Sometimes I feel such a strong need to be liked, that I feel like anyone who does not dote on me must be pushed out of my life as far as possible. Does anyone else do this? I don't know if it is a social anxiety thing, or a borderline personality thing, or just plain low self esteem. I know it is a childish and unhealthy thing to do, but I just can't stand associating with people that I feel dislike me or are indifferent to me. Is that such a crazy thing?
Love Me or Go Away
- Thread starter Silatuyok
- Start date
Agent_Violet
Well-known member
It's not crazy either. Indifference is like death to someone who is borderline. It's awful. I'm sorry you're going through that feeling.
DeadmanWalking
Well-known member
It doesn't sound unnatural; all humans look for approval and love from one another. We're dependent on each other in all sorts of ways. Whether it's right or not is something that I'll let you decide. The cause is natural, but your social anxiety may be amplifying the feelings.
That's what I figured. Maybe not the feeling so much but the absolute intensity of it. It's always all or nothing, never anything in between. :
:Agent_Violet
Well-known member
That's what I figured. Maybe not the feeling so much but the absolute intensity of it. It's always all or nothing, never anything in between. :
You're exactly right...it's not the feeling...it's the intensity.
We can't see shades of gray unfortunately...everything is black or white. In or out. No in between. We are blind to the world of in between. But that makes us special too..we love with our full selves and most people can't do that.
Of course, once someone steps out on a borderline, they're usually pushed away til they prove themselves as 100% in again.
I am not a forgiving person so usually once people are pushed out, they arent allowed back in. One exception being my husband and even he walks the fine line still.
Right. That's exactly where I'm at tonight. I feel like anything less would be compromising my feelings.
Thanks. You don't know how much I need to hear that right now.
Or maybe you do! :
:
Necrucifer
Well-known member
Its not crazy...I just had an argument with someone like 30 minutes ago who acted like they didnt care about a thing I said some friend...so I told them off but I was in a bad mood enough already so your not alone haha...
Kiwong
Well-known member
I don't think anyone really likes me very much except my pet cockatiel. I'll take any positivity or neutrality. What troubles me about people is their inconsistency. Somebody who likes you one day has a problem with you the next. I don't seem to be able to say the right things, look at people the right ways, behave acceptably. I feel like I am walking on eggshells the whole time I am around people.
Hoppy
Well-known member
"Do unto others as you would have them do unto you".
Same problem here. I've reached the point where I'm very careful around people and take everything slowly. But I do treat people the way they treat me. If they don't phone or visit me I don't phone or visit them. That started from people that I always go to visit and I never get a return.
But I see a time in my life were I'm going to be alone. I'm looking forward to it.
Same problem here. I've reached the point where I'm very careful around people and take everything slowly. But I do treat people the way they treat me. If they don't phone or visit me I don't phone or visit them. That started from people that I always go to visit and I never get a return.
But I see a time in my life were I'm going to be alone. I'm looking forward to it.
theslowesthand
Banned
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razzle dazzle rose
Well-known member
It is not really a crazy thing. I think most people want to be liked. A lot of us will go a long way to make others like us. It is uncomfortable to not be liked.
I have like the opposite problem. It doesn't really bother me that people don't like me. I kinda expect it actually, and so it surprises me to find that people actually do like me. What I have always resented though is to not be considered. Like I am not even worthy of not liking...indifference hurts the most they say.
I either like someone or I hate them. There is no in between. But for me it is not set. It changes all the time. It confuses people. I recognize it is not fair that I do this to others and that it causes a lot of pain. It is something I am constantly working on.
Recently my sister, who is well liked by most everyone, told me that it was a big concern of hers to be liked by everyone. It was a lot of work and very exhausting and she did not like being that way. But then she realized that not everyone is going to like her and that is okay. She doesn't like everyone she meets and sometimes it doesn't really have anything to do with that person, it is just the way it is. She said that gave her a lot of peace.
I have like the opposite problem. It doesn't really bother me that people don't like me. I kinda expect it actually, and so it surprises me to find that people actually do like me. What I have always resented though is to not be considered. Like I am not even worthy of not liking...indifference hurts the most they say.
It's always all or nothing, never anything in between. :
I either like someone or I hate them. There is no in between. But for me it is not set. It changes all the time. It confuses people. I recognize it is not fair that I do this to others and that it causes a lot of pain. It is something I am constantly working on.
Recently my sister, who is well liked by most everyone, told me that it was a big concern of hers to be liked by everyone. It was a lot of work and very exhausting and she did not like being that way. But then she realized that not everyone is going to like her and that is okay. She doesn't like everyone she meets and sometimes it doesn't really have anything to do with that person, it is just the way it is. She said that gave her a lot of peace.
KiaKaha
Banned
I think everyone has mechanisms in place to stop them feeling bad about themselves. Its a full time job protecting ones ego and self esteem. I also think that is natural to want to be desired, to feel appreciated and to feel worthy as a human being.
One thing that I do really badly is to downplay other people if they reject me. I would say... "so...he doesnt like me eh? Well who cares, he is obviously an unintelligent oaf who thinks he know it all" - making myself feel better.
If I make a mistake at work I will say something like "This is stupid job. I dont even know why I work here in the first place...all the managers are idiots, and I dont get paid enough" - Same effect.
I dont think its crazy... I think its perfectly normal. I think behaviour...baffling as it may seem to an outsider...is always justifiable to the person exhibiting it.
I dont like rejection either... but I deal with it in a different way. I want to know WHY.
One thing that I do really badly is to downplay other people if they reject me. I would say... "so...he doesnt like me eh? Well who cares, he is obviously an unintelligent oaf who thinks he know it all" - making myself feel better.
If I make a mistake at work I will say something like "This is stupid job. I dont even know why I work here in the first place...all the managers are idiots, and I dont get paid enough" - Same effect.
I dont think its crazy... I think its perfectly normal. I think behaviour...baffling as it may seem to an outsider...is always justifiable to the person exhibiting it.
I dont like rejection either... but I deal with it in a different way. I want to know WHY.
SeniorRedrings
Banned
You sound quite normal.
pavnaxtion
Member
I do this with my ex. I think its just a combination of loneliness and feelings of powerlessness, such that you feel the need to control this person who is in your life because they are only ones who you can...
antipop621
Well-known member
I suffer from this problem pretty badly. I get EXTREMELY jealous when people i like don't give me the attention I want and give it to others.
And when the jealousy hits, I become distant and childish and push them away,
And when the jealousy hits, I become distant and childish and push them away,
Aletheia
Well-known member
I need a lot of reassurance, even from people I know well. I never feel able to ask for it, for fear they'll think me neurotic (which I am). So my fears eat at me and eat at me and eventually I run away.
But having someone lavish too much praise and attention on me makes me panicky too. Can't win.