how do you meet a cool introverted chick?

bleach

Banned
Hi all, I was looking into MBTI personality types today and some of the statistical data on different personalities and relationships. I found out that, unsurprisingly, introverted people tend to go better together, and especially introverted men are much more likely to have good relationships with introverted women.

What I don't get is how introverted people are supposed to find each other in the first place. I meet extroverted chicks from time to time (whom all run away once they realize what my personality is like) but never any introverts. It seems like an impossible task. How do you do it?
 

Silatuyok

Well-known member
As I'm sure you know already, introverted does not equal shy. In order to know if a girl is introverted, in many cases, you would have to get to know her first. A girl can be friendly and introverted. In fact, I would assume that it would be easier to meet an introverted person, because they are less likely to be surrounded by a gaggle of other people at all times.
That being said, many introverted people enjoy things like books, video games, animals, outdoor activities...if you enjoy any of those things as well then your chances of encountering introverted women will increase.
 
Great answer, Marie.

Bleach, you might be able to find an introverted woman on an online dating site. OKcupid has a search feature you can use to look for words like "introvert", "shy", and "awkward". But, your odds of finding someone online are very slim, so don't get your hopes up. Something I'm going to try tomorrow is the dog park. If you don't already have a dog, that's not a good option for you unless you borrow one from your local Humane Society (that seems a little desperate though).

I can't think of anything else. I can't see myself walking up to a woman in a library or a bookstore. I'm sure there have been plenty of guys with success doing this but to me it seems kind of creepy.
 

Flowers-Of-Bloom

Well-known member
It seems the best way to meet new people is through mutual friends or a common interest. There is no simple way to find specific personality types, so I'm afraid you'll just have keep an eye out for introverted women.
And I suppose you could start by refraining from using the term "chick." That may or may not help.
Good luck. ;)
 

awkwardamanda

Well-known member
As I'm sure you know already, introverted does not equal shy. In order to know if a girl is introverted, in many cases, you would have to get to know her first. A girl can be friendly and introverted. In fact, I would assume that it would be easier to meet an introverted person, because they are less likely to be surrounded by a gaggle of other people at all times.
That being said, many introverted people enjoy things like books, video games, animals, outdoor activities...if you enjoy any of those things as well then your chances of encountering introverted women will increase.

It seems the best way to meet new people is through mutual friends or a common interest. There is no simple way to find specific personality types, so I'm afraid you'll just have keep an eye out for introverted women.
And I suppose you could start by refraining from using the term "chick." That may or may not help.
Good luck. ;)

You both may be missing the point here a little. An introverted person is less likely to be out doing things in the first place. An introvert is less likely to have a large group of friends that he or she could meet people through.

I am very introverted. I'm quite shy too. I know they don't always go together but often enough, they do. I like to be alone most of the time. I don't have many friends. I don't enjoy most social activities. When I do go out, I'd much rather just meet a friend at a coffee shop or something, instead of hanging out with a large group of people at a party or in public. Meeting new people just doesn't really happen. I don't really enjoy doing things that would allow me to meet other people. Even when I meet people, I never really get to know them. No one ever makes it past the acquaintance stage. It might be nice to make new friends but if I don't really like to go out much anyway, it isn't gonna happen. Dating is almost out of the question. Again, might be nice, but I'm never gonna meet guys if I don't go out anywhere that I could meet them. Even if I did meet someone, I'd likely be too shy to talk much and it would be no more than a brief encounter. And if I were to meet new people, I wouldn't expect them to be introverts like me. It's not that I don't want to socialize at all. I just don't want to that much. But just the right amount of socializing is hard to maintain. The truth is, introverts just have fewer chances to meet each other. Sucks for us.
 

Metal_isthe_Answer

Well-known member
You both may be missing the point here a little. An introverted person is less likely to be out doing things in the first place. An introvert is less likely to have a large group of friends that he or she could meet people through.

I am very introverted. I'm quite shy too. I know they don't always go together but often enough, they do. I like to be alone most of the time. I don't have many friends. I don't enjoy most social activities. When I do go out, I'd much rather just meet a friend at a coffee shop or something, instead of hanging out with a large group of people at a party or in public. Meeting new people just doesn't really happen. I don't really enjoy doing things that would allow me to meet other people. Even when I meet people, I never really get to know them. No one ever makes it past the acquaintance stage. It might be nice to make new friends but if I don't really like to go out much anyway, it isn't gonna happen. Dating is almost out of the question. Again, might be nice, but I'm never gonna meet guys if I don't go out anywhere that I could meet them. Even if I did meet someone, I'd likely be too shy to talk much and it would be no more than a brief encounter. And if I were to meet new people, I wouldn't expect them to be introverts like me. It's not that I don't want to socialize at all. I just don't want to that much. But just the right amount of socializing is hard to maintain. The truth is, introverts just have fewer chances to meet each other. Sucks for us.

This sounds extremely accurate based on my experience, I don't care for parties, and on the off chance someone actually invites me to do something with them usually the first thing I ask is "who else will be there" just so I'll know if I'll be forced to meet new people.
To meet new people seems to require a level of confidence far beyond what I can fathom, for example, I work at a cafeteria at a college, I saw a girl with a backpack of the character Gir from Invader Zim, I love Zim so this seems like a great ice breaker, but Ive really just spoken a sentence or two to her, didnt even get a name.
Now personally I think Ive moved beyond the introvert stage and just become a full blown misanthrope, so Ill be single for a while longer.
 

Flowers-Of-Bloom

Well-known member
You both may be missing the point here a little. An introverted person is less likely to be out doing things in the first place. An introvert is less likely to have a large group of friends that he or she could meet people through.

I am very introverted. I'm quite shy too. I know they don't always go together but often enough, they do. I like to be alone most of the time. I don't have many friends. I don't enjoy most social activities. When I do go out, I'd much rather just meet a friend at a coffee shop or something, instead of hanging out with a large group of people at a party or in public. Meeting new people just doesn't really happen. I don't really enjoy doing things that would allow me to meet other people. Even when I meet people, I never really get to know them. No one ever makes it past the acquaintance stage. It might be nice to make new friends but if I don't really like to go out much anyway, it isn't gonna happen. Dating is almost out of the question. Again, might be nice, but I'm never gonna meet guys if I don't go out anywhere that I could meet them. Even if I did meet someone, I'd likely be too shy to talk much and it would be no more than a brief encounter. And if I were to meet new people, I wouldn't expect them to be introverts like me. It's not that I don't want to socialize at all. I just don't want to that much. But just the right amount of socializing is hard to maintain. The truth is, introverts just have fewer chances to meet each other. Sucks for us.

Yes, however, introversion/extraversion is something I would consider to be on a spectrum, so there may be slight introversion, introversion and then extreme introversion (you & me). Introverts also don't necessarily have social phobia like us, which makes a big difference (no paranoid thoughts, anxiety, severe lack of confidence etc).

I agree that it is harder to meet other introverts, but there's not really much you can do about it. You still have to go out into the world to find one, I'm afraid, there's no avoiding that (with the exception of the internet).
 

OceanMist

Well-known member
An introverted person is less likely to be out doing things in the first place. An introvert is less likely to have a large group of friends that he or she could meet people through.

I am very introverted. I'm quite shy too. I know they don't always go together but often enough, they do. I like to be alone most of the time. I don't have many friends. I don't enjoy most social activities. When I do go out, I'd much rather just meet a friend at a coffee shop or something, instead of hanging out with a large group of people at a party or in public. Meeting new people just doesn't really happen. I don't really enjoy doing things that would allow me to meet other people. Even when I meet people, I never really get to know them. No one ever makes it past the acquaintance stage. It's not that I don't want to socialize at all. I just don't want to that much. But just the right amount of socializing is hard to maintain. The truth is, introverts just have fewer chances to meet each other. Sucks for us.

Outstanding post. What you said is what I was just about to explain. It's nice to have what you said coming from a female (you). It gives first person perspective to what you are saying.

The thing is, a lot of introverted and shy women are like you are. I'd go as far as to say it's harder to meet introverted women because it's like you said, they don't go out much. I can't just walk into your house and say what's up, haha. So yeah, it's a lot more difficult to meet someone who hasn't made themselves available.

As Hermit said earlier, the only way to consisitently meet introverted women (and I say consistently because dating usually takes a lot of trial and error unless you are Brad Pitt financially and socially) would be through online dating. There are downsides to online dating, it takes a zillion messages just to get a date, and women tend to be more flaky in online dating. It really depends on what your standards are.

OP, if you want my honest opinion....don't look for only an introverted woman. People will burn me at the stake for saying that, but I think you should look for both introverted and extroverted women. Awkward Amanda had some very true words, finding the introverted women is almost finding a needle in a haystack. I think you'd be better off doing what I'm doing and looking for both personalities.

A man in our situation has to broaden our horizons. It's hard enough just to get a date, and then to cancel out the 78% of women (extroverted people) is really putting yourself in a deep hole that you may not be able to dig out of. Having options is important in the dating game.

It wasn't until I lowered my standards that I actually started getting dates and got a little more confidence. I'm not saying don't look for love, but I'm also not saying that you have to look for love. Dating can be a form of just meeting women in general. That's just my opinion.

Btw, the online dating thing does work if you want to get dates. In the past 10 months or whatever I've gotten like 8 different women on at least one date. I probably won't continue at the pace, haha, but yeah, it definitely can work as far as getting dates. Whether they continue, that's the toughie.
 
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Silatuyok

Well-known member
You both may be missing the point here a little. An introverted person is less likely to be out doing things in the first place. An introvert is less likely to have a large group of friends that he or she could meet people through.

I'm not missing the point, I simply disagree with what you are saying. If the OP is looking for a shy girl that's one thing. But I think it only adds to misconceptions about introversion to assume that introverts don't get out much.
 

OceanMist

Well-known member
I'm not missing the point, I simply disagree with what you are saying. If the OP is looking for a shy girl that's one thing. But I think it only adds to misconceptions about introversion to assume that introverts don't get out much.

To say that introverts do go out much would be a misconception.

It's just a fact: Introverts prefer to stay in more than extroverts.

That's not a bad thing, it's just the way personalities work.

You can give me your isolated cases but general numbers don't lie.
 

coyote

Well-known member
introvert in·tro·vert[n., adj. in-truh-vurt; v. in-truh-vurt]
noun
1. a shy person.
2. Psychology - a person characterized by concern primarily with his or her own thoughts and feelings (opposed to extrovert).
3. Zoology - a part that is or can be introverted.

it seems both definitions are correct
 

Facethefear

Well-known member
I think this is a thoughtful definition:

Extraversion is "the act, state, or habit of being predominantly concerned with and obtaining gratification from what is outside the self". Extraverts tend to enjoy human interactions and to be enthusiastic, talkative, assertive, and gregarious. They take pleasure in activities that involve large social gatherings, such as parties, community activities, public demonstrations, and business or political groups. Politics, teaching, sales, managing and brokering are fields that favor extraversion. An extroverted person is likely to enjoy time spent with people and find less reward in time spent alone. They tend to be energized when around other people, and they are more prone to boredom when they are by themselves.

Introversion is "the state of or tendency toward being wholly or predominantly concerned with and interested in one's own mental life". Some popular writers have characterized introverts as people whose energy tends to expand through reflection and dwindle during interaction. This is similar to Jung's view, although he focused on psychic energy rather than physical energy. Few modern conceptions make this distinction.

The common modern perception is that introverts tend to be more reserved and less outspoken in groups. They often take pleasure in solitary activities such as reading, writing, using computers, hiking and fishing. The archetypal artist, writer, sculptor, engineer, composer and inventor are all highly introverted. An introvert is likely to enjoy time spent alone and find less reward in time spent with large groups of people, though he or she may enjoy interactions with close friends. Trust is usually an issue of significance: a virtue of utmost importance to an introvert choosing a worthy companion. They prefer to concentrate on a single activity at a time and like to observe situations before they participate, especially observed in developing children and adolescents. They are more analytical before speaking. Introverts are easily overwhelmed by too much stimulation from social gatherings and engagement, introversion having even been defined by some in terms of a preference for a quiet, more minimally stimulating environment.

Introversion is not seen as being identical to shy or to being a social outcast. Introverts prefer solitary activities over social ones, whereas shy people (who may be extroverts at heart) avoid social encounters out of fear, and the social outcast has little choice in the matter of his or her solitude.

Ambiversion Although many people view being introverted or extroverted as a question with only two possible answers, most contemporary trait theories measure levels of extraversion-introversion as part of a single, continuous dimension of personality, with some scores near one end, and others near the half-way mark. Ambiversion is a term used to describe people who fall more or less directly in the middle and exhibit tendencies of both groups. An ambivert is normally comfortable with groups and enjoys social interaction, but also relishes time alone and away from the crowd.

Extraversion and introversion - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
 

coyote

Well-known member
in other words, introverts go out

they just go out by themselves

so, look for girls who are out by themselves
 
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OceanMist

Well-known member
There are introverts that go out with other people. In fact, most introverts that go out, go out with other people. It's pretty rare to see a lone wolf introvert that always goes to bars and parties by themselves. If they are a true introvert, they wouldn't be talking to a soul and that would be boring to most people no matter who they are.

The thing is, introverts don't go out as much as extroverts, or at least that's what they prefer. Some may force themselves out due to peer pressure or other factors.

I think many people on this site are more along the line of extreme introverts, who prefer the solitary lifestyle in many cases. Some of us never go out at all.

It really depends on the individual's circumstances, friends or lack thereof, b/f or g/f, etc.
 

coyote

Well-known member
so, in other words

there's no way to really know if someone is an introvert or an extrovert

until you get to know them

try that
 

OceanMist

Well-known member
so, in other words

there's no way to really know if someone is an introvert or an extrovert

until you get to know them

try that

Yes and no.

I have been able to tell if someone is a shy introvert in the first few seconds I've talked to them, and it can be blatently obvious when a person is an extrovert when you are chilling somewhere and all the sudden some person you don't know comes up to you like "WHAT'S UP BRO?!" It's like hey, you aren't shy.

Sometimes you can tell, sometimes you can't. That's what I think anyway.

I've had plenty of people tell me I'm a shy introvert right off the bat and they didn't know much about me, so that's a pretty good example of what I mean. They were right without knowing the "real" me.
 
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Silatuyok

Well-known member
I'd be willing to bet that there are a lot of shy extroverts on this forum. How many people here are dying to be able to get out and be around people and have friends? That, to me, is the sign of an extrovert closeted by his/her own anxiety.
 

OceanMist

Well-known member
I'd be willing to bet that there are a lot of shy extroverts on this forum. How many people here are dying to be able to get out and be around people and have friends? That, to me, is the sign of an extrovert closeted by his/her own anxiety.

If that's what an extrovert is, then every human being on the planet is an extrovert. We all desire human companionship on some level.

Ah, this thread is making my head spin.
 
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