I feel like I'm being targetted

[no1]

Note: I have posted this on thetaobums.com, abovetopsecret.com socialphobia.com and here.

I made this more relevant to my social anxiety for the Social Anxiety websites.

here it goes:

I feel like I'm being targetted by an evil force that wants to stop me. Everytime I plan for something good in my life, or am about to get somewhere, something happens to knock me off course. It feels personal, it very much seems personal, like a conspiracy. Like there is some extraterrestrial, or demonic force. "The Devil" I dont know what it is. A space-age technology used by the government (or who knows WHAT) to control people like me who know a lot, or have got potential. It's been making me crazy. And I'm absolutely alone, and I can't find anyone who I can couple with or relate with. I know too much. In fact, I know more than people who think they know too much. The problem is I don't even have much power, but I have some ideas, I have an extremely idealistic mindset, one that's uncommon or at least never really considered. perhaps potential which a cap has been placed on.

It's really driven me to the edge... back and forth, being suicidal, and then backing off, then again, then back, etc. etc. is this a test? What is this? Is this all MY own doing? is it the Supreme Universal Powers That Be? Am I so negative that I MAGICALLY attract negativity, moreso than anyone else?

Ever since I learned about the So called theory law of attraction (which most books can't even complete because it's all about money and conspiracy and disinformation) I learned to be even more careful with my thoughts, such that, now that I believe my negative thoughts have effect on my world, that they create even MORE effects? To the point of making me fearful of my own thoughts, which just amplify? I don't think anyone has had to deal with this, or at least as extreme as I have. At least other people can experience RANDOMNESS, in my life there isn't any sort of randomness. It's just pure downward spiral, and things not of my control at all. Something mysterious permeates my life...

Are my positive thoughts being so dumbed down that they literally have no effect or impression on my reality?

I sincerely have been doing my best not to seem like a victim and get over the victim consciousness, but it seems like I'm always being tested? To a point where I have to just instinctually, or subconsciously conclude that I am a victim? How could I not, I ask myself? When all I've eben doing is trying to get over it, but I have been seeing nothing else lately, nothing that could convince me otherwise. Even changing my thoughts, yet it has no effect on my life, or nobody else.

It seems like everything has been orchestrated, and set up to be against me. Is there such a technology that can alter a peice of your life, to make it so that in the end it's set up and orchestrated to make me fail, and just experience nothing but negativity, even if I do my best to be positive? I feel like I'm being silenced all the time, like I'm being repressed, held back, whatever. Is my aura being altered? Are my vibes being altered? Energy? It's not even something I can pinpoint exactly. It's a number of things. I don't have one problem, I have several, more than several. In fact my whole life is the problem. It's the state of the universe. I really don't know....

Of course I look crazy. Of course I seem to be insane.

What the hell?
--------------------

The relevance to my social anxiety?

This same sort of negativity is found in all attempts at being social. Especially with women. To me it seems like I am just invisible to everyone. It's like throwing a huge steak in front of a starving vicious animal and they don't even notice. Its like coming up from behind screaming in a persons ear and he/she doesn't even budge, or even noticed anything.

People don't even know they exclude me, yet they do in a very extreme and personal way. It's just mind-boggling.

 

[klytus]

You need serious help beyond the scope of this forum.

 

[davidburke]

you need to go see your doctor

 

[no1]

Perhaps things have been set up by "the evil powers that be" so that people like me become outcasts of society, and can't make it in this world.

When oh when will the cries of humanity be seen by our neighbors, by God? There are those of us who do try to do good and be good, are we ever heard?

 

[klytus]

When oh when will the cries of humanity be seen by our neighbors, by God? There are those of us who do try to do good and be good, are we ever heard?

You just have no understanding of what being good is about.

 

[no1]

You just have no understanding of what being good is about.

wow you really think so.

 

[Remus]

You need serious help beyond the scope of this forum.

you need to go see your doctor

completely and utterly take heed of this advice No1

 

[lunarla]

When I was younger I used to have these big-spectrum thoughts about people around me and how life might just be orchestrated for me or something (Very narcissistic thinking, though I fully don't think I'm actually a narcissist). Just how maybe I was the odd one out and everyone else was just messing with me. It was just a thought that I didn't fully entertain so it didn't really become anything bigger. You say that you have a very idealistic mind set, so maybe you should try and be more realistic? You definitely should talk to a professional about this type of thing though.

Also, after I learned all about the law of attraction, at first I thought it was going to be great and I'd just think positive thoughts and good things would happen. Not quite that easy. It turned into OCD for me. I feel that I have to say certain things in my mind to counteract negatives alllll the time. It's gotten to the point where I have to say things over and over a certain amount of times. Law of Attraction kind of backfired on me.

 

[Anubis]

Um, have you been reading Scientology material lately? Little aliens in your body. That sounds a lot like their mythology about thetans. Not that I'd ever consider joining, ... but the parallel was hard to ignore, heh.

But if you're being metaphorical, then you need to consider seeing a psychologist: Florida Directory of Psychologists

 

[PhillyFlyersGrl]

Well obviously you have extreme paranoia, kind of like "the world is out to get me or some magical thing is holding me down" Don't fall into the trap of believeing that, no matter how tempting. Its always easier to blame outside forces. You must take personal resposibility for what it is your experiencing.
What you talk about sounds like a few things, schizophrena, bipolar disorder or narcissitic personality disorder.

 

[Silvox Black]

All of your assumptions come from the belief that there is some sort of higher power that controls how life plays out and will see to it that certain things happen. That is not the case. Life is unjust my friend. That is the sad truth. There is no "higher power" that is purposely attempting to ruin your life. It is the luck of the draw...the cruel injustice that is this world. Now I would recommend trying to use some logical thinking here, what use would anyone have for singling you out to downplay and ruin you? What point is there? There are countless individuals in the world. You would not be picked for any specific reason that you know too much about highly sensitive material. Your impression of how "energy" can affect the state of the world is not something I would agree with. I am pessimistic and yet those around me are still as optimistic as ever. However I can understand your feelings of depression and frustration. It does seem incredibly unfair how all of this can occur to you and how no one seems to care. But do not attribute this to some sort of irrational ideal here. I mean, for one, what evidence would you have? Why would the government care? They're too busy saving their own hides my friend.

I mean no offense through any of my previous statements. I also wish only the best for you in considering that you may perhaps have some sort of paranoia. I do not hate you. I do not wish to insult you in any way, in fact it pains me to see a good logical, strong willed and learned person to have to bear a burden this way. You have suffered much, but it does not have to continue. I simply ask that you release your inhibitions and speak to us freely. And try to not be offended by what any of us say or assume we may believe something we don't.

 

[no1]

It is VERY possible there is an malicious force but the power it has, is only the power that we give it. Yes, there are times, that sometimes things seem very personal... that's because it really is, and it is manifested by an malicious force, but the way it works is that, if we give it power, by our belief in that reality that it is uncontrollable, or higher than us, then it does become uncontrollable, and take over. The mechanism works by our belief. It tries to get us to believe in that reality because that's the only way it can have power over us, that is, if we allow it by giving it the power of belief. Which is what opens that energy to us.

It can be scary, but it works on fear. The moment you fear is the moment you believe in that reality, making it TRUE FOR YOU.

It is a very real possibility, and such "technology" does exist. This is powered by an intent by whichever being that exist that wants to keep people like us down.

 

[Anubis]

So you believe in black magic then?

Forgive my random questions, but I'm just trying to pinpoint what you exactly believe. Your thinking is way too structured for you to NOT have some kind of theory concerning your belief in devils and super-secret technology.

 

[evil feline space cadet]

I think your problem goes a bit further than Social Anxiety... From my knowledge, you seem to have a few schizophrenic tendencies. Maybe you should talk to your doctor and get him/her to diagnose you. It'll give you piece of mind...

Oh and by the way. Insanity is relative (is that the word?!)
There's so many mental illnesses these days that nobody's perfectly sane or insane.


Let me know how you get on!

 

[no1]

I have read that there are psyops are done this way. E.G. NeuroComm.

The mechanism is based on the belief or fear you give it. I have a theory that for example, it might start with an "agent" whether it be extraterrestrial or government in origin, or even normal humans (think pagan/"magical" systems which work on belief and movement of energy, allowed by belief and throught systems) who's purpose is to get you to fear, and believe in it, thereby giving it more power to continue and make it even worse.

"black magic" works on thought systems, powered by belief. If nobody believed in it, it would have no power.

Its possible that this is the case, or also psychological operations, done by government or even extraterrestrial in origin. Yes technology like this does in fact exist, if you could just resaerch and find the patents there are for such tecnolog you would know that it does exist.

It can even be human in nature, just simple collective belief in bringing people like us down.

Thetoughy bit might be in recognizing what is the initial engineered event or the initial event that would have fear give it the power.

Most people really don't know what possibilities really exist out there, because they have been hidden from us, even since ANCIENT times.

I have thought that I've been a target for at least one of these. If so then that can explain what I've been experiencing.

 

[NathanielWingatePeaslee]

No1, what exactly are you feeling right now? Not thinking, but feeling?

 

[evil feline space cadet]

Actually - have you p*ssed off somebody who practices witchcraft or something of the likes? I was fighting with a wiccan girl before and a day or two later a bus (in which i was the only passenger) exploded without any explanation! Weird huh?!

 

[userremoved]

I'm more concerned about how you survived an exploding vehicle now.

 

[evil feline space cadet]

I'm more concerned about how you survived an exploding vehicle now.

Well i got out before the big thing - the flames were only a third of the way up the bus by the time i noticed (i'd headphones on and thought the driver was just giving out). It exploded when i got off - ran down the road and hid behind the wall. actually cried when i saw how bad it was. How bad is it that they had someone with SA talking on the news?! I'd much rather have died!
Needless to say the fire was like a calling for me- look at me now!

 

[no1]

ok I'm done with this thread.. I was typing up a good peiece of text and it just got lost somehow.