Most awkward cbt session ever!

[recluse]

So today i had another cbt session, and it was hell! One hour of not knowing what to say to my therapist! My therapist was trying to get me to tell her if i wanted to change my life but my mind is just blank. She told me in a nutshell that the sessions i've been having with her for the past year has been fruitless because I am not making an effort to change. She gave me a choice of accepting my situation o'r to make an effort to change. It was the longest hour of my life because i felt so awkward. I could barely look at my therapist the whole time and i just sat there with my head in my hands sort of hiding. She was asking questions but i could not answer them.

Anyway i've decided to quit my therapy because i'm just wasting time and money. I mean what's the use if i spend an hour with nothing to say, just a blank mind? And the sessions are expensive too. Also the fact that i am too lazy to make an effort to improve myself is another reason i'm finding it a waste of money and time. My therapist was right in saying that only i can help myself.

 

[kuhtreen]

Aw, I'm sorry.
I'm kinda scared that's gonna happen to me, too. I feel like I might not be ready to fully let go of the life I've had for so long.

 

[Danfalc]

In a way the change does have to come from withing yourself.ANd its not easy changing a life time of bad habits.But at the end of the day thats what she was getting paid for...if she thought it was so fruitless..why did she carry on taking your money grr.

Dont give up hope,i had cbt once and i think i had about 12 sessions all together which isnt really alot,and i got told the same that i wasnt ready for change,and even though i was doing the exposure..it didnt help but i just got told i must be doing it wrong lol.I think when they cant do there job they blame us.

But yeah dont give up,just try and take some of the stuff you have learnt or has helped and keep applying it to your life,maybe sometime in the future when you feel ready you could try it again with a different person.

 

[Scrabbl]

Exactly.

Same thing happened to me. I was also given this talk and then I quit therapy.

Yes it's not all the therapist's fault. Change does have to come from within. But I don't think it's our fault either. Sometimes things move too fast. We fail to reach our own expectations. We get scared. We admit defeat. And we go back to sticking with the things we're comfortable with.

 

[Sacrament]

If you're not going to make the effort, therapy isn't going to do a thing.

 

[Remus]

yeah very harsh but true sarement, effort IS the true therapy.

I picked up a very good book to help me through therapy:

Been there done that do this

some reviews:

Review - Been There, Done That? DO THIS! - Information on Anxiety and Other Anxiety Related Mental Health Disorders

Been There, Done That? DO THIS! : review at DailyStrength

the book itself:

Been There, Done That? Do This! - Home

I think what I liked about it that CBT is too broad a spectrum, this book helps you with therapy, help you understand better as CBT seems abit cryptic at times

 

[Argamemnon]

If you're not going to make the effort, therapy isn't going to do a thing.

Making an effort may not be enough either, as is the case with me. I simply lack the strength and I don't think it's my fault. I'm a weak person by nature.

 

[recluse]

I had a short period when i felt content and cared not to change, and my therapist told me that if i was content then i should not need to change anything, but now i am confused; Part of me is happy with the way i am but there's another part of me which is deeply unhappy

It's not my therapist's fault, i do understand that she could not just wave a magic wand and make a miracle for me and she made this clear from the start, so i don't think she was giving me false hopes to take my money.

 

[SammyT]

Recluse, are you taking anything meds wise?

Perhaps with the right medication you could become motivated or at least feel better enough for mustering the effort to not be so hard

I'm lazy with my CBT but I do just scrape through it. Though to be honest I believe my condition is deep routed biologically, like a susceptibility to depression and anxiety which I was born with. I don't believe CBT is going to be my cure, but it certainly does augment my treatment with medication. Without the medication I wouldn't be able to face it. Good luck anyway. I wouldn't write it off completely if I were you. Maybe go back to it another time.

Maybe think about what you want to achieve. i.e. not become a social butterfly but more like being relaxed outside and around people. So that not every time you go out is an endevour. I've had a good few days lately, its like the meds are working and when I'm out, I just don't care about other people. It seems crazy man, but if that is normality then it is valuable regardless of who you are. You don't have to change whats you, just this anxious aspect of yourself. It seems right now you believe that your anxiety = you. Sometimes I think i'm not ill at all its just "me" but it really isn't. Remember anxiety is not a personality trait. Many of us experience extreme distress and this is not normal and you should try not to accept it as such.

I wish u good luck pal anyway. Maybe you need a time out from therapy... Tc

 

[Slothrop]

One hour of not knowing what to say to my therapist! My therapist was trying to get me to tell her if i wanted to change my life but my mind is just blank.

Was it really blank or was it overfull with thoughts about what you should say and how to say it? I think it's important to distinguish, and I think it's important to admit (to yourself at least) when this "blankness" is coming from finding the subject uncomfortable or difficult to vocalize.

In any event it isn't blank now. Why not answer those questions now? You could write your answers down, take them to your next session even. It's pretty easy to get started on that, I think: I would take the fact that you're reading this thread on a social phobia forum as a pretty good indicator that you want some kind of change in your life. From there it's a matter of what and why and (most importantly) how. The value of a therapist, as I see it, is to help you answer those questions, because it's hard to do so when it's your own life.

Also the fact that i am too lazy to make an effort to improve myself

Laziness has nothing to do with it. It's hard, because it involves doing uncomfortable things that you have little experience with on faith that it will help you feel better later. Fear and uncertainty turn your own will against you and make you avoid it. Everybody struggles with that resistance when faced with such circumstances. Overcoming that resistance is part of the process, and something that you need to recognize it for what it is (again: fear and uncertainty) before you can push past it.

 

[DaaaBulls]

Recluse, what are your plans once you stop therapy? If you stop therapy and continue down the same path then how is anything going to change?

 

[recluse]

Recluse, what are your plans once you stop therapy? If you stop therapy and continue down the same path then how is anything going to change?

Well i don't know. But how can anything change if my therapy is just a waste of time and money anyway?

 

[DaaaBulls]

If you go into it as something that you already have pre-determined is a "waste" and won't help then it won't help no matter how good the therapist is.

 

[DepecheEyes]

Dont give up hope,i had cbt once and i think i had about 12 sessions all together which isnt really alot,and i got told the same that i wasnt ready for change,and even though i was doing the exposure..it didnt help but i just got told i must be doing it wrong lol.I think when they cant do there job they blame us.

I think it was best that the therapist told you how to do the exposure therapy correctly. Fact is, there are different ways of doing exposure therapy. Dr. David D. Burns (renown author of The Feeling Good Handbook and Feeling Good: the New Mood Therapy) recommends to try Behavioral Experiments, aka experimental technique.

Here, you identify your automatic thought then you tested out. For instance, I would get so anxious about calling to companies and org.s that I would delay to call in order to reduce my anxiety. I found out that I believed if I was intensely anxious, I would forget what I wanted to say and I would stutter or stammer.

So I decided to test that out by calling promptly to my Counseling Center, meaning that I called despite feeling intensely anxious. Turns out that I didn't stutter nor forgotten what I wanted to say; in fact, I'm usually good at concealing my anxiety from other people!

I recommend the Behavioral Experiment so much that I think it alone would be enough to reduce generalized social phobia!

 

[Danfalc]

I think it was best that the therapist told you how to do the exposure therapy correctly. Fact is, there are different ways of doing exposure therapy. Dr. David D. Burns (renown author of The Feeling Good Handbook and Feeling Good: the New Mood Therapy) recommends to try Behavioral Experiments, aka experimental technique.

Thanks,my therapy was very rushed,i waited 12 months just to get it and i only had a set amount of sessions so i think it was rushed.We did alot of exposure and learning about the cycle of anxiety,but we didnt get too deep into challenging my negative thoughts or understanding them.Thing with my exposure is id worry id stutter and blush when i talked to someone...and i would lol..so it just reafirmed my anxiety.I never got taught how to deal with that.

But i guess thats no reason to give up hope on c.b.t,i should try and do it myself.Thanks for the book ideas!

 

[DepecheEyes]

Thanks,my therapy was very rushed,i waited 12 months just to get it and i only had a set amount of sessions so i think it was rushed.We did alot of exposure and learning about the cycle of anxiety,but we didnt get too deep into challenging my negative thoughts or understanding them.Thing with my exposure is id worry id stutter and blush when i talked to someone...and i would lol..so it just reafirmed my anxiety.I never got taught how to deal with that.

But i guess thats no reason to give up hope on c.b.t,i should try and do it myself.Thanks for the book ideas!

No problem and I wish you the best! Btw, The Feeling Good Handbook is the one that has a chapter on social anxiety while the other book mainly deals with major depression and low self-esteem. If you have both problems, I highly recommend to get those two!

 

[DepecheEyes]

Thing with my exposure is id worry id stutter and blush when i talked to someone...and i would lol..so it just reafirmed my anxiety.I never got taught how to deal with that.

Just out of curiosity, what do you think is the negative consequences of blushing and stuttering when you are talking to someone?

 

[Danfalc]

Just out of curiosity, what do you think is the negative consequences of blushing and stuttering when you are talking to someone?

I worry about how it makes me look basicaly.I think it will make me look stupid and akward...less of a man because i cant even hold a conversation without blushing like a kid.

(and yeah i have both problems,i will keep an eye out for those books,thanks again)

 

[desperatehousewife]

So today i had another cbt session, and it was hell! One hour of not knowing what to say to my therapist! My therapist was trying to get me to tell her if i wanted to change my life but my mind is just blank. She told me in a nutshell that the sessions i've been having with her for the past year has been fruitless because I am not making an effort to change. She gave me a choice of accepting my situation o'r to make an effort to change. It was the longest hour of my life because i felt so awkward. I could barely look at my therapist the whole time and i just sat there with my head in my hands sort of hiding. She was asking questions but i could not answer them.

Anyway i've decided to quit my therapy because i'm just wasting time and money. I mean what's the use if i spend an hour with nothing to say, just a blank mind? And the sessions are expensive too. Also the fact that i am too lazy to make an effort to improve myself is another reason i'm finding it a waste of money and time. My therapist was right in saying that only i can help myself.

I think you did the best one.Because you understood that that theraphist can not cure your illness...perhaps she has not got experience.I do not know, perhaps you are not on the same wave...
whatever the reason is the theraphy does not work...
do not accept what had happened to you, do not accept SA.SA is a ilness.

 

[206Raider]

yeah I was going in for a year and a half but now I don't becuase I can't change myself so why should I go. We are incurable people.