? Or what could I be doing that aligns with the values I want to have?" and I come up blank. In a lot of ways, all these things have more to do with how I do things as opposed to what I'm doing. I know sitting around is not the correct thing to be doing.

Since feeling like you're always being observed and judged is basically a characteristic of SA to begin with, I'm not sure I'd recommend that approach. Could you not simplify it to the golden rule in the great majority of cases?

 

[vj288]

I liked your videos, thanks for being brave and making them. I relate to the part in the second video when you were talking about not sounding friendly. Sometimes I think I come across sounding like a cynical a******, when really I don't mean to at all (tone and everything), and also when you were talking about being lonely in the other one. Everyone gets lonely,... that makes me feel a bit better about it.
Anyway I'm glad you've decided to set goals for yourself and try following through

Thanks

Hi Vj
Motivation for me fickle too. It doesn't lasts longer. When I get motivated, I make plans of things I got to do but all my plans remain just plans.

Its a good thing you have started a new effort. I really relate to you when you say you don't want to live as a person you are anymore. For me I want to change a lot about me. But change is a scary word for me , it feels like a heavy task and something big to achieve. So I always tell myself that I want to grow, become a better version of me.

All those qualites are highly desirable. I would like to have them as well. The foremost thing for me right now is being confident and acceptance.

I could not watch your first video. It is not working for me, I saw the second one. You sounded positive and its great you feel more healthy and good.
It is also a brave thing to do. I always wanted to do something like this. It gives more 'real' feeling but for me text is a better way to express. I could try voice recordings someday
Great job vj! You should keep working.
Between what is the name of the book you took from the library?

Thanks for the support, I was feeling a little down before I read it and it picked me up You should definitely try voice recordings!

The name of the book is "The fall of Hyperion." It's a sequel to the book "Hyperion." I really want to know how the story ends!

Overscrupulous, unscrupulous...hedonistic, anhedonia...you will find your balance.


Since feeling like you're always being observed and judged is basically a characteristic of SA to begin with, I'm not sure I'd recommend that approach. Could you not simplify it to the golden rule in the great majority of cases?

I do try to incorporate the golden rule, but I when say being watched I don't mean literally watched. It's more like, if someone else knew what I was doing, would I be ashamed of what I was doing? And if so, should I be? Something well known on the forum is that I enjoy Fiona Apple music, for example. Her, and other girly-ish music isn't something I tell complete strangers because I am afraid of judgement (when I shouldn't be). I continue to listen though, because I am not ashamed of it, I don't think it's a bad thing to do. I am ok with being a person who listens to Fiona Apple, and if I were unliked for that reason, I am ok with that too. I've had other interests I am ashamed of, and do my best to drop those. Everything we do and every decision we make sort of molds who we are, and it's up to us to decide how we want to mold ourselves. I think that's a big idea behind the "as if you're being watched" technique.

 

[vj288]

Tiredness is one of the biggest obstacles I need to overcome at this point. When I'm tired, everything becomes more difficult. With a lot of the changes I want to make being mental ones - my attitude - being tired makes it a challenge to consciously "Watch" my thinking, and makes it easier to slip into familiar thinking patterns and emotions.

I am going to try not to make any big decisions while I feel tired, because when I am it's much easier for me to see things out of perspective. At the snap of the fingers, everything will feel hopeless and that there is no way I will ever improve. And if I were constantly tired, I feel this would be true.

Sleeping more, or better, is the first solution that comes to mind. Going to bed a tad earlier may accomplish this, since I seem to wake up at the same time regardless of when I go to bed. Trying to limit the stress and negative thinking in my life also are important to this. Being tired spurs negative thinking in me, so the longer I stay awake, the harder it will be to eventually go to sleep. I feel very stressed right now, not knowing where my life is going. Regardless to what happens, I should be continuing to be positive and looking up and forward.

There's always the use of things like caffeine and sleeping pills, but I hate being dependent on either one. I shouldn't brush them both to the side just for that reason though, if they can help I should consider them. If tiredness continues to be a regular problem, I may try one of them.

I'll post tomorrow, being as positive and optimistic as I can. That person I want to be, I have to try everyday to be like him. What happens in the future is important, but I should be living my life now as if the future is now.

 

[Pacific_Loner]

Interesting thread (or journal) and yeah this is very brave of you to turn it into a video journal. I didn't understand everything because my english sucks (way easier for me to read it). I think this is great that you are actually aknowledging that you are not the person you would like to be and that you are commiting to become the person that you want to be. I think the world would be a better place if more people would do that kind of "calling into question" about themselves.

I've been talking about all these bad qualities and behaviors and attitudes I've developed over the last year or so, and in response to that made a list of the qualities I will be exhibiting from now on. It is not an all inclusive list, but it feels like a good core.

-Considerate of others
-Conscientious
-Friendly
-Helpful
-Thoughtful
-Hard-working
-Mature
-Trusting
-Aware
-Honest
-Loyal
-Deep (Meaning not shallow, superficial, or objectifying)
-Sympathetic
-Brave (as in, a willingness to try new things, even if it makes me nervous)
-Positive
-Mindful of myself, others, and my surroundings
-Kind
-Smart
-Healthy
-Introspective/reflective
-Humble/modest - Not too proud to recognize mistakes, faults, and downfalls.
-Not jealous or envious (I could not find an antonym for this one, but very important. Working on being me and bettering myself than wishing I had what others do)

I think all these qualities come down to self-acceptance, respect and being pro-active: if you work on these 3, it seems to me that the rest will follow.

Tiredness is one of the biggest obstacles I need to overcome at this point. When I'm tired, everything becomes more difficult.

You have no idea how I know what you're talking about. If you need some advice on how to stop being so tired let us know, I'm sure I'm not the only one here who overcame that very annoying problem.

With a lot of the changes I want to make being mental ones - my attitude - being tired makes it a challenge to consciously "Watch" my thinking, and makes it easier to slip into familiar thinking patterns and emotions.

I wonder if this is a good idea to try and work directly on your thought pattern. Isn't it just a symptom of the core of your problem, and this is by working on the core of the problem that your thought pattern will change? Just a thought.

Good luck on your journey

 

[vj288]

Interesting thread (or journal) and yeah this is very brave of you to turn it into a video journal. I didn't understand everything because my english sucks (way easier for me to read it). I think this is great that you are actually aknowledging that you are not the person you would like to be and that you are commiting to become the person that you want to be. I think the world would be a better place if more people would do that kind of "calling into question" about themselves.



I think all these qualities come down to self-acceptance, respect and being pro-active: if you work on these 3, it seems to me that the rest will follow.



You have no idea how I know what you're talking about. If you need some advice on how to stop being so tired let us know, I'm sure I'm not the only one here who overcame that very annoying problem.




I wonder if this is a good idea to try and work directly on your thought pattern. Isn't it just a symptom of the core of your problem, and this is by working on the core of the problem that your thought pattern will change? Just a thought.

Good luck on your journey

Thanks for your post What you are saying about the core problem is something that has been on mind the last few days actually, and trying to figure out what it actually is. I've been trying to do all these different things lately, changing my mental and emotional states, and it is overwhelming, I think because I'm trying to fix a bunch of symptoms of a deeper core issue. I like your breaking everything down to "self-acceptance, respect, and being pro-active" which may be where my core problems lie. The only thing I do worry about is accepting myself when I shouldn't. I think that's where respect comes in, which while I should respect others I should also respect myself. And if I can come to respect myself, there will be nothing I shouldn't be willing to accept. And of course, you can't make changes without being pro-active. That's a really good set to focus on, and I feel will have the rest follow. Perfect :thumbup:

 

[springk]

I need to slow down everything I do, and get perspective. Not fill every moment of my life with distraction or entertainment. Be aware of myself and the world.

This is very true. I often find myself bored when I am not doing anything. It is like I have to be distracted always, either listening to some stuff, watching tv or even reading, thinking . I can't sit still for long time. I sometimes feel that it is a way for me to escape from myself. It is not a good sign. I think one should be happy to be aware of oneself , enjoying the existence but it doesn't happen to me.
Also, I saw the first video. I couldn't understand everything you say in your videos(blame my English) but I get the idea. Yeah loneliness is a big problem. It is I think for most of us here.
Also, I would suggest to rely as less as possible on sleeping pills. Maybe if you try to be physically active during day (more if you are active), your sleep will be good.

 

[vj288]

This is very true. I often find myself bored when I am not doing anything. It is like I have to be distracted always, either listening to some stuff, watching tv or even reading, thinking . I can't sit still for long time. I sometimes feel that it is a way for me to escape from myself. It is not a good sign. I think one should be happy to be aware of oneself , enjoying the existence but it doesn't happen to me.
Also, I saw the first video. I couldn't understand everything you say in your videos(blame my English) but I get the idea. Yeah loneliness is a big problem. It is I think for most of us here.
Also, I would suggest to rely as less as possible on sleeping pills. Maybe if you try to be physically active during day (more if you are active), your sleep will be good.

I agree, it's not a good sign if we're having trouble enjoying our own company, which I think relates back up to what Pacific_Loner said about self-acceptance. If we're ok with ourselves, we should ok being by ourselves, which is something to work towards.

Sleeping pills are a last resort, I was getting to that point though just because of how tired I have been. I've been walking everyday which I think is helping, and making a point to sleep more regular hours. I know in the past I when I was much more physically active, I would sleep much less than I do now but by the time the day got going feel much more awake. I'll keep up the walking for now

 

[MikeyC]

There's so much I want to comment on in this thread - which I just noticed now - but I can't. I'm just commenting now to keep track of this journal.

I think you can do this. You have the incentive and you have the motivation, so I think you can be the person you want to be.

Nice video, too. Cool accent. And that "thing" that's "so important to you" that you wouldn't mention...I'm assuming it's a girl, haha, but you will reveal that when you're ready.

 

[vj288]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wJpVcZ7xR7U

Video up! I was sort of all tongue tied today, and I don't think I planned what I was going to say enough before saying it. I'll write a little bit to try to make up for what I missed in the video.

I want to be more self-aware, and put more effort into what I do. Actually, that is pretty much all I wanted to say. I want to be aware so I know what I'm doing, and how it effects me as well as the people and things around me. This in itself requires effort, because I have found it is actually quite easy for me to go through life without putting much thought into anything. Effort is also needed in being pro-active, seeing how I act and behavior and where it leads, and doing the positive more and negative less. I am really making it sound more complicated then it is I think, basically whenever I feel like I don't want to do something, or I can do it later, or it doesn't matter and not worth the effort, I need to put the effort in anyways. If I feel too tired, I should take a nap, not be lazy. This goes for actions as well as thoughts, which are hand and hand here. Just more effort in everything! Ending on a smile

 

[vj288]

It's been about a week now, and I'm feeling like I've made improvements already.

I've been doing a lot of different things this week, and I think these are a few of the things that early on have worked best for me. The first is taking deep breaths and then smiling afterward. It calms me down and puts me in a more positive and happy mindset. That feeling is really important, so that I believe myself when I say to myself things like "it's ok" or "It's not a big deal." Without the right attitude saying positive things feels more like a charade than a sincere affirmation.

Another is finding quiet places, and allowing myself to reflect on what I've been doing. If I do something I wish I hadn't, I recognize what I did wrong and try to do better next time. If I do the right thing, I identify the reason it is good and try to do it more. We learn from our mistakes, and this is a way that is working for me.

The third, which ties in with the positivity, is that I'm starting to get more comfortable in my own company. For the time being, I feel ok with being alone. I am not totally alone, I have my family and some online friends, but I still have a lot of time to myself. It's not because I dislike other people either, I'm just enjoying being by myself. I'm trying to be proactive too, cleaning and going to the park. I started reading a Philosophy paper the other day which felt really good. I've never been one to enjoy things to an extreme degree, but I feel I could be happy in a variety of different situations now.

One last thing is that while I am working on myself, focusing on other people, or more specifically how they feel, helps me as well. Paying attention to other people, or trying to, and seeing what makes them happy or upset, and trying my best to make their lives easier when I can. And I feel like I do care, and I'm not doing it with some ulterior motive in mind. I want to be nice and helpful, because it makes other peoples lives better. I think I still have a bit to work on here though, I'm still working on being more aware of what is around me.

 

[lucifersam]

Going to the park is good. I do that to keep myself occupied when I don't have anything else to do, which happens a lot. Not leaving the house all day seems to make depression and stuff worse. And I'm even a person who likes most things inside -- video games, internet, music, the occasional TV show.

I wish there was a park in walking distance of my house because then I'd spend a lot of time there. As it is, to get to a big/nice park is about a 20 minute drive, there's some crappy parks within 10 minutes though.


Also, I had this video in the background and I thought you fell asleep or something when you stopped talking ::

 

[vj288]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bhWEK0hMVbk

 

[springk]

How did your job interview went?
I like the title of your second video-"Enjoying Life". I agree with you, we can always be what we want. If I am sad or depressed I can decide not to dwell on the negative feeling and not be constantly in that state of mind. It actually helps if I try to be happy when I am feeling sad. If I continue with the existing feeling of sadness it gets worse and worse.