Judgemental people

[gustavofring]

I recently had a housewarming, where about 7 people came by to apply for a room and we (me and me other roommates) had to pick one. As it is quite a large group of people I live with, you notice there's a lot of group dynamics going on, and people are playing the popular game a lot. I generally hate these evenings.

So anyway, we had to introduce ourselves, as well as the people who came for the room. I noticed a lot of the people who came were nervous, and of course tried to make an impression. Several things I observed.

- My roommates were very judgemental of people they meet for about 10 to 15 minutes. They immediately have a fully formed opinion of what the person is like based on their looks and how they behaved, what study they're in, what sports they do, what student guild/corps they are in. Even to the point of making rude jokes about a persons looks or comments about breast size etc. or saying "that's the kind of person who will always be in his/her room with the door shut" etc.
- Some of the people who came, really went 'by the book', like giving really firm handshakes, or trying extra to make a lasting impression. This only came off as awkward and forced.

Most of my roommates are having academic training. It just gets me in a really cynical mood to know that well educated people are like this. Even people who do social or psychological studies. On the other hand I also learn more and more that this sort of thing goes on in almost every group of people and situation regardless of intelligence, and we need not to take this personally. The saddest thing is that it tends to drag you down as well, out of group pressure. I guess conforming in general means to be as big a dick as possible.

 

[Moa]

- My roommates were very judgemental of people they meet for about 10 to 15 minutes. They immediately have a fully formed opinion of what the person is like based on their looks and how they behaved, what study they're in, what sports they do, what student guild/corps they are in. Even to the point of making rude jokes about a persons looks or comments about breast size etc. or saying "that's the kind of person who will always be in his/her room with the door shut" etc.
- Some of the people who came, really went 'by the book', like giving really firm handshakes, or trying extra to make a lasting impression. This only came off as awkward and forced.

Well, wasn't that the whole point? Unless you and your roommates were going to spend an entire evening with each one of the applicants, you all had no choice but sum them up in the 10-15 minutes they were there. Granted there is no reason to be nasty about it, but unfortunately the whole point of the scenario was to make a quick judgment.

Most of my roommates are having academic training. It just gets me in a really cynical mood to know that well educated people are like this. Even people who do social or psychological studies. On the other hand I also learn more and more that this sort of thing goes on in almost every group of people and situation regardless of intelligence, and we need not to take this personally. The saddest thing is that it tends to drag you down as well, out of group pressure. I guess conforming in general means to be as big a dick as possible.

Don't let your roommates jade you, not everyone who is well educated is a judgmental jerk. I'm sorry you're living with a group of people like that. Hopefully your newest roommate will be more kind.

 

[Richey]

This happens all the time, It seems to be mostly from people who have massive egos and lack empathy and have had everything handed to them or have been mostly successful in life, which seems to be everyone i know.

judgemental gossip is scraping the bottom of the barrel in terms of making conversation. you hear it all the time. venomous sprayings of people, celebrities, sports people. funny thing is the people doing the gossip alot of the time have fairly empty lives themselves so gossip stimulates them and makes them feel big.

 

[Flowers-Of-Bloom]

I can understand why your roommates might be trying to get an impression of the applicants (seeing as they had to choose one), but when it comes to rude jokes and put downs about physical appearance, that's where things get ugly. I don't like people like that.

By the way, I like your namesake.

 

[Pacific_Loner]

I think it's sort of a law of nature to get mean when you are a group of people in position of power towards someone - especially if you are there especially to judge them. It doesn't mean they are bad people, nobody is perfect. And I don't think it has anything to do with education, actually I would say that I find more judgemental the people I know who are well educated than those who has no education, in general.

 

[WeirdyMcGee]

Well; if they can only judge based solely on first impression; that's what they're doing.
They're going overboard and making fun of people - but I think most people do that in general.
There are things you can choose to keep to yourself; and things you can say as means to 'entertain yourself' and make you feel good about yourself because you're in the position of power. You choose who stays.
Most people go overboard at that point, I think.
Especially girls.

I'd rather keep it professional because the other option is very rude; even if it isn't to their faces.

 

[gustavofring]

^This is soo true.

When people are too quick to judge it annoys me - don't get me wrong, but I think sometimes it can be nay on impossible not to judge something or somebody when you first see/meet it. Sure you can accept that you don't know everything about that person and so mustn't make too many assumptions, but you're bound to get a few ideas about them.

Personally I don't really see any problem with making judgments - but only if they are not too many, and not too soon.

You both have good points. The thing is, I of course am not a moralistic saint with pure thoughts and notice too when someone is awkward or comes off as a bit repulsive, and these thoughts will occur, but I keep them mainly to myself. It's like some people just don't have any self-restraint. It just makes me sad, as I know these people probably also talked $hit about me behind my back from time to time, or misinterpreted behavior, as I'm quite to myself mostly. When they talk about "this guy will close his door all the time" I hear subliminal criticisms of my own behavior in this household.

This happens all the time, It seems to be mostly from people who have massive egos and lack empathy and have had everything handed to them or have been mostly successful in life, which seems to be everyone i know.

judgemental gossip is scraping the bottom of the barrel in terms of making conversation. you hear it all the time. venomous sprayings of people, celebrities, sports people. funny thing is the people doing the gossip alot of the time have fairly empty lives themselves so gossip stimulates them and makes them feel big.

It's true, my roommates with the loudest mouths are the easygoing types of guys who have everything going for them and seem to display zero empathy.

 

[Kiwong]

People can only be judgemental towards you only if you accept the sentence they are trying to impose on you.

 

[gustavofring]

I guess everyone is judgemental of people.

Everything about a person can rub people the wrong way. They're either too outgoing and dominant, or too shy and timid. They may be regarded as dumb and naive or too smart and arrogant. Some people hate others because they look better then they do, and some think they look better then others and hate the lesser looking people. NOBODY is perfect in the eyes of everyone.

So my thought is, keep in mind that YOU are also constantly being judged, so try and stop being so judgemental of others. It's liberating. But I guess judging is the easier route because it gives quick feelings of power which is why so many people succumb to it.