I\'m completely isolated

[KJC]

I don't know

I don't know

 

[Hastings & Main]

I would find a local meet-up group for SA's. And/or seek out your counsellor at your school and see if he/she has any recommendations. It sounds like you need someone to talk to face to face about this and above all, you need to get out of that situation ASAP: you're only 20 and need to move on before any more damage is done. You have a lot of years ahead of you.
If you feel humiliated by talking to another person one on one about this, remember that it's a therapist's job to help you out of this, not to judge you personally on what's been done to you. And a little humiliation (not warranted btw) is a small price to pay for long-lasting help.

 

[JamesSmith]

Your family sounds frighteningly similar to mine, or at least your parents do. My mom bullying my dad into doing whatever she wants, and my dad obeying like a dog with his tail between his legs. I know what you mean about internet people, someone who lives that far away can't be considered a real friend. Plus talking to someone over a computer isn't half as good as meeting them in person from a social standpoint. The internet can only get u so far.

I've worked a lot of places, and having workers that are older than me was much better than working with people the same age. The last time i worked with people that were around my age nobody really liked me and I didn't talk to anyone. When I've worked with older people I've actually been able to communicate with them easier. I've found it's easier to talk to older people than peers.

You aren't an alien. Tons of people on this site have your same problem, or even worse, they are like me: alone, unemployed, not going to school. If you want to talk about problems, I'll match you and then raise you some more problems.

 

[Ignace]

I guess there isn't anything that can be done, considering that my parents said they didn't want me to see a shrink.

Dude, you're 20 and in need of help. How can your parents block that in any way ? it's YOUR life, YOUR problem and it's up to YOU to fix it. I think it's time to break free.

 

[NathanielWingatePeaslee]

How do I "break free" when I am completely dependent on them for everything?

Good question. Since you're going to school, have you tried talking to the counselor there? Maybe they can't help you with your emotional problems, but likely they could direct you to someone who could. Your parents can't legally forbid you from seeking help, and there's no reason to tell them if you don't have to pay for it. Free mental health help is likely available to you somehow.

That would be a place to start.

Perhaps this would help. Mental Health America: Welcome

I just googled free mental health care, I haven't reviewed the site or anything.

 

[royalx60]

I\'ve never felt so isolated in my life. I am 20 and have no friends or anyone close to my age I can talk to. I can\'t stand my controlling/nutty mother, who I hold personally responsible for ruining my life. Her parents, who live here, are more well meaning but they are over 85 years old and dependent on her anyway. My father is decent but completely refuses to stand up at all to my mother\'s bullying tactics, or recognize that a problem exists. I can\'t stand people I talk to on the Internet, and I consider them meaningless abstractions anyway. I live in a neighborhood made up with retired people that my mother can\'t get along with. Whenever I set foot on campus I feel completely humiliated for a variety of reasons. My co workers are all middle aged or old. I have no idea what normal human beings do with their lives when they are not in class or at work (please tell me if you know), I might as well be an alien. What should I do?

KJC,

I'm real. People on this forum are real. And I believe we all really care. You sound like your in a lot of pain. I'm reading a book that's sort of off-topic but can relate to SAD for some people. PM me if you want the information.

royalx60

 

[Feathers]

KJC, can you join a club or society or something, a place for people with your interests to meet other people? What are your interests?

I had luck with volunteering/charities, eco or artsy/cultural clubs...
Do you sing? Can you join a choir? What's available out there?
Have you looked at Meetup.com?

I'm not a bloody abstraction!! I'm effing real too!!
There wasn't an eco club where I live, so we started one!!

 

[Hastings & Main]

How do I "break free" when I am completely dependent on them for everything?

It's up to you to extricate yourself from them, one tiny step at a time, as said before. Can't give up before you try...

As advised, seek out a counselor at your school. Unless one of your family is with you at school, you are free to do so.

 

[NathanielWingatePeaslee]

I can\'t imagine what useful information the counselor would give, and I am sure they do not want to here about my mental health problems. And even if they did, I already know what the problem is: my parents.

If you knew what information he would give, you wouldn't need to ask him, would you?

I just think mostly likely he might be able to point you in a direction of what steps you might take. And maybe he will be useless and incompetent. But you've got to start somewhere, and you've got to do something, right?

 

[AutonomousAutomaton]

That's crazy that your parents want to know what you're up to at every hour of the day. I guess they never want you to have friends, because then you'd be out sometimes. At my college, any student can see a therapist for free. You should definitely find out if your school does that. Tell your parents you joined a club or something. Or if you get a time between your classes your parents wouldn't have to suspect anthing at all. I really think seeing a counselor would help you. They would be an ally and help you figure out a way to get out from under your parents' control.

 

[AutonomousAutomaton]

This probably isn't an option, but what if you asked your parents if you could live on-campus?

 

[Ignace]

My parents would notice if I left early or came home late and demand an explanation. But in any case, I can\'t imagine what useful information the counselor would give, and I am sure they do not want to here about my mental health problems. And even if they did, I already know what the problem is: my parents.

Well, asking nicely isn't going to help, but you can try. I think you should get very angry at them and shout that you want your own life, blabla ... Otherwise this could/will go on till your parents are dead.

 

[Feathers]

Well, if you hate it, can you go study something else? Maybe some credits can be helpful at another course?
A friend of mine hated what she studied, took her 3 years to finish one year, then signed up to another course (which she loved and was really interested in), she finished that, saw she really wasn't too employable with it, then finished even the 1st course!! So now she has two degrees, even studied abroad part of the time, and much more career options!! (And she has had jobs where one or both degrees were useful!!)

Parents may think that your grades would improve if you stay in and study!
If your grades were better and if you didn't quarrel all the time, I'm pretty sure they might trust you more and let you stay out and be with friends or join clubs etc too.

I think part of your problem is rebelling against your parents (that is partly my problem too..) and finding your own way... If you feel too messed up to work on it by yourself, reading books or joining a workshop on healthier communication or goal-setting or assertivness might help, or yeah, maybe even a counsellor..

Would parents magically know where you were by reading your mind, or could you just say you had extra classes or a study group or 'individual tutoring'* or whatever? Are you micro-chipped??
You said you quarrel anyway, what difference does it make??

*(indeed some people at college/uni get tutoring too and it may be helpful!! If they ask who and how much did you pay, maybe just say it was free help available by the college - if the counsellor is available for free at the college!! Counselling = basically tutoring you to think differently anyway, no?)

Also look at ads, what jobs are available for people without college? Wanna do any of them?

 

[scoobycrawler]

I kinda went through that alot im 26 now but back when i was in college i was always overburdened with negativity including anxiety alot. I had maybe 1 or 2 friends but they only wnated to use me for money when i had some so we could all use drugs together because they really liked drugs alot. Yea I wish I would feel better myslef and I hate chatting too, forums aren't as bad but i really hate chatting on the internet to communicate for the most part. My best advice to you is to do that which you have been putting off like whatever it is but seriously i can't even help myself at times like seriously i don't even have a job i dropeed out of college and im 26 years old living at one of my mothers houses... I can't even clean up after myself she comes over here to clean a few times out of the week so im not toppled with dirty dishes and dirty clothing. I think you should try to have a little fun in your spare time but at campus like figure you are just shy at the worst and these other people sometimes turn up the volume on purpose thats they they sound so loud becuase they figure if they sound loud and happy enough people won't figure out how truly unahppy they are past all the lust and pride. JUst focus when your on campus then figure out the entertainment part of your life after you get out of class. Seriously they aren't as smart as they think they are...

 

[NathanielWingatePeaslee]

Well, asking nicely isn't going to help, but you can try. I think you should get very angry at them and shout that you want your own life, blabla ... Otherwise this could/will go on till your parents are dead.

Yeah, yelling at them isn't likely to change their minds any more than trying to reason with them. That doesn't stop him from trying to get help, though. He will just have to endure them objecting to it until he can get away.

Lying is an option too--like Feathers suggested, maybe you could claim any time spend with a counselor is for 'tutoring'.

I get into fights with them all the time but they don't care and don't alter their policies. They already said they would not let me live on campus. I want to quit college anyway because I hate it and am failing but they won't let me. To be honest, I think I've been so socially crippled by them that even if I got away from them it wouldn't help.

If you do nothing, you can rest assured that your situation will not improve.

 

[Ignace]

Yeah, yelling at them isn't likely to change their minds any more than trying to reason with them. That doesn't stop him from trying to get help, though. He will just have to endure them objecting to it until he can get away.

Keeping the 'anger' inside won't help him either. That's how you get people who explode and go on a killing spree.

 

[NathanielWingatePeaslee]

Keeping the 'anger' inside won't help him either. That's how you get people who explode and go on a killing spree.

I've dealt with the sort of people he's talking about before. I'm not suggesting he hold anything inside--but yelling at them won't change anything because they aren't going to respect him regardless. I'm not a licensed therapist, but there's likely a more productive way of channeling frustrations than pointless fighting and screaming.

 

[Dronee]

I've dealt with the sort of people he's talking about before. I'm not suggesting he hold anything inside--but yelling at them won't change anything because they aren't going to respect him regardless. I'm not a licensed therapist, but there's likely a more productive way of channeling frustrations than pointless fighting and screaming.

Good post....

 

[Ignace]

I've dealt with the sort of people he's talking about before. I'm not suggesting he hold anything inside--but yelling at them won't change anything because they aren't going to respect him regardless. I'm not a licensed therapist, but there's likely a more productive way of channeling frustrations than pointless fighting and screaming.

You're dramatising my post. I said little frustrated like in a:"I don't care"-mood, not shouting and screaming ...........

 

[Dronee]

There is nothing I can do. My parents have ruined my life and that's that.

Don't give up man... who knows what can happen in the future... You considered online work? Maybe you've got a talent or something? Or just plain hard work? Get enough money online and maybe one day you can live on your own.. use the money to buy you time to get a job or use the online thing itself as a job?