Loyal's Thoughts

[BlueDays]

ugh. its 5:41pm and I have a 2000 word criminology essay to write by 12pm tomorrow (which I havent remotely started) but since I have class tomorrow I technically need it done by 11am tomorrow. Looks like im pulling an all nighter tonight

This will be me tomorrow

Ah, that brings back memories >,>


Good luck, Loyal!!! You can do it!

 

[LoyalXenite]

Thanks Blue, Im gonna need all the luck I can get, I'm struggling to focus at all - and as a result its 9:23pm and I only have about 50 words written down!?!? Doesnt help that its cold af in the garage and so im sitting here hunched and aching in my dressing gown and keep randomly nodding off instead of writing.

 

[PugofCrydee]

I know how you feel.. I had all week to finish home work.. but left it until this afternoon.
Me:
"Well me, better get stuck into the homework now. But first I better check my emails... Then the online paper.. better check SPW while I'm at it.. Ooh! I had better reply to the four word game.. done. Now, homework..
Hmm.. might grab a coffee first.. while I'm waiting for the kettle to boil I'll just play 5 mins of a game.. ooh! I like this quest! I'll just finish it... Etc.. etc......etc.

 

[LoyalXenite]

11:28pm. 310 words down... only 1690 words to go.. actually with the 10% rule I have a minimum of 1490 words to go..

ugggghhh.

 

[LoyalXenite]

This essay is killing me... struggling to get it done.

Its now 3:20am and I've only gotten 935 words done. Got a minimum of 865 words to go. Definitely not getting any sleep before class with how long its taking me to get this shit done

 

[FountainandFairfax]

I hate that feeling; good luck, Loyal.

 

[LoyalXenite]

5:32am and the damned essay is finally done and submitted. Thank god I have late starting classes, I have about 5 and a half hours until my alarm goes off for uni, by the time I shower and get around to actually going to bed I'll hopefully have gotten 4 and a half to 5 hours of sleep. Which isnt great but its better than nothing. Definitely gonna try and sneak out of class early tomorrow and come home and nap

now to work up the strength to go shower

 

[BlueDays]

5:32am and the damned essay is finally done and submitted. Thank god I have late starting classes, I have about 5 and a half hours until my alarm goes off for uni, by the time I shower and get around to actually going to bed I'll hopefully have gotten 4 and a half to 5 hours of sleep. Which isnt great but its better than nothing. Definitely gonna try and sneak out of class early tomorrow and come home and nap

now to work up the strength to go shower

 

[LoyalXenite]

Gave myself a day off from uni work and responsibilities today. I've just been too strung out and stressed and sick, so had to take a day for myself coz I can feel that I'm getting close to a bit of a breakdown. Between stressing over uni stuff, and the family issue, and this goddamned medical issue that isnt going away (and all the damn appointments and tests I'm having to do for it), and an issue that happened with my dogs, Im just at the end of my tether right now.

Two of my dogs got into a bit of a fight on Sunday night, Im not sure what set it off coz one minute they are both waking up, next theyre fighting. I think what happened is one of them was covered in blankets and so in her half asleep state the other dog didnt see her until she was practically face to face and so she got startled. Im hoping thats all it was because thats manageable. I suspect a contributing factor is it so cold at the moment and so we're in the garage a lot more and there really is next to no space in here, so they're not getting any real alone time once the sun is away or when the weather is poorly. Im really worried though that its going to be like when my ex's dog picked a fight with one of mine and it became that they couldnt stay together. So the thought that I may have to rehome one or both of the dogs that were in the fight is absolutely terrifying me. I know I should try and not worry and just deal with it as it comes, but they're my heart and soul, so the thought of losing them is destroying me a little bit.

There havent been any fights or scuffles since Sunday, and there had been none prior to that, so I really hope it was just a bad night that wont reoccur.

On the more positive side its my other dog's birthday today, so they all got presents and cake.

On another not so positive note, I got woken up when I was napping today because a goddamned fly flew into my mouth while I was snoring my head off. The worst sensation to wake up to.

 

[BlueDays]

Gave myself a day off from uni work and responsibilities today. I've just been too strung out and stressed and sick, so had to take a day for myself coz I can feel that I'm getting close to a bit of a breakdown. Between stressing over uni stuff, and the family issue, and this goddamned medical issue that isnt going away (and all the damn appointments and tests I'm having to do for it), and an issue that happened with my dogs, Im just at the end of my tether right now.

Two of my dogs got into a bit of a fight on Sunday night, Im not sure what set it off coz one minute they are both waking up, next theyre fighting. I think what happened is one of them was covered in blankets and so in her half asleep state the other dog didnt see her until she was practically face to face and so she got startled. Im hoping thats all it was because thats manageable. I suspect a contributing factor is it so cold at the moment and so we're in the garage a lot more and there really is next to no space in here, so they're not getting any real alone time once the sun is away or when the weather is poorly. Im really worried though that its going to be like when my ex's dog picked a fight with one of mine and it became that they couldnt stay together. So the thought that I may have to rehome one or both of the dogs that were in the fight is absolutely terrifying me. I know I should try and not worry and just deal with it as it comes, but they're my heart and soul, so the thought of losing them is destroying me a little bit.

There havent been any fights or scuffles since Sunday, and there had been none prior to that, so I really hope it was just a bad night that wont reoccur.

On the more positive side its my other dog's birthday today, so they all got presents and cake.

On another not so positive note, I got woken up when I was napping today because a goddamned fly flew into my mouth while I was snoring my head off. The worst sensation to wake up to.

Oh my gawd, having a fly in my mouth is one thing I can say I have not had the misfortune to experience, thank god!
I would have let out a loud scream thinking it was a spider.

Could you get 2 (just big enough to fit one dog in) cardboard boxes for your dogs to sleep in, from a store/shop?
Then if it was just the one being covered in a blanket and scaring the other one when they woke up, then being in their own cardboard box would prevent that from happening again, maybe?

Even animals need their personal space sometimes.

 

[LoyalXenite]

Oh my gawd, having a fly in my mouth is one thing I can say I have not had the misfortune to experience, thank god!
I would have let out a loud scream thinking it was a spider.

Could you get 2 (just big enough to fit one dog in) cardboard boxes for your dogs to sleep in, from a store/shop?
Then if it was just the one being covered in a blanket and scaring the other one when they woke up, then being in their own cardboard box would prevent that from happening again, maybe?

Even animals need their personal space sometimes.

They all usually sleep in the bed with me, theres a little foam mattress on the floor at the base of my bed when one of them is feeling too crowded on the bed and wants some space. But I just dont have the room to give them their own little areas (cardboard boxes would be destroyed instantly- they love ripping up cardboard.). I did contemplate getting some of those large cages for outside but then its so cold out there and they've literally slept in my bed since they were puppies so they wouldnt take it well to suddenly sleep alone in a cage.

If we didnt live in half a bloody garage it would be easier. Im half considering getting those cage-like muzzles and when they're aggressive they just wear those for the day (or until they calm down), coz they can still eat and drink with those on but cant hurt each other - though they cant really play with their toys while wearing it..

I really dont know what Im going to do, they've been a little tense around each other at times, but they've also been playing together like normal and sleeping on the bed together like normal so I really am at a loss of who the problem is and what I can actually do. So at this point I'm just stressed and waiting for the next fallout so I can try and determine the trigger/s and who has the problem.

It's really taking a toll on my emotional health though. Im just stressed and anxious and miserable at the thought of losing one or two of my babies. If I do have to rehome the two who are fighting thats gonna be devastating to me and hard to find them a home coz they'll have to go to somewhere with no cats and no other dogs and thats so hard to find. Then I worry what if this is an issue thats gonna get worse and worse, what if they start snapping at people and then I'll have to get them put down coz our laws are so harsh on dogs...

ugh.. Im just spiraling into an anxiety mess. I gotta keep telling myself to just see what happens, it could all be fine.. but my brain loves to dwell on the worst possible outcomes possible until Im not sleeping and end up sick and a nervous wreck...

 

[FountainandFairfax]

Try not to stress Xen, the dogs will pick up on your anxiety. Dogs fight, it doesn't take the emotional toll on them that it does on us when we're at war with someone. They'll probably work it out, establish who's boss, and go back to being content. I know that's easy for me to say, but it's also the truth. You've got enough on your plate as it is... I don't know how you do it, so try to let the dogs work out their little drama for themselves as best you can.

 

[LoyalXenite]

Try not to stress Xen, the dogs will pick up on your anxiety. Dogs fight, it doesn't take the emotional toll on them that it does on us when we're at war with someone. They'll probably work it out, establish who's boss, and go back to being content. I know that's easy for me to say, but it's also the truth. You've got enough on your plate as it is... I don't know how you do it, so try to let the dogs work out their little drama for themselves as best you can.

Im gonna try and take the one whose been starting it to the vet this week if I can get an appointment to see if theres any illness or reason behind her behavior change, in the meantime Im doing my best to hold it all together but they're my babies, literally my reason for living, so the thought of them hurting each other or me losing one or two of them is so hard to deal with. I burst into tears earlier tonight when explaining to my dad so maybe he'll help me out with getting some set up to separate them when they fight. Some sort of dog run cage set up would be ideal but expensive so idk what it'll end up being

 

[LoyalXenite]

I am exhausted. Just exhausted. Im not sleeping at nights coz im so worried about the dogs so Im just getting whatever sleep I can in the day. Then I spend my waking hours anxious about whats gonna happen and worried everytime the dogs start to puff up (raise hackles). I was out earlier today (it was my birthday today and d&d night for tomorrow had to get postponed so we made it tonight) and I had a nice time which was good coz I really needed that break and calming time.

When I got home there was a tense moment with the dogs but after being told off and told to sit in separate spots and to calm down it managed to diffuse without a fight and they're all bundled up and asleep now. Im trying so hard to keep things calm and contained but its taking it out of me emotionally. Tomorrow the vet will be open so I can make the call to book in Arya (the one who Im pretty sure started the first fight) and hopefully it turns out to have been a toothache or something and I can get it fixed and everything goes back to normal.

I might also try and ask dad to help me walk them coz I dont have the strength to walk all three while im unwell, and dont have the strength or energy levels to do three separate walks. I know they need some more walks, its just been too hard while I've been sick.

Speaking of I really gotta try and remember to take the meds again, with all the stress I've forgotten entirely but I'll try and remember to take them again tomorrow.

Also got uni tomorrow and I know the teacher is gonna be annoyed at me because I didnt do what she asked me to do before class (prepare sketches for the final and work out finer details and linking them all together tighter - things of that sort, but I just havent had the focus or ability to do any of it)

ughhh I just wish things would be easier on me... I hate how much crap always ends up happening. Like havent we suffered enough in life with having mental health issues, we need a bunch of bloody crises (is that the plural of crisis?) thrown on our bloody shoulders too??

 

[FountainandFairfax]

...Like havent we suffered enough in life with having mental health issues, we need a bunch of bloody crises (is that the plural of crisis?) thrown on our bloody shoulders too??

Hugs, Loyal. That last sentence says it all.

 

[PugofCrydee]

 

[BlueDays]

I'm sorry to read that you are going through so many struggles all at the same time right now, in your life, Loyal.

Just know that we are always here for you to vent and "let it out" in words, and know that we will be eventually reading what you have written.
I know it's not the same as having support face to face, but at least you know you have a couple of friends in here that will happily provide a "listening ear" for you, and offer any advice if we can think of any.

Here is some adorable cute puppies/dogs, to stimulate the feel-good chemicals in your brain......

 

[LoyalXenite]

Thanks guys. Im doing a bit better today, still stressed and exhausted but not quite at the end of my tether. One of the women in my class today noticed I was pretty down and so asked after my dogs (I assume in an attempt to cheer me up) so I told her about what was happening with the dogs and turns out she used to work as a behaviorist trainer for dogs, so she gave me a bit of advice (get another bed so they each have a spot, separate and distract them when they start to get tense -and if another fight does break out-, do something about the walking them thing - maybe hire someone or ask someone to help me out until Im not so weak and sick) she also said to film them and send them to her and when she is done housesitting she'll work out a time to come round and give me a hand.

Considering just half an hour before that I'd called my old dog trainer from before I moved and got essentially told they need to be separated entirely until its fixed with a trainer (which is expensive af) so I was feeling utterly hopeless, so to have someone give me advice that I can actually do has really helped me get some control over the panic and stress. I've already bought the other bed, and a new blanket each so no jealousy over a bed, they are still tense (I mean a bed isnt a magic cure of course) but they're all sleeping right now in their own spots and I've got a bit of hope and a bit of a path to follow. So bit more stable emotionally today

 

[FountainandFairfax]

I wonder if one of them marked the other's bed or something. Maybe throwing everything into the wash will reset their moods.

I'm just brainstorming, Loyal, don't let me irritate you, animal behavior always gets my inner Sherlock riled-up.

 

[LoyalXenite]

I wonder if one of them marked the other's bed or something. Maybe throwing everything into the wash will reset their moods.

I'm just brainstorming, Loyal, don't let me irritate you, animal behavior always gets my inner Sherlock riled-up.

Neither of them mark inside so I dont think its that (and the beds are too big to go into the washing machine). I think its more the lack of personal space that has been the issue. With the weather getting so much colder they arent going outside much in the evenings/nights. So we're all cramped in the half a garage that we live in. On top of that with me being unwell they arent being walked so pent up energy and boredom on top of being cramped in. At least thats my main theory right now. I still have to do the vet visit to rule out any sicknesses but it seems ok so far. They all ended up climbing into my bed when I went to sleep as usual and all was fine so Im hoping its gonna be ok.