Life is what you make of it - agree or disagree

[Gray Lantern]

A very large portion of what makes up personality and its associated characteristics, in my opinion, is determined very early on in a person's life. As early as twelve years old even. Each person has a set of genetics that predisposes one to certain behavior. Together with environmental influences, especially from parents or guardians, we have a fairly "set" way of thinking.

Then there's also things like poverty, prejudice... etc. Sure, the person has a choice to make life the way he or she wants to make of it... But very often, there's already inertia going one way or the other and fighting against that will demand everything the person has and more. Must have the conviction.

 

[irish_bob]

so let's say that, in the beginning, everyone is given a car to drive and then set off down the road of life.

not everyone is given the same car to drive:

Dave is given a 1995 Ford Focus
Drew is given a 1962 Ferrari 250 GTO

is this fair? unfair?

neither car is going anywhere on it's own - it's up to the driver to get it there

both have four wheels and an engine - sure, the Ferrari might be faster, and turn a few more heads as it goes by, but the Ford has A/C and a CD player and the gas mileage is alot better.

there's always a trade off - who is to say which is "better?"

besides, who says the objective is to get to the end of the road quickest?

this isn't a race, after all

now during much of his journey, it's just Dave and the open road

there will be a few twists and turns

he will come to a few forks in the road and will get to choose which path to take

there might be a stop sign that impedes his progress - momentarily

he may even encounter an occasional crossroad and have decide whether to continue in the same direction or change course entirely

hopefully there are enough signs posted to make these decisions easier

some drivers may stop and pick up a map, some may invest in a GPS, some simply rely on other people to give them directions

at certain points along the way, Dave will encounter other drivers on the road

there are traffic laws that tell everyone how to operate their vehicles, and there are commonly agreed upon rules of the road that are meant to keep everyone safe and traffic flowing efficiently if everyone follows them.

but no matter how good a driver Dave is, he's going to come across other drivers who don't follow the rules

if he wants to stay safe and not get in an accident, Dave has to drive defensively. he has to anticipate that every other driver may do something stupid and be ready to react.

other drivers will speed, tailgate, drive too slowly, cut Dave off, etc....

now, he can get frustrated, angry, mutter under his breath, wag his finger imperiously, pound his fist on the wheel, and scream at the unfairness

but, is that really helping him get to where he's trying to go?

or is it just making the whole drive unpleasant?

he could just relax, turn up the CD player, merge safely into traffic, and enjoy the scenery

he could also pull over to the side of the road and let everyone else go past - and only venture out when he felt safe

really, it's his choice

and it does little good to blame the other drivers

they're going to do what they choose to do

and where they wind up is as much their choice as it is for Dave

your parable is a tad simplistic to say the least , not everyone while out on thier car journey starts with a car which has several bangs on it , some peoples cars had owners which took better care of the car than others , some drivers dont come across wreckless dangerous drivers while on the road , thier path is relativley smooth and uneventfull

 

[coyote]

your parable is a tad simplistic to say the least , not everyone while out on thier car journey starts with a car which has several bangs on it , some peoples cars had owners which took better care of the car than others , some drivers dont come across wreckless dangerous drivers while on the road , thier path is relativley smooth and uneventfull

regardless, it still comes down to the DRIVER to get to his destination, not the car he was given or what obstacles he may encounter

the destination is entirely up to him - if the road gets too rough, he can always take a different one

life is pretty simple - we just like to make it complicated

 

[twiggle]

regardless, it still comes down to the DRIVER to get to his destination, not the car he was given or what obstacles he may encounter

the destination is entirely up to him - if the road gets too rough, he can always take a different one

I honestly get both sides of the argument. We can't always control what happens to us, but I do swing more to this side ^.

I know a guy to whom life has offered a pretty awful hand. He also happens to be one of the most positive and happy people I know. It's like all the tragedies helped him find his direction. It's not easy and not everyone can do it, but there's definitely a heap of truth in the statement.

 

[Predacon]

I'm inclined to think it's a little of both.

 

[irish_bob]

I honestly get both sides of the argument. We can't always control what happens to us, but I do swing more to this side ^.

I know a guy to whom life has offered a pretty awful hand. He also happens to be one of the most positive and happy people I know. It's like all the tragedies helped him find his direction. It's not easy and not everyone can do it, but there's definitely a heap of truth in the statement.

some of us were dealt difficult hands from the start , we stayed strong but then went from the frying pan into the fire , you can only handle so many bad breaks until it takes its toll , some people are disproportionatley lucky , some are disproportionatley unlucky , most are somewhere in between but its mean spirited to dismiss those who get knocked down after too many blows , no right minded person would deliberatley choose failure so its merley a case of human beings having thier breaking point , the great lie is that everyone gets an equal amount of lucky and unlucky breaks , this is patently untrue

 

[twiggle]

some of us were dealt difficult hands from the start , we stayed strong but then went from the frying pan into the fire , you can only handle so many bad breaks until it takes its toll , some people are disproportionatley lucky , some are disproportionatley unlucky , most are somewhere in between but its mean spirited to dismiss those who get knocked down after too many blows , no right minded person would deliberatley choose failure so its merley a case of human beings having thier breaking point , the great lie is that everyone gets an equal amount of lucky and unlucky breaks , this is patently untrue

All very true, but doesn't mean the statement is false.

 

[lurknomore]

Of course we can't control all of the circumstances that we're faced with, to me the statement is more about attitude- how you perceive what happens to you, which influences how you ultimately deal with it. Life is about learning to enjoy the journey, no matter what your destination is, or whether or not you end up where you're trying to go.

 

[SAM2011]

your parable is a tad simplistic to say the least , not everyone while out on thier car journey starts with a car which has several bangs on it , some peoples cars had owners which took better care of the car than others , some drivers dont come across wreckless dangerous drivers while on the road , thier path is relativley smooth and uneventfull

I think Coyote explained it very well and has also shown the way I see things.

 

[Iluv]

I think you have to put into the idea of life to achieve anything. It's not like waiting around something good is going to happen, the chance is slim but not to say impossible. You just gotta jump the obstacles.
and many factors do shape where your life is going. Some give you a better chance to get something than others.

 

[SAM2011]

regardless, it still comes down to the DRIVER to get to his destination, not the car he was given or what obstacles he may encounter

the destination is entirely up to him - if the road gets too rough, he can always take a different one

life is pretty simple - we just like to make it complicated

Well I totally agree here and that is what I was trying to say.

Life is pretty simple. People do make their life more complicated because they choose too. If things happen it happens, move on (depending on the situation). Don't let it get to you. Try again or take another path. Don't give up.

Life can be fair and unfair. If everything was so fair to people, we wouldn't learn. If you try hard , sometimes it might happen. Nothing can just be given to you on a silver plate.

I don't believe that looks can get you ahead in life. I mean of course if your a actor, well yeah. But average people that want to succeed in life go out and try to succeed. Some people are born into money, some people have better education, some people get born good looking, some people get raised successfully, some people get raised socially, some people are confident, some people just have it all. That is not unfair. When you reach your adult years, you can't blame your life for the way its worked out. You can't blame society for the way your life has worked out either. Yes some people have had no control when someone has been raped, been in a car accident, been raised in an abusive family etc, that is hard to deal with and it can wreck you, and with good support you can get back up in time, those are things that are out of your control but you can control your everyday actions in life. Your an adult and you make the choices even if it does fail, you get back up and start again and of course everyone needs the support and help along the way, but sometimes you just have to do it on your own.

 

[KiaKaha]

OK - thank you Coyote. Thank you for taking the time to clarify. I understand the point you were making easier but I still dont really agree with you... not completely at least. I get the sentiment.... you have to work with what you are given... and complaining and jumping up and down and causing a fuss isnt going to help.

But can I just ask this question. If everybody merely accepted everything the way it was.. always... then would there be any desire to make things better? If we lived in the victorian ages where kids get put up chimneys to clean them...and just said "oh well...thats just the way it is...its unfair that we arent noblemen where we own all the land and factories and everyone else gets nothing... but you know...thats just life...and we gotta do what we gotta do.." then.... is it reasonable statement to say that...getting angry and doing actually something about it is wrong? Is it unreasonable to feel... that this is not fair?

Because to me if we were NOT dissatisfied and we didnt identify things that are unfair, wrong, unjust etc etc.... then what does that mean? Why bother?

I find it interesting just how much we take for granted... a lot of things that we take for granted everyday comes from the fact that someone, somewhere saw that there was unfairness...they got angry and changed things for the better so that EVERYBODY can enjoy thier lives.

Does anybody know what I am trying to say here?

 

[KiaKaha]

What about if there were two different people from different cultures or different nationalities and the hiring manager has a problem with one of them based merely on their country of origin... they have the same experience, the same qualifications - who is he going to hire?

The reason we have anti discriminatory rules in place is for reasons like this.... not that anyone can prove it.

I dont think people who have an advantage in life should be reprimanded for their good fortune... that is not fair, and that is not what I am saying. I am saying that there needs to be an equillibrium and an awareness of how things are. The whole point is that everybody should have equal opportunities and everybody deserves a chance.... and sometimes things go wrong and they stay wrong... no matter how hard you try.

What is so wrong with that?

Anyway... I guess, with respect... we will just have to agree to disagree. Apologies if this thread may have offended anybody.

 

[Invisibleman]

and sometimes things go wrong and they stay wrong... no matter how hard you try.

Honestly this. Theres always going to be things that happen that keep you down permantley and f**kin sunshine and rainbows isnt going to fix it no matter what. Theres a girl I knew who was once a straight A student going to one of the top universities in Canada,who was hit by a drunk driver and now has severe brain damage. Shes down and bitter,if she feels like that for the rest of her life I couldnt for one second blame her.

 

[twiggle]

I think it just depends entirely on the situation at hand. Sometimes life is unfair, sometimes we do have to work through situations we feel we don't deserve. But after all the hardship and all the struggle, isn't it at least a little bit helpful to think; "I got through that" or "I learned from that" ?
I do get both sides of the debate here and ShyKiwi I definitely see what you mean about not simply settling for that which we feel we don't deserve, but couldn't you also say that by being assigned as chimney sweep, the kid could use it as a catalyst to strive for bigger and better things?
And I think the saying is definitely true with regards to the more trivial problems in life: unrequited love, rejection for a job application etc etc.

 

[twiggle]

Honestly this. Theres always going to be things that happen that keep you down permantley and f**kin sunshine and rainbows isnt going to fix it no matter what. Theres a girl I knew who was once a straight A student going to one of the top universities in Canada,who was hit by a drunk driver and now has severe brain damage. Shes down and bitter and I cant for a second blame her for feeling like that.

I think severe situations like that are definitely the exception to the rule.
Poor girl.

 

[MikeyC]

I dont think people who have an advantage in life should be reprimanded for their good fortune... that is not fair, and that is not what I am saying. I am saying that there needs to be an equillibrium and an awareness of how things are. The whole point is that everybody should have equal opportunities and everybody deserves a chance.... and sometimes things go wrong and they stay wrong... no matter how hard you try.

That equilibrium will never occur, because true fairness will never be reached, no matter how much we take from the rich to give to the poor. No matter how many children are saved from dysfunctional families. No matter how many alcoholics are rehabilitated. It just won't happen.

Your last sentence hit the nail square on the head, though.

 

[polishgirl]

Yes, I think life is what you make it. I don't believe in "life is unfair" excuses. It all depends on how you handle what you are given. Someone strong, self-confident, and determined will get out of even the hardest situation. Even bad looks are not a curse. Of course, being attractive helps but I have had tons of friends who drew people closer to them just by their charisma and personality.

Let's take me as an example. I really had no serious problems in my childhood except my parents being divorced. But how many people have gone through that? I have no excuse for what I am now. A person scared of everything. A person apologizing for everything. A person with no self confidence. And I AM the only person responsible for that. People have been in much worst situations and have overcome any obstacles on their way.

However, I do agree in some extreme cases, there are some factors that can be an excuse.

 

[da_illest101]

Aww

I hope that one day something, someone comes along and makes you want to live again. There's always hope and hopefully something good will come your way. I honestly hope the best for you.

thanks, i hope you keep living a worthy life

 

[KiaKaha]

I think it just depends entirely on the situation at hand. Sometimes life is unfair, sometimes we do have to work through situations we feel we don't deserve. But after all the hardship and all the struggle, isn't it at least a little bit helpful to think; "I got through that" or "I learned from that" ?
I do get both sides of the debate here and ShyKiwi I definitely see what you mean about not simply settling for that which we feel we don't deserve, but couldn't you also say that by being assigned as chimney sweep, the kid could use it as a catalyst to strive for bigger and better things?
And I think the saying is definitely true with regards to the more trivial problems in life: unrequited love, rejection for a job application etc etc.

I agree with you twiggle. Absolutely - overcoming adversity certainly makes you stronger. Its empowering. Sometimes its what we need as a wake up call... getting given everything whenever you want it will only lead to weakness and a sense of... i dont know...delusional entitlement? You know what I mean...
The chimney sweep example I picked because its a child labour issue and is illustrative of the point I was trying to make before... back then, children were used to fit down chimneys because they had smaller bodies than adults....where they worked for long hours with no breaks and often resulted in death from suffocation. As society moved forward, we realized that this is wrong and made new laws to protect them. Thats an extreme example... but there are smaller (and more trivial) examples everywhere that have similar themes. I am just trying to make a point (albeit rather poorly)

That equilibrium will never occur, because true fairness will never be reached, no matter how much we take from the rich to give to the poor. No matter how many children are saved from dysfunctional families. No matter how many alcoholics are rehabilitated. It just won't happen.

Your last sentence hit the nail square on the head, though.

I know... how impractical and idealistic some of the ideas presented here are. I also realize life is intrinisically unfair and that there will always be problems....but I cant help feeling the way that I do, I dont know why...its like a splinter in my mind... and it drives me crazy sometimes. But I hope people realize that despite the impracticality that I am only seeing things in humanistic terms, for the greater good, for all people. - and there is nothing wrong with that.

I am still not convinced that 'life is what you make of it' - for reasons I have already mentioned. Its not an excuse... its just the way things are.

Anyway, I am feeling pretty alone with this as I am with most things in my life, so I am just going to leave it now.