How am I feeling? Well...
It's hard to say, really. Ah mean, I'm experiencing multiple feelings at the moment. None of them positive.
Angry. Depressed. Miserable. Unhappy. Troubled. Alone.
Just processing the usual, upsetting dysfunctional, toxic family BS that I've been conditioned to accept as normal for last 20 years or so, and realising I'm at my breaking point.
But then, having to listen to yer older sister yelled at, and berate, our mother during yet another nonsensical argument will do that to ye.
Not that, the toll it's taken upon me over the year, or how much it bothers me that we're like this is even considered, like. That stuff normally brushed aside, laughed off and invalidated if I dare speak about it. Or excuses are always made to somewhat justify the constantly shouty arguments. Because having to put up a female sibling who prone to unhinged, expletive ladden bouts of anger over the most petty $h!% – even though most would call that for what is: Wrong! – is sitcom-worthy, right? Or, as is usually the case: I get the silent treatment or some storms off in the huff. So, my mother and sisters can avoid having acknowledge or admitting that I'm right.
Even though I hate that that's how it is for me. That I'm just supposed to fake a smile and pretend like stuff doesn't bother me when it does.