Living at home

[AtTheGates]

is this really something to be embarrased about? im a 24 male and live at home. I had a job (until recently) and am currently looking for new one and am also considering some type of degree within the near future. a female "friend" I met on a different website recently referred to me as a basement dweller just because I live with my parents..but the thing is my parents dont even HAVE a basement. I actually live in the HOUSE with them like a normal human being. despite the fact that she clearly has no idea what she's talking about, I was still offended. I dont want to spout any generalization about women but is it really THAT bad for a guy my age to live at home? given the option, im MUCH happier being able to live with my parents so I can save money once I find another job rather than living in an apartment and goign paycheck to paycheck every month. I know of a few girls that live at home and i dont think they have take much judgement for it at all..they dont have to be embarassed about it or anything. i think the stereotype regarding guys living at home is kind of idiotic...I mean it just makes way more sense financially than the alternative....I dont want to move out and have my own place just to appear manly and macho. id rather live at home and save money because its the more intelligent decision.

its almost like im supposed to feel but for not having to struggle as much as she does but I honestly dont feel bad at all....its an issue I never would have even mentioned if she hadnt insulted MY living situation.

 

[myke]

the same here 25 and live with my parents .im in a new town have no friends .SA probabily dont let me have friends

 

[Ithior]

I guess it depends on the country you live in and its culture. Here it's normal to live with your parents for a while even after university. My cousin is like 26 or older, has a master's degree and is working full time, but she still lives with her parents. And why would she leave? It's a pretty big house, she's saving money and she has company.
Another cousin of mine (a guy) is turning 24 this year. Works part time and goes to university. Lives with his parents as well, his girlfriend doesn't mind and she lives with her parents as well.

Almost all the people I know that went to college with me live with their parents, even if they have a job. The ones who don't are either from small villages and needed to move to the cities to study or people who chose to get their master's in a different country.

 

[AtTheGates]

it just seems like NOT moving out exactly at age 18 is such a better idea. who made up that rule anyway? its ridiculous. idk why its so unpopular in this country....or idk maybe im behind on the times.

 

[Megaten]

it just seems like NOT moving out exactly at age 18 is such a better idea. who made up that rule anyway? its ridiculous. idk why its so unpopular in this country....or idk maybe im behind on the times.

Im probably wrong but I think it might stem from the cultural belief that men are supposed to be the providers in whatever family they make. Its old fashioned and sexist but I think a lot of people (men and women) instinctively think that way. But in reality a lot of people are moving back into their parents houses because of the lack of jobs and whatnot. I moved back in after college and now Im kinda stuck. So Im desperately looking for good money so I can get the hell out of here.

 

[StandingJelly]

I'm not embarrassed at all, similarly I'm 24, I'm also the youngest and my parents are soon at the age where I need to take care of them.

I'd like to spend more time with my parents anyway, not with some bs friends who are friends not for the sake of being friends. Even if I bought 10 houses elsewhere I don't see myself leaving.

 

[AtTheGates]

Im probably wrong but I think it might stem from the cultural belief that men are supposed to be the providers in whatever family they make. Its old fashioned and sexist but I think a lot of people (men and women) instinctively think that way. But in reality a lot of people are moving back into their parents houses because of the lack of jobs and whatnot. I moved back in after college and now Im kinda stuck. So Im desperately looking for good money so I can get the hell out of here.

I think you're right. I think its one of those oldschool customs from the 1950's or something. its one of those BS cultural beliefs that needs to die out just like the rule that you're not supposed to wear a hat indoors or during the national anthem...it doesnt make any sense at all but people still blindly follow it.


also, neckties have been around for WAY too long...they seem too impractical and uncomfortable and yet you're still expected to them in certain situations....im not into all this traditional BS that doesnt even serve a practical purpose.

 

[Tuukka40]

The fact you have parents and a free home to stay in is something to be thankful for. Take advantage of it and work your *** off to get into a position that you will be happy with.

If you care about others opinions, I can't imagine that many people would frown upon a 24 year old living at home and working towards saving money and getting a job. However, if you like living at home all your life that is fine and if you like living on your own all your life that is fine, too.

 

[gustavofring]

You shouldn't let that ignorant comment get to you. Sometimes people just say silly things. Living at home at that age is nothing to be ashamed of and even wise in many cases. I wish I could've lived at home until about your age.

I was forced to move out and live on my own when I was 18, because my folks had both died and me and my brother sold the house. At the time I was quite happy about it and thought I could handle it fine. 10 years later, and in a lot of debt and financial problems, I think it would've been better if I had the option of staying at home until I had gained some proper insight in expenses, saving etc.
Especially with depression, living on my own has pretty much been a disaster in my young life. I made a mess of my paperwork and didn't take good care of myself. Independence is a great thing, but you must be ready for it. If I didn't have to worry about paying the bills and anxiety like that for the past 10 years, and had a family surrounding me, keeping an eye on me and providing some simple things (healthy food, laundry) I probably would've had more stability in life to focus on my career and would be further in life. I've seen classmates who lived at home until 25 or so and they're doing much better then I do career-wise. Of course at some point moving out is a good option, but like I said, when you're ready. That's different for everyone. Also it depends on the situation at home. For some people living at home can be hell with an unsupportive family who criticize them all the time, and it's probably best for them to move out. But if you feel like your home-life is beneficial to you at this stage, and your parents don't give you a hard time, then by all means don't feel ashamed, and just focus on your career.

 

[andsorry]

I'm 26 and I live at home with my parent. I think you need a new friend. It's better to be financially secure than to be broke and penniless.

I was watching an episode of house hunters. There was this guy who was living with his parents he was in his mid 30s. Anyway he was living with them to pay off school loans, a car payment and was saving to buy his own house.

 

[FountainandFairfax]

I'm in my late thirties and would probably still be living at home if my family didn't pay my rent here. My brother moved back in with my mother after his divorce and he's in his mid thirties. It's not that uncommon today to have adult sons and daughters living with their parents, and people have lots of different reasons for doing so.

 

[GhastlyCC]

I'm 25 and I live with my parents.
I'm the youngest of 3 brothers...both of my brothers(aged 30 & 35)still live here as well.

Basically all my friends(All in their 20's) live with their parents.

I'm not really embarrassed about it honestly
but I'd love nothing more than for it to change.

 

[MollyBeGood]

I think with the awful economy, housing costs along with all living costs in general being so high plus add college degrees being rendered worthless it's no wonder more people live with their parents later in life. I had some neighbors growing up, two men that both lived with their mom their whole lives. Never married. She died and they still live there together. they are kinda weird though I have to say LoL

 

[Odo]

I was 35 when I moved back in with my parents for almost a year after I quit my job. I had savings and everything... I had to leave the country I was in and it's hard to get an apartment without a job.

It's really not so uncommon these days... older people don't understand it because they grew up when job security was more of a thing, and other people don't understand it I guess because they have good jobs... or are in debt.

It doesn't make sense for boomers to be living alone in huge houses with a lot of empty rooms while their kids can't afford to pay rent.

On the other hand, living with them was absolutely HORRIBLE for my relationship with my parents and horrible for my self esteem as well.

The biggest problem with living at home is that your parents will probably treat you like a child. At first it might be a relief or even welcome, but after a while you just want them to back the **** off. They seemed to have absolutely no concept of my having lived for all of those years totally on my own, and it was like I was a teenager again-- except worse, because teenagers are expected to live at home while adults have to face the extra social stigma of being a 'grown up child'. The culture shock of coming back, not knowing anyone, and not having anything resembling job prospects was hard enough to deal with, but being micromanaged and ordered around was what drove me insane.

This is what ultimately resulted in me not only leaving, but feeling a need to put more distance between myself and my parents than I ever have before... after years of independence I couldn't take being ordered around, criticized, humored, condescended to, etc. They refuse to admit that they could do anything wrong, and I was supposed to accept everything they say without responding or criticizing, because that is what children are supposed to do-- be seen and not heard and accept whatever their parents say as unassailable truth. It is impossible to feel like an adult with any dignity at all when you're living with that in your life 24/7.

I think it probably depends on whether or not your parents understand that you're an adult, if you're living in your bedroom or if you have an entire part of the house to yourself, and what exactly you do for yourself and each other... but if your parents are anything like mine, then the practical benefits of living with them don't make up for the psychological damage it is doing to you.

I wouldn't hold it against a potential SO, but if I did meet someone in that situation I would probably encourage them to get out of it as soon as possible.

But I guess it also depends on whether or not your parents understand that you're your own person... and what sort of terms you've worked out regarding your stay.

 

[megalon]

The biggest problem with living at home is that your parents will probably treat you like a child. It is impossible to feel like an adult with any dignity at all when you're living with that in your life 24/7.

Yeah, this is the worst part. It's something that doesn't get mentioned enough in this argument. I'm 28, but my parents treat me like I'm 14. I still feel like a teenager as a result.
My aunt and uncle sometimes invite this family that they're friends with to holiday parties, and it's weird that I think of them as adults, but not myself, even though they're about the same age as me.

 

[StandingJelly]

Yeh, I guess it depends on your household too. Just make decisions based on yourself, and not on what everyone else is doing.

Parents will always see you as their child. For me, I take charge of most household things: Bills, house chores, even some cooking, etc. I definitely feel like an equal part of the household.

 

[anomicdeer]

I wouldn't say living "at home" but living "with parebts" yes. I've moved out and moved back in with my mother and I hate it. I also feel ashamed and I have a child. A single mother living with her parents. I'm sure a lot of people look down on me but I'm not against it. Other countries people stay with parents til their married, which would be about 30 years old I guess...

 

[Ithior]

The GOOD Guide to Hustlin': How to Move Back Home and Keep Your Dignity
The article isn't that much about dignity, but it has some interesting lines:
"Remember that Americans are the weird ones. Young adults living with their parents is in the norm around the world—anyone from French to Chinese to Brazilian kids often live with their parents through their twenties. Most countries don’t look down on young people moving back home because, as Nathan put it, “they don't have that American-dream capitalism drive bullshit.”

But as 27-year-old Jeanie points out, even if you still do have that American dream in mind, living at home could be the exact thing you need to do to achieve it. “I’ve been [living with my mom] to pursue a career in the arts and I’m not sure I could be doing the work I’m doing if I didn’t live with her,” Jeanie says. “I don’t feel bad about living with my mom, because I know why I’m doing it and it’s been worth it.”"

 

[NamiraWilhelm]

I feel somewhat ashamed about it if I'm honest. I'm 26 years old. I like to be self sufficient so it goes against my nature I think. But London is an absolute joke. I could only afford a room in a flat share, and sharing a house with strangers is a little bit scary, and potentially awful. If I'm going to flat share I guess I might as well do it with family who I already know how to live with.

Definitely looking forward to the day I'm totally self sufficient though.

 

[Hellhound]

Everyone here lived at home until they got married. I live at home with my mom and grandma because none of us likes living alone. I see nothing wrong with it.