takethislife
Well-known member
I see that people in this forum (a lot of them actually considering they have SA) are dating someone (at least they say so). Can't see how this is possible. Especially for guys, who have to make the first move.
How is it possible that a SA sufferer has a girlfriend/boyfriend?
- Thread starter takethislife
- Start date
Felgen is right, it is a spectrum- but I don't think it's necessarily a straight spectrum. As in, different situations are different for different people. Something that I have no problem with may be terrifying for another person, who in turn can easily do something that I can't even fathom trying. It's complicated.
takethislife
Well-known member
Yea but... It's kinda hard to function when you're experiencing a freaking panic attack. That's the whole point, finding a way i get it, but i can't see it happening for myself.
coyote
Well-known member
never say never
Forgotten-Children
Well-known member
THE MAGICAL POWER OF THE INTER-MA-NET! 8D
Yeah. I found my boyfriend off of a Pokemon forum. Err.. well he found me. xD
Yeah. I found my boyfriend off of a Pokemon forum. Err.. well he found me. xD
I find women easy and pleasant to talk to, for the most part. My own gender is too macho for my liking. That's not to say I'm effeminate, but the truth is, I'd rather laugh about a celebrity's stupid plastic surgery than comment on how great 'the big game' was. So from an early age, I felt like I had a natural ability to get along better with women, and once I learned a few ways to start some lighthearted chit-chat, I found that I did fine when it comes to getting a date. The flipside is that because of that, I seem to have a hard time identifying with other guys. And there are other aspects of socialising that make me want to hyperventilate - such as job interviews, public speaking, and talking to companies on the phone. So it's entirely possible to have social anxiety and still have a partner. It really all depends on a person's individual issues.
punklove
Well-known member
I was lucky... a boy chased me down. And he's very understanding about my problem- he has some of his own. Sometimes we have problems because of my SA, but because I'm so comfortable around him I'm usually fine. Still can't deal with disapproval though
Exactly my situation too
I'm Not There
Well-known member
I'm a guy who's nearly 21. I had my first and only girlfriend when I was 15. Of course she was the one to initiate everything. After nearly 2 months she couldn't stand my shyness/SA anymore and broke up with me.
So you see, it's not impossible. An understanding girl who makes the first move is all what most of us guys can hope for. Girls on the other hand tend to have it easier, since they're not expected to make the first move. That's likely why you'll see more girls than guys here who are in a relationship.
So you see, it's not impossible. An understanding girl who makes the first move is all what most of us guys can hope for. Girls on the other hand tend to have it easier, since they're not expected to make the first move. That's likely why you'll see more girls than guys here who are in a relationship.
Sometimes, you want something so bad, you go for it. That's what happened with me in the past. I was sick and tired of anxiety seemingly 'ruining' the things I enjoyed in life, or wanted to enjoy. It took a lot of strength, and caused me problems even just getting to know them, but it worked. I'd do the same again, if I met somebody that I felt was really worth it like that person was.
Generally though, speaking from my experience at least, it's very hard to initially meet people. Based upon the fact that for varying reasons, we tend to avoid people and social events, it's hard to 'get yourself out there'. I also find it hard to keep those friendships going over a long period of time, because the anxiety gets tougher when you get closer with somebody, whether that's a relationship or general friendship. I don't want to be pessimistic, but it can be a very lonely life that we lead with on-going problems like these.
Generally though, speaking from my experience at least, it's very hard to initially meet people. Based upon the fact that for varying reasons, we tend to avoid people and social events, it's hard to 'get yourself out there'. I also find it hard to keep those friendships going over a long period of time, because the anxiety gets tougher when you get closer with somebody, whether that's a relationship or general friendship. I don't want to be pessimistic, but it can be a very lonely life that we lead with on-going problems like these.
TooShyShy
Well-known member
Takethislife..
Now is the issue actually asking a girl out itself..getting the nerve to do so without anxiety and fear?
Getting that ''yes'' from a woman you are attracted to and want to date? Or is more then just first initiating, the getting together....an actual date?
I have heard some men say THAT is the worst part, asking out a woman you like without knowing how she feels first
Now is the issue actually asking a girl out itself..getting the nerve to do so without anxiety and fear?
Getting that ''yes'' from a woman you are attracted to and want to date? Or is more then just first initiating, the getting together....an actual date?
I have heard some men say THAT is the worst part, asking out a woman you like without knowing how she feels first
just wanna b normal
Well-known member
i know thats what im saying
I found my current girlfriend several years ago through an internet dating site. She was actually the first person to respond to my announcement (which didn't have a picture and a lot of detail by the way). After a few emails we found out we liked each other and we decided to meet (she stayed about 15 km from me). This was very hard for me at the time, because I was still very self-conscious and shy at the time. On the other hand I had been extremely lonely and depressed in the previous years, and I thought that I just had to have some guts and take up the challenge, and just see how it would work out. I didn't have much to lose anyway. Luckily she was a very open-minded person, who could see through my tension and shyness, and that first meeting still went ok.
So in that way I've only been on one date in my life, which is also quite pathetic when I think about it .
So in that way I've only been on one date in my life, which is also quite pathetic when I think about it
.
I'm sorry for that. But you have to keep hope, there are people who are open-minded enough to be able to cope with these problems from their partner, although I guess many others are not so understanding.
My social anxiety was probably already getting a bit better at that time, since I was able to go to that first date with my girlfriend in the end. The situation when I was first dating her (now several years ago) was a bit complicated, as she was staying with people who didn't approve of her having a boyfriend. So we had to meet on her few afternoons out. In this way I was forced to go to places I would not have gone otherwise (movie theatres, restaurants, clothing shops, even churches
). So this experience was actually a training for me to deal with social situations I would have shunned otherwise. Currently we're going through a difficult time in our relationship, but no matter what I will always be grateful to her for having been so understanding and encouraging.