How do I not be creepy?

[Omega]

Okay so basically, I suck with social situations, both in person and on facebook etc.
I fail at smiling, I'm so bad at it that when I try my cheeks twitch. Not only that but I'm not sure when I'm supposed to smile, so I dont.
I find myself glaring at people, I've been told by people I come across as scary, probably because I glare without smiling.
I'm not too good at eye contact, but I'm getting better.
I have no idea what to talk about with people, I spend more time thinking than I do talking, so I come across as quiet, which I guess is also creepy.
On social networks people rarely start a conversation with me, and if they do I panic because I dont know what to say and it sort of dies out.
Just posting this was a big deal for me, even though I'm pretty anonymous.
But its not that I'm like this all the time, there are times when I'm socially awesome, its just incredably rare.
Alcohol used to help, but now it just makes me do stupid things.
So in short I guess my main problem is knowing how to meet people and not scare them off.

Is anybody else like this?
Has anybody else found a way to cope?
Why cant i just be normal? :kickingmyself:

 

[jaim38]

Hi and welcome to the forum!

I'm like this too. I just can't smile at people (except with friends and family) for some reason. I also find myself glaring at people sometimes. There's this part of me that is suspicious of other people. If I smile at people and they don't smile back, it makes me feel vulnerable and weak.

I'm still working on smiling, especially in public. When I look in the mirror, smiling makes me look uglier. My face is fatter, my eyes squintier, my nose becomes broader, sometimes I think I'm better off not smiling. I have a round face shape, which isn't exactly ideal.

 

[nodejesque]

Hi omega
I can understand what you're going through.... my uncle suffers with some of the same obstacles you've encountered. He takes meditation for anxiety (not saying you need it) it definitely has helped him. Other than that... id just like to share with you my opinion. Although the extroverted person, is always more easily understood.... id like you to know that at least for me... that quiet, shy, serious person is always noticed. It may not seem that way.. but I think taking step that you're comfortable with in social situations and challenging yourself a lil more each time will help. Maybe start by complimenting someome?...
from my experience... being social can be somewhat of learning process... you get better with each time you put yourself out there.

And you don't sound creepy... you sound like you're really trying

 

[Sial Axetder]

Whoa whoa, slow down Omega.

That is part of your troubles. Just slow down. No body is out to get you. Deep down you could be thinking that.

Thinking probably comes naturally to you. You are probably a full introvert. Read up on it a bit you might find some enlightening things about you.

Smiling is smiling. If you do you do. I sure as hell don't smile lots. When you do or feel like it is coming let it happen.

Slow the thinking down and try to enjoy people's connections.

 

[rosewood]

yes....yes...and, oh... yes.

i get it. i get social terror when i try to go up to people and talk, or post inside these forums, and even chat here. and yes it is hard.

i have been told since i was young that when my face is not smiling - at rest if you will- that i look really ticked off angry. so if i accidentally happen to look in the general direction of another person and they catch my eye while my face is like that- they automatically assume i am giving them a filthy look. ah, that's so fun to have the person come rushing over demanding to know why i am angry at them... so i had to practice a small smile while in public so as not to generate that problem.

 

[Klonoa]

Welcome to the forum, Omega.

I feel you man, its always a hassle, and we can all tell you to relax and just try to get it naturally but easier said than done. Try to force (not sure if thats the correct word) yourself into a more calm state. In chat windows, take your time replying, you have a lot more time to think an answer or rebuttal, eventually then you can also feel more relaxed talking IRL.

In theory anyway... ;_;

 

[Omega]

Thanks for the comments guys, I really appriciate you taking the time to reply.
I think alot of what you've said really makes sense, do find it impossible to keep calm firstly, I find myself just disengaging myself from the world so I dont panic as much. Sial Axetder, I read what a introvert is and that really does sound like me, but I cant help but hate being like that, its too lonely and it causes me too many problems.
I'm defintaly going to try some of these ideas like keeping calm etc.
But does anyone know what I'm supposed to talk about with strangers? Usually I get as far as 'how are you', then I panic and everything I say after that sounds creepy again T_T

(I have no Idea how to use forums properly yet so I'm going to go easy on quoting etc)

 

[DeLasDudasInfinitas]

But does anyone know what I'm supposed to talk about with strangers? Usually I get as far as 'how are you', then I panic and everything I say after that sounds creepy again T_T

First of all you need to stop thinking that you're saying something creepy. Sometimes we think that what we're saying is stupid but maybe the stranger can find it very interesting. I try to ask as many questions as I can because that way I don't need to tell things about myself (something that makes me feel anxious). For example, if I meet the stranger at school I ask him about things related to school and if I can't find something I try to do small talk like say things about the weather or some news that happened in my city/country. If I'm talking in a chat I usually ask them where are they from, about their country, about their hobbies... After you ask something and the stranger starts to talk is easier to continue the conversation. I hope I could help you a little with my experience.

 

[Omega]

Yeah thanks alot Temy, I'l definately give this a try when I get a chance.

I dont really mind talking about myself, but I sometimes think i'm talking too much about myself, i find it really hard to find a balence between talking about myself and the other person. sometimes no matter what I do people just dont seem interested.

 

[nicole1]

I'm like this. Say all the wrong things, have inappropriate or random conversations that people do not understand. I do glare, but not intentionally. I drift into thoughts sometimes when I'm around others, when they are conversing with me or with just others. Idk how not to do this. It's just me.

OR when I try to do the opposite, it seems worse. I know not what to do about this.

 

[Isolated_Writer]

I know this doesn't cover all the different situations in which being creepy is possible but it's kind of funny that you asked this question right after I read this: heeeeerefishiefishie comments on I would like advice on how to not be creepy

 

[Kiwong]

Lose my anxiety, learn some social skills, be postive, learn to communicate.