humans are social creatures

[Dronee]

If those things weren't true, that would make us what, robots?

I'm not so sure about this. I don't remember hearing about the occasional water buffalo that never leaves his house. ::

Of course it does. For all you know, I'm a spambot that can (possibly) pass the Turing Test. And don't worry about the water buffalo man... He's just probably chilling in his house with his buddies.

 

[NathanielWingatePeaslee]

I'm not entirely sure I could pass the Turing test.

 

[Honda]

Simply, does it feel normal to sit alone for a while??

 

[Anomaly]

Sure, animals socialize too.. but for us humans with our intellect, I think the urge to belong/connect is even greater.

Humans, as far as we know, have a greater propensity to get bored.

 

[awkwardamanda]

because we are weak. When I am feeling inferior I think about how humans are social because way back when we didn't have what it took to survive on our own. So I like to convince myself that I am unsocial not because I am inferior, but because I was made to be independent. It boost my ego, and makes me feel better. I would like to know your thoughts on why not being social is frowned upon, and why humans are social. Or if humans are social, maybe extroverts created this saying because they didn't know that people can be extroverted or introverted.

I've always wanted to be independent. I like doing things on my own. I don't like to get help from others. I've been told I was even like that as a young child. Oddly enough, I feel incapable of it. I'm 25 and still living with my parents. I need a full time job first, but I'd eventually like to move out on my own. I don't want roommates. I'm too introverted for that. I want to live alone. But I feel like I don't and won't know how. I feel sheltered and stupid about life in general, not just socializing. I'm afraid I won't have a clue what to do when it comes to dealing with things like banking (beyond using the atm), calling a repairman if needed, making large purchases that require financing like buying furniture or a car, and that sort of thing. Right now finding a job is going to be a huge hurdle because I have no idea how to go about it. I'm just lost and have no life skills. So, as much as I want my independence, it seems unrealistic.::

Simply, does it feel normal to sit alone for a while??

Yeah, I do it all the time. Sometimes it sucks, but often enough I like it that way.

 

[dottie]

@awkwardamanda i totally relate

@closetnerd it's an interesting theory. for someone like myself it takes a lot more balls/energy/strength to socialize than to hide myself away.

 

[***deleted***]

@closetnerd it's an interesting theory. for someone like myself it takes a lot more balls/energy/strength to socialize than to hide myself away.[/QUOTE]

It'd not my theory, I stole it from Plato. He believed people became social because they were not able to make it on their own in the wild.

 

[***deleted***]

I've always wanted to be independent. I like doing things on my own. I don't like to get help from others. I've been told I was even like that as a young child. Oddly enough, I feel incapable of it. I'm 25 and still living with my parents. I need a full time job first, but I'd eventually like to move out on my own. I don't want roommates. I'm too introverted for that. I want to live alone. But I feel like I don't and won't know how. I feel sheltered and stupid about life in general, not just socializing. I'm afraid I won't have a clue what to do when it comes to dealing with things like banking (beyond using the atm), calling a repairman if needed, making large purchases that require financing like buying furniture or a car, and that sort of thing. Right now finding a job is going to be a huge hurdle because I have no idea how to go about it. I'm just lost and have no life skills. So, as much as I want my independence, it seems unrealistic.::



Yeah, I do it all the time. Sometimes it sucks, but often enough I like it that way.

I know how you feel about banking and that stuff. My grandparents believe you should pay for everything up front in cash. I don't think even I could save money that well that places will accept cash for big purchases.
I don't trust banks anyway, they are privately owned.
I am scared of getting a job too. I don't know if I can ever do well in an interview.
When I feel like not wanting to go to school I pick a fight with my parents or grandparents. It helps motivate me when I think that I will have to be dependent on these people forever.

 

[awkwardamanda]

I know how you feel about banking and that stuff. My grandparents believe you should pay for everything up front in cash. I don't think even I could save money that well that places will accept cash for big purchases.
I don't trust banks anyway, they are privately owned.
I am scared of getting a job too. I don't know if I can ever do well in an interview.
When I feel like not wanting to go to school I pick a fight with my parents or grandparents. It helps motivate me when I think that I will have to be dependent on these people forever.

It's not really the money I'm worried about. I've always been pretty good about saving so it's there when I need or want to spend it. Even working at a crappy part time job, I save a lot of money because I have no life and no expenses. I pay off my mastercard bill right away if I do use it so I've never even paid interest. I'd prefer to save and be able to put a decent down payment on a car or house or anything like that. If I can pay upfront when I need furniture or appliances, awesome. I don't want to be in debt way over my head like a lot of people. But the thing that worries me is actually dealing with the people at the bank, or insurance company, or car dealer or anything like that. Just having call to make an appointment is bad enough, but then there's the actual having to go in and talk to somebody. And even though I have a math degree, I'm stupid when it comes to finances. I don't know anything about loans and RRSPs and mortgages and all that crap. So I'd go in there feeling dumb as hell for having to start from scratch getting them to explain everything and hoping that I don't get taken advantage of because I don't know any better.::

 

[***deleted***]

I would take a relative that you trust. When I go to the bank I take my g-ma so don't get talked into something I don't need. Usually people at banks are very calm and professional so that helps my anxiety. I would go in for something little like taking out money instead of going to the ATM to get used to the environment.

 

[CosmicNeurotica]

In the end, you can believe whatever you want.
As long as you're happy in your own skin, anything is possible and nothing else matters.

 

[Silvox Black]

The whole basis of "norms" varies from time period and society. The current society we are in has certain traits that are considered "social" and "normal". Do not mistake them with evolutionary benefits to group activity for increased chances of survival. Being social has nothing to do with being inferior.

However in this modern age, it has the consequence of turning the "unsocial" and introverted into stigmas. Survival back in ancient times required groups. It has nothing to do with one man being unable to survive on his own because back then and now, it simply is impossible.

I understand your justifications for your beliefs, but simply because society says that an unsocial person is an unfit person does not mean you have to find ways to rationalize your behavior. A far better suit would be to understand that there is no truly "right" or "wrong" way to live, merely a method that makes you the most satisfied in life. May I ask if you have something personal against extroverts?

 

[***deleted***]

The whole basis of "norms" varies from time period and society. The current society we are in has certain traits that are considered "social" and "normal". Do not mistake them with evolutionary benefits to group activity for increased chances of survival. Being social has nothing to do with being inferior.

However in this modern age, it has the consequence of turning the "unsocial" and introverted into stigmas. Survival back in ancient times required groups. It has nothing to do with one man being unable to survive on his own because back then and now, it simply is impossible.

I understand your justifications for your beliefs, but simply because society says that an unsocial person is an unfit person does not mean you have to find ways to rationalize your behavior. A far better suit would be to understand that there is no truly "right" or "wrong" way to live, merely a method that makes you the most satisfied in life. May I ask if you have something personal against extroverts?

I agree with you. No I have nothing against extrovert, most of my friends in life have been very outgoing loud people. The reason I put that about extroverts was because I think the stigma about introverts was created when people didn't know that people could be introverts.

I think I may have phrased my post wrong. It's not really a belief that I base anything in my life upon. Sometimes I feel inferior to people(it's part of my SA), and I like to ponder on things like this.
I don't see anything wrong with imagining myself in cave man time being alone and self sufficient. Even if it would have been impossible for me to survive.
No matter how many times people say not to rationalize my behavior, everyone does it. As long as you can take a step back, and know that that's what your doing.

But the point of this post was not to rationalize anything. I wanted to know people thoughts on if people are naturally social. I think most people here have agreed that we are all to some extent social creatures. With that being said since I am a natural social being, I should be able to be social without anxiety someday. It gives me hope to think that one day socializing can come naturally to me, but I will have to work at it of course.

sorry for the rant

 

[coyote]

no need to be sorry - this whole thread was awesome

 

[Kiwong]

You know what? I think I am a social creature. I'm not as idependant as I have tried to make myself believe over the years. I appreciate solitude, but alot of what I write and say stems from a need for approval from others.

Yesterday I was at a gathering with people who shared a common interest. A presentation day. And you know what? It felt fantastic to feel like I kind of belonged. Deep down I want that.

Why my social anxiety hurts is because just fitting in, just being a part of something positive feels so great. The trouble is that my anxiety makes fitting in such a slippery slope. Two months ago I had a melt down following a misunderstanding about my anxiety. I felt like an outsider, like I didn't belong.

Not to be loved, or even liked, but just to fit in. That is my goal, it would make my existance much easier.

 

[***deleted***]

I would like a support group of real people I can actually be around. Just a couple of friends who accept me.

and maybe a life partner