dannyboy65
Well-known member
I don't feel ok anymore. I've been dealing with my mental illness getting worse and worse by month. I'm so used to people looking to me for help that I don't want to bring them down with my problems.
I only have one night of pills left and I know I need more yet it will take a week or more to get in to see my doctor, he doesn't care what happens to me, when it takes me weeks to just get a hold of him after leaving message after message there is a problem.
I feel a lot of the time I'm not even in my body. It's like I'm just doing everything without thinking. Hell days don't even feel like days I lose track of the days and time in general. Hell I don't even know who I am anymore, I don't know if I'm sick, I don't know what's wrong with me. I don't even like hanging out with people anymore, like thinking of going out with people exhausts me. Doing anything is a chore.
I don't know how to explain my feelings to anyone. I don't want to be thought of insane. I tried to explain to my parents that I can't go back to the campground and that it's not a good place for me. They just called me lazy and told me I was just trying to avoid work, so I walked away and they said of course you walk away. How the hell am I supposed to find help when my parents do that when I explain my mental illness.
I'll be honest, I do have thoughts of hurting myself. I haven't had these for years about 3 years and now they are back. I have them quite often and it's like a temptation I try to not indulge into. I think about death almost everyday and the more I think the less I fear it. Just the thought of no more of this battle in my head about everything is such a nice thought. I can't even remember the last time my mind was quiet or not breaking me apart inside....
I need help and I feel like I don't have the help I need...
I only have one night of pills left and I know I need more yet it will take a week or more to get in to see my doctor, he doesn't care what happens to me, when it takes me weeks to just get a hold of him after leaving message after message there is a problem.
I feel a lot of the time I'm not even in my body. It's like I'm just doing everything without thinking. Hell days don't even feel like days I lose track of the days and time in general. Hell I don't even know who I am anymore, I don't know if I'm sick, I don't know what's wrong with me. I don't even like hanging out with people anymore, like thinking of going out with people exhausts me. Doing anything is a chore.
I don't know how to explain my feelings to anyone. I don't want to be thought of insane. I tried to explain to my parents that I can't go back to the campground and that it's not a good place for me. They just called me lazy and told me I was just trying to avoid work, so I walked away and they said of course you walk away. How the hell am I supposed to find help when my parents do that when I explain my mental illness.
I'll be honest, I do have thoughts of hurting myself. I haven't had these for years about 3 years and now they are back. I have them quite often and it's like a temptation I try to not indulge into. I think about death almost everyday and the more I think the less I fear it. Just the thought of no more of this battle in my head about everything is such a nice thought. I can't even remember the last time my mind was quiet or not breaking me apart inside....
I need help and I feel like I don't have the help I need...