How are you feeling?

[AtTheGates]

I hate that I forced to be this sorta person. Mainly due to my family being pushing, overbearing bitches. Sorry. Always telling me, you should get this latest gadget; wearing that, shave yer beard like cuz that how all the "cool" blokes look. mg: :kickingmyself:



Anselmo is definitely not wrong in that regard. Better to be true to yourself, right?

I agree 1,000%

I like what he says at the beginning of this song.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1CIMbVoomLE

 

[defiance]

Feeling bad about my life. Can't stop thinking about how much better other people's lives (& esp celebrities) must be. I know for a fact that my life is WAY dull & boring. It makes me sad that i'm not living the life that i "should" be, and it's likely to stay that way until the day i die. :sad:

Word for word man.....word for word.

 

[defiance]

Heartbroken... utterly heartbroken.

Listening to my mother tell me she finally gets why I tend to get so f*ckin' angry with the petty family arguments caused by my older sister. Oh, and that - due to the persistent stress of my older sister and her 2 young daughters currently staying with us indefinitely - my mother wishes she were dead. And I could barely even find the words to comfort her, as I've been coping with the stress by keeping to myself. :crying:

Though - to be honest - I don't blame her for feeling that way, really. :sad:

I guess in some respects this situation makes her understand you a lot better in that regard. On the other hand, you end up feeling bad because you see your mother vulnerable and you want to comfort her and you can't quite figure out how to go about it. For what its worth I hope this new understanding of hers brings you guys closer so you can have a good relationship as you both deserve to be happy. One of those situations where something good can come out of something bad maybe?:question:

 

[Graeme1988]

I guess in some respects this situation makes her understand you a lot better in that regard. On the other hand, you end up feeling bad because you see your mother vulnerable and you want to comfort her and you can't quite figure out how to go about it. For what its worth I hope this new understanding of hers brings you guys closer so you can have a good relationship as you both deserve to be happy. One of those situations where something good can come out of something bad maybe?

Possibly. But she's still using me as her "personal therapist"; venting and complaining to me, then expect me to tell her what she should do in this situation. To the point where I got angry with her, and asked why it's always me who has to listen to her bitching. As well asking why my mum bosses me about all the time and not the older sisters.. Because she can't, apparently. :idontknow: Also, I just straight-up told her that if she had spoiled the middle child - being at her beck and call - that petulant c*nt wouldn't be causing us the level of stress we're currently suffer. We're walking on eggshells around her. Don't mention this, don't say anything to upset.

Aye, sure some good might come of this current stressful situation. Even if it was chilling to hear my mum say that she's been hoping that she doesn't wake up in the morning, lately. :crying: But I think there's a mutual respect between us now? And while I'm glad this now the case, I still can't help but be pissed off that it's taken her nearly 15 years to realise that this:

Mum: "How ye feelin'?"
Me: (sigh) "Depressed"​

Wasn't me being sarcastic, despite my deadpan, monotone, response. :sad: Since she always used to laugh off me saying that, as if it were a joke. Like her question was the setup and my response, the punchline.

Though, I'm seriously considering giving my mum and my eldest sister a piece of my mind. Since there's still some unresolved issues between the 3 of us, as far how they treat me.

Oh, and I'll definitely be cutting contact with my older sister and my nieces, once they finally move out and get a place of their own. Mainly cuz the middle child is an inconsiderate c*nt of a bitch, who only thinks of herself. She gets that from her dad. Thirty-something and she still argues about petty things, like a feckin' teenagers. And the oldest of her 2 daughters is f*ckin' annoying. Loud, bossy, rarely, if ever, does as she told. Prone to tantrum if she doesn't get her way - Ah! Just like her mother...

 

[Graeme1988]

Och! Same ol', same old, really. Quite numb, actually - but that's heroin for ye! Only joking, I could afford to buy that drug. Booze, on the other hand...

No real point complaining about muh crappy life anymore. :sad: My family are everything that they've projected onto and accused me over the years. Difficult. Domineering. Selfish. Unless. Inconsiderate. Manipulative. Ungrateful. And y'know... c*nts! But their heads are too far up their own arses to acknowledge that that's how it is.

My mother still doesn't get how her constant venting to me all the time and her pessimistic attitude is impact my mood. No matter how many times I explain it, it's still a lotta nonsense according to her :kickingmyself:

 

[AtTheGates]

just watched this movie..there is no speaking in it whatsoever but it still conveys a strong moral message. I think the fact that there is no speaking makes the message even stronger.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5jGpLxWPt_Q

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=naf_J5JG5JQ

 

[theslowesthand]

Father's day. Just another day of self-denial & missing out for me.

 

[theslowesthand]

Damn. Faacked. Mainly frustrated that can't get into a GOOD mood, more than being in a bad mood (although i've been in a restless/nervy mood for at least the last 3-4 hours, which i have been trying to fix with music .. which is bad, but not THAT bad). Oh well, i'll crack open another can; perhaps pour another glass; that'll help at least. Starting to feel the music (is now led zeppelin live - is aggressive, but also bluesy & nice)

 

[marios92]

today is a nice day!

 

[Graeme1988]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Jzbj9wylwU

 

[theslowesthand]

He he, i'm not sure whether he's having a genuine hissy fit, or if he's turned the event (of this drunk woman leaving?) into part of his act. Comedians have feelings too, and i can see how he felt insulted (even stand-up comedians aren't bullet-proof). I think he was genuinely pissed off, but "merged" it into his act for the night; you can sense his rage though, but he wasn't one to supress/repress/hide shit eh? lol

 

[Graeme1988]

He he, i'm not sure whether he's having a genuine hissy fit, or if he's turned the event (of this drunk woman leaving?) into part of his act. Comedians have feelings too, and i can see how he felt insulted (even stand-up comedians aren't bullet-proof). I think he was genuinely pissed off, but "merged" it into his act for the night; you can sense his rage though, but he wasn't one to supress/repress/hide shit eh? lol

He likely merged it. Though, that clip is tame compared to the more infamous part of the show where Hicks goes into this savage rant about mediocrity within pop culture and how the audience are proving his point, due to constantly heckling him. Instead of leaving if they felt so offended by Bill's dark sense of humour. :bigsmile:

 

[Graeme1988]

Wonder how many more months I've got to put up with a crying baby, a demanding, disobedient 2 and half years nieces and a sibling 6 years old than me who still reacts like a f*ckin' bratty teenager whenever things don't go her way? :question: :kickingmyself:

Hate waking up everyday morning to the same sound of my older sister shouting and swearing at the one person who does more for her than she cares to realise. How tha f*ck d'ye treat someone like? I know we all have arguments from time to time, but not every-f*ckin'-day! Christ almighty! h:

On the plus side, my mother has finally apologised for treat me like crap.
Took her 15 bloody years like, but at least she now sees that am no the bad yin.

 

[Kiwong]

Tried to reach out an challenge my anxiety. There are a few people in the office that I worry annoy with anxiety. So I went up to them and said look I am worried that my anxiety annoys you, you are really good people and the last people in the office I want to annoy. They said, you don't annoy me. And when they said that my defences went down a lot and I was able to have a good conversation eith them.

Having conversations with people that went well is something I miss It is like gold.

 

[Graeme1988]

Ever sent an email when yer raging mad and didnae give a f*ck until after he hit send? Oops! My bad!
Mind you, on the other hand... that means Hurricane Victoria looks set to do more damage. Yay!

Which isn't an actual hurricane, just one of the nicknames I have for my older sister. Due to her gale force shouting and the fact she leave a lotta damage in her wake.

 

[theslowesthand]

On the plus side, my mother has finally apologised for treat me like crap.
Took her 15 bloody years like, but at least she now sees that am no the bad yin.

Well that's a big step in the right direction!!! :thumbup:
Perhaps it's taken the middle sister to move in, to get your mum's attitude to change? So it then be a blessing in disguise, all this shit ye going thru at moment? :question:

 

[Graeme1988]

Well that's a big step in the right direction!!! :thumbup:
Perhaps it's taken the middle sister to move in, to get your mum's attitude to change? So it then be a blessing in disguise, all this shit ye going thru at moment? :question:

Oh aye. Having things back to how they were 17 years, but with the addition of 2 kids, has definitely been a metaphorical slap in the face. How I kept maself from losing ma temper n' raging is beyond me. :idontknow:

Cuz when she said: "Y'know summit, Graeme? Ah've taken you fur granted o'er the years"
In my head I went: "Oh really?! Took ye long enough, ya f*ckin' bitch!"

But, sadly, there's still issues that need resolved between us, for there to any hope of us getting along. No f*ckin' about, no jokes. Unless ye count dark harsh, scathing insult that'll flow forth fae me? And that f*ckin' middle sister going to get it anaw. Cuz there's some painful truths the lotta them need to hear from me in relation to they've treated me. :veryangry:
Payback time, muthafukas!

 

[AtTheGates]

I watched a movie about her on Netflix last night . I went online to look for videos of the show that she used to broadcast and couldn't find anything other than a bunch of fake videos of her suicide.....wtf....what a terrible way to be remembered..where are all the videos of her broadcasts?.....its sad that her claim to fame happened only post-mortem and because of an act of violence....I wonder what she would say if she had a 2nd chance...if she hadn't ended her own life.

anyway, I guess her life story can be somewhat of a moral lesson to others in general though.


https://www.washingtonpost.com/news...ed-herself-on-live-tv/?utm_term=.e303d3978f0b

 

[Graeme1988]

I seriously don't want to be alive anymore. :sad What's the point anyway? :sad: Why the effort if it's just going to be a waste o'er f*ckin' time in the end?


My family does f*ck all for as far as helping me out goes. They help when not asked, but it's too much hassle when actually asked. :thumbdown: They think it's funny when I tell them to something, and am straight to the point about it. And, apparently, it's absolutely hysterical to piss me off to the point where I start swearing. :veryangry:
For them, maybe. Me, not so much...

 

[AtTheGates]

I feel like I'm getting too comfortable with these 1,000 word essays I have to do for classes ..I really dont want to jinx it though because eventually ill probably have to write 20 page essays and then after my fingers have fallen off from typing too much i'll be missing the good old days..lol

I just wrote one last night about "ethical dilemmas" in law enforcement and I focused on sexual predators masqurading as authority figures (police,correctional officers, teachers, pastors, etc). Honesty and loyalty are really important when you have people under your direct supervision . I recently read an article about a 14 year old girl who was raped by men that her mother left her with and then she was placed in foster care with a police officer and his wife...under his care/supervision he sexually abused her numerous times...what the actual fvck?!



anyway, I know thats a grim subject but I like writing about social issues in general because I think maybe some random person will read it, it will strike a chord with them, and then they'll go on to make changes to society that i currently (or EVER) would have the power to make. Some of these social issues cause a lot of discomfort to people just to mention them but they're NOT the kinds of issues that can be swept under the rug.

wishful thinking I guess. : /



anyway when it comes to authority figures abusing people, this is the kind of thing I'm talking about (btw if you're squeamish I recommend you not even watch this video)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BBdShysGs4Y&t=24s