How important are friends to you?

[EscapeArtist]

It's actually very important for me to have close friends. Yet I have none, lol. Unfortunately I'm very picky with the friends I make, at the same time I don't like being dishonest by hiding things but I don't like sharing things because I feel like people will give me too much attention, so after a few months I just push all potential friends out of my life. It's something I'm working on... But friends are very important.

 

[IGotSeoul]

You almost don’t know you exist until someone else receives you. Our friends create us in lots of ways.

 

[caringsoul]

i've gotten used to not having friends, so when a potential friend comes along i dont seem to make an effort thinking we aint really going to be "real" friends, so when they leave me, i get really depress and sad and realise i lost a friend.

the last friend i lost, is ashame, because he was a really nice person. and i rarely can meet someone like that in my life. but maybe it was better for him to be surrounded by nice people and not someone like me.

 

[Hamelech]

YouTube - ‪Simon & Garfunkel - I Am a Rock‬‏

 

[Deus_Ex_Lemur]

Okay if were getting corny and bring out the Simon and Garfunkel...

YouTube - ‪Simon and Garfunkel - Bridge Over Troubled Water Original Version‬‏

 

[Feathers]

i've gotten used to not having friends, so when a potential friend comes along i dont seem to make an effort thinking we aint really going to be "real" friends, so when they leave me, i get really depress and sad and realise i lost a friend.

the last friend i lost, is ashame, because he was a really nice person. and i rarely can meet someone like that in my life. but maybe it was better for him to be surrounded by nice people and not someone like me.

Well, if we accept that most of sa is due to negative thoughts in one's head that AREN'T REALISTIC!! or 'real' and are just 'ants' (anti-messages!) trying to mess with you - do you think this kind of thinking is really realistic?

You do seem like a nice person, so why do you think other people would be better off with others?? I used to think this about a boy I liked (loong years ago!!) and then he ended up with someone really, umm, not very nice...

So, just think how much more WORSE off other people could be too!! At least you *try* to be nice & caring even if it doesn't always work out so great!! Some people don't even TRY!! Ya know?

So give yourself credit - none of us are perfect but you certainly have good & great points too!!
Wishing you more nice friends to come your way!!

Sometimes it's just a matter of numbers and life circumstances!! Like logistics/transport/where you live/hobbies & interests etc. (Kinda like with CVs, you know? Some people write hundreds of applications to get a good or great job, or a few! Some get lucky right away - but may get into trouble later along the way.. Very few people have it good ALL the time and in ALL respects.. And it's similar with friends!! Only you don't usually need a CV!)

People with 'many' friends sometimes only have 'superficial' friendships and 'deeper' people maybe wouldn't like that or consider that 'friendship' even.. Many 'quiet' or 'shy' people can be really great & AWESOME friends!!!

Lemur, LOVE that song!!

 

[Luke1993]

Online friends that I have now made are very important to me!

No real life friends but I really wish I did have them. They would certainly be very important to me if I did have them.

 

[Iseesky]

Whoaaa thanks for the comments guys!
I agree with you all in that friends are important. I need to find people that I feel comfortable around...Loyal people who are trustworthy that I can talk to about anything.
I think some of my issues with friendship is that I start to rely on my friends too much...Then I find out they can't be relied on and it depresses me.

Looove Simon and Garfunkel. I can't seem to embed a video, though. :|
Was going to see them live, but the concert got cancelled.

 

[dean01]

what defines a friend? someone who talks to you and you confide in, then goes off and treats your life like gossip spreading about when they have no clue as to the upset they cause. friends cha! they can go to hell!

 

[Feathers]

It's good to have a bunch of friends - both online and offline... so that if someone is busy/overwhelmed/not interested in our current interests/preoccupations/problems we can find someone else!! Or if the present friends aren't interested, we can find someone new!!

Dean, sorry to hear you had a bad experience with people... not everyone is like that, you know!!
It's good to get to know people well first, and build trust slowly, so that you know who you can trust with what!!

Many people trust to soon (or say too much online or offline, without thinking) - then again, some may trust too late or not at all.. there needs to be a sort of balance I guess, and it's not always easy to find it!!

I hope you did tell the people that you were upset with what they did.. Not sure how old you are, some people especially when young can be reckless or may not regard some things as needing to be 'private'...

Then again, sometimes there can be 'overwhelm' and if the person doesn't know how to help you they may talk to someone else to get info/input.. (and sometimes maybe that other person isn't so reliable, or sometimes they are..) It's good to talk about these things ahead of telling something to a friend or anyone.. What is to be 'private' and what not etc.
And even if you do so, they may blurt it out inadvertently or when upset or something, and without meaning to put you into a bad position.

Think about it also: is it really THAT important??
Sometimes secrets must be kept, sometimes 'secrets' aren't really secrets or that big a deal and input from other people (not just one friend) could even be helpful!!

(I don't know your situation so can't comment on that!!)

If you live in a small town or are still in high school/college, there may be more talk going around too, depending on who you hang out with..

Obviously if you totally DON'T want something to be known to anyone, better keep it private or maybe write in a journal in some code/encrypted or a language no one understands, or talk to a therapists/psychologist or priest who has an ethical codex so that they must keep your details private! Even then some things may get to be known, so hmm.. Maybe it's better to work on a different point of view so that you 'deal' with the situation 'even if other people find out about this, so what?' Many people have probably gone through what you've been going through, we are all just human...

You can have fun with friends even if you don't tell them all your secrets, ya know?

 

[nikkixo]

honestly my friends aren't very important to me. all of my friends now i could live without..except my best friend i guess. all of my close friends are friends that i've had since middle/high school and we just don't have anything in common anymore. but i guess its better than being alone.

 

[Rose_Red]

Right now, I couldn't care much of friends.
I don't have any and I don't need any.
People lead to disappointment, and too many people take a advantage of my kind-hearted nature. I normally give my all in a friendship and I'm incredibly loyal but not many people geninuely be a friend back.
Friends lead to too much pain, and too much effort and I give up.
Acquaintances, I guess are better than nothing.. they aren't close enough to you that they will lead to disappointment because you shouldn't except much from an acquaintance.. just someone to go out with and talk to every now and again so you aren't completely alone.
I don't have any of those either.. but I do occassionally talk to people I've known throughout the years and people I've met online, not often but it's something more than being completely alone.

Maybe if I met better people maybe I won't be so bitter about it, but until then, I don't think much of friends.

 

[Quelqu'un]

I don't have many friends, but the few that I have I couldn't live without. We met in college. I think I started talking to them because they seemed so nice and genuine. I usually gravitate towards these types of people.

Anyway, now they are my best and only true friends. I love them like sisters. I trust them and can be totally open and honest about anything. They are genuine, kind, fun to be around. Actually, since I've met them, I feel like my SA has gotten a lot better and I like myself more because they've helped me with my self-confidence. They're super-positive and... Ok, you're probably tired of reading this, but I can go on and on about them. That's how much I love them. Truly some of the kindest, most amazing people I've ever had the privilege to meet thus far. I'd be lost without them.

As for online friends, don't have any. I don't have Facebook and just joined this website, but I'm not great at expressing myself in writing, and I also feel awkward "approaching" people online. I need to see people in person, to read their facial expressions and body language to see what they're like.

People, I know many of you say friends are not important and you can live without them, but the reality is, we as humans need these types of relationships for life to be enjoyable. I also think you can't be bitter and miserable and unpleasant to be around because then no one will want to be around you. Would you want to hang out with yourself? I know this can be very hard for anyone with severe SA, but you must try your hardest. My advice is, seek people that are truly kind, positive, good people (if that's how you are too, deep down) and they will help make life worth living.

 

[CosmicNeurotica]

It's not what you know, it's who you know. Good friends help you like no one else can. They help you see, they make you feel better, they support you, and they get you jobs.
I'd say they are pretty important.

 

[Noop]

not that important,

most people i've known were for a short time because it was for other reasons. they went away or are working now so i'm not worth knowing being jobless/useless.

i don't wanna know people and i don't want friends.

the same goes for girls, waste of my time, i have lots of it, but it's still a waste.

 

[Psychedelicious]

Away

I wouldn't know important they are since I don't have any. I'm just going to assume that they are quite important...

 

[Katipia]

being 15, i really want to have friends, so i can fit in. i feel like a loner freak sometimes. this year, i have come out of my shell a bit more. this made me hopeful that people would want to see me over the summer too. but no such luck. i feel like people only talk to me to be nice, and i don't really matter, even though they matter alot to me.

 

[Bustn Justin]

My SA made me miss cues that there were people who want to be my friend.

I now do have a buddy who I can talk to and help me overcome my fear of being open with others.

 

[ZoneOutGrl4]

I only have a handful of friends that I hold on to dearly! I want more but since it takes me a while to make them or relationship build. When I have/get ppl or friends I've been so desperate for I get clingy & lose them they leave me or I blow it! But they are important to me!

 

[Skullomania]

Never really had any real friends except for 1 that I rarely see anymore. I've been okay a lot of the times. So I think friends aren't that important to me. It would be nice to have someone to talk to though. I haven't been able to do that in a while.