Loyal's Thoughts

[LoyalXenite]

 

[LoyalXenite]

Its cold. So bloody cold.

After tomorrow I only have two more classes for the semester (plus a 2000 word essay, the final touches on 2 major assignments and then the display days for those assignments). So eager for the mid semester break. I need the rest, and some time to de-stress.

The dogs seem to be doing well so thats been one less thing on my plate thankfully, Im hopeful that its all going to be ok in that respect.

The family issue is still at a crisis point, for a moment there it looked like things were on the up but then it went right back to square one again. Its also led to some interesting (though not exactly positive) family details coming out, as well as finding out that I may have been misdiagnosed and that I may not have Borderline personality disorder but Bipolar.. I've tried to put this aside as much as I can for the time being though. I just gotta make it to the end of semester, then I can deal with this stuff. and get some damned sleep.

 

[LoyalXenite]

Another fight between the dogs the night before last. There was a blackout and emergency vehicles in the street next to us so I think the noise/flashing lights/my stress made them a bit stressed and when I was making the bed they both came in at the same time and next minute there was a fight- not as bad as the first one but enough to have me sleeping in my chair again so I can keep an eye on them... this means im sleeping in hourly bursts again so im bloody exhausted. At least uni is almost done so I can nap as needed soon.

I just wish life would give me a damn break. My dogs are my reason for living, any stress involving them really knocks me down. Ass that to the family stress and the uni stress and the health stress on top of an already shitty mental health and its been a rough few weeks. Just when I thought uni was easing up and the dogs were gonna be ok, another fight breaks out... Im just miserable today... I was meant to have a doctors appointment yesterday but I was too exhausted and miserable to go. I'll deal with that shit after semester ends

 

[BlueDays]

Neither of them mark inside so I dont think its that (and the beds are too big to go into the washing machine). I think its more the lack of personal space that has been the issue. With the weather getting so much colder they arent going outside much in the evenings/nights. So we're all cramped in the half a garage that we live in. On top of that with me being unwell they arent being walked so pent up energy and boredom on top of being cramped in. At least thats my main theory right now. I still have to do the vet visit to rule out any sicknesses but it seems ok so far. They all ended up climbing into my bed when I went to sleep as usual and all was fine so Im hoping its gonna be ok.

Yep, animals really need their own space. And dogs moods can be extensively affected for worse by "cabin fever" if they don't get out for their walks, daily.

Even animals need their personal space sometimes.

Hang in there Loyal. Just keep reminding yourself that you will soon be getting as much sleep-time as your body needs, once the Uni semester is done.
Getting sufficient sleep is so underestimated! Your mind will then be in a better balance - which is so important when you need to be able to figure out how to cope with all your other problems etc.

 

[LoyalXenite]

Thanks Blue, Im trying my best, taking a beating but trying my best. I'll be glad once the semester ends and I can finally rest. I even start the semester with a little holiday to Melbourne (first time going) so a break from everything (dogs included ) will do me some good Im hoping, followed by much resting.

 

[LoyalXenite]

Wasnt sleeping well last night because of the bad winds and rain that was setting off my anxiety, so I sat in my chair and dozed. Just when I thought I might be tired enough to go to bed and sleep through it (so like 6am-ish) I notice that something is up with one of my dogs (one of the ones thats been scuffling). She'd looked normal at midnight when she got tucked in (bloody babies!) but now her face was all swollen- I knew it was gonna be an infection from the scrape she'd gotten when they scuffled the other day.. So a vet visit was no longer avoidable- $150 later she has a course of antibiotics and anti-inflammatories for a week, plus I gotta keep cleaning the wound with some saline (aka keep it from scabbing and try and squeeze some pus out when I can). She's perked up a bit between when I noticed the swelling and getting a bit of it squeezed out already so I imagine its already starting to feel a little better..

I also figured since I was there I'd explain to the vet what was happening with the scuffling and the vet agreed that its likely a result of her wanting some space and them not having been walked while I've been sick- so good news that aside from this abscess on her head she is fine- just a little moody (though it wouldve been easier to manage the fighting issue if she had been sick and all that was needed was some medical treatment and then all was solved... but more importantly Im glad my baby isnt sick).

The other dogs werent too impressed with being left behind (I never take just one out except for if only one of them needs to see the vet) but they seemed to get over it fairly quickly when she came home with a bleeding scab on her head . Though I think Alagaesia would happily take a wound if it meant she got to tag along- she sat in the cold wind at the gate (looking through the tiny gap between the gates) waiting for us to get back.. Its now 10.23am and im bloody tired but also a little keyed up from worrying/having to go out when I had thought I didnt have to go out today..

Gotta work on a 2000 word essay later today/tomorrow coz its due on Thursday and I havent started.. I also may not need to go to class on Thursday since I've finished my major project for the semester, I'll decide how I feel on the day.. so close to the semester being over and finally getting some de-stressing time.. well I hope

 

[LoyalXenite]

14 hours til this stupid essay is due, I've been trying to work on it all day but Im struggling to stay focused.. I've gotten 1226/2000 words done so Im finally past the halfway mark. but its still just so damned frustrating trying to stay focused and finish it off, it doesnt help that I didnt take many notes in the tutorials (because it was all bloody group work and so I was too busy trying to keep anxiety under control) and I didnt take many for the lectures either.. its just all ugh. Im so sick of the subject, but if I can just get this essay done then Im done with this subject entirely!! just gotta push through these next few hundred words.. technically I only need 774 more - though with the 10% leeway rule I only really need about 574 more (or if they are doing it 10% per topic instead of overall then I need 694 more words instead)

Just. Gotta. Freaking. Focus. And. Get. This. Shit. Done!?!?!?!?!??

 

[LoyalXenite]

Note To Self

 

[LoyalXenite]

I did it. with 12 hours to spare.

Essay done and submitted and im officially done with HAS262 forever.

 

[FountainandFairfax]

CONGRATULATIONS!

 

[PugofCrydee]

 

[PugofCrydee]

 

[Miserum]

 

[LoyalXenite]

Well I've spent much of the last week doing sweet fuck all.. I have two more assignments to do (tedious visual journals that I was meant to do all semester, but that I always leave for right before they're due and try and pretend like I actually did them properly - every damn semester!!). One is due Monday morning at 8:30am, the other Thursday at like 4:00. Gotta do them, hand them in at the same time as pinning up my displays, then come back and pick up my displays (well the photography one at least, I wont be able to pick up the other) then the semester is over and I can rest... maybe even clean coz I dont even remember the last time I dusted or swept

 

[LoyalXenite]

and then.. once I've slept and cleaned... I can finally game again!

soon my sweet... soon

 

[LoyalXenite]

I have officially finished the semester and am now on holidays! Well technically tomorrow is the proper first day of holidays since I had to go into uni today to put up my display and to hand in the last assignment. But still. Im free for a few weeks!

Tomorrow I actually fly to Melbourne (for the first time ever!) for a weekend holiday. My best friends (aka my dnd group) bought me tickets to the Harry Potter Cursed Child play for xmas, and for my birthday they covered the accommodation there (they're coming too..though one of them wont be there coz she is travelling Europe). So I just had to save up for the flights and then spending money/activity money. I'm really excited but also incredibly nervous because flying freaks me out a bit/its my first time away from the dogs except for when I was in hospital/leaving my comfort zone to go to new place is always something that sets off my anxiety a fair bit.

 

[FountainandFairfax]

I'd be scared to death, good for you Loyal.

 

[LoyalXenite]

The anxiety was pretty high, especially being away from my dogs and during the flight bits. But I did have a good time, the exhaustion that came after it has been pretty heavy, spent the last two days in a pretty tired blur. I actually wish we'd had more time though, we went to a couple places like the Melbourne Museum and the Queen Vic markets but didnt get to finish them because we had limited time, I really wouldve liked to finish them and do a few other things. But it was still a really fun trip and the play was great! Was so good to come home to my dogs though, apparently they were ok the Saturday, but moped and cried on Sunday and spurned the toys and hooves (still managed to eat though so they were ok). They were very happy when I got home and followed me pretty intensely for the first 24 hours (cried when I showered or went to the loo or just ought of their sight for any reason) but they are back to normal now (thankfully coz I have to go grocery shopping today)

I'll share a couple pics later on of the trip

 

[LoyalXenite]

 

[LoyalXenite]