I think I've been rejected again...

[zav943]

sigh...I won't go into the details but a girl I've liked for quite some time just rejected me. As if my self esteem needed this...

I feel so numb right now. I wish I understood what was wrong with me that I drive the opposite sex away from me like this. This is my fourth rejection in a row. But this one in particular hurts me a lot because I was very hopeful.

I can't remember the last girl who ever showed any interest in me (if ever), and when I start taking my chances, I get stonewalled...every time. I'm a hard worker, I made a tonne of money working my ass off last year, I go to the gym almost everyday, don't do drugs, don't smoke, treat people right, I would never let a girl pay, I try to take care of how I look, I do a lot of charity work...and yet I'm invisible to women.

I just wish someone gave me a chance...I've done nothing to deserve this...

 

[EasySkanking]

Maybe you're looking into the wrong kind of women for you? Maybe you're trying to hard?

I know from experience that no matter how much a girl likes you, if you take it too fast, she'll let you go . Haha, I'm still working on this myself.

 

[Richey]

i do feel for you! sometimes its just luck i think. sometimes a friendship is more important then coupling up when it comes to a new relationship. i think the key is too just slowly go about having fun with these people rather then seeing it is a date. unless it is a date. if its a date then you both know what you are in for and you would both expect each other to maybe make a move, i dont know. ...

i dont have much experience, this is just what i imagine.

when you're kids at least you can make friends with anyone and you dont have to worry about this complicated adult jargon and mind games, trying to find out what the other is thinking etc.

just take it slow and dont make a move is my advice unless she gives you signs.

 

[userremoved]

I've heard somewhere (don't know if it's true) that a guy can face multiple rejections before he comes across one that says "Yes". So it may not just be you. It's just that those guys that always seem to have a girl know how to bounce back from those rejections without missing a step and move on to the next woman. As for that girl, there's no telling why she wouldn't be interested. I heard a woman on TV say she couldn't date a man that didn't know how to swim! So you never know it could be something completely stupid that doesn't even matter.

 

[mads]

I've heard somewhere (don't know if it's true) that a guy can face multiple rejections before he comes across one that says "Yes". So it may not just be you. It's just that those guys that always seem to have a girl know how to bounce back from those rejections without missing a step and move on to the next woman. As for that girl, there's no telling why she wouldn't be interested. I heard a woman on TV say she couldn't date a man that didn't know how to swim! So you never know it could be something completely stupid that doesn't even matter.

Agreed

A lot of my friends dont have a relationshing. They dont have SA but get turned down anyway. The important thing is to try to forget it fast. They are of course also hurted when it happends but they try to forget it.

And yes there are a lot of women and men also who would turn the other down for something crap. But if a person does that, maybe it would not be a good partner right?

@zav943 the woman who turned you down, it is a shame for her, not for you, I know it sounds like crap now but try to think about it

 

[Feathers]

Yeah, it might be just a numbers thing.. like with job applications (you got lucky there!!) or with college applications or whatever..

Also, if you are from another country or continent, some people may have prejudice about that - either about people from abroad or that country in general, or might fear that you'll leave eventually or that you might just be looking for a green card or something, or that you might have (too) different habits etc. Well, others may find you more fascinating because of that!!

Also, you might be too goodlooking or too AWESOME for some people to feel comfortable with, how about THAT?

So, it just depends on finding the right people, yeah..

It's not helping if you're anywhere near 'desperate'.. and there are some tips and tricks online and in books for 'picking women up'.. not sure how ethical you'd find any of these, but some things really work (I know cause I later saw it's been used on me lol.. not sure if it was intentionally or unintentionally lol some people may just do these things naturally.. and it might be somewhat culturally specific too..) And yeah even these guys say it's about numbers..

It might be interesting for you to read the book 'The Game' by Neil Strauss.. I hesitate to mention it somewhat, because I don't want it to make you or anyone else here into one of those air-headed guys just interested to 'pick up women'.. But in the right hands it might open your eyes to anything you might have been doing 'wrong' or give you more options on how to interact with girls, ideally just using it to get to know people and then find someone you're compatible with... (He does decribe the negative side of the PUA movement too, so hopefully it's just food for thought maybe..) Self esteem, confidence and attitude are important in interacting with anyone too, yeah.. Though you can get that with interacting with people more too, so hm..

 

[Felgen]

If it makes you feel any better, 98% (that's right) of all people in the world will at one point face unrequited love. If you're rejected, just say to yourself that it's HER loss, not YOURS. It works for me.

 

[zav943]

Thanks for the advice everyone. I think I've taken it quite well. Like most of you said: rejection is part and parcel of success (and life). I can attest to that as I had applied to 80 jobs before getting one, and it was the best paying (by a large margin) and most interesting of all student co-op jobs last year. I just need to grow a backbone and move on...

I might pick up that book you suggested, Feathers...it never hurts to gain some insight into how to interact with women, especially for someone with a 100:1 rejection ratio such as myself!

This is a girl that I hadn't seen in a year...we stayed in touch online and by phone until I came back to Toronto. We went out on what I felt was a date (walk on the pier, coffee, festival downtown). During the "date", she mentioned to me she's kind of dating two people at present...but she'd only been out with them once or twice....that meant I only needed to go out with her one more time to be on an even keel!

I went out the day after to scope out look-out spots around the city...for FIVE hours...I was even pulled over by the cops at one point for a busted headlight; I wasn't ticketed...instead, the cop offered that I follow him to a lookout spot he said my date would like. So I spent half the day and a quarter tank of gas finding that spot for her (that's how much I cared). The next day, she said we should wait for "the others" so we can meet with them. I still want to take her to that spot, if not for the dating prospect, then to justify all that gas I wasted!

I don't think I'll be able to summon the courage to talk to her in the near future, but that's ok. I'm finding other hobbies...jogging, gym, hiking (going tomorrow), and school is starting soon. I am confident this rejection will only make me stronger and I will get over her very quickly.

Thanks again everyone


EDIT: I AM GOING TO ASK HER OUT AGAIN. RIGHT NOW...LET'S SEE HOW I CAN HANDLE A SECOND REJECTION!
EDIT 2: Rejected the 2nd time...still stings, but much less. I dare say I'm developing an immunity. Next week, I'll try the third time and then I'll close the book on this.

 

[userremoved]

She was dating three dudes at once? Maybe you should try asking out girl with less options lol.

 

[agoraphobickatie]

women love *******s, ask anybody.

.....uhh, no? wtf

zav, it seems like you've mapped out your feelings and are set to cruise ahead and get over it, good for you you never know what it could be, maybe she just doesn't have that kind of 'feeling' with you, i know it's lame, but sometimes you really just don't see someone as 'more than a friend' and it's hard to get that across.. you'll surely find someone who wants to be with you in that way, just keep your eyes open and keep living and bettering yourself, you sound like you're pretty well on your game best wishes to you!

 

[Feathers]

Zav, you're welcome - and do tell what you think about that book!

I went out the day after to scope out look-out spots around the city...for FIVE hours...I was even pulled over by the cops at one point for a busted headlight; I wasn't ticketed...instead, the cop offered that I follow him to a lookout spot he said my date would like. So I spent half the day and a quarter tank of gas finding that spot for her (that's how much I cared). The next day, she said we should wait for "the others" so we can meet with them. I still want to take her to that spot, if not for the dating prospect, then to justify all that gas I wasted!

I don't think I'll be able to summon the courage to talk to her in the near future, but that's ok. I'm finding other hobbies...jogging, gym, hiking (going tomorrow), and school is starting soon. I am confident this rejection will only make me stronger and I will get over her very quickly.

Thanks again everyone

Okay, my thoughts: you are very BRAVE!!
To have asked her out, and asked 2nd time too..

You do sound very positive in this post so I want you to remember that upbeat feeling!! It'll happen again!!
Maybe take part in a 'victories' thread or '5 things I am grateful for' or something?

Also: maybe you were trying too hard-??
It's absolutely astonishing, and you must be a wonderfully romantic person!! Still, don't do anything you might later regret if she says no, okay?
Do it out of love for adventure or just for the fun of it - or just to take SOME future date to that place?

It seems that sometimes the more you try the worse it goes, so for the first few dates, just stick with something 'not too exotic/adventurous' unless you're totally okay with that you've taken her there even if you just stay friends or if you take another girl there too.. Okay?

The first few dates are just for getting to know each other.. It's nice if you impress her, but you don't want to 'spoil' her too much either.. Some girls can get scared if they see you care about her too much too soon, or they may just see you guys are not really compatible on perhaps some minor level or in something that only makes sense to them.. You are still young and basically the world is still in front of you!!

What you write about the job is totally inspiring!! So yeah, just think of it like that with girls and friends and people and life in general too..
There's a German saying that goes 'Man muss viele Froesche kuessen, bevor man einen Prinzen findet..' - so to find your princess (or for girls, their prince) it may take a while.. You are still young and basically the world is still in front of you!!

 

[Waybuloo]

first of all she's seeing two other guys, she has so many options so she really doesn't have to try hard to get any attention from guys. Girls like this won't treat you as good as you treat her, it is probably good that rejection happened, it saves hurt further down the line. If she doesn't like you in that way then there's really no forcing her, unless you are a maverick and have some tricks up your sleaves that you KNOW will impress her, otherwise it will come across as desperate and push her away harder. Out of the other two guys she's seeing and you, she'll most likely want the more 'unattainable' one, hence the one trying the least hard.

Good on you for asking a second time though, that takes guts. The next girl you ask out will hopefully be less of an ordeal when you've been hurt like this.

 

[Waybuloo]

sigh...I won't go into the details but a girl I've liked for quite some time just rejected me. As if my self esteem needed this...

I feel so numb right now. I wish I understood what was wrong with me that I drive the opposite sex away from me like this. This is my fourth rejection in a row. But this one in particular hurts me a lot because I was very hopeful.

I can't remember the last girl who ever showed any interest in me (if ever), and when I start taking my chances, I get stonewalled...every time. I'm a hard worker, I made a tonne of money working my ass off last year, I go to the gym almost everyday, don't do drugs, don't smoke, treat people right, I would never let a girl pay, I try to take care of how I look, I do a lot of charity work...and yet I'm invisible to women.

I just wish someone gave me a chance...I've done nothing to deserve this...

The fact that you let your feelings build up over quite a while means you build your hopes up and this person becomes more of an infatuation = lots of hurt when it stonewalls. Maybe next time, test the waters at the beginning to save you feeling hurt later.

 

[diesel]

well at least you tried

honestly , 4 in a row isnt bad for guys who get out there and go for it . if i hooked up with every 4th girl i was interested in id be on my 3rd 'belt' by now

sometimes it just doesnt work out , i was working a girl before , just broke up with her bf and was emotional about it but instead i ended up becoming friends with her .... not exactly what i wanted lol , but what im sayin is sometimes it just isnt meant to be . whatever you do dont stop , its not you or anything its just the way it is . get back out there and try try again until you succeed

if you are looking for a serious relatonship these seem to take time and effort also they kind of just happen to people , im not an expert in serious relationships i just hook up and move on really . try internet dating sites , they work for me , and pretty much try to forget about it man . like i said dont let it stop you , no one gets everyone ::

 

[seaturtle]

sigh...I won't go into the details but a girl I've liked for quite some time just rejected me. As if my self esteem needed this...

I feel so numb right now. I wish I understood what was wrong with me that I drive the opposite sex away from me like this. This is my fourth rejection in a row. But this one in particular hurts me a lot because I was very hopeful.

I can't remember the last girl who ever showed any interest in me (if ever), and when I start taking my chances, I get stonewalled...every time. I'm a hard worker, I made a tonne of money working my ass off last year, I go to the gym almost everyday, don't do drugs, don't smoke, treat people right, I would never let a girl pay, I try to take care of how I look, I do a lot of charity work...and yet I'm invisible to women.

I just wish someone gave me a chance...I've done nothing to deserve this...

Keep your chin up! It sounds like you're a great catch. Just don't do too much chasing in the beginning or you might scare the girls away