How are you feeling?

Things are going alright. It makes me nervous. How can I be going alright? Will it last?

lily said: ↑

I feel for your frustration Graeme!

Yeah... it's not easy to co-exist with difficult people. :sad:

lily said: ↑

You can write whatever you did in the 'A life well lived... ' thread. i do that not always but so far i've written things. Today i didn't really write much b/c i slept all day, i was bored, the day was dull and rainy. that's why i'm still up.

I think I will... I need to kinda vent about the last few days anyway.

lily said: ↑

Hope you do well with your music. i know you like that. that's really talented of you

I'm kinda doubtful about it, since I'm doing it for myself first and foremost. My sister and tattoo artist have encouraged me to "...upload to YouTube or SoundCloud. Get yer music out there!" — but I'm a bit reluctant to do that so readily.

And it's more of an escape from the family drama than a talent to me, really. The talent portion is simply because I happened to be somewhat decent at playing an instrument.

F*CK MY LIFE!! :kickingmyself: Can't wait I'm deid, If I'm lucky, hopeful it'll be soon. :crying: A simultaneous heart attack and brain aneurysm and dropping dead, mid-sentence, as tell my family what I truly think of them is how I'll go... I'm sure of it.

Naebuddy builds up 20 years of abject f*ckin' hatred to take it out on folk who didnae deserve it. Verbally ah mean, wouldn't wait time battering them physically; words hurt more anyway.

Graeme1988 said: ↑

F*CK MY LIFE!! :kickingmyself: Can't wait I'm deid, If I'm lucky, hopeful it'll be soon. :crying: A simultaneous heart attack and brain aneurysm and dropping dead, mid-sentence, as tell my family what I truly think of them is how I'll go... I'm sure of it.

Naebuddy builds up 20 years of abject f*ckin' hatred to take it out on folk who didnae deserve it. Verbally ah mean, wouldn't wait time battering them physically; words hurt more anyway.

It'll get better Graeme, you'll see. Just give it time. :thumbup:

Who else doesn't visit the music threads, as it takes too long to load & slows the browser down? :question:

Also, i'm not particularly interested in finding new music to listen to - i like what i like, & dislike most other music.

theslowesthand said: ↑

It'll get better Graeme, you'll see. Just give it time. :thumbup:

No it’ll no... It never does. Not fur me, anyway. Besides, I’ve been waiting for the last 2 years for things to get better, and they still haven’t. And my mother now suddenly expects me to get along with my older sister, all because our mother is getting on in terms of age. :omg:

As if I’m now just supposed to forget all those years of constantly dismissive, smug as f*ck remarks made at my expense, every time my older sis came into my bedroom to raid my DVD collection. Having a dig at whatever music I was listening to on my stereo or the book I was reading... it’s got annoying after a while, giving the same deadpan response. :thumbdown:

Graeme1988 said: ↑

No it’ll no... It never does. Not fur me, anyway. Besides, I’ve been waiting for the last 2 years for things to get better, and they still haven’t. And my mother now suddenly expects me to get along with my older sister, all because our mother is getting on in terms of age. :omg:

As if I’m now just supposed to forget all those years of constantly dismissive, smug as f*ck remarks made at my expense, every time my older sis came into my bedroom to raid my DVD collection. Having a dig at whatever music I was listening to on my stereo or the book I was reading... it’s got annoying after a while, giving the same deadpan response. :thumbdown:

Never give up hope, mate.
There's light at the end of the tunnel.

My houseflies want for nothing. They have a roof over their head (shelter), warmth, food & drink! :bigsmile:

Now i'm listening to this - a bit faster/heavier.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6vpOHq8bkzA

Now i'm listening to this - a bit faster/heavier.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rb-sirShJKw

Now i'm listening to this - a bit faster/heavier.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=voGEZinuSNw

theslowesthand said: ↑

Never give up hope, mate.
There's light at the end of the tunnel.

Is there? Cuz there sure as f*ck doesnae seem like there is any hope at the moment. :sad: Just me being told, yet again, that it’s me who needs to change. Me, who needs to nicer. Me, who’s inconsiderate... apparently :kickingmyself: I guess only c*nts go outta their way to do stuff for their family when asked, huh? Or offer to help? :idontknow:

I had to call someone in for me today at work because I've been so depressed that in 3 days all I've eaten was a few strawberries and 2 yogurts. How embarrassing and depressing.

:thinking: :idontknow: Glad to be single, unmarried and childless — but that’s about it, really. Aside from that, just wishing I’d been adopted, a wish that, sadly, still hasn’t come to pass. Cuz I had endure a couple of excruciatingly long, and ultimately pointless, arguments yesterday. Both of which started as a result of the Skype app on a Samsung tablet. :oh: :omg:

cappatown420 said: ↑

I had to call someone in for me today at work because I've been so depressed that in 3 days all I've eaten was a few strawberries and 2 yogurts. How embarrassing and depressing.

I guess being depressed is depressing? I've never really thought of it like that... :thinking:

I DON'T MATTER to women. It DOESN'T MATTER that i've been single & lonesome for my entire life. I'm off EVERY women's radar, romantically-wise. :sad: :kickingmyself:

theslowesthand said: ↑

I DON'T MATTER to women. It DOESN'T MATTER that i've been single & lonesome for my entire life. I'm off EVERY women's radar, romantically-wise. :sad: :kickingmyself:

That's true. The least attractive thing in the world to most women is a guy who can't date. I guess it's biological or something, they don't want their offspring being "losers", too.

There's always time to change things though, life expectancy is going up and up, you've got plenty of time to find a therapist and get out of your current state.

Listening to too much music has f*cked me up ... so i'm playing this, to drown-out all the aftereffects of the clutter of the other music (which was the radio) & to make me feel better. It's a band which i've listened to for many years, and was my main go-to band for troubled times. It makes me feel safe. It slays my dragons.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k1O8L9V_IQc

Now playing Led Zeppelin (Presence), another of my go-bands i used to listen to much in years gone by.

Also drinking, having a number of swigs straight from the bottle. :thumbup: (hope i don't overdo it)

The above image is the current state of my life.

Ah wish my family would stop coming to me whenever they’ve got a problem with their laptop or portable tablet. :kickingmyself: Cuz I don’t know everything about these devices. Ah know... I seemingly spend a lotta time on my computer. But I’m not on social media every second of the day, unlike my older sister who seems to be. :oh:Cun she just not be arsed troubleshooting problem, like I do? :question:

That’d certainly be a lot mair productive than losing her temper whenever these issues occur. :omg:
Good thing she doesn’t know the nickname I’ve gave her for when she acts like that... she’d probably attempt to kill me if she did.