I am ugly

[Tiercel]

I went into this thread thinking (hoping?) you actually looked like your avatar. Now I'm disappointed. I still haven't found a suitable actor to play Admiral Ackbar in my homemade Star Wars movies. Unless you can say "It's a trap!" in a suitably Ackbar voice....?

Seriously though, your outward appearance isn't your problem. Like most people here, it's the self-deluding crap you've allowed to accumulate in your head that's holding you down. I know how hard it is to get rid of it, though. It's much easier to tell yourself that you feel ugly because you are ugly than analyzing yourself and figuring out exactly why you feel ugly, then working to change yourself.

Speaking of interracial dating, I'll be honest and say that I've never been able to see myself with a woman who was different. Not because I dislike blacks, Asians, etc., but because I feel like I'm not even good enough for a white woman. And if even my own kind doesn't want me, what luck could I hope to have with someone else? That last sentence actually sounds rather racist, but oh well. I feel that nothing about me stands out among white people, so how could I be anything more than "just another white guy" to anyone else?

Now I know that that's my main problem. If I constantly ask myself "Why me?" I'll never get anywhere. So I'm trying to ask myself "Why not me?" For the record, it hasn't been too successful yet. But it sure feels better than the alternative.

 

[Pookah]

The difference is that things are more black and white with men. You know more where you stand with them, granted that isn't always true, but that's the vast majority. Women often can say one thing, but mean another. And regarding the whole personality thing, that is definitely a complete load of tripe. So often we hear these words, but look at the men those women go after! LOL. Many spend the rest of their lives with low grade men, trying to convince themselves that he'll change, or simply committing to lifelong denial, thus adopting his bad traits, behaviour and beliefs. Yep, far too common.

That just sounds like women are more polite and men are blunt. As far as who lies more I don't think it is quantifiable.

I can turn around some of what you say. "Look at the women those men go after." etc

 

[deleted user 1]

That just sounds like women are more polite and men are blunt. As far as who lies more I don't think it is quantifiable.

I can turn around some of what you say. "Look at the women those men go after." etc

No matter how many men drag their knuckles, I simply refuse to believe this!

 

[NathanielWingatePeaslee]

Speaking of interracial dating, I'll be honest and say that I've never been able to see myself with a woman who was different. Not because I dislike blacks, Asians, etc., but because I feel like I'm not even good enough for a white woman. And if even my own kind doesn't want me, what luck could I hope to have with someone else? That last sentence actually sounds rather racist, but oh well. I feel that nothing about me stands out among white people, so how could I be anything more than "just another white guy" to anyone else?

Look at it this way: white women aren't actually any more or less likely to be your 'own kind' in reality. You realize that if you talk to them for a bit. So in the end it doesn't really matter.

Me, I've had unstable, brief and painfully dysfunctional relationships with black girls, white girls, Mexican girls... ::

 

[Pookah]

I will admit to certain behavioral differences. Women are more passive etc, but lying is not somehow more a female trait sorry, both the sexes lie quite a lot in different ways. The ways are what define the genders. Not some ridiculous "who does what worse" generalizations.

 

[Tiercel]

Look at it this way: white women aren't actually any more or less likely to be your 'own kind' in reality. You realize that if you talk to them for a bit. So in the end it doesn't really matter.

Me, I've had unstable, brief and painfully dysfunctional relationships with black girls, white girls, Mexican girls... ::

Are you suggesting that I talk to women? But they might find out how horrible I am! Even worse, they might actually see the good in me!

Nah. It's much easier to just sit in my bubble with my feelings of inadequacy and keep blaming everyone else.

 

[deleted user 1]

I will admit to certain behavioral differences. Women are more passive etc, but lying is not somehow more a female trait sorry, both the sexes lie quite a lot in different ways. The ways are what define the genders. Not some ridiculous "who does what worse" generalizations.

You misunderstand me. What I am saying is that you have to read between the lines more with women, whereas men are more up front and definite about how they feel about things. Lieing is human nature, I know this muchly.

 

[NathanielWingatePeaslee]

Are you suggesting that I talk to women? But they might find out how horrible I am! Even worse, they might actually see the good in me!

Nah. It's much easier to just sit in my bubble with my feelings of inadequacy and keep blaming everyone else.

Too late, man. You're already talking to women on this forum. BAM!

 

[Pookah]

Hey Tiercel.

 

[vj288]

Threads take the strangest turns sometimes...

 

[Kat]

Well just know we’re not designed to be attracted to our selves so it does take some work to be ok with it

 

[lunaticbinge]

You look fine to me. Better than myself anyway. I honestly don't even know anymore. I've had a lot of people say I look like a troll. People that didn't even know each other all making the same observation.

 

[Tiercel]

Too late, man. You're already talking to women on this forum. BAM!

Crap! Looks like I need to get back to that blackboard.

Hey Tiercel.

Hey, baby. How you doin'?

$#!^! There I go again....

 

[Blaze]

I've only read the first two pages, and I have a four word response for you.

You are not ugly.

Honestly I find you attractive.

 

[AGR]

cant we all just agree that both men and women are crap?

 

[slowmotiondaydream]

ugly asian guy.. your pic is very distracting

 

[lunaticbinge]

cant we all just agree that both men and women are crap?

Hear, hear!

 

[hoddesdon]

You are not ugly at all. If you look through the posts on this website you will find many cases of people claiming to be ugly, but their photos show that they are not. You are another one. This misperception is a standard feature of social phobia.

 

[MsBuzzkillington]

I hope that I don't come across as tooooo harsh, but it makes me really upset when someone just has low self-esteem complains that they feel like they are ugly. When in reality, they are not ugly. It happens all the time on these sites, and it's annoying. It makes me want to slap the people. (mostly to help them realize how good looking/beautiful/handsome they really are).

I don't want to be mean. I know what it's like to have low self esteem. I know that BDD is something that is real. So you may not see what others see.

But you aren't ugly. You just aren't. It's difficult to explain what it's like to know you are ugly. When you really know, when it's not something that you are missing, when it isn't BDD. When it's your reality.

I have been picked on, made fun of, kicked aside, thrown to the curb, ignored, teased, ridiculed, all because of how I look. No one talks to me, I used to try. But I would be shot down. Even simple friendly conversation! People avoid me. When I send my picture to people, they flat out stop talking to me. When I post a picture on forums like this, it's always... "oh, um, pretty shirt!"

It's just not fair. Stop saying you are ugly when you are not. Just stop. It's not fair to the rest of us.

rant... over...

 

[Kinetik]

You look completely fine, and I'm not just saying that. I don't necessarily blame you for feeling down on yourself though, because when you stay indoors and don't mingle with the world it's easy to get caught up in so-called facts, figures and sweeping generalizations. I blame the internet for this in the sense that people can get away with publishing whatever nonsense they want - nonsense that is so often geared towards making people feel small and unattractive.

That's why it's important that people realize how slanted the internet really is. You think you're reading truths, but what you're reading is either somebody's opinion or somebody's sales pitch. That's the danger when you grow up with the net; it becomes impossible to separate fact from fiction. But don't take anything you read as gospel, and don't let your mind affirm all the stereotypes you read about once you get out into the real world because that is where the danger lies - tomorrow you may well see an Asian woman dating a black guy and you'll feel redundant all over again. Instead, realize that the world is naturally diverse and that there are exceptions to every rule. For every woman who isn't into Asian dudes, there is a woman who is. You just have to expose yourself enough in order to see real people who all have different tastes and know that you're just as valued and wanted as everyone else - you simply haven't networked enough to see it yet.