How painful is rejection for you?

[gsmax5]

I'm not just talking about rejection from dating; I'm also talking about rejection from peers, and social blunders (because they all elicit that horrible feeling of embarrassment). For most people, I think, the pain doesn't last very long. They feel bad about it for at most 10-20 minutes, and then they forget about it and move on.

I, however, never get over bad social experiences. I'm not saying that it takes me a longer time to get over them -- I'm saying that I literally never get over bad social experiences.

For example, about 6 months ago, I had a job interview. The interview went really badly because my mind kept blanking out and I kept freezing up and stuttering, so of course I didn't get the job. The worst part of the interview was when the interviewer asked me "Why do you want to work at the company." I made the mistake of saying that it was for the pay. When she asked me what I would add to the company, I couldn't think of anything so we moved on without me giving an answer. It's not that I was lazy and didn't prepare -- I did -- it was that my mind kept going blank every time she asked me anything.

A normal person would have forgotten about the interview after a week at most, but not me. I keep having flashbacks of the interview, even today. THEY ARE AWFUL. It's just like I am re-living the interview with all the horrible emotions it evoked. I continue to worry about what the interviewer thought of me every day, even though I will probably never see her again.

Any similar experiences of people caring way too much about past social experiences?

 

[guessed]

I still do that about things that happened 10-15 years ago. I cringe every time. I walk through every thought, every misstep, every awkward moment, every humiliating reaction from peers or coworkers. I relive the misery over and over again, like a broken record. I try to tell myself that it's important to learn from my mistakes and move on, but I'm unable to do so. The only thing that really stops me from this is when I make another mistake. Then I ruminate about the new mistake instead of the old one. It has gotten so bad that I wanted to commit suicide just to get a break.

The only thing that has brought a small amount of relief is CBT. When I start ruminating, I tell myself: Ok, I've already thought about this many times before and I don't need, nor want to think about it now. This helps if I'm able to catch myself obsessing. Most of the time, I'm not able to catch myself quick enough to stop it from starting.

I'm sorry you're also exeriencing the same thing gmax, I know what a hell it can be.

 

[Kiwong]

I feel exactly the same way as you guessed. I can handle someone rejecting me if they are pleasant about it, but they rarely are in my experience. There seems to be a whole adolescent nastieness, name calling and gossip associated with this part of human behaviour that makes me physically sick, and not want to be a part of.

Without question an incident 10 years ago was a catalyst for the depression and anxiety I suffer from today. I had unrequited feelings for someone I suspect I was in love with. I knew straight away by that persons reaction to my feelings that they were unrequited.

I copped nasty gossip, and cold behaviour, from this persons friends for weeks after I knew my interest was unrequited. That was what destroyed me, having to be around these people and cop the continued persecution that I was STILL hitting on that person. I loved her, it wans't cheap come on!

I hate that word 'hitting' with a vengeance, a childish word if ever there was one, but spoken by people of many different ages, who should be capable of more intelligent word choices.

The incident ten years ago has fundamentally effected my trust of people. I can't talk to anyone for the fea that they might think I am "hitting" on them, even though I am not. My anxiety can certianly sometimes be misinterpreted as that.

Right now my feeling is that I don't want to show romantic interest in another human being. I want to show how wrong some of these facile gossips are about me, by boycotting the whole adolescent realm of dating and relationships.

I want to go the grave a virgin, and never having had an intimate relationship, just to prove how wrong people have been about me. My sexuality is a waste of time that has prevented me from persuing more interesting things in life. Running is much better than sex anyway.

 

[Aussie_Lad]

I can relate because I used to beat myself up for months, sometime years, over mistakes that I made in the past, leading someone to think poorly of me. These days my self-esteem is closer to an avarage persons, so rejection does not have such an affect on me. I also like to deal with problems as they come along now, as I know that holding onto things can be mentally devastating. Some things can be difficult to deal with, but strong emotions need to be realeased in a constructive manner.

 

[alspacka]

Well, if you were to use the schmidt sting pain index, I'd say

3.0: Bold and unrelenting. Somebody is using a drill to excavate your ingrown toenail.

 

[Inspiration]

things happen 20+ year ago i still remember and i still beat myself for it. I can't accept rejection well.

 

[Sinar_Matahari]

I've learned to be more forgiving of myself. My therapist put it this way...what is the worst that could happen if you become embarrassed? Would you die suddenly? No, besides are you the only person who has ever done or said something to embarrass yourself? Nope. Chances are that you'll remember when everyone else has long forgotten. We've all had our embarrassing moments and keeping this in mind helps me.

I find that my friends laughing at my blunders actually helps me laugh at myself and not take things so seriously. Also, if I ever begin to think about an embarrassing situation, I stop and remind myself that it is not the end of the world. My friend once said sheap chit instead of cheap s*hit and we both laughed our asses off. Then there was a time when she kept making fun of me because I tried pouring a drink out of a bottle that still had it's cap on. I got her back this year because she did the same thing. Then another girl who was with us did the same.

Oh, and last Saturday when we went out to this wine fest...we were standing around drinking when we ran into an old friend. Well... she ran into us. This was followed by high pitched squeals of excited women. Anyway, there was a guy standing among my group of friends. He was looking at me like he wanted to introduce himself, and I simply thought that he was in the same company as the friend who ran into us. So I go up to him and introduce myself. Then along comes a group of six of his friends and I introduce myself to them. I then slowly begin to realize that these people weren't with my friend at all! LOL After a bit of small talk, I slowly and tactfully snuck away from them and returned to where my friends were standing. I felt kinda stupid, but I still thought it was funny. I told my friends and had a good laugh.

 

[Rembrandt Broam]

I think it's fair to say that I dwell on such things much more and for far longer than the average person. They don't even have to be huge errors or blunders either. Relatively trivial mistakes can plague me weeks, months or even years later. I tend to overanalyze a lot. And I do mean a lot. :/

the interviewer asked me "Why do you want to work at the company."

Possibly the most stupid and banal interview question ever. I've often been tempted to respond with "Do you really want me to dignify that with an answer, or shall we both pretend that you never uttered such an asinine question in the first place, and just move on?"

 

[Tiercel]

My line of thinking is usually something like this:

I've never been good enough for anyone so far. How will the next time be any different?

Not the best way to go through life, but I guess it beats physically carrying a cross.

 

[IamThisOne]

If I get "rejected" it stays with me forever.

 

[EasySkanking]

Actually, I'm not that afraid of rejection... I don't know, social anxiety is fricken weird... I'm "afraid" (traumatized more like it) about them not liking me in the first place or something...

 

[SilverFire]

I've written tons on this, but something I wrote early on eventually made me realize what I was doing. I wrote that I was finishing what others started, so if they were attacking me, I'd finish the job. It took me years to realize that in doing that I was destroying something good -- me. And I don't mean that from any egocentric standpoint, but just understanding my place in the universe. I'm worth something. I matter. They can think otherwise, but They Are Wrong. I won't let Them own me, because to let them have the final say means I'm agreeing with them, and really, what do they really know about me, looking at me from the outside? Jack, that's what. So they can't possibly be right, you know?