I'm pretty depressed again. And feeling lonely. If I had the guts, I would kill myself.
If ah hud tha guts, ah tell ma family to f**k off. They're reslly gettin' oan ma tits the now. Ma mum being aw self-pitying. Eldest sister try to be too hands on with my recovery. An then there's me want to get things done at ma ain pace, y'know?
Anyway... So sorry to hear that darlin', honest. :sad: Ah feel lonely as well. Then again, ah huv'nae got anyone who can help me through the agony am feeliin' post-surgery.
An depression can be a right effin' sneaky f***er as well. Just hits ye when ye least expect it, But please don't doing yerself in... Yer just feel that way cuz yer depressed. Away an play yer guitar or do summit to take yer mind of whatever depressin' ya. Go for a walk, even. Or listen to some upbeat music, Ah breen listening to songs soeficially to help ma healing process with ma legs. That an Guns N' Roses. Music is like f***inp' morphine to me at moment. Since coming off actually morphine in hospital 3 weeks ago
Hope this feelin' passes fur ye, though. :thumbup:
Now, ah feel kinda shitty cuz ah wus jist aboot positive. Should ah still post it, anyway? :question:.
Well, ma recovery's gan shockingly. An by that ah mean, ma attitude's changed. Instead of me just accepting ma family's buckin' dourness an doubts. Ma mum's been particular bad for that and projecting her supposed lack of confidence onto me.
Anyway, now am like "C'mon, ye cun dae this! Up and at 'em, like Radioactive Man". Yesterday, ah got so pissed at ma mum trying to talk me oot of using ma zimmer more, that ah actually telt mum to "F*** off!!" Not first tiime that's happen in 14 years but ah meant it. So she bugger off upstair an gave me peace for a few hours. Ah hud wee nap an we'd forgot incident by tea.
And like a total gobshite, ah went off oan her aboot hogging that £70 quid bed we bought for me in the living room to help ma recovery and her an the f***in' cat huv been lying on it mair than ah huv. An there's me sittin' bolt upright on a recliner couch, pillow wedged behind ma an effin' steel rod; right leg raised.
Ah slept like that the first night back fae tha hospital. Cannae huv bed in tha living room... Should bought a couch that folds oot intae a bed, then. But cannae afford cuz ah don't enough money from livin' oan disbility. Nor can ye pit yer feet up for comfort.
Whit?! Baith legs on a couch foldy oot bed... Don't be so daft! That's no comfy ataw!
Sorry, that kinda went from positive to ragin', didn't it? :bigsmile: Though, to be fair, ma rant about Andy Murray wus slightly worse.
If ah hud tha guts, ah tell ma family to f**k off. They're reslly gettin' oan ma tits the now. Ma mum being aw self-pitying. Eldest sister try to be too hands on with my recovery. An then there's me want to get things done at ma ain pace, y'know?
Anyway... So sorry to hear that darlin', honest. :sad: Ah feel lonely as well. Then again, ah huv'nae got anyone who can help me through the agony am feeliin' post-surgery.
An depression can be a right effin' sneaky f***er as well. Just hits ye when ye least expect it, But please don't doing yerself in... Yer just feel that way cuz yer depressed. Away an play yer guitar or do summit to take yer mind of whatever depressin' ya. Go for a walk, even. Or listen to some upbeat music, Ah breen listening to songs soeficially to help ma healing process with ma legs. That an Guns N' Roses. Music is like f***inp' morphine to me at moment. Since coming off actually morphine in hospital 3 weeks ago
Hope this feelin' passes fur ye, though. :thumbup:
Now, ah feel kinda shitty cuz ah wus jist aboot positive. Should ah still post it, anyway? :question:.
Thank you so much 🙂
Guns n Roses is always good to listen to! For me especially Appetite for destruction.
Some days I feel so sad and lonely, and feel all my worries so intensely. And once I feel like that, I can't seem to snap out of it, it's too real and strong. I know, I'll feel better eventually. I always do. But then I will eventually feel awful again, it always comes back, and it's hard to take.
I've been on morphine a couple of times (recreationally...) after a few hours of the wonderful feeling of carefree euphoria, it made me vomit and started a migraine..
I feel foul, worthless, and unworthy. I have so much, yet I have nothing. I deserve nothing. I am leprous, bilious filth. I feel sick to my stomach, sick at heart, sick in my mind and soul. I am empty and alone, and so I deserve to be.
I feel foul, worthless, and unworthy. I have so much, yet I have nothing. I deserve nothing. I am leprous, bilious filth. I feel sick to my stomach, sick at heart, sick in my mind and soul. I am empty and alone, and so I deserve to be.
I feel foul, worthless, and unworthy. I have so much, yet I have nothing. I deserve nothing. I am leprous, bilious filth. I feel sick to my stomach, sick at heart, sick in my mind and soul. I am empty and alone, and so I deserve to be
Been down that road many a time.
So you are acknowledging where you are right now (whether real or exaggerated/irrational/imagined or due to a low mood), which is a good, useful thing.
Now that all that is known, where to from here??? What do you want to do? What's the plan??
Gutted that I had to miss out on going to the Big Burns Supper Festival for a 2nd year running. This year due ma stay in hospital. And my oldest sister and I didnae know there was a disabled platform this year a week before hand. And we booked tickets think we'd be going. Missed in 2015 cuz some corporate c***s bought most of tickets for a majority of comedy and music show.
But next year, one of the organisers of the festival, Orla, a wee Irish wummin who knows my sister has promised me entry into 2 shows for free. Ya dancer - get it up ye!
But next year, one of the organisers of the festival, Orla, a wee Irish wummin who knows my sister has promised me entry into 2 shows for free. Ya dancer - get it up ye!
Orla.. here it's a boy's name! It is the only danish boy's name that ends with an a! Usually, a name ending with an a means it's a girl's name....
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Am actually feelin' positive an upbeat in tha last 3 weeks.
