phudge said:
is it just me or do you find that you cant look at a photo of yourself without the feeling of "oh my god, you are disgusting" this has been haunting me so much that whenever i catch site of a camera i run far away!
this has been really depressing me as of late
on a related note has any of you ever had the feeling that a news crew may be filming and might get a picture of me and put it on the news? i usally avoid all the busy streets because of this
Well, being as I'm unphotogenic, most of the photos that exist of me are cringeworthy from the teen years on. When I was little I photographed fine--maybe because I didn't feel so awkward? I don't know, go figure. I always dread seeing how I've come out on film, as more often than not I feel my stomach drop and I get very depressed for the rest of the day at how repulsive I am. Then I start thinking of the people who've said I'm pretty, and wonder if they're all lying, just to make me feel better, because I'm so hideous. But then I try to think about the people who've said these things, and some of them wouldn't have made the comment if they didn't think it were true.
And I don't usually feel when walking around that there's a newscrew near, but if I see the local news filming something I'll avoid them like the plague--I'll take the long way around--to avoid ending up on the news to avoid the humiliation of people seeing me and laughing at how hideous I am.
Sometimes I feel pretty, but the next minute it's like I'm looking at myself through different eyes, and the same legs that looked fine the previous minute now look grotesquely fat. I realize this is all part of my anxiety problem, and I'm probably not as ugly as I think (like some people on these boards).
