I don't want to lie about myself, please HELP!!!

[Daniel089]

I feel like I'm turning into a hopeless kid or something, who looks to this forum as an answer to all of my million and one questions, but I just ran out of ideas...

So I started messaging with a girl recently, she told me I seem like a very cool guy and have good taste to music and all, we talked about other things like movies, school, but she did just brought up a topic that I was aware of, but extremely afraid of: about partying, she told me where she usally goes partying, now she asks where do I usally have fun, where do I hang out often - I didn't answer yet. I just don't hang out cause I'm simply an indoor type but most importantly because I don't have much friends...

I just don't want to keep lying or keep on stretching the truth about me. Maybe I'm paranoid, but my next message would be quite important because I think she would lose interest in me if I'd be more honest about myself. I like her anyway, I don't mind that she is such an outgoing type, she's very intelligent and kind.

Any ideas from anyone? What should I answer?

 

[masterridley]

You don't have to be 100% honest if you can't handle that.
But hiding is going to make you more miserable anyway.

Listen, you can tell her that you don't enjoy partying that much but it depends on the
company (that's not a lie, is it). Also that you enjoy other kinds of fun like ____ (fill this in)

Remember, you should not be ashamed of who you are because that shows and it's what
repels other people. Own up to your "shortcomings" and find what's positive about yourself.

Lastly, if she can't handle that you're less outgoing than she is, then she just wasn't
worth the time and effort and you should not let that bring you down.
There are plenty of (more understanding) fish in the sea!

 

[gustavofring]

I used to lie about these things or stretch the truth, but these days I'm not ashamed to say I'm not much of a party-goer. I don't really care for the social stigma anymore.

When I am asked where I go, I just say to a bar I've been to a few times. Maybe you have such a place, just a bar you've been to a few times where you like it?

I think most of the times people don't really care where "you go to hang out". It's just to have something to talk about, maybe very young people care for this because it enhances their image as an outgoing social person. If she's really a nice person you'd want to hang out with and not a shallow ego-obsessed person then I'd say you can just tell the truth. Don't pretend to be someone you're not just to win her over. If she rejects you for this reason it's a good sign that you didn't really want to be with her anyway.

 

[Daniel089]

You don't have to be 100% honest if you can't handle that.
But hiding is going to make you more miserable anyway.

Listen, you can tell her that you don't enjoy partying that much but it depends on the
company (that's not a lie, is it). Also that you enjoy other kinds of fun like ____ (fill this in)

Remember, you should not be ashamed of who you are because that shows and it's what
repels other people. Own up to your "shortcomings" and find what's positive about yourself.

Lastly, if she can't handle that you're less outgoing than she is, then she just wasn't
worth the time and effort and you should not let that bring you down.
There are plenty of (more understanding) fish in the sea.

Yes but there is one problem she asked where do I usally hang out specifically in the city. I'll try not to hide away. I want to let her know eventually that I'm an introvert type, It seems possible that she will handle the fact of who I am really... Anyway thanks for the answer!

 

[Steppen-Wolf]

The only people who are worth your time are those whom will accept you for who you are.

So you have only two options, you somehow become a "party person" to please others or you are simply honest about yourself. Of course, being honest doesn't mean telling her that you're mentally ill and don't party because of it... just say that you're not the party kind of guy but you're always looking for other ways to have fun.

 

[Esperance]

I think you should said that you don't generally go to parties. It's something that she will inevitable found out I think and that wouldn't be good for you and when I read your post, it's look like she isn't the kind of person to think " that guy don't go to parties. I should never see him again "

 

[masterridley]

Yes but there is one problem she asked where do I usally hang out specifically in the city. I'll try not to hide away. I want to let her know eventually that I'm an introvert type, It seems possible that she will handle the fact of who I am really... Anyway thanks for the answer!

Is she in Budapest too?

You can also say that you don't hang out much. You prefer going to friends'
houses and watching a movie, listening to music, reading manga, whatever...

You will not get far if you try to tailor your answers to what the other person
wants to hear (= what you believe the other person wants to hear).
Your answers will sound fake, while if you are honest, you will sound much more
genuine and heartfelt and also more interesting too.

 

[Daniel089]

Is she in Budapest too?

You can also say that you don't hang out much. You prefer going to friends'
houses and watching a movie, listening to music, reading manga, whatever...

You will not get far if you try to tailor your answers to what the other person
wants to hear (= what you believe the other person wants to hear).
Your answers will sound fake, while if you are honest, you will sound much more
genuine and heartfelt and also more interesting too.

You know she wrote me on a dating site, after she saw my profile and summary about myself, it's mentioned there that I am not a partying type, so even that could be a reason why she wrote me in the first place...

 

[masterridley]

You know she wrote me on a dating site, after she saw my profile and summary about myself, it's mentioned there that I am not a partying type, so even that could be a reason why she wrote me in the first place...

That's the spirit!

 

[laure15]

Yeah, I don't feel good lying about myself or my situation, so when people ask me questions such as "how's your family?" or "how is school?" or anything employment related, I get tongue-tied. I either not answer them, which is rude, mumble something weird, or give a vague answer.

 

[Helmaninquiel]

Dude tell the truth, if you don't then what's the point.. If she likes you then she's like you for you and if she doesn't then move on.

 

[Hellhound]

Don't lie. Be honest. If she loses interest over you not being the partying type, then she's not worth it. If she actually likes you, she won't really mind that you're the indoors type.

 

[suburbiadaze]

as a girl, I can say I'd rather hear the truth

 

[Daniel089]

OK PEOPLE!

I told the 100% truth about my social life to her, in a quite detailed version. She already answered, she was happy to see that I'm honest, and told me that we are pretty much alike and all. I think she even likes me more a bit now. Thanks for your advices!!

 

[Ignace]

Weel, look at that.