I'm not ok......

dannyboy65

Well-known member
I don't feel ok anymore. I've been dealing with my mental illness getting worse and worse by month. I'm so used to people looking to me for help that I don't want to bring them down with my problems.

I only have one night of pills left and I know I need more yet it will take a week or more to get in to see my doctor, he doesn't care what happens to me, when it takes me weeks to just get a hold of him after leaving message after message there is a problem.

I feel a lot of the time I'm not even in my body. It's like I'm just doing everything without thinking. Hell days don't even feel like days I lose track of the days and time in general. Hell I don't even know who I am anymore, I don't know if I'm sick, I don't know what's wrong with me. I don't even like hanging out with people anymore, like thinking of going out with people exhausts me. Doing anything is a chore.

I don't know how to explain my feelings to anyone. I don't want to be thought of insane. I tried to explain to my parents that I can't go back to the campground and that it's not a good place for me. They just called me lazy and told me I was just trying to avoid work, so I walked away and they said of course you walk away. How the hell am I supposed to find help when my parents do that when I explain my mental illness.

I'll be honest, I do have thoughts of hurting myself. I haven't had these for years about 3 years and now they are back. I have them quite often and it's like a temptation I try to not indulge into. I think about death almost everyday and the more I think the less I fear it. Just the thought of no more of this battle in my head about everything is such a nice thought. I can't even remember the last time my mind was quiet or not breaking me apart inside....

I need help and I feel like I don't have the help I need...
 

Megaten

Well-known member
Yeah you might have to seek other sources like Zharl said. Not sure why the Canada link is aimed at children though.
 

nicole1

Well-known member
I suggest you reach out even if you don't want to burden others. Now isn't the time to isolate yourself.
 

zharl

Well-known member
Yeah you might have to seek other sources like Zharl said. Not sure why the Canada link is aimed at children though.

It's the only link that I do have. If you have another source available, please let me know. :S
 

ana0989

Active member
Hi dannyboy65, I'm sorry you're going through this difficult time. I feel identified in many aspects. I also have thoughts similar to yours quite often and also wish all this would stop once and for all.

You say that you're used to people coming to you for help, well, it's ok that you try to help others with their problems, but right now it is you who need help and understanding. I really hope you get better, I'm sorry to that your parents don't understand your problem, I hope that changes one day. Have you explained them what you feel? Perhaps you may ask your doctor to tell them about it.

Anyway, you know here you can be understood and receive support, as I think at least most of us know what suffering from mental disorders feels like.

I send all my love and affection to you, I really hope you get better and that you receive proper help. You're in my prayes.
 

dannyboy65

Well-known member
Well today I went to my doctor and got a higher dose of meds. I then told my mom I got a higher dose and she got pissed at me, and confused why I needed them.
 

grapevine

Well-known member
Your parents don't seem to see your sensitivities and mental illness seriously. I wonder do you hide the gravity of it from them as they can be negative and make things worse? Because that is what I do with my mum. It's quite hard to rely on only yourself really and those few times with your therapist and/or doctor. That's why I journal as it makes me feel heard I guess and calming.
 
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