Hey Misunderstood!
Sorry to hear you've been hurting so badly! In what kind of situations did people call you fat and ugly? What kind of people? Random strangers or family/close people? It can make a difference. You can think about their motives too. Are some of them maybe concerned and would like you to lose weight? Or just venting their frustration (over something completely unrelated) on you?
In my family, sometimes we've called my sister fat, I'm ashamed to say that in the past I said it too when I was extremely angry with her and didn't know how to get back at her - I used the word that would hurt her. But I was always sorry later. So if it's from a sibling, maybe it doesn't really mean anything. My parents would just like her to lose weight cause they are concerned about health reasons. So please think about it: who and why is saying these things and what does it say about THEM? (I was immature and didn't know better!)
Please consider therapy - it can help, you need to find the right person though. I was resisting therapy for a long time but it's really a good experience (the person came highly recommended to me and she really is great), it's like an open space where you can talk about things and no one would get upset but would be supportive instead of that!
Please go and get help!
Befrienders Worldwide | Emotional support to prevent suicide worldwide can help too, when one is feeling suicidal!
I've been suicidal in the past and I'd miss many great things in my life (friendships, love, travels, good music, etc) if I did it then, when I was younger!
Even 'ugly' and 'fat' people can find a good life too - love, friendship, etc - just look around yourself a bit. I know some very unlikely couples, where he or she is not-so-great-looking, and the other one is! And some couples or friendships are just average people and there's no law in the world saying everyone 'must' be beautiful all the time! (Thank God!) (I'm not so great-looking either, but some people still like my company!
)
That said, you may be perfectly great-looking and just have immature people around you!!
If you ever wish to lose weight or improve your looks, that can be done too (sometimes not so easy, but others have done it, I've done it in the past too...) Soo... a lot of things can be done!!
Take care and ((hugz))!!