I need a place to heal

[Rawz]

I am so tired of hiding so many things about myself. I am tired of hiding who I really am, the things I enjoy, my plans, etc, from my family. I am tired of hiding these things from everyone else for fear that my family will eventually find out.

I am tired of not being able to let loose. Not being able to let out what I am feeling. Of not being able to cry loudly, to yell, scream, throw things, to let everything out that needs to come out. Of not having a place to do this.

I'm tired of not having anyone in real life that I can vent to, tell my problems to, get advice from, etc. I'm tired of holding things in. I want to let everything out--anything and everything that is harming me. I want to empty myself and start fresh. Somewhere new, with new people.

And at this point I'm so sick of my current situation and my life here, that I might just pack up and leave. Whether I have money or not. Whether I have a car or not. I want a different life.

Things have been building inside of me for years and I need to let them out, but I can't here.

 

[Kiwong]

I'd like a place to heal too Rawz. I want to go home and rest.

 

[Feathers]

Everybody needs a place to heal.

Can you go to a relative's or friend's place for a while? Or Couchsurfing or such?

Also, you might wanna consider therapy where you can talk and learn better modes of communication?

You could maybe start small and tell your family about some things, and see how it goes, then tell more if it goes favorably?

 

[Nanita]

I encourage you to let it all out.... Go to a place maybe a forest, where you can scream or whatever u want. Scream through your art. Don't worry too much about other people's reactions or opinions, you are not here to please anyone.

 

[Hoppy]

Scream through your art.

Beautiful. May I borrow that saying.

I am tired of not being able to let loose. Not being able to let out what I am feeling. Of not being able to cry loudly, to yell, scream, throw things, to let everything out that needs to come out. Of not having a place to do this

I really understand how you feel. I've spend most of my life trying to get away from people, and haven't managed it yet.

 

[Rawz]

Thanks for the replies. I appreciate it.

Can you go to a relative's or friend's place for a while? Or Couchsurfing or such?

I don't really have any friends. The only person I know that I could stay with for a few days is several states away. But if I am able to travel/leave here (preferably with a car of my own), I may take the offer.

Also, you might wanna consider therapy where you can talk and learn better modes of communication?

I have been going to therapy for a couple of years now and it has helped a lot. But I can only go so much, and my therapist sees a lot of people (she is very good and enjoys what she does) so that makes it tricky.

I encourage you to let it all out.... Go to a place maybe a forest, where you can scream or whatever u want. Scream through your art. Don't worry too much about other people's reactions or opinions, you are not here to please anyone.

Yeah that's another problem. I'm so afraid of other people's reactions/offending or possibly hurting others emotionally (in the case of my family, for sure), that I'm afraid of letting anything out, and my ideal place to let stuff out would probably be a soundproofed room so no one could hear.

Scream through your art.

I have been practicing drawing. I would love to be able to take anything I have inside of me and turn it into a drawing.

 

[jaim38]

I used to be in the same situation you're in, years ago. I was living in away from home, in the apartments, and of course couldn't yell, scream or express my feelings in such ways. Plus, my brother hated hearing me talk. He thought I was too "loud" and frequently told me to whisper, write, or type. Let me tell you, the silence was so suffocating! I felt like I lost my voice! During this time period of 1-2 years, animes, dramas, youtube videos, and mangas are what kept me alive. If I don't have internet, I'd probably go crazy!

 

[theslowesthand]

Scream through your art

Yeah, scream your 'art out!!!