How do you remove desire from your life

[KiaKaha]

I'm dead serious. I have come to the conclusion that the only way that I am going to become content with my existence is to remove all desire from my life.... frustration and disapointment is a regular occurance, it happens a little too often... and the reason is because I have expectations, hope that I may recieve the thing it is that I desire. I would rather just remain pessimistic, or at the very least neutral toward absolutely everything. I no longer want to feel like I cant attain things that I used to think were perfectly reasonable.

- I dont want to feel like I can change my environment
- I dont want to feel attracted to women (I sometimes wish I was asexual)
- I dont want to want people to like me
- I dont want to feel that I can change the world to make things fairer

I just dont want to be let down anymore. Logically speaking... if I dont expect anything, then I wont be let down or disappointed, then I would be happy.... but this is a difficult way to think about things... so...uh... how do you do it?

 

[MikeyC]

I don't know if you can just "remove" such a strong emotion from your body.

I can understand your reasons for wanting to do so, and honestly it would help me out, too, but the times when I feel good and have good expectations about something are feelings I don't want to abandon.

Saying you don't want to want people to like you probably comes down to confidence more than anything, I think. Once you accept who you are you won't want everyone to do that and you'll realise who the good people in your life are and discard the rest.

 

[DeadmanWalking]

I'm sorry, but that is an impossible request. Desire is a part of the nature of all things. What you are most likely asking is "How can I learn how to place less importance on them?". And you do that by preoccuping your mind with other things. Go fulfill your life dreams, get some hobbies, and never sit down. Always be on the move and doing things. These things will push your desires to the back of your mind and you won't think about them so much.

 

[kihira]

Accept the things you can't change; lay them to rest

Have courage to change the things you can; be imaginative and realistic about how you can change things, too. Even small changes can feel good

Be wise enough to know the difference between what you can and cannot change; take time out to think about it

 

[Etbow23]

I don't know, I mean desire can be painful, but it can also lead to you to do things to change your life and how things are for you. Sometimes I wish I could be more accepting of my circumstances and accept things that have happened and realize I can never change them, but then again if I didn't have any desire I wouldn't do anything for my better good either, because I wouldn't be desiring better things, you know?

It's part of being human. But there are things I wish I could not desire any more because they're too painful. One of the biggest things is for someone to risen from the dead (my good friend who died). Sometimes it's so painful to want something so bad and yet you know if will never in a million years happen. That's the hardest thing because it's like punching a concrete wall; it'll never break through. But *sigh* that's life.

 

[Kiwong]

I think life is always a struggle, and most of the time its a knife edge between dream and nightmare, disappointment seems to be the norm. That is the wonder of life, it is a hard struggle, but if you continue to fight even it is only to say "take that nightmare" sometimes things can change for the better like a rabbit being pulled out of a magical hat.

Thoughts=dreams=actions=results. I wrote on my blog that thoughts are like seeds left discarded to grow into dreams. I write the thoughts down. Some of those thoughts have blossomed into unexpected dreams coming true. My desire to survive debilitating illness, my desire to walk without pain, my desire beat panic attacks, my desire to run again. They all came true. Thoughts are a powerful thing an unstoppable force if acted upon.

Voices of truth. I also write down the voices of truth such as "one day you will wake up and it will be better." I didn't believe her but it was truth. Some times you hear encouraging words but you don't listen to them. But they can become the truth.



Ok my biggest struggle is I think I am uncomfortable with people liking me because it sets up an expectation, and I fear that with my anxiety I will will disappoint. As soon as someone is kind, my defences go up and my anxiety goes to work thinking about ways I can upset them and lose that kindness

 

[nafadda]

well..my answer to your question(not sure if you want it since we tend to agree to disagree on some subjects,but here goes anyway)

I would remove desire by simply not desiring things I will not have and do not need and can not probably change.

in other words I'd be content with what I have if I wanted to remove desire from my life.I'd concentrate on what I know I already have and can do instead of things I wanted or thought I needed to do.

when I tell people now a days I do not want anything they sometimes find it odd.well I simply say I have the things I want and feel that I need and if I am lacking for something I may eventually get it ,and if I do not,I guess I didn't need it that bad,or it simply was not meant to be and I just go on.

but these days I tend to like to keep things a bit simple like that.

you say you don't want to be 'let down' anymore.well good luck with that expectation.in a perfect world i guess no one would be let down,,but we ALL know this isn't a 'perfect' world.

 

[kihira]

Thoughts=dreams=actions=results. I wrote on my blog that thoughts are like seeds left discarded to grow into dreams. I write the thoughts down. Some of those thoughts have blossomed into unexpected dreams coming true. My desire to survive debilitating illness, my desire to walk without pain, my desire beat panic attacks, my desire to run again. They all came true. Thoughts are a powerful thing an unstoppable force if acted upon.

Terrific post, Kiwong. I love this bit especially

 

[Kiwong]

Terrific post, Kiwong. I love this bit especially

Ta Phocas, I have my positive moments.

 

[twiggle]

As others have said I think desire is important in terms of being able to give you the nudge to go forward and try and achieve your dreams.

Life would be a lot easier without desire. I think that way myself. How I wish I didn't want the things I can't get. But there are also things that I want that I could get, and having those desires drives me to them. If we didn't have desire what would be the meaning of our life? Where would we get our sense of fulfillment from?

I think the best thing to do is not remove desire from your life, but for each dream you have - prepare yourself for the idea that it may not work out. Explore all options. So you don't want to feel attracted to women anymore. It doesn't have to be a case of keeping your eyes shut and only ever talking to men, but just focus on the positives of not having a girlfriend (there are plenty). That way, you'll still have the desire but it won't be so intense, and so if you were to be disappointed it wouldn't be as hurtful. It may be that you meet a lovely woman and then everything else is rendered irrelevant. By then it won't matter.

I think dreams are a necessity in moving forward and having a happy life. Life without dreams and desires is easy peasy but also probably very boring... no sparks of joy when you get the things you want, less reason to get up each morning and live. Keep those desires but just prepare yourself for all possibilities and eventualities, and try and see the plus side to each. That way you won't dread disappointment so much but you'll still progress with your desires.

That phrase "every cloud has a silver lining" may be a cliche and it can't be applied to all circumstances, I know that, but it can be applied to many, particularly when desire is involved. Sometimes disappointment is a sign that something isn't meant to be, and we must explore other options.

Hope this has helped somewhat. I rambled again.

 

[MikeyC]

Life without dreams and desires is easy peasy but also probably very boring... no sparks of joy when you get the things you want, less reason to get up each morning and live.

So true. And it doesn't even matter how large or small the desire is - the desire to build your dream house or the desire to eat bacon and eggs in the morning - it's those small things that will give you something to strive for and something to look forward to.

 

[EscapeArtist]

Isn't Buddhism about removing desires? There are many books out there on it around this spirituality. Maybe it would interest you to get into Buddhism? If i'm not mistaken they believe enlightenment comes from the removal of desire

 

[Feathers]

Yeah lol I was about to say: join Buddhism too! Great minds think alike haha!!
I don't know if you have the patience or spirituality for it, some people apparently find themselves in it?

I've been wondering about ways to deal with disappointment and reduce it too - I think as long as we live there will be some disappointment with oneself and others... We're not perfect and others aren't too... It's important to accept that I guess.. And do what you can while having backup plans in case things don't work out or work out differently too... You can also ask yourself: are these desires good and natural? Many may mean you're a normal human being and it's just part of the human experience!!
(Sometimes nutrition can make a difference eg in 'drive' for things/people too... personal experience and observation of others..) And yeah if you have other things to distract yourself with!!

Idealists can have it tough in 'RL'. And the world isn't 'fair', sometimes it can be made 'fairer' - if not by you, maybe by other people out there? A lot of people aren't happy with the way things are.... And if not us, maybe later generations will make a difference?
We can co-create our reality, to varying degrees... If you feel burnt out maybe take a rest and trust others will do enough? (And/or pray? )
It helped me to read more about Myers-Briggs personality types and take quizzes that showed me my personality & to find others with the same...

Personally, I admire more people who wish good things, than those that strive to do bad things...

Twiggle, very good & helpful post! Some others 'hit a chord' too...

 

[Lea]

Read Seneca´s books, guess you might find him interesting.

I could do with some desire though right now.. esp. desire to work.

 

[Feathers]

I could do with some desire though right now.. esp. desire to work.

Oh lol Lea, can I interest you in desire to clean my bathroom, or do the dishes/laundry? haha

I think some desires/inspirations/motivations are life important lol

 

[The Observer]

I think it would take many years or practice to remove such a strong human desire. To desire is a desire in all humans. I'd say most people on earth want to be liked/loved by someone no matter how much they try to tell themself otherwise.

I think your just hurt and tired of being let down as you said. It's not a reason to stop wanting or desiring things. To begin to overcome this just, realize that people will let you down from time to time. Knowing this and keeping it at the back of your mind the next time it happens you can say to yourself "oh well, I kinda half expected that to happen" and just forget about it.

Another example, I mean you know its gonna rain somedays during any given month, one of these days you might have something planned and it might rain. Somewhere at the back of your mind your aware it might rain and when it does you kinda half expected it would, sure you may be annoyed...its normal! but you dont let it hamper you.

 

[KiaKaha]

Buddhism is an area I have always been mildly attracted too. Unfortunately I dont really know too much about it, but I have attended Buddhist chanting sessions. Perhaps... perhaps...

I need a way to deal with having hopes and desires without the inevitable disappointment crushing my spirit.... ensuring that I deal with it without spiralling me into a depth of depression, apathy and despair.

 

[WeirdyMcGee]

I don't know how I've become like this, Kia-- or if it's something you can actually do to try and 'remove desire', but as I've learned; having no desire for anything means you're left with no desire to live, either.

I think it's human nature to want things, to aspire towards higher goals.
It's hard to want what we have; as we already have it-- the grass is always greener, right?

Being asexual isn't fun, as I'm constantly reminded and questioned by others, looked at asthough I have an illness. It's supposed to be one of our basic instincts, right? To procreate? So-- remove that instinct and what are you?
A robot?
An alien?
A corpse?

I don't know...
I get what you're saying though.
Wanting things means if you don't get them, you're let down.
People lie, people cheat and steal and don't live up to expectations. Don't like up to their word. I have no trust in people, so I don't expect anything from anyone-- that way I'm not let down when that is the outcome.
I don't know if it was necessarily my choice to think this way, though.
I think it was a matter of losing all trust in humanity itself.

Anyway... I'm just rambling now.
I do hope you can sit and think about what's best for you though, Kia.

 

[vexatiousmind]

Fall into a deep depression, then you won't give a f about anything

...............but then you will be miserable

 

[montejocarlo]

accept and let go. live in the present. desires are a result of our fixation on the future, our obsessive yearning to arrive. just be and enjoy being. even the longing to be free of desire is already a desire in itself. just let it go.