I know I'm going to commit suicide one day. Anybody else?

[SadSally]

Right now I'm 19. I constantly have suicidal thoughts but I'm not actively suicidal. I just know that one day I will kill myself. I just can't ever see myself as a weak old woman with wrinkles and health problems. I don't want to be old. The thought of being elderly is just too depressing.
I'm already sick of life. I don't find enjoyment in anything, I have no social life, no job, depressed. I have no real work skills, so if my writing and singing career plans don't work out, MY LIFE IS OVER. Really, there is nothing else.
The thought of spending the next 60 years struggling with anxiety, boredom and depression is just too much.

 

[SCP-087-1]

Do exciting dangerous stuff. If you pull it off then it's fun. If you die you die. Fist fight a grizzly bear or something. It's what I do. Go through life with a risky plan. Adrenalin is fun

 

[Sacrament]

Weren't you the one saying the only viable choice was to be a celebrity on a tv show? Maybe set realistic goals and go from there. Do some volunteer work, help out the homeless and animals too, and get some hobbies to occupy your time. You can't genuinely hope singing and writing are the only things you can do. Those are things you can do on the side at best. Singing market is more than saturated, and writing for a living is almost impossible.

 

[SadSally]

I don't want to do volunteer work. I need money. I genuinely feel like I can achieve my goals. I don't want to be on a TV show anymore.

 

[fate12321]

If you like writing so much, why don't you do something extraordinary with that skill? Like, write a blog, poems, or perhaps write a book about a character who has social anxiety and struggles with interacting with the real world, or something like that? You could always become a journalist, Writer/editor of a news company, etc. The possibilities are endless. You just need to find that motivation and pick yourself up and move on. Hopefully you can get through this rough period in your life.

 

[Megaten]

The thought of spending the next 60 years struggling with anxiety, boredom and depression is just too much.

You dont know that'll be the case though. None of us can really say if we'll still be in the same mess even 5 years from now. Thats just despair telling you to give up. Dont ever give in to despair.

 

[Pacific_Loner]

I just want to point out that no one has work skills at 19, because you haven't work before. Like any skill, you have to practice for a very long time before you get good at it.

 

[Kiwong]

Sometimes doing volunteer work can give you experience in an area, to help you find paid work. There are a multitude of interesting jobs other than writing and singing. Some elderly people are active and involved in life.

 

[SadSally]

That's what I mean. I've always known this is how I'm going to die, besides getting into an accident. Old age and disease won't cause my death, an unexpected accident, murder or suicide will.
It has always been in my mind

 

[Zooman]

That's what I mean. I've always known this is how I'm going to die, besides getting into an accident. Old age and disease won't cause my death, an unexpected accident, murder or suicide will.
It has always been in my mind

Yeah i've always thought life was too long and i highly doubt i will make it to an old age unless i find something that will give me a reason to continue living. Atm my future is looking more and more grim.

 

[ticklishfatman1]

I feel this way a lot, seeing as I'm almost 22 and have had no social life up to this point. But hey, where there's life there's hope. You never really know. And you never really know what's best. Anyway, who knows. Let's live for the moment. We could always kill ourselves later

 

[MollyBeGood]

OP-I agree with the last line you wrote. I think about that fact all of the time.

I have issues with this over-thinking too much...like OCD with worry.

http://themindunleashed.org/2014/09/8-ways-stop-thinking-find-peace.html

 

[desery]

I get to think of suicidal thoughts also sometimes when I am in a tough situation, but I think it will just make me worst.

 

[Kiwong]

I'm 53, my Mum died at 60. I don't know how many years I have left. I will say it again, despite my anxiety, I enjoy parts of my life. I really want to go on.

 

[Nanita]

My everyday life is full of suffering, both physically, mentally and emotionally.
I think about suicide as an option, a relief, cause I find living so hard and I don't function at all. I just don't think I have the guts to kill myself.

 

[myke]

first get out from your mind that . repeat over and over again to yourself never ever ever go that far..when u have ideeas like that .
- proverb Old age is a privilege that others dont have! if u are smart u can live with pride.a matur person understand that is a part of life ..is beautiful to have grandchildren ,trips, free time etc .enjoy every part of your life : child maturity old age --then u are a good human a complete - psychology
there is no depresion -- alwais repeat to be optimistic a little bit ..until u change.be logic- when u have problem is normal to be upset
for anxiety - u need meds ..meds helped me with anxiety and i am like a normal person seroxat escitalopram
alwais we have God..everyday is there for us !

 

[nodejesque]

I often feel the same. I haven't in a couple of months, but it is hard not to think about it when you're in debilitating pain.

My depression was so severe at one point, that I even made a plan. Thankfully, I have received some help, but that option is always there.

My only concern would be my mom, but I know she will be taken care of.

The pain from living with depression, and anxiety is so strong, there is no way to describe it other than calling it debilitating and all consuming.

I still have days when it hurts to get up, and I cry all the time... But I feel so guilty thinking about suicide. And I'm catholic, so its a one way ticket to hell.. But this seems like hell already.

What has helped me, is tobe busy all the time. No idle time to dwell in the pain. I work, volunteer, do anything to keep my mind off of the sadness. So far it has helped.

This weekend has been a relapse of sorts... But I'm trying to work it out.

I hope you will too.

 

[ticklishfatman1]

I'm 53, my Mum died at 60. I don't know how many years I have left. I will say it again, despite my anxiety, I enjoy parts of my life. I really want to go on.

That's really inspiring you know that? I sometimes feel that not being able to interact with people is going to make my life a living hell. Maybe not?