Hello to everyone,
Social anxiety how do i feel?
Sometimes i cant even describe what i feel coz so much is hurting me.
I have every symptoms of SP :fear of be between people no matter wich ones
if strangers or close family,fear of be juded and critic,fear that i look anxious but i do anyway then fear i should have coz no ones like anxious people true?
and i cant do almost nothing like go out and have fun,go shopping,go working,go eat to restaurant and shopping centrums or bus is for me horror.
go only for walk if i try it do those stuff my day is ruined coz some one was outside looking on me bad and i already start have feeling that someone looked me bad and i think about it yet few days i need more days for bad experience with people to reset my mind and clear,thats why i better go no where and stay in the house,coz my head work like PC i upload everything what i take like bad to my head and later i suffer coz of that,cry,think about it round round and drawing this to my heart deeply,and feel like my head will explose. Im so despair about my situation coz constantly i wish so much be outside and act normalwith out extremly nervousity my hands are shaking,and i see blury,all the time i must play with my fingers or something squizz,i bite my lips,or play with something what i have in hands and i cant look to eyes this is for me so hard,im tired of my acting wich i cant change i wish so much dont exist.Coz for what is those live if i cant do almost nothing.
I live like this few years and is really a hell on the earth.
Social anxiety come to me like wind and now is in my head added like my apart.
Also i think coz i have extremly less self'-esteem and people let me believe if they act to me so ignorant or arogant that i really look bad and im not sympatic coz of my nervousity,i believe if would have self-esteem that i chance maybe not complitly but for sure a lot,people did to me with bad acting to me and insulting me.I really start later believe that im ugly or something and this cant be changed i will always look how i look and my anxiety cant dissapaer if i will be for people always something less. I was thinking and still im about suicide just kill me close my eyes and i will finally have my piece in my soul what im longing for so so so much. But this is to problem im to much affraid of this that i alieve this and i will be yet must live in some psychiatr with my brain totally off.And this will be my punishment that i dont appreaciate my live,coz is something wonderfull holy but not for me if i cant do basic stuff like others i feel anoyed of people what are having fun,they smile,they hang out and dont worry about no sense stuff like me. Sorry for long way as i write and some mistakes but my mature language isnt english.:

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