Just waiting to die

[RonFrank]

Ever felt like every time you wake up in the morning, you wish you can just go back to sleep to not deal with the world?
No motivation to do anything, no visions, no goals?
Having your dreams crushed or realizing some of your dreams will never come true in your lifetime?
Working a dead end job positioned as a bottom feeder of the corporate ladder?
Living paycheck to paycheck, no time or money to continue your education?
Having no one to depend on?
Wondered if your sole reason of being born is to experience death in the end? Being molded to what society want you to be just to use you and stick you in a grave afterwards?
Feels like you are just wasting space?

Life may look like it's worth living to people, but i truly believe it's not to the less fortunate.
Me living my life solely on making some white-collar worker's life easier is not what i want my life's purpose to be.

I know there is a lot of people in far far worse situations i can even imagine right now. I really want to know what is inside people feeling the same way that's giving all of you the will to live...

 

[EscapeArtist]

What gives me the will to live when I feel like you are feeling now, are the healthy choices.. Going out for a run instead of beating myself up. Eating well (SO IMPORTANT... Sometimes the worst feelings are due to brain inflammation from diet, which messes up production of neurotransmitters, and has nothing to do with your emotional self. Only sometimes). Taking care of yourself, despite the fact that you feel like you don't want to. Little choices, like choosing to get dressed and prepared in the morning instead of staying in bed. Those are the things that remind me why I'm alive. The healthy choice seems less appealing but you will feel better for it.

 

[MikeyC]

I agree that eating healthy is a good thing to do. It makes you feel a lot better.

However, sometimes that can be really difficult. Depression makes it very hard.

Sorry you're going through this, mate. I completely understand what you're feeling, actually. Hang in there.

 

[theslowesthand]

Wondered if your sole reason of being born is to experience death in the end?

My sig depicts that i "live to escape reality", which has always been the case, for sure. So i've for a long time believed that MY sole reason to live is to escape reality (as thats the only times that i've been truly happy). So i can fully understand your above belief. But in the past few years i have been dabbling in "stuff". And now my current belief is that the "soul" reason "we are born" is, you guessed it - so that our soul can evolve within this "life school". Sure, death is coming to us all, but the way i see it, it's only death of the body, with our "soul" continuing to live on almost as if nothing has changed.

About those "less fortunate", it seems that they are the ones that are more likely to experience PROFOUND soul-growth in this lifetime, WAY more so than those who "have it easy". I guess you can view this in either a positive or negative way.

When one is depressed, then the will to live is of course WAY lower than the norm. But depression passes, as NOTHING lasts forever, even if it feels like it will at the time (& actually "nothing" is the ONE thing (imho) that last eternally .. ALL of the "something's" end at some point).

 

[MrJones]

I do want to die... I promised my mother and my sister that I woudln't do it. Not yet. I promised I wouldn't do it while my sister is away, which means a few months. Anyway if I'm going to die what's the point in keeping a promise if I'm dead? I know it's selfish and that's why I don't do it, but I've been struggling with it for a lot of time and I'm not strong enough to fight much more.

 

[Vampayah88]

Ever felt like every time you wake up in the morning, you wish you can just go back to sleep to not deal with the world?
No motivation to do anything, no visions, no goals?

Yes, I feel like this every other day.

 

[bcsr]

I have really bad days. I have days where I wake up crying, and part of me just wants to lie there forever. What gives me the will to live is that somewhere inside... past all of the bad days, all of the depression, the pain, the tears... I know there's something better coming.

I also have good days, and if I gave up, I would miss out on all of those, too. That's not a trade I'm willing to make. I have dreams, I have goals, and I'm going to reach them. If you're already at the bottom, what do you have to lose by taking some chances?

 

[mindflux]

Life is pointless but an interesting phenomenon nonetheless.

 

[Pacific_Loner]

You need to find the guts to make some radical change in your life

And you'll find the guts by applying EscapeArtist advice

 

[da_illest101]

I get what you are saying, I simply hate the way our society work. The rich are getting richer, the poor gets poorer and the middle class is getting destroyed. There is no balance anymore and If you don't have any luck, you are simply screwed.

I'll never understand this selfishness, some have enough money to feed a whole population without compromising their lifestyle yet they rather keep that money to themselves

 

[_Hope]

Sorry you're going through such a hard time at the moment and I have been there myself and found the best way to break those toxic thoughts etc is to do the opposite to what your depression tells you. Example... You wake up you just want to lie in bed and forget the world... So get up and do something even if its just around the house... You then feel you just want to sit on the couch all day, watch t.v and avoid people and the outside world... Sooo get up and go for a walk, go to the shop, go around the block, go for a walk in the countryside and admire the views, smells etc... You get the gist.

I know its REALLY difficult but it does help if you can just break through the wall that's stopping you from enjoying your life. Do your very best to not let depression and toxic thoughts control you.

I hope you feel better soon.

 

[Opaline]

I wish I had something positive to say, but unfortunately I can relate completely.

 

[drganon]

My life is fairly pointless and meaningless. I feel that more likely than not, I'll never amount to anything or be important to anyone, so why do I bother getting out of bed? The most I can ever hope for from life is just getting to the point where I can get by, but that's about it.

 

[Opaline]

My life is fairly pointless and meaningless. I feel that more likely than not, I'll never amount to anything or be important to anyone, so why do I bother getting out of bed? The most I can ever hope for from life is just getting to the point where I can get by, but that's about it.

This is how I'm feeling, more and more. I am fortunate enough to have quite a few friends who, though they live a ways from me, ask about me often and seem to care about me, which baffles me. I wonder why they do. But I'm not complaining. Plus I have my family. But all this won't make me feel wonderful, it just helps me not feel... worse. Because really this isn't the worst it could be, which scares me. This is bad enough (my depression I mean), I don't know what I'd do if I was all alone... Terrifying.

 

[persianfan247]

Well I tried to kill myself two times before. But I chickened out part way through. Too much pain, it was taking too long and I was not sure I really wanted to kill myself. But I have scars on my wrist. I have thought of hanging myself, its just that I don't know how or where and I don't want to do something that would only leave me disabled. My current favourite idea is junmping from the centre of the Uni library from one of the upper levels and during the middle of the day when there is likely to be the most people just to shock them out of their self-absorbed reality, though I would be carefull not to fall on anyone by dropping some light stuff first.

 

[MikeyC]

My life is fairly pointless and meaningless. I feel that more likely than not, I'll never amount to anything or be important to anyone, so why do I bother getting out of bed? The most I can ever hope for from life is just getting to the point where I can get by, but that's about it.

Sometimes, even at my absolute happiest, I still think this.

 

[SilentBird]

I am waiting. In the meantime I reach for consolations, such as the company of friends and being amongst the beauty of nature.

 

[Opaline]

In the meantime I reach for consolations, such as the company of friends and being amongst the beauty of nature.

"In the meantime I reach for consolations," this sounds exactly like me. I figure that until I figure out how I'm going to do the deed (or until something else happens), I just have to find things to occupy me and keep my mind off of why I feel bad. It seems to be working so far, I am busy at work (though I hate it) and then when I get home I have like four hours or less to myself that I spend on the computer and texting friends. And then it's bedtime. And then I get up and do it over again. I'm just existing, really. A robot. Besides writing these complex paragraphs and listening to music on the subway. Yep.

 

[ultra_materialist]

"In the meantime I reach for consolations," this sounds exactly like me. I figure that until I figure out how I'm going to do the deed (or until something else happens), I just have to find things to occupy me and keep my mind off of why I feel bad. It seems to be working so far, I am busy at work (though I hate it) and then when I get home I have like four hours or less to myself that I spend on the computer and texting friends. And then it's bedtime. And then I get up and do it over again. I'm just existing, really. A robot. Besides writing these complex paragraphs and listening to music on the subway. Yep.

:: It's me.

 

[Kiwong]

No, I want to live. I feel for the first time in years years that I have something lose.