How are you feeling?

defiance

Well-known member
My life's one massive disappointment, to my family, but especially to myself. :sad:
And life as a human is a huge letdown. :thumbdown:

I don't think I could have said this any better if I tried because this is exactly how I feel about my life as well.:crying:

I wish I didn't exist either Graeme. In fact when I was 1 or maybe 2 years old, I was told that I had gotten really sick and I almost didn't make it. I wish that I hadn't.
 
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Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
"Are ye awrite?", my oldest sibling asks, all concerned. Ah just give the generic "Aye, fine", answer - cuz it's better than being honest n' tellin' tha f*ckin' truth at this point. That seems just cause trouble in my family. Even when yer just trying to calm a violatile situation.

I mean I'm fine on the outside, inside not so great. :kickingmyself:

But it doesnae look like I'll be around for much longer, the way things are going. :sad: I out stayed ma welcome in the world long ago. Not that it wus much of a welcome. Being treated like ye never belonged yer whole life. Mind you, it's probably for the best, all things considered. ::(:
 
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Marc7

Well-known member
Frustrated and angry:kickingmyself: because I can't respond to comments I disagree with or make me angry because I'm not assertive, educated on that topic, or scared/anxious too. I guess I have to think I can do it but i still feel those feelings.

I'm also angry because certain people aren't responding to me anymore. I don't know why but it's getting annoying because always happens to me.
 
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Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
I'm also angry because certain people aren't responding to me anymore. I don't know why but it's getting annoying because always happens to me.

Is this in reference to me, Marc? If not, then sorry if I've read into this post. :sad:
 

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
It isn't about you. Hope I didn't offen
Code:
d you as it been happening to me in general. Hope you understand.

No worries. If anything, I thought I'd offended you. Sorry, I just paranoid after yesterday when I made the mistake of asking my older sister to calm down during an argument because she was shouting.
 

Marc7

Well-known member
No worries. If anything, I thought I'd offended you. Sorry, I just paranoid after yesterday when I made the mistake of asking my older sister to calm down during an argument because she was shouting.

Nope you didn't offend me. Why would you think you offended me? Sorry that happened, hope everything gets better.
 

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
You're welcome. If you don't mind me asking, what has been happening?

Oh, my older sister's marriage broke-up, and she's moved back home with her 2 kids to temporarily live with me n' mum. But she expects our mother to look after them. And my sister has been complaining that she's not getting any support. And I wake-up this morning to my mother, my older sister and the eldest all arguing. With the older one shouting over them. I go:

"Would ya mind calming down, huh?"
"F*ck off!", my older sister roars.
"So, no-one in this family can resolve arguments, calmly?"
"Whit d'ye mean?!"
"D'you actually hear yerself right now?"
"But she f*ckin' it!"
"Did she? How come I'm just hearing you shouting, then?"
"Aww, f*ck off, Graeme!"

And Ive just been got worried emails from my oldest sister, asking if I'm okay. Which I responded to saying I'll be alright, but not to expect me to care about the family after I turn 30 next year. Cuz I am done with trying be the "voice of reason". As well as joking that I had enough stories about my dysfunctional family that I could write a comedy show about what they've been like to live with for the past almost 30 years.

Though, I finally had a heart to heart with my mother, where we just venting about her daughters, my older sister. As well as finally swallowing my pride and acknowledging that my mother's relationship advice to me, age 15, wasn't wrong. You actually are better off alone in some case. But I also think that, if yer going react as my older sibling does during an argument and yer over the age 30, you clearly lacked the maturity need to be in a relationship. Nevermind being a parent...

I know that not a popular opinion to have of the wimmins these days. But it's the truth.
 

defiance

Well-known member
Oh just another day of misery is all. You know, people depending on you for things but you can't help in any way because you are mentally fu*ked. Everything is going down the shitter. I need some kind of a big miracle. Also it doesn't help that at least a couple of times a day I think about ending it. I envy the dead so much. When will my suffering end? WHEN!?!?!?!?!?!?!
 

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
Tired of having to put this front that is desperately trying to say that everything's great. It's all smiles n' happiness. When, in reality, I'm utterly miserable. :sad: So much so that I actually want to die. At least, I'd be a peace from my immediate family constantly putting me down because of my gender. :eek:h: And how great they are cuz they're wimmin. Cannae beat a bit of radical feminist man-hating, eh, ladies?

I envy the dead so much. When will my suffering end? WHEN!?!?!?!?!?!?!

I feel the same way, man. Hopefully my suffering will end soon. I don't know if I can be strong for my mother much long, enduring these constant irrational tantrum from my older sister. :kickingmyself: She just a few years older than me - I'll be 30 next year - and she still yells and make a scene when things do go her way. Heck, my sister'll berserk at being told calm down. And that's the only reason I'm still alive - it's for my Mum. Despite my mother being partial to blame for why I'm so messed in the head, and our relationship having been emotionally estranged for 12 years now.

I think I'm about ready to snap and tell my mum n' sisters what I think of them. :thumbdown: Cuz I'm sick of being caught in the middle, and having to put up with the shouting matches.
 

Marc7

Well-known member
Oh, my older sister's marriage broke-up, and she's moved back home with her 2 kids to temporarily live with me n' mum. But she expects our mother to look after them. And my sister has been complaining that she's not getting any support. And I wake-up this morning to my mother, my older sister and the eldest all arguing. With the older one shouting over them. I go:

"Would ya mind calming down, huh?"
"F*ck off!", my older sister roars.
"So, no-one in this family can resolve arguments, calmly?"
"Whit d'ye mean?!"
"D'you actually hear yerself right now?"
"But she f*ckin' it!"
"Did she? How come I'm just hearing you shouting, then?"
"Aww, f*ck off, Graeme!"

And Ive just been got worried emails from my oldest sister, asking if I'm okay. Which I responded to saying I'll be alright, but not to expect me to care about the family after I turn 30 next year. Cuz I am done with trying be the "voice of reason". As well as joking that I had enough stories about my dysfunctional family that I could write a comedy show about what they've been like to live with for the past almost 30 years.

Though, I finally had a heart to heart with my mother, where we just venting about her daughters, my older sister. As well as finally swallowing my pride and acknowledging that my mother's relationship advice to me, age 15, wasn't wrong. You actually are better off alone in some case. But I also think that, if yer going react as my older sibling does during an argument and yer over the age 30, you clearly lacked the maturity need to be in a relationship. Nevermind being a parent...

I know that not a popular opinion to have of the wimmins these days. But it's the truth.

Oh that is unfortunate. The same sister that told to you f*ck off sent you worried emails? If she did that's a good thing. By heart to heart you mean a deep conversation? The unpopular opinion is you shouldn't be in a relationship or be a parent if you lack maturity and react a certain way in arguments?
 

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
Oh that is unfortunate. The same sister that told to you f*ck off sent you worried emails? If she did that's a good thing.

Nope, the eldest sibling sent me the emails. The sister who told me to f*ck off was more concerned about the fact she going to a soon-to-be divorced mother with 2 kids than the fact I'm the one who just has tolerate her shoutin' n' screaming and making a scene. Oh, and she had the nerve to call me over-dramatic when, feeling after our heated exchange, I sighed and said that I feel like taking my own life. She was yelling at the top of her voice that it woke me from my sleep. But, no, her wee brother saying out loud he'd rather not be alive anymore is bit much

I know, the wimmin in my immediate family are schizo as f*ck when it comes to considering how I feel. Most o' the time they couldn't careless. But the moment I even make reference to suicide it's "Ye awrite? Ya sure ya don't want to talk? We're just concerned about ya"

By heart to heart you mean a deep conversation?

Yep! We just said how we felt, and realised we're both being treated badly by people who claim to love us, yet, treat us like crap. And she finally said she appreciates me for sticking by her and not cut her outta my life, given how badly she treated me over the years. Which acknowledging we have our arguments, but at least I don't dwell upon them like the middle child. As well as admiring the way I handled myself being yelled at by my older sister. Remaing calm the whole time. And wondering how I did. I admitted that it was, either, the past few years taking an interest in Eastern philosophy. Or the fact that I'm getting older and caring less? :idontknow:

The unpopular opinion is you shouldn't be in a relationship or be a parent if you lack maturity and react a certain way in arguments?

An unpopular opinion with radical, 3rd wave feminists, certainly. Since wimmin don't tend to be thought of as being the prone to violence rage. Plus, I sure as hell wouldn't want to be in a relationship or have children with a woman who gets intensely mad the moment something goes wrong or goes completely psycho if you say something she perceives as some slight or insult. I'm not kidding, either. The youngest of my older sister genuinely argues over semantics, ie. What you said & what you meant by?

But I more than willing to admit that my view is completely wrong. Given that it's purely based upon how my mother and sister have acted towards each other and towards me over the years. And y'know...

"Would ya mind calming down, huh?"
"F*ck off!", my older sister roars.
"So, no-one in this family can resolve arguments, calmly?"
"Whit d'ye mean?!"
"D'you actually hear yerself right now?"
"But she f*ckin' it!"
"Did she? How come I'm just hearing you shouting, then?"
"Aww, f*ck off, Graeme!"

^ I did get shouted down, unfairly, for merely trying to defuse the situation here.
 
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Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
Lookin' California, but feelin' Minnesota. To quote a lyric from one of my favourite songs by Soundgarden.

I don't know, really. Except that I'm not happy, I know that much. And after this past Sunday, I feel a even greater urge to just stop caring... about anything and everyone around me. :sad: My sisters only seems to care about themselves. Cuz they didn't give 2 f*cks about the fact I'm the one suffering in silence here, while they constantly argue. But we're all supposed to pretend we get along... Aye right! Feck off! :thumbdown:

At least now I know my place within my family now - the n**ger. The slave. The subordinate. Less than. Inferior. But, as I told my oldest sibling in a mini-rant email, yesterday - I'm use to it. :kickingmyself:

Also, haven't slept right for 3 days now.
sleeping-on-keyboard.gif
 
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FountainandFairfax

in a VAN down by the RIVER
I've got to start taking better care of myself, a kidney stone three months ago and now other physical problems are starting to dawn.

At this rate I'll be in REALLY bad shape ten years from now if I don't get a hold of my bad habits. I know it's just an excuse, but when I'm depressed and restless all of my bad habits keep me sane. A mountain dew does perk up my mood, a cheese danish does make me feel warm inside.

Caffeine and sugar are my love and my life, ha ha.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YFood_bTOX4
 
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