Life decisions (I need YOUR opinion)

[ilmatross]

So If you don't know me I have SAD and agoraphobia, which makes most eye contact and public situations hard for me

But I'm so sick of this, I was over this phobia and problems the day it happened. I'm ready for change and ready to get my life back

Do you think jumping into college would be a smart decision? At this point I really really don't care if everyone thinks im a weirdo, I just want to become someone and live my life. I'm sick of being in a time capsule just waiting for change. It's never gonna happen.

What my main question is, do you think I should go to therapy for a period of months before that, or just jump into college and suffer the panic attacks + awkwardness and slowly get past it. I realize desensitization is the best way to deal with these kind of things, maybe someone who's beat either of these issues can help me out.

 

[Anomaly]

Try out community college and transfer to a good university if it goes well?

 

[ilmatross]

Try out community college and transfer to a good university if it goes well?

That's my plan, to start locally with a smaller pool of students so I don't absolutely flip my wig

It has to go well I'm not living like this forever

make or break

also to anyone who has had eye contact avoidance issues, what is the best way to overcome them?

 

[Obstacle 1]

good luck dude. If you do jump in I suggest you speak with the councillors at whichever one you go to from the onset. They can help you adapt and it is always good to have someone who is "in their system" to talk to if you run into any troubles studying with your SP or Ag.

 

[Pacific_Loner]

Hi Ilmatross, I don't know about you, but for me, being forced to interact with people really helps my case. It's very hard sometimes, and sometimes I fail to be as socially acceptable as I would like to be, but in the end it's way more efficient than anything else. So if your two options are 1- go to college or 2- hide in your room, even if it feels safer to choose option 2, I would definitely suggest option 1. ::

 

[MsBuzzkillington]

Maybe try just taking one class for starters. That's what I did. I was really nervous to go back, so I just started out with one class and then ended up signing up for another.


Could always set up therapy sessions while you are in school, or maybe a month or so before. Just to have a little bit of support, because sometimes it can feel overwhelming and it's always nice to have that little rock to lean on.

 

[ilmatross]

This is all fantastic advice, thank you guys so much

@obstacle I didnt even think of telling the councilor that I have SA, that would probably make my life a whole lot easier and put my mind at ease.

@pacific im surely going to try as hard as i can to make friends and be social, but for the first few weeks im probably gonna hide more then i like ::

@msbuzz that's the plan, less classes, less people. test the waters then go big

thank you all, any and all advice that anyone would like to add is more than welcome

also just as a sidenote, I sent my unblured/unedited pic to two girls on other forum i go to which is ABSOLUTELY filled with beautiful people and they said im the cutest guy there

dude!!! ego boost for sure. I feel so good right now

 

[MsBuzzkillington]

You are very cute for sure!

 

[ilmatross]

You are very cute for sure!

aww thank you very much n________n

my day is going so good now

 

[spect01]

you should. I am. I have to lol

 

[Falkor]

I´m in the same situation, I have to jump back into college too,
i quit because i was getting bullied and i couldnt handle it anymore.
But now i really want to start living my life again.
So i have to do the same thing. But at the same time i'm really afraid of going to school again. But i have to!!!
i wish you luck , i hope you will have nice classmates who understand you,
and that you will have a good time, but most of matters is that you will go for your goals. Don't let anyone change that.

X Flowergirlie

 

[ilmatross]

I´m in the same situation, I have to jump back into college too,
i quit because i was getting bullied and i couldnt handle it anymore.
But now i really want to start living my life again.
So i have to do the same thing. But at the same time i'm really afraid of going to school again. But i have to!!!
i wish you luck , i hope you will have nice classmates who understand you,
and that you will have a good time, but most of matters is that you will go for your goals. Don't let anyone change that.

X Flowergirlie

aww that's terrible. You would think adults at the college level would be over the highschool bullying mentality

I hope you do well too

I am so excited for what the future holds

 

[lonely_drummer]

You yourself can only truly know if you're ready to do it, however, advice can always help. Personally I was in your shoes not too long ago. My life was depressing and going nowhere, so I decided to move away to University. My first advice is to not live on residence. I figured if I forced myself to live in a place with hundreds of other people, this would force me to make friends and maybe overcome my SA. However it did the opposite. I felt judged all the time, so I basically formed a shell around my life and rarely left my room. People on my floor hated me because I never intervened in their mind numbing drama and so they began spreading rumours about me until one day I heard some guy who I had never talked to before, telling his friends how much of a freak I am. Usually little petty things like that dont effect me, however I was really stressed and depressed at the moment and I suddenly just snapped. I walked up to their table and walked behind the guy who was talking about me and basically stabbed a fork onto their table threatening to gouge his eyes out. Unfortunately he was a boyfriend of a girl living on my floor so this amplified their hatred towards me and they basically ratted me out and I had to spend the entire year in counseling. By the end of the year, I had flunked out because I had absolutely no interest in classes outside of my major and failed 3 classes in english and philosophy. Sorry this is so lengthy, I did not intend to scare you or anything, simply I just wanted you to see what happened to me so you can maybe learn something I had not learned until it was too late. Learning and expanding your mind is what gives you a basic criteria for life. I do not regret moving away to school, no matter how awful it made me feel. I truly feel that the whole experience made me a bit stronger knowing that I survived going to hell and back. I wish you the best of luck

 

[Obstacle 1]

@obstacle I didnt even think of telling the councilor that I have SA, that would probably make my life a whole lot easier and put my mind at ease.

I am seeing one currently in my own situation but not for SA, I am too close to finishing to even start getting into that.. That being said they do know I have anxiety disorder so if I get really bad they have ways to help.. but I really wish I did see one as soon as I started, they have been great.. hindsight is like that of course ::

 

[Feathers]

Hey!

Yes, ilmatross, you're way cute! Along with some other guys on this forum, I'm quite surprised you guys have SA at all!!

Lonely drummer, I'm so sorry to hear about your bad experiences...
Well, I'd just like to say that all dorms are different, and maybe it's different in your country, but for me living in a dorm was really the best experience of my life.. I had really great roommates and learnt from them a lot, including about communication and not being so SA.. Plus they were a lot of fun, mostly..

It really depends where you get to too, in our country, some dorms are notorious to be 'party-style' (and in some of them whole floors of newbies flunked because of too much playing cards and partying) and some dorms are really more quiet and calm..

So it really depends on the macro and micro location. Individual floors or appartments can be very different too. In our dorm, the flat/s above the live-in-janitor/house-master/handyman was usually filled with nice quiet people because he didn't want loud people banging on his head and selected those carefully, or other quiet people brought them in..

If you know someone already in the dorm/s you can ask them about opinion on this.. It really depends on where you are, who are your roommates or flatmates.. I'd totally go live in a dorm again..
Some people who lived outside dorm said they were lonely or their landladies intruded or such..

If there is no 'quiet dorm' or at least floor/flats in your chosen area, then it might be better to look for something else, but not too far away from everyone else.. (So there's at least easy transport to go see your friends etc.)

As for counselling, someone on this board said that starting counselling and college at the same time was somewhat exhausting, it depends on the type of therapist and therapy too.. So maybe explore your options for therapy/counselling, what is available, what are the waiting lists etc.
Maybe it would be easier to start counselling and an easy class first, it depends where you'd start it too - in the same city or moving elsewhere for college etc...?

 

[Feathers]

I´m in the same situation, I have to jump back into college too,
i quit because i was getting bullied and i couldnt handle it anymore.
But now i really want to start living my life again.
So i have to do the same thing. But at the same time i'm really afraid of going to school again. But i have to!!!
i wish you luck , i hope you will have nice classmates who understand you, and that you will have a good time, but most of matters is that you will go for your goals. Don't let anyone change that.

X Flowergirlie

Flowergirlie, it really seems almost impossible that you got bullied in college-?? Was this by students or 'outside harassment'? (Some people also may get on campus while they are not students at all..)

It's great you really want to start living your life again!
I really think taking up kung fu or karate or some self defence hobby could be really helpful!! (So you know what situations to avoid, etc. and how to react approximately in some other situations etc.)
There may also be courses of 'non-violent communication' or such, haven't checked them out yet, they sound intriguing..

Also it may depend what you study, some courses are full of nice and helpful people, while some faculties here are notorious that it's 'every man for himself'.. So ask around people who study interesting things, how their expeirience of the classes is, etc.

Lots of academia is full of shy and somewhat awkward people, some top scientists or professors can be shy too.. Some are very nice too.. (And some may have a history of student harassment or 'bullying' or just being loud and scaring people while they really have a good soul, so do ask about these things people already studying the specific courses you have in mind...)
Basically, learn as much as you can about possible environments, go visit the colleges and dorms before studying there, so you get a 'feeling' about them.. Explore and check online forums where students of those colleges hang out.. Good luck!!

 

[ilmatross]

You yourself can only truly know if you're ready to do it, however, advice can always help. Personally I was in your shoes not too long ago. My life was depressing and going nowhere, so I decided to move away to University. My first advice is to not live on residence. I figured if I forced myself to live in a place with hundreds of other people, this would force me to make friends and maybe overcome my SA. However it did the opposite. I felt judged all the time, so I basically formed a shell around my life and rarely left my room. People on my floor hated me because I never intervened in their mind numbing drama and so they began spreading rumours about me until one day I heard some guy who I had never talked to before, telling his friends how much of a freak I am. Usually little petty things like that dont effect me, however I was really stressed and depressed at the moment and I suddenly just snapped. I walked up to their table and walked behind the guy who was talking about me and basically stabbed a fork onto their table threatening to gouge his eyes out. Unfortunately he was a boyfriend of a girl living on my floor so this amplified their hatred towards me and they basically ratted me out and I had to spend the entire year in counseling. By the end of the year, I had flunked out because I had absolutely no interest in classes outside of my major and failed 3 classes in english and philosophy. Sorry this is so lengthy, I did not intend to scare you or anything, simply I just wanted you to see what happened to me so you can maybe learn something I had not learned until it was too late. Learning and expanding your mind is what gives you a basic criteria for life. I do not regret moving away to school, no matter how awful it made me feel. I truly feel that the whole experience made me a bit stronger knowing that I survived going to hell and back. I wish you the best of luck

That's absolutely terrible. Man, I thought college was for ADULTS who are there for academic progression, not petty highschool drama.

I'd really like to live on campus, have the whole 'college experience' but I'll keep that in mind.

 

[ilmatross]

Hey!

Yes, ilmatross, you're way cute! Along with some other guys on this forum, I'm quite surprised you guys have SA at all!!

Lonely drummer, I'm so sorry to hear about your bad experiences...
Well, I'd just like to say that all dorms are different, and maybe it's different in your country, but for me living in a dorm was really the best experience of my life.. I had really great roommates and learnt from them a lot, including about communication and not being so SA.. Plus they were a lot of fun, mostly..

It really depends where you get to too, in our country, some dorms are notorious to be 'party-style' (and in some of them whole floors of newbies flunked because of too much playing cards and partying) and some dorms are really more quiet and calm..

So it really depends on the macro and micro location. Individual floors or appartments can be very different too. In our dorm, the flat/s above the live-in-janitor/house-master/handyman was usually filled with nice quiet people because he didn't want loud people banging on his head and selected those carefully, or other quiet people brought them in..

If you know someone already in the dorm/s you can ask them about opinion on this.. It really depends on where you are, who are your roommates or flatmates.. I'd totally go live in a dorm again..
Some people who lived outside dorm said they were lonely or their landladies intruded or such..

If there is no 'quiet dorm' or at least floor/flats in your chosen area, then it might be better to look for something else, but not too far away from everyone else.. (So there's at least easy transport to go see your friends etc.)

As for counselling, someone on this board said that starting counselling and college at the same time was somewhat exhausting, it depends on the type of therapist and therapy too.. So maybe explore your options for therapy/counselling, what is available, what are the waiting lists etc.
Maybe it would be easier to start counselling and an easy class first, it depends where you'd start it too - in the same city or moving elsewhere for college etc...?

Thank you very much, you guys(girls : are so sweet.

Sounds like a great plan, If I choose to live on campus (which I'm really wanting to) I will try to keep it to a quiet area. I don't mind the idea of going out to parties, but I'd like a quiet place to sleep and study for myself.

this thread has been massively helpful, thank you all very very much.

I'm glad I have a pool of experienced people to go to when dealing with these things.

SPW IS THE BEST!

 

[Anomaly]

aww that's terrible. You would think adults at the college level would be over the highschool bullying mentality

Community college has a greater mean age than a typical university. Working part-time students and people with greater life experience than brats borne of entitlement would have no time for that. Such sentiments generally shift the aggregate attitude to the point where bullying is deemed sophomoric and isn't tolerated. Contrast this with high school where socializing seems to be just as or more important than education.