How to deal with loneliness?

[MikeyC]

^ I've been left out before on outings and get-togethers like that. Friends have things planned with friends of friends, so you think you'd be invited, but they just go off without you. It's saddening. If you're bored and lonely and need someone to talk to, I'm free to chat.

Yeah, it's not good. Sorry to hear it's been done to you, too. Thanks for the offer - it's highly welcomed.

 

[MikeyC]

I went out last night to a Christmas dinner and then to a nightclub on my own. One of the male teachers (I work at a school) mentioned to me that he also joined up to eHarmony, like I did. He said he felt bad for mentioning it, but he's been on there for about a week and already has a date lined up. I've been there for five months and have gotten nothing. While I didn't feel the "sting" at the time, since I'd had two glasses of champagne and was enjoying conversing with people, later thoughts of that do hurt. I don't know what to do. Some of the ladies said I'm sensitive and good-looking, but were they just being nice?

Yeah, I'm whining again. I don't really have anyone to talk to about this, unfortunately.

This thread should also have had a subtitle called "how to deal with crushes," since I've got like 10 of them. :blushing:

 

[Kiwong]

^ Mikey, those ladies have no taste, they are looking past a good bloke. Maybe you need some testimonials?

 

[MikeyC]

^ Mikey, those ladies have no taste, they are looking past a good bloke. Maybe you need some testimonials?

I should've clarified that the ladies in question who said that were teachers from that night. One of them is very attractive, even if she is in her mid-40's.

I don't think testimonials are going to work for eHarmony. There's nowhere to put such a thing.

Being an anxious person around girls, and a virgin, isn't helping me. Little by little, I'm considering an escort to rid me of both things. I don't want to go down that path, but I may not have a choice.

Thanks for the compliment, Kiwong.

 

[DepravedFurball]

Being an anxious person around girls, and a virgin, isn't helping me. Little by little, I'm considering an escort to rid me of both things. I don't want to go down that path, but I may not have a choice.

Well, I hear it's legal in Oz, but I'm sure you've got more than enough knowledge in that 27 y/o head of yours to know what to do with a beautiful and willing woman, should the opportunity materialize.

It's just your fear of the unknown, first-person experience that's constantly dragging you down, really. I was the same way, back in my late teens. Constantly agonizing that I was going to do the wrong thing and make my loving partner hate me...

Of course, I'm no Casanova (which is good, 'cause that guy was riddled with syphilis), but only after finding someone that I connected to on a fundamental level, and was comfortable with enough to let loose my inhibitions did it become enjoyable.

Really, just try to keep that lack of experience in the back of your mind. It's not like you're just gonna meet a woman and jump right into the sack... so take your time, observe, engage, learn, and grow comfortable. Your next partner needs to be a 'safe area'... and you'll find her. In New Zealand, though. Or Taz.

 

[MikeyC]

Well, I hear it's legal in Oz, but I'm sure you've got more than enough knowledge in that 27 y/o head of yours to know what to do with a beautiful and willing woman, should the opportunity materialize.

It's just your fear of the unknown, first-person experience that's constantly dragging you down, really. I was the same way, back in my late teens. Constantly agonizing that I was going to do the wrong thing and make my loving partner hate me...

Of course, I'm no Casanova (which is good, 'cause that guy was riddled with syphilis), but only after finding someone that I connected to on a fundamental level, and was comfortable with enough to let loose my inhibitions did it become enjoyable.

Really, just try to keep that lack of experience in the back of your mind. It's not like you're just gonna meet a woman and jump right into the sack... so take your time, observe, engage, learn, and grow comfortable. Your next partner needs to be a 'safe area'... and you'll find her. In New Zealand, though. Or Taz.

It's legal in a registered brothel, but illegal to work the streets. I think that's how it works!

Wow, that's awful that he had syphilis! Maybe you did the right thing by not staying with him, and from the sounds of it, I'm right, since your current partner seems like a nice guy.

I'd rather not go to Tasmania or New Zealand to find a girl! Much too far. As much as my lack of experience shouldn't be an issue, as a 27 year old, girls are going to expect I know what I'm doing, so I can only imagine the disappointment when they realise I have no clue. I'm still waiting for the opportunity to materialise. It almost did earlier this year. I wonder when the next one will be?

Thanks for replying.

 

[DepravedFurball]

You're makin' me take the piss, aren't you? Bloody Aussie. h: My ex-gf from Kiwiland must have been correct about all of her jovial remarks.

As a 27 y/o, though, women around your age know what THEY'RE doing, and you'll be able to trust them with taking the lead, for the most part. Even if they don't, just use your extensive knowledge of naughty videos and give them a lot of attention.

But, still, we're talking weeks/months into a committed relationship, right? So really, it's so far down the road that you can put it a couple notches down on the anxiety-rankings. And when the time DOES arise, then you can discuss it like adults, which, hopefully, you both are.

 

[MikeyC]

You're makin' me take the piss, aren't you? Bloody Aussie. XD My ex-gf from Kiwiland must have been correct about all of her jovial remarks.

As a 27 y/o, though, women around your age know what THEY'RE doing, and you'll be able to trust them with taking the lead, for the most part. Even if they don't, just use your extensive knowledge of naughty videos and give them a lot of attention.

But, still, we're talking weeks/months into a committed relationship, right? So really, it's so far down the road that you can put it a couple notches down on the anxiety-rankings. And when the time DOES arise, then you can discuss it like adults, which, hopefully, you both are.

Haha, sorry.

Yeah, it's almost certain that I'll get the girl to take the lead the first time. I do have some knowledge, but no real-world experience.

If she's an adult about it all, I'm sure it'll be alright. Just a matter of when.

 

[DepravedFurball]

And that 'when' is still a long ways off. No need to resort to paying a 'working woman' to cause you to feel more anxious and on-the-spot than you've ever felt before.

Sexual activities for people like us need to be eased into. Pun intended. It's all about trust, comfort, and connection. Three things that you won't be finding in the red-light district.

Find a woman that you can be completely relaxed around first, though. Tall order, I know... but they're out there, bro.

 

[MikeyC]

And that 'when' is still a long ways off. No need to resort to paying a 'working woman' to cause you to feel more anxious and on-the-spot than you've ever felt before.

Sexual activities for people like us need to be eased into. Pun intended. It's all about trust, comfort, and connection. Three things that you won't be finding in the red-light district.

Find a woman that you can be completely relaxed around first, though. Tall order, I know... but they're out there, bro.

Yeah, the nice women are out there (I've met some), but I figured an escort could help me through some of the more pressing issues so I can be more relaxed for that girl, but I guess there's no right or wrong (okay, maybe a little, haha).

 

[DepravedFurball]

And what's your next partner going to say when you confess that you lost your virginity to a prostitute?

Negative points, dood.

Better to stay 'pure', and allow your lucky little lady to share in something special. ^^

 

[new account]

I've never seen any girls who I would like because I would only want a super shy one.

I would hate one who is sociable. That's nasty! I don't want to be forced to go to public places!

I never see shy girls on dating websites. I've looked through millions of profiles and they all seem to love to socialize with a ton of friends, so I would never like them.

Finding girls who hate to socialize is impossible!

I think if would be funny if I get someone to like me and she leaves me for MikeyC because he's richer.

I'll say "why'd you leave me?"

She'll say "because MikeyC is completely superior."

 

[DepravedFurball]

I never see shy girls on dating websites. I've looked through millions of profiles and they all seem to love to socialize with a ton of friends, so I would never like them.

Finding girls who hate to socialize is impossible!

Haha.

 

[ImNotMyIllness]

I went out last night to a Christmas dinner and then to a nightclub on my own. One of the male teachers (I work at a school) mentioned to me that he also joined up to eHarmony, like I did. He said he felt bad for mentioning it, but he's been on there for about a week and already has a date lined up. I've been there for five months and have gotten nothing. While I didn't feel the "sting" at the time, since I'd had two glasses of champagne and was enjoying conversing with people, later thoughts of that do hurt. I don't know what to do. Some of the ladies said I'm sensitive and good-looking, but were they just being nice?

Yeah, I'm whining again. I don't really have anyone to talk to about this, unfortunately.

This thread should also have had a subtitle called "how to deal with crushes," since I've got like 10 of them. :blushing:

Hmmm....Women love sensitive and good looking guys...But, the question is why aren't they interested in you? Probably because you're not assertive/forward enough. Like me, you're probably too wrapped up in your own sorrows. So, women look at you like a pretty knot, but a knot none the less that they don't have the energy to try to figure out and untie.

This might confuse you because it's well known that ladies love the dark, broken and unavailable guy. He's also a knot but he brings about a sense of danger and mystery, which excites women.....You and I, come across as too nice......

The solution is that we need to learn to be more forward and sure of ourselves. Women will respond accordingly. It's like a dance. If the guy does't know where or how to lead, she won't follow.

 

[Odo]

Yeah, the nice women are out there (I've met some), but I figured an escort could help me through some of the more pressing issues so I can be more relaxed for that girl, but I guess there's no right or wrong (okay, maybe a little, haha).

Going to an escort definitely isn't going to help you get any more realistic about what to expect in a relationship, which I think is probably what you're after.

You probably should stop placing so much importance on sex. I don't know what exactly you're doing but sometimes if you have sex on the brain when you're spending time with a girl it will get in the way and make everything weird.

I'm not an expert or anything but one time I had success by going out of my way to give absolutely no indication that I was interested in sex. I think it made me seem strangely unavailable or something and I ended up with these two girls competing to see who could sleep with me first... the more I avoided the topic of sex, and the more actively naive I acted, the more interested they became. I did say I liked them both in a really sort of innocent way, but I didn't say any more than that. Apparently, that made me stand out.

And I wasn't even half as hunky as you are. But these girls were kinda loopy so you might not be into that.

Girls are kind of messed up, actually.

 

[MikeyC]

And what's your next partner going to say when you confess that you lost your virginity to a prostitute?

Negative points, dood.

Better to stay 'pure', and allow your lucky little lady to share in something special. ^^

Uh, I probably would neglect to tell her that part of my life until way into the relationship!

I think if would be funny if I get someone to like me and she leaves me for MikeyC because he's richer.

I'll say "why'd you leave me?"

She'll say "because MikeyC is completely superior."

Hey, this is not a good thing to say about yourself! Finding shy girls is possible, but it's hard to find them because they're shy. You're shy, too. Neither of you want to socialise. It's difficult to meet each other when neither of you are going out anywhere! But it is possible.

Hmmm....Women love sensitive and good looking guys...But, the question is why aren't they interested in you? Probably because you're not assertive/forward enough. Like me, you're probably too wrapped up in your own sorrows. So, women look at you like a pretty knot, but a knot none the less that they don't have the energy to try to figure out and untie.

This might confuse you because it's well known that ladies love the dark, broken and unavailable guy. He's also a knot but he brings about a sense of danger and mystery, which excites women.....You and I, come across as too nice......

The solution is that we need to learn to be more forward and sure of ourselves. Women will respond accordingly. It's like a dance. If the guy does't know where or how to lead, she won't follow.

Being more forward. Oh, man, that is very true. Dutch courage doesn't work - I've tried! I guess it's just a matter of continuing to try...somehow, heh.

Going to an escort definitely isn't going to help you get any more realistic about what to expect in a relationship, which I think is probably what you're after.

You probably should stop placing so much importance on sex. I don't know what exactly you're doing but sometimes if you have sex on the brain when you're spending time with a girl it will get in the way and make everything weird.

I'm not an expert or anything but one time I had success by going out of my way to give absolutely no indication that I was interested in sex. I think it made me seem strangely unavailable or something and I ended up with these two girls competing to see who could sleep with me first... the more I avoided the topic of sex, and the more actively naive I acted, the more interested they became. I did say I liked them both in a really sort of innocent way, but I didn't say any more than that. Apparently, that made me stand out.

And I wasn't even half as hunky as you are. But these girls were kinda loopy so you might not be into that.

Girls are kind of messed up, actually.

That's interesting that those girls were more keen the more you avoided the possibility of sex. I don't exactly hunt for sex, but I do admit to having it on the brain a great deal. There must've been some allure about you that time.

Thanks for your thoughts, Odo. I am more thinking of an escort as a way to alleviate anxiety around sex, rather than just getting my virginity lost. I'll need some more money for that, anyway.

 

[Kiwong]

I think some sort of a desire to socialize might be involved in establishing a relationship.

 

[DepravedFurball]

I think some sort of a desire to socialize might be involved in establishing a relationship.

LIES!

Isn't that right, Palmela? *looks to left hand*

 

[Kiwong]

LIES!

Isn't that right, Palmela? *looks to left hand*

:bigsmile::bigsmile:

 

[Odo]

That's interesting that those girls were more keen the more you avoided the possibility of sex. I don't exactly hunt for sex, but I do admit to having it on the brain a great deal. There must've been some allure about you that time.

Thanks for your thoughts, Odo. I am more thinking of an escort as a way to alleviate anxiety around sex, rather than just getting my virginity lost. I'll need some more money for that, anyway.

if I were you I would start by ditching the porn collection. That's probably one of the reasons you have sex on the brain so much and if you can't talk to a woman without being distracted by all of that then you're not going to be in control and you're just going to end up coming off as creepy.