Love-Shyness

[Halleluja]

But then it doesn't make much sense to assume that women find you intimidating. Since you make the people around you happy, you must be quite fun to be with. At least, you presence is not unpleasant to the others, which includes the women. That, together with your seeming physically attractive, should make plenty of women interested in you.

Yeah, but here's the thing. I never find out until it's too late. Even then, it's always a 'maybe', 'could be'. I never had a woman coming up to me and told me she liked me. Although, one time at a club, there was one girl who hugged me out of nowhere and said I was hot. She was probably drunk as hell and couldn't see straight. I have to be honest though, I've never asked a girl out. I just don't have the guts.

 

[klytus]

I never had a woman coming up to me and told me she liked me.

Most women are very traditional in this particular aspect of life. The man has to initiate the contact, and display romantic interest. Women tend to be passive, often much to their own misfortune.

I just don't have the guts.

That's probably all that stand between you and a romantic relationship. Most people don't have to forgo intimacy and love. There are some exceptions, but especially in your case it appears to boil down to your own passivity.

 

[Halleluja]

That's probably all that stand between you and a romantic relationship. Most people don't have to forgo intimacy and love. There are some exceptions, but especially in your case it appears to boil down to your own passivity.

But isn't that the epitome of love-shyness? Wanting love, but unable to get it? Let's forget about my looks and put attractiveness aside.

Have I ever had a girlfriend? No
Have I ever been kissed? No
Have I ever been on a date? No
Am I too shy to ask a girl out? Yes

Thus, I'm love-shy. I'm like every other guy in this topic. LOVE-wise that is.

 

[Sinar_Matahari]

Most women are very traditional in this particular aspect of life. The man has to initiate the contact, and display romantic interest. Women tend to be passive, often much to their own misfortune.

Much to our own misfortune indeed. It is true that we are mostly passive when it comes to courtship. Some men prefer to be courted while others feel emasculated or intimidated when a woman makes the first move because they don't feel that it is a woman's role to do so.

I have said before that making the first move has backfired on me often. Men who may have taken me seriously if I had waited for them to approach me first, actually thought less of me for approaching them.

I once straight up walked up to a guy after class and gave him my number and then everyone in school was talking about is as if it were the most abnormal thing that someone could do. Needless to say, the guy never even looked at me again even if he had been interested in the beginning.

Often times, women who are confident and assertive are considered wicked by some men and women. I've been bold, I've been strong and assertive and I was unfairly punished for it. People have called me arrogant, a bitch, a slut and a snob for speaking my mind, for daring to disagree and daring to do things that others would not do. I've been punished for being myself and dressing the way I wanted even if it was not "cool". When I did stick up for myself, I was punished for that! I've been called a bitch for calling out other women's indirect aggression towards me!

Don't be suprised if women do not approach you even if they like you. Once a woman's reputation is soiled then it's difficult if not impossible for that woman to "redeem" herself in the eyes of others.

 

[redski]

But isn't that the epitome of love-shyness? Wanting love, but unable to get it? Let's forget about my looks and put attractiveness aside.

Have I ever had a girlfriend? No
Have I ever been kissed? No
Have I ever been on a date? No
Am I too shy to ask a girl out? Yes

Thus, I'm love-shy. I'm like every other guy in this topic. LOVE-wise that is.

Man, I am just like this. I have heard from both men (non gay way) and a few women that I am attractive.
I would also say that I am generally a nice guy and try to make people feel happy, as well as myself.
This "intimidating" girls I think has happened to me a few times.
Sort of like they test me to "really" see if I like them and I just end up getting
fed up because I have tried to show that I do. Of course I have to be
fair and given the little SA I have maybe I have not been direct enough.

Much to our own misfortune indeed...

In your defence Serafina I have allways had attraction to the
"sensitive bitch" (I am not saying you are one). I like women that are sensitive but have a little of a bitch in them, not push overs.

Here I am not keeping to the original topic. I have read a little
more then half of the "Shyness & Love: Causes, Consequences, and Treatment" by Dr. Brian G. Gilmartin book.
Although it is a bit outdated it is a good read and I would warmly recommend it to anyone with Loves-shyness,
even for those with just a little of this problem to the ones with
the crippling amount it.

 

[iAnon]

Well, I am also very shy and seeking help.

This link may help some of you. It's basically an audio scenario of a shy individual meeting a woman. One of the greatest US hypnotists, Richard Bandler, walks him through the procedure.

RapidShare: 1-CLICK Web hosting - Easy Filehosting

I hope this helps, my friends .

 

[2ate]

Such label is dangerous. It can perpetuate itself onto one's subconscious and make him act the way the label dictates, whether the person was doing it before or not.

Personally I am happy to be single. I have had 2 GFs my whole life and i wish i had zero GFs. I have said it on another SA site. Some people always want what they cannot have. They see other people have something they wish they had which makes them want that even more. That's the reason why shy guys are more obscessed in getting a partner than non SAers. Sex and relationships are overrated. Don't let society and bitter members of the opposite sex tell you otherwise.

But what happens after you courted the person? Then you may marry her. Then the novelty will wear off just like anything. You will take her for granted. Just like you take for granted your internet connection that lets you read and post on this forum.

The first 40 times driving a ferarri will be fun and a lavish vacation to the Bahamas may be enjoyable but both will eventually feel bland. With the convenience of excessive cash, rich people will look to fill that void only to end back to square one.

anyways off my soap box...

 

[Juggalo]

I haven't approached one woman since I graduated from High School in May of '05. I'm almost 22, a virgin, never had a g/f, or even kissed a woman to be honest. I am most definitely love shy. It seems impossible to overcome. Women want experience in guys, guys to take control and know what they are doing. They want you to be the pursuer. Men aren't meant to be shy in our society...

 

[Edgar Rice Burrito]

I can relate to nearly everything in this thread. Here are my stats:

1. 35
2. Never kissed a girl (no sex of course)
3. Went to 2 movies with women in my early twenties. I was oblivious to the fact that there was probably some romantic interest on their part.
4. Whenever anyone has tried to fix me up over the last 5-7 years, I've basically gotten scared and ran away.
5. I get a feeling of terrible dread at the prospect of a real date or relationship.
6. I would like for this to change.

Good luck to me and everybody else. Any advice would be appreciated.

 

[TooShyShy]

Edgar Rice Burrito..you can answer these in a private message to me if you'd like You sound so much like a man i work with and like alot!!!!!!

May i ask....what is it you fear exactly? Do you become physically ill? What are the symptoms exactly; sweating, heart races, dizziness, etc?

At 35, what could a lovely, feminine, petite, woman possibly do to you..lol..obviously if they accept a date, they must care, have interest, be attracted to you, etc. What exactly runs through your mind and WHHHHHHHHY?

If you know there's interest on her part, why run away and or/hide yourself away???

What makes you want to hide if you know she's interested? Is it the anxiety over just seeing/being around her, saying hello...or the feeling you may disappoint her later on as her date, boyfriend or possibly yourself being hurt or let down (due to your lack of experience..anxiousness taking over) feeling she may find something she may not like about you????

Do you feel you put women on a pedastal...at a different level from yourself..is it low self esteem????

Last question..is it ALL women or just women you are attracted to and want to date?


Thank you in advance.

 

[OPERA]

^are you still going after that dude

 

[NathanielWingatePeaslee]

Any advice would be appreciated.

I have no wisdom for you. I just wanted to say I love your username.

 

[TheManWhoUpholdsHonour]

Hi,
I'm a newbie and i am also love shy.Recently I have been attempting to fight my timidness and shyness only because I had found that alot of girls were actually looking me over.I am African American,15,and supposedly handsome.What angers me is the fact that some people think love shy people are selfish.Such arrogance is the object of our hatred for people like that.We are analotical,rational people in pain.And the arrogant people who think otherwise need a swift kick to the nuts.Multiple times.Not garanteeing them from not having children.@cynic:Who,just exactly WHO do you think you are?The healthy human mind doesn't wake up in the morning thinking no one likes it.But I think thats a luxury,not a curse.To know that no one likes you gives you a kind of freedom.But the hopes and dreams here lost to thousands of misconceptions and suffering.They will remember us for this.Because out of all our vast array of nightmares we chose this one for ourselves,we go forth like a breathe exhaled from the earth contrary to popular belief and our own mind boggling fears.With vigor in our hearts as we know we must achieve one goal.We.Will.Love.I'm not advocating sypmathy.I just advertising self awareness of this condition and you all need to do the same.Also@cynic:You are all of you vermon,frolicing in your mud.Thinking,What I wonder?That all of your wishes will be fulfilled?No.Your world will burn until its surface is of glass.And not even your demons will live to creep.Blackened from its hole.The culmination of our journey.Only by the suffering can you even begin to understand an INKLING of what I just said,the people around you,the things around you and so on.How dare You.

 

[TheManWhoUpholdsHonour]

Someone needs to dig this thread up.

 

[TooShyShy]

What are the feelings..or the overwhelming fear or dread you experience? Do you know why, have any of you figured that part out?

Is it physical symptoms only??? Your heart racing, dizziness, stomach ache..is it being physically ill that you can't get past?

I just want to understand this more

 

[Silentknight]

I'm also a newbie to this site but I've heard of love-shyness before and can relate to it. Like TheManWhoUpHoldsHonour I'm also young only 18 but I have yet to anything i can relate to as close as I can to love-shyness the only disorder that comes close is Avoidant Personality Disorder. To answer your question TooShyShy for me at least I do feel a physical pain I can feel my heart beating so hard I worry someone next to me will hear it I get pains in my chest as if my ribcage is contracting on itself and I can sense an almost paralysis around my neck but the physical signs aren't near the torture the mental signs are when I even think of speaking to a female my mind starts racing a voice in my head starts yelling at me telling me how stupid I am for even considering speaking to this girl at the same time my mind also is running through every negative scenario that could possibly happen from her ignoring me to her laughing at me walking away to tell her friends how pathetic I am so they can join in at laughing at me and yes I know in my head that my fears are highly irrational but I can't seem to change the way I think.

 

[Vecis]

I think I have love shyness and its hurts me. The most hurtful thing of this problem is that you actually want but are too shy to get it. It would be easier to accept and forget about relationship but the desire stays. Like in Rammstein song- Love is For Everyone- not for me!

 

[TheManWhoUpholdsHonour]

What are the feelings..or the overwhelming fear or dread you experience? Do you know why, have any of you figured that part out?

Is it physical symptoms only??? Your heart racing, dizziness, stomach ache..is it being physically ill that you can't get past?

I just want to understand this more

It's a vicious circle of sadness,anger,and fear.For me It always goes from anger to sadness to fear or backwards.We don't get physically ill for the most part....we just get extremely tense and anylatical.just now I felt like I was sweating see there it goes again.To all the love shys on this site I actually met a bisexual love shy and tooshyshy I've been wanting to PM you...whats up?

 

[TheManWhoUpholdsHonour]

Also @tooshyshy At first i was kind afraid to talk to anyone but then I started showing more progress while degenarating in stuff I was good at.I can talk to anyone I don't like with ease just not girls that I'm attracted to.When she's interested we don't trust you...at least thats me.And thats because I trust no one.Its because we've always been treated negatively by our fellow human beings.You'd think the majority of us would be bitter.I'm rather optomistic about it.We don't put women On a pedastal or have low self...at least me.As for the rest of your questions we just don't want to go through any more pain.We don't want you to hurt us becasue your rather unpredictable.In general....We don't trust you.We don't want to go through all that progress of a relationship just to fail...thats why love shys think of dates as an abomination.It's not necessary for the continuation of a relation ship.Uh silent knight do you have mother issues?according to what you said it seems like your mother yelled at you when you were young

 

[TheManWhoUpholdsHonour]

Uggggh! Ok, i just wish someone could explain to me WHAT IT IS ABOUT A WOMAN that scares you so much? Is it the way she looks at you, talks, walks, is it her beauty - feminine qualities, etc.???

Is it that your attraction gets the better of you...that you get so excited or turned on you can't see straight..lol???

How can you look at her from afar and want her one day and then hide from her the next?

DON'T YOU MEN NEED MORE THAN THAT FROM A WOMAN????

we're afraid.we're very afraid because we're all sensitive