I want to end my life

[xmisunderstoodx]

I don't have any more self esteem. No reason to live except maybe not going to hell. Having a family, career, etc are not reasons. I am hurting. I'm always being made fun of and looked at funny. No matter how I do my hair or dress, I'm still being called ugly and fat. I don't know if you can be mentally handicapped/disabled and know that you are but I feel that way. Every where I go some people treat me like I'm retarded or stupid. They're all sarcastic and rude. I feel so uncomfortable. I don't like going outside or being in public at all. It is like I don't know how to behave as a person.

Should I get therapy or is it just a waste of time?
I know if I don't stay here, I'll end up somewhere worse...

 

[kihira]

I'm really sorry that you're feeling like this, life is hard with low self esteem, let alone no self esteem, it makes the world seem a bad place to be. I believe that it's worth working at improving your self esteem as it will help you feel more comfortable in yourself and around other people. I hope things improve for you soon

 

[savagewisdom]

I don't have any more self esteem. No reason to live except maybe not going to hell. Having a family, career, etc are not reasons. I am hurting. I'm always being made fun of and looked at funny. No matter how I do my hair or dress, I'm still being called ugly and fat. I don't know if you can be mentally handicapped/disabled and know that you are but I feel that way. Every where I go some people treat me like I'm retarded or stupid. They're all sarcastic and rude. I feel so uncomfortable. I don't like going outside or being in public at all. It is like I don't know how to behave as a person.

Should I get therapy or is it just a waste of time?
I know if I don't stay here, I'll end up somewhere worse...

I'm sorry people make fun of you. It's ridiculous you're being told you're ugly and fat. I know I can't tell you to pay those comments no mind, because regardless of whether or not we realize people who say such things can't possibly be happy themselves, it still stings.
You are not stupid.
I feel uncomfortable and I really resonate with your comment about not knowing how to behave as a person.
I'm in a constant state of awkwardness when in public.

You could try therapy and see if it helps.
I'm here anytime you want to vent.

 

[Lilly789]

I know its extremely hard to separate yourself from what other people say about you - its hard for everyone. BUT, these things are these other peoples own actions, reflecting on their own character and showing they have their own issues. Its not *really* anything to do with you at all.

Stop owning other peoples problems for them. You are not responsible for them, and you cannot control them. Why would you kill yourself because of someone else's issues?

Of course therapy would help - by your own admission, the way you are reacting to things at the moment isn't working for you. So work to have that changed, because it CAN be changed. They can help you look at and process things differently... it works for millions of people, you're not alone.

 

[xmisunderstoodx]

I know its extremely hard to separate yourself from what other people say about you - its hard for everyone. BUT, these things are these other peoples own actions, reflecting on their own character and showing they have their own issues. Its not *really* anything to do with you at all.

Stop owning other peoples problems for them. You are not responsible for them, and you cannot control them. Why would you kill yourself because of someone else's issues?

Of course therapy would help - by your own admission, the way you are reacting to things at the moment isn't working for you. So work to have that changed, because it CAN be changed. They can help you look at and process things differently... it works for millions of people, you're not alone.

I want to take my life because of my problems

 

[Kiwong]

Yes, you should get help, but you have to find someone who can help you. Not all therapists or doctors are good at what they do.

Please keep figthting, things can change for the better in time.

 

[TreeBones]

I Know you think that if you kill yourself you'll go to hell, I personally don't believe that.
But I do believe there will be consequences.
We are here on earth to learn even if that means we are meant to suffer.
Things will get better.
Just remember you're beautiful. It doesn't matter how you look either. Think about it you're the only person on this earth who is you, and to me, that means something, it means you are special and have a purpose here.
Please remember this.

 

[xmisunderstoodx]

I Know you think that if you kill yourself you'll go to hell, I personally don't believe that.
But I do believe there will be consequences.
We are here on earth to learn even if that means we are meant to suffer.
Things will get better.
Just remember you're beautiful. It doesn't matter how you look either. Think about it you're the only person on this earth who is you, and to me, that means something, it means you are special and have a purpose here.
Please remember this.

What kind of consequences...

 

[Mittzu]

don't think like that again, if u search for a thing to grasp with your hands and love it u will find the real peace, even if the odds are against u, find some reason to live!

 

[xmisunderstoodx]

don't think like that again, if u search for a thing to grasp with your hands and love it u will find the real peace, even if the odds are against u, find some reason to live!

I guess I have many reasons but I just want to give up

 

[TreeBones]

What kind of consequences...

My mind goes to all kinds of things from being reincarnated as a young attractive girl and then being sold into sex slavery at age 11, to being a ghost for thousands of years. None of which are good at all. Do something that makes you truly happy, and try not to think negative

 

[fate12321]

Life can be really cruel and unfair. Some people tend to judge others without truly understanding the persons situation. Don't give up, I know that your going through a difficult time right now, try to seek some help from family or doctors. Hopefully they can help you overcome this period of anguish. Hope you feel better.

 

[jaim38]

Hang in there, I was in the same place years ago. There are bullies and naysayers everywhere, but please don't give up. Life is full of challenges and uncomfortable situations, so we get knocked over often, but the thing is to pick ourselves back up everytime. Entrepreneurs fail all the time, before making it big. Think of Thomas Edison - it was after thousands of failures that he invented the light bulb.

I think the first step is to believe in your own self worth. I used to get very self conscious in public places so I worry so much about my clothes and hair, but then I realize people are so self-absorbed they don't care about me at all. I even see people wearing PJs to shop. It's OK, just do what you want to do.

 

[Lonelymom]

Don't give up. Never give up. I feel completely awkward socially all the time. I feel like everyone is judging me. I feel fat and ugly and, many times, even stupid. Sometimes I'm so nervous that I say the most ridiculous things - it's so embarrassing. I'm a grown woman, and I've felt this way all my life. You are not alone, and this difficult time that you're going through will pass, I promise. If people are calling you fat and ugly right now, try to stay away from them. If you have to be around them, instead of showing them that they are hurting you, take your mind to ten things you are thankful for. Seriously, I guarantee that someone somewhere is hurting just as badly, if not more so. Think about it - there are people who would do anything just to have skin or an arm or vision! Really think about that - it puts things into perspective for me often. Things could be so much worse, and they're going to get so much better. Have faith. Things are going to start looking up. I am thinking of you and willing you good thoughts. You can handle this. Chin up, buttercup.

 

[Ineedhope]

I know just what you mean. I feel the same way. This social anxiety coupled with my feeling different from everyone else, and not having friends makes life practically unbearable. I think about suicide all the time. I 'm just too much of a coward to go through with it. So I just life this mundane, lonely life hoping that God will take pity on me and end this!

Then I come to my senses and...... I realize that I am in such pain that how could it be worse by putting myself out there, talking to people no matter how weird and awkward I am? If they like me, great! If not, the rejection can't be any worse than the loneliness I feel now. I think I just need to find my people. I hope and pray they are out there somewhere. The clock is ticking for me as I am getting older and sometimes feel like it's too late for me. However, I am reaching out hoping I can get stronger before my insecurity gets the better of me and I fall back into despair.

 

[Feathers]

Hey Misunderstood!

Sorry to hear you've been hurting so badly! In what kind of situations did people call you fat and ugly? What kind of people? Random strangers or family/close people? It can make a difference. You can think about their motives too. Are some of them maybe concerned and would like you to lose weight? Or just venting their frustration (over something completely unrelated) on you?

In my family, sometimes we've called my sister fat, I'm ashamed to say that in the past I said it too when I was extremely angry with her and didn't know how to get back at her - I used the word that would hurt her. But I was always sorry later. So if it's from a sibling, maybe it doesn't really mean anything. My parents would just like her to lose weight cause they are concerned about health reasons. So please think about it: who and why is saying these things and what does it say about THEM? (I was immature and didn't know better!)

Please consider therapy - it can help, you need to find the right person though. I was resisting therapy for a long time but it's really a good experience (the person came highly recommended to me and she really is great), it's like an open space where you can talk about things and no one would get upset but would be supportive instead of that!

Please go and get help! Befrienders Worldwide | Emotional support to prevent suicide worldwide can help too, when one is feeling suicidal!

I've been suicidal in the past and I'd miss many great things in my life (friendships, love, travels, good music, etc) if I did it then, when I was younger!

Even 'ugly' and 'fat' people can find a good life too - love, friendship, etc - just look around yourself a bit. I know some very unlikely couples, where he or she is not-so-great-looking, and the other one is! And some couples or friendships are just average people and there's no law in the world saying everyone 'must' be beautiful all the time! (Thank God!) (I'm not so great-looking either, but some people still like my company! )
That said, you may be perfectly great-looking and just have immature people around you!!

If you ever wish to lose weight or improve your looks, that can be done too (sometimes not so easy, but others have done it, I've done it in the past too...) Soo... a lot of things can be done!!

Take care and ((hugz))!!

 

[Lavinialuna]

First you have to choose life or death. Choose life! Good. Glad you made the right decision!
Now you have to find a reason to live, and a place to feel safe.
At this point, you are in survival mode, forget anything that isn't essential to your survival and do what it takes to keep yourself alive.
I don't know your situation, but if I was 18 or older and single and feeling desperate enough to end it all, I would pack my stuff and freaking set sail until I found a place where I felt alive (the opposite of dead.)
Make changes. Get away from your abusers. Find something or someone to love. Do what makes you happy in the here and now.

My Mom went though a period of being suicidal after several deaths in our family. She told my dad she either needed to run, or she would kill herself. We told her to run. She took off ending her 25 year marriage and moved across state and got her head together. Yes, her marriage ended, and it tore us all up, and she has regrets... but she is alive, and she still has a chance to make her life something special. Had she stayed and killed herself, life would be so much worse for us all.
Sometimes the drastic measures a person has to choose to keep living don't look as drastic as when compared to the most drastic and permanent choice of death. Keep looking, pray for guidance.
I hope you find something to smile about.

 

[Lavinialuna]

My mind goes to all kinds of things from being reincarnated as a young attractive girl and then being sold into sex slavery at age 11, to being a ghost for thousands of years. None of which are good at all.

Your train of thought is so much like mine, haha!

 

[TreeBones]

Your train of thought is so much like mine, haha!

!

 

[BlackPuma]

I guess I have many reasons but I just want to give up

I know you feel that way now, but consider that while you have a great capacity for pain, you have an equally great capacity for happiness as well. That capacity is already inside of you, right this moment, waiting to be found.

Also consider that you've made it at least this far despite their negative and harmful attitude. You're still here. And you owe it to yourself to find out exactly how strong, beautiful, smart and successful you are, and can become.

So yes, Xmisunderstoodx, seek therapy and take all the necessary steps to regain your strength. Because you're worth it. Right now you're feeling tired, upset, without direction, exhausted, and like you haven't an ally in the world, and that's okay. We all feel like that sooner or later. But we're here, and we care.

Just don't do things you can't take back. You can't undo death, it is final and absolute, while the way you're feeling now is very much changeable, in time, and with the right help.