Is anyone in a relationship BUT has intimacy issues??

bitingthepea

Well-known member
Hey,

I hope im not the only one, but... im in a relationship but i hate intimacy ! lol I'm kinda conifdent with myself how i look etc but wen it comes to being intimate id rather not :S

Does anyone else have this weird intimacy phobia going on?
 

coyote

Well-known member
i must be wired backwards

i love the intimacy, want the intimacy

it's all the rest of it that i find troublesome
 

spring

Well-known member
I had this problem in my previous relationship,but it was due to the lack of physical attraction from my side.he was more of a friend to me than a boyfriend.

the sad part is that the relationship was perfect otherwise and my inability to form that intimacy ruined it
 

bitingthepea

Well-known member
I had this problem in my previous relationship,but it was due to the lack of physical attraction from my side.he was more of a friend to me than a boyfriend.

the sad part is that the relationship was perfect otherwise and my inability to form that intimacy ruined it

Sounds a lot like me

Are you glad you ended it? I feel happy just as friends feels weird being all intimate
 
I had this problem in my previous relationship,but it was due to the lack of physical attraction from my side.he was more of a friend to me than a boyfriend.

This sounds kind of like my first "boyfriend," although I don't really count him as such. He asked me out, and I said yes because he seemed nice and I didn't want to hurt his feelings. I wasn't attracted to him in any way, the most we ever did was hold hands once or twice when he asked, and since I was only 15 I wasn't even ready for intimacy of any kind, even if I had been attracted. We were just good friends.

To answer the topic, I think I do have intimacy issues, but having so few experiences to draw from, it's hard to say. With my ex-husband, intimacy wasn't awkward or anything, it just felt like a chore since I wasn't attracted to him- so I never really enjoyed it. I was only ever intimate with two other people- one was great, because I was comfortable and attracted, and the other, I was attracted, but not yet comfortable enough, so it was awkward at best.

I'd have to conclude that I can only be intimate with someone that I'm both comfortable and attracted to- and reaching that comfort zone takes a long time- probably longer than most guys would want to wait- if I even ever have any more chances.
 

spring

Well-known member
Sounds a lot like me

Are you glad you ended it? I feel happy just as friends feels weird being all intimate

yes,I think I am.I miss our conversations but I don't miss the awkward moments when I had to pretend that I was into him,not to hurt his feelings.
 

spring

Well-known member
This sounds kind of like my first "boyfriend," although I don't really count him as such. He asked me out, and I said yes because he seemed nice and I didn't want to hurt his feelings. I wasn't attracted to him in any way, the most we ever did was hold hands once or twice when he asked, and since I was only 15 I wasn't even ready for intimacy of any kind, even if I had been attracted. We were just good friends.
I was with him for tow-and-half years,which is the longest I have ever been in a relationship.
the lesson learned was that if I'm not attracted to someone at first,I won't be in time,so it's better not to start something that might end,hurting the other person's feelings.
 

MikeyC

Well-known member
I want intimacy but i'm somewhat afraid of it.... If that makes any sense
Yeah, I have the exact same thing. I'm glad I'm not alone here.

The lack of intimacy was the reason my ex and I broke up. I couldn't make that step from cuddling to sex and I knew she was upset about it (she had every right). It was that relationship that made me think something was wrong with me.
 

Etbow23

Well-known member
Sometimes I feel embarrassed/exposed and react to things that bring back bad memories. But I will say I do like it. Just sometimes my darned mind gets in the way!

One thing that's helped is that I've known the person I'm with for a while and trust him for the most part. That makes it easier.
 
I was with him for tow-and-half years,which is the longest I have ever been in a relationship.
the lesson learned was that if I'm not attracted to someone at first,I won't be in time,so it's better not to start something that might end,hurting the other person's feelings.

I agree. It's just rough when you have so few opportunities for relationships/intimacy, that you feel maybe you should give the few offered to you a shot. It just seems impossible for me to find someone that is interested in me that I'm attracted to- I know it's mostly my own fault for not even knowing how to look or connecting with people at all. ::(:
 

Shyangel

Well-known member
My X definitely was your typical sex driven guy, he had no problem with being intimate. I, on the other hand, am very shy and uncomfortable with being sexual. That had to do alot with the end of our relationship.
 
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