trying to focus on projects to keep my mind occupied. the edge of the broken heart has subsided some but a dull ache is still present. i wonder how he's doing. he was in the hospital for mental issues last year... is he as hunky-dory as he let on in his last message weeks ago? does he care? did he really love me? was i just a place keeper? i did love him. if i was duped i will never know but he has made irreparable choices.
but my feelings for my cat have not changed and i want custody. i'm too afraid to contact him to try to get my cat. our cat, whatever. we got him together... i know he will raise hell and not let me have him. i don't know if my heart can endure more turmoil.
i do care about him but he is like half-monster and i don't understand what is going on with him. probably due to mental illness that he neglects. he doesn't seem honest with himself... if you're not honest with yourself how can you be honest with other people? we all have our flaws, though, including me... i'm neurotic and insecure... at what point do you draw a line with someone? i don't know. i don't know.