I am so depressed

You know bro, I've spent around 20 years trying to 'fix' my anxiety. I've had some success.
But there is a part of me that (it took many years, many mental battles within my own mind) understands and accepts that while I can improve to a certain extent, I am who I am. I no longer bend over backwards to please others or to try and understand them in the hope they'll understand me.
Too many times I have been shown it wont happen.
Too many times I've been shown the vast majority of society is self centered, obnoxious and uncaring. I see society as similar to praying. Most people wish you well but really don't want to put in any real effort - to understand you no matter how much you understand them.

One thing I realized was, I don't want to spend my life trying to understand others when in the end I probably won't. I feel it's much more benefit to spend time understanding yourself. Society is just pretty shitty imo (with some pockets of 'not so shitty' stuff).
 

Miserum

Well-known member
Another thread on humor.

It's come to my attention that I very, very frequently go into a conversation with a desire and with expectations--a certain pressure--on myself to be funny. I'm almost never funny when I do this.

When I go into a conversation neutrally, and I allow the humor to bloom on its own, spontaneously, without feeling like I need to be funny, I usually am. I think because the spontaneous reactions in such a scenario are actually things that I myself find funny, the motives are sincere, and are thus more likely to be funny to others as well.

I do believe I have a sense of humor, I just try too hard and too often to show it to others (it's at its worst when I'm surrounded by people that I think are "naturally" funny, or just have confidence in their own humor). I just need to let it happen on its own accord.
 
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Miserum

Well-known member
As a side note, what exactly is a "funny" person? There are multiplicities of comedy. One comedian's jokes might fall on deaf ears while causing side-crushing laughter elsewhere, even if that said comedian is lauded as a legend by many people.

Furthermore, is being "funny" in large part a matter of audience? And a matter of exuding confidence? Half of a good joke is in the delivery.
 
As a side note, what exactly is a "funny" person? There are multiplicities of comedy. One comedian's jokes might fall on deaf ears while causing side-crushing laughter elsewhere, even if that said comedian is lauded as a legend by many people.

Furthermore, is being "funny" in large part a matter of audience? And a matter of exuding confidence? Half of a good joke is in the delivery.
I think a large part of being funny is simply referring/saying things that people can relate to. If they can relate to what you're saying, they understand the context and are more likely to have a better understanding of your approach/delivery (and also your intention to be humorous).

This Aussie comedian - Carl Baron - is very well liked because he can portray growing up as a kid in Australia and most people can relate to his experiences even if they're not Aussies.
 

Miserum

Well-known member
I think a large part of being funny is simply referring/saying things that people can relate to. If they can relate to what you're saying, they understand the context and are more likely to have a better understanding of your approach/delivery (and also your intention to be humorous).

This Aussie comedian - Carl Baron - is very well liked because he can portray growing up as a kid in Australia and most people can relate to his experiences even if they're not Aussies.
True man. I think that's certainly part of it. If you can't relate to your audience there is no way in hell that audience is going to find what you're saying funny.

And that brings up a thought. If experiences play a large part in humor (relating to other people through common experiences), then I really need to get out more! :p
 

LoyalXenite

Well-known member
If I'm being honest with myself, what I really want from people is praise. That's pretty shallow I guess.
I dont know if its shallow, I think its more wanting recognition and to have people appreciate you. Maybe a part of it is shallow, but I think its rooted from a good place of needing validation. Tbh I'd really like it too.
 

Miserum

Well-known member
Maybe some sort of validation?
Indeed, validation that I'm a worthy person, worthy enough to be liked and also as a contributor in some capacity.

When people tell me or I hear that they said I am smart, funny etc. (fill in any insecurity that I have) you have no idea (well, you probably do) how prideful and happy that makes me. I'm starved for praise and I feel on top of the world when I hear things like that.
 
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Miserum

Well-known member
How can I possibly know the truth regarding relationships and people without exploring them deeply on a research-oriented and, more importantly, experiential level? What I need, I think, is to go out and EXPERIENCE people and different MODES of living.

Staying cooped up in the house serves one purpose: to live in a static, immutable, narrow, and constricted--but safe--world. It's what I've always known; it's predictability at its finest. But such a thing probably works against me in the long run.

The world might hurt me, but I can't let that stop me from pursuing the truth, my truth, the best truth, through simply living in the world. The more I experience, the greater the pool of data I'll be able to draw from, the more varied my perspectives will be, and the more wise my choices regarding what I need for happiness will be.
 
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F0AM

Well-known member
BTW Miserum, it's nice reading your thoughts (telepathy? 🤔).

We all seek some kind of validation from time to time, happens since kids. Someone telling us how cute, smart or good we are at x things, always makes us happy and proud of ourselves. That's good.

I think there are two sources of pride, that which comes from within you and the one that comes from others.
It's always nice to have some balance between the two.

The problem is that people with low self steem (like a lot of ppl with SA for obvious reasons) may have a rough time with the former source. So when they don't get other ppls approval, they crumble because the don't have that backup.

So I'd advise you to keep you personal quest, which is very good and you come up with some pretty nice thoughts as well as healthy behaviors like exposing (you can learn a lot about yourself through others).
But don't let that become a drug which you need to approve yourself, don't let your mood completely at it's mercy. Use other ppl opinion to improve (if there's something to improve, coz they could very well be wrong), learn and of course enjoy the good words. But never make it a whole of yourself.

I'm telling you this because it happens to me to some extent. When my friends send me a message to see how I'm doing or want to hang out with me, it makes me feel great (even when I don't feel like it lol), accepted, like I'm someone likeable (not gonna tell my whole story now but I'm 29 and I've had 0 friends till 20 or so); but when not, those days when no one talks to you (which is normal and there may be a lot of reasons not implying you being horrible lol) or when I come up with something pretty funny (to me at least) and they don't genuinely ( that's what I think UGH) laugh...I just fell like "oh my God I'm horrible, they hate (posted a meme on other thread about this which is funny but also true...which is not that funny) me, [insert irrational negative thought of preference]...and I can get really depressed, specially on rough times. Anyway, I'm learning to control that and don't let it affect me that much.

And yes, I think jokes (or being funny), like any kind of art, are better when they flow naturally instead of being forced.

Sometimes we are so focused on approval that we forget to enjoy the moment.

Sorry for the long post, just be yourself and don't let anyone tell you what "you" are, not everyone will share you humor and that doesn't mean you aren't funny.

Good luck 😊
 
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F0AM

Well-known member
Btw, Sorry if I answer to old posts but sometimes even tho I read them, I don't feel in the mood or I just cant xD. Also there's the language thing, sometimes I find it "hard" to express myself the way I would want.

 
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Miserum

Well-known member
BTW Miserum, it's nice reading your thoughts (telepathy? 🤔).

We all seek some kind of validation from time to time, happens since kids. Someone telling us how cute, smart or good we are at x things, always makes us happy and proud of ourselves. That's good.

I think there are two sources of pride, that which comes from within you and the one that comes from others.
It's always nice to have some balance between the two.

The problem is that people with low self steem (like a lot of ppl with SA for obvious reasons) may have a rough time with the former source. So when they don't get other ppls approval, they crumble because the don't have that backup.

So I'd advise you to keep you personal quest, which is very good and you come up with some pretty nice thoughts as well as healthy behaviors like exposing (you can learn a lot about yourself through others).
But don't let that become a drug which you need to approve yourself, don't let your mood completely at it's mercy. Use other ppl opinion to improve (if there's something to improve, coz they could very well be wrong), learn and of course enjoy the good words. But never make it a whole of yourself.

I'm telling you this because it happens to me to some extent. When my friends send me a message to see how I'm doing or want to hang out with me, it makes me feel great (even when I don't feel like it lol), accepted, like I'm someone likeable (not gonna tell my whole story now but I'm 29 and I've had 0 friends till 20 or so); but when not, those days when no one talks to you (which is normal and there may be a lot of reasons not implying you being horrible lol) or when I come up with something pretty funny (to me at least) and they don't genuinely ( that's what I think UGH) laugh...I just fell like "oh my God I'm horrible, they hate (posted a meme on other thread about this which is funny but also true...which is not that funny) me, [insert irrational negative thought of preference]...and I can get really depressed, specially on rough times. Anyway, I'm learning to control that and don't let it affect me that much.

And yes, I think jokes (or being funny), like any kind of art, are better when they flow naturally instead of being forced.

Sometimes we are so focused on approval that we forget to enjoy the moment.

Sorry for the long post, just be yourself and don't let anyone tell you what "you" are, not everyone will share you humor and that doesn't mean you aren't funny.

Good luck 😊
Btw, Sorry if I answer to old posts but sometimes even tho I read them, I don't feel in the mood or I just cant xD. Also there's the language thing, sometimes I find it "hard" to express myself the way I would want.

Thanks for your thoughts Foam. Wise words. :cool: Glad you're reading what I write. Don't feel any pressure to respond. These are reflections on my life. I am not expecting anyone to read or respond to them really (though when I started this thread, I suppose I did).
 
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