Hi I'm New Here. Obviously.

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WhatTheF

Member
I stumbled upon this site earlier today while trying to find information about how I feel so hopefully I can find away to cope with it.
I can’t talk to people. I recently came to the realization that I believe I have some kind of social anxiety. I used to just chalk it up to being shy. I’m not sure if it’s getting worse or I’m noticing it more because it’s having a greater (negative) impact on my life. It’s probably both. I really started to notice it around July where I would be really a bit freaked out at work, and thought maybe there was something wrong with me. I would think I’ll look into it when I get home tonight. Once I would get home though I would feel much better and decided that it must have just been that day and there was no real problem. But there was and I would go through that cycle on many days. I always seemed to have various reasons for why I didn’t want to talk to people. Sometimes I feel like I have nothing to say so I won’t call someone (e.g. Grandmom). Other times it’s because I feel like I’ll be bothering them, it will result in some kind of confrontation, bad news, etc (e.g. work). But the reality is I just don’t like talking to people. I can barely even call to order food. If I’m with other people and we’re going to order something I will practically beg to not have to be the one to call in the order. When the phone rings at work I usually let it go to voice mail so that I can hear what they have to say and I can try to compose myself before talking to them. Similarly when calling someone as the phone rings all I can thing is, “please let it go to voice mail”.

Talking to people, especially those I don’t know, makes me extremely anxious and usually if possible I just avoid it all together. I think that it’s worse now than it ever had been before. I find that I barely want to leave the house other than to see friends or to get necessities. There isn’t anything I in particular I want to do at home. I just feel comfortable there and feel like I don’t have to deal with the rest of it (or at least I don’t have to think about those things). I’m sitting here at work and have this almost over whelming panicked feeling that someone will try or want or need to talk to me. I find the thought horrifying. I just want to run away from it all. The further I can distance myself from contact with someone all the better. If I can e-mail someone rather than talk to them on the phone, I will take the electronic communication every time. But I find even e-mail to be too much at times. Some times I will let an e-mail sit in my in box for a while because I’m afraid to open it. I’m afraid of what it might say, or what I might have to do, or how I might need to respond. There is an e-mail I should have sent about a month ago that I still haven’t sent (hopefully today is the day) I can’t even quantify why. It should be easy it’s just a request for certain information and documentation. But it’s a person I don’t really know, and I just can’t seem to get myself to do it.

This problem with talking to people combined with my propensity to procrastinate is proving to be a deadly combination. Between those to things I’m failing to adequately perform my job which in turn is stressing me out even more so. I feel defective as a human being. More and more I think about how if only I could get sick enough (mono sounds about right) and not have to go to work anymore. Or worse yet I think if only I would die then I wouldn’t have to deal with this ever again. Not that I would kill myself or anything that seems painful and I would hate for people to remember me in that way. But rather if I just went peacefully in my sleep. Ultimately I don’t really want to die I’m not really comfortable with the finality of it, but some times it seems like an acceptable alternative to this. I hate that I have thoughts like this. On paper so to speak my life seems pretty good. My job should be decent (though I feel like I am ruining that), and I should be doubly happy about it considering the economic conditions at the moment. I have a great girlfriend that I life with. We have a pretty nice house. I actually have a great group of friends that I’m very close with and love hanging out with. Though I will almost never initiate an activity but will wait for someone else to do it. I’m pretty good with my family. But my issues with dealing with people (and procrastination) seem to be ruining it for me, and at the least are preventing me from fully enjoying life.

About two months ago having a conversation with my girlfriend she was talking about a coworker who has anxiety problems, and I realized that sounded similar to some of my problems. About a month and to a month and a half ago I finally went ahead with seeking out a therapist. I’m only three sessions into that. I hope it will help and I think it will. I know there are no quick fixes, I really wish there were. I feel like I’m barely cooping with it now, and it seems to be getting worse. I dread the start of the week. Everyday seems like a battle where I’m just fighting to make it too the weekend so I can retreat back to my little world and get away from all this. I don’t know how I’m going to make it through this week.
 
J

Jetra

Well-known member
Welcome, I'm new here as well and I'm breaking out of my bubble I've built for myself after my mother's death.

I loved talking to random people and make random chit chat. It was a habit of me to smile as a means to cover my anxiety, while deep down, I was hurting. Now, I'm afraid to make eye contact with anyone, constantly cleaning my house and organizing whatever I can.

Take a deep breath, and relax. The first step is to see a professional. Next is to get medication. Finally, you are re-introduced to society as a "normal" person.
 
ilmatross

ilmatross

Well-known member
You'll find others in the exact same situation here, a lot of helping and caring people

I wish you the best, I struggle with similar SA

welcome to the forums
 
sam89

sam89

Member
Hey there, I think you've just told me what I have been suffering for years. I never knew its actually a disorder, you know-procrastination. Same story as I found about SA, and others. It's like a different world when you discover that what you're going through is a diagnosed, specific, known disorder...

But, anyway, I have a feeling you'll be alright after these sessions. Hope so :)
 
W

WhatTheF

Member
sam89 said:
Hey there, I think you've just told me what I have been suffering for years. I never knew its actually a disorder, you know-procrastination. Same story as I found about SA, and others. It's like a different world when you discover that what you're going through is a diagnosed, specific, known disorder...

But, anyway, I have a feeling you'll be alright after these sessions. Hope so :)
Click to expand...

Don't miss understand I don't know if procrastination is technically a disorder or not I'm not a professional in this feild. I know I've read it's considered to be a coping mechanism for anxiety. Which I can definitely attest too. I can't count the number of times I've told myself 'oh I'll call them later today or tomorrow I just need some time to work up to it'. Which then just keep being used to put of the same thing over and over.

But I have been feeling as though procrastination is a disorder if you go by some definitions. Such as, "illness that affects behavior, thoughts and the ability to make decisions. It is associated with a discomfort (ex. pain), disability (ex. impairment in one or more areas of functioning) or a risk of pain, disability or loss of autonomy" (define:mental disorder - Google Search) I know for sure it has a huge affect on my behavior and ability to make decisions, and it makes me feel as though I cannot (or at least have great difficulty functioning as a human being. I used to think I was just lazy or something like that. More often these days it's like a losing battle in my mind where my rational mind knows I should be doing something and what I need to do, but this other part of my brain just says it doesn't want to deal with whatever it might be. Sometimes because it might cause stress or anxiety, other times I don't even know why I can't get myself to do a task (which bothers me more than the former). Then it's as if the rational part of my brain is trapped in there while I avoid/procrastinate over something something and it's like torture to that part of me and it can't figure out why it can't get control and get me to do things that need to be done.

Also, I'd like to thank you all for the warm welcome and kind words. I know I was a little nervous to come back to this thread and see what (if anything) people said. It sounds silly considering the topic of this message board, but after reading through some threads yesterday after I posted I started to think maybe I didn't belong here, and shouldn't have posted. I mean I read some people who seem to have little or know friends or significant others and that their issues seem so much more serious than mine. I thought that if I can make and talk to friends, and have a great/healthy relationship with my with for so long why can't a make a few phone calls at work? Of course I was overacting and over thinking which isn't really much of a surprise. Maybe I'll go make that phone call I told myself I would make when I got to work an hour and a half ago.
 
alanj

alanj

Well-known member
It sounds like classic SA behaviour to me. I used to work in an office setting and I basically lived what you described. I would be always hoping that any faxes that came in would be easy, in the sense that I alone would be able to deal with the query and would not have to consult anyone. I just wanted to do my own thing because I felt awkard and weak asking anybody to do anything for me.

It is absolutely no way to live. But it's great that you are completely aware of this unnatural behaviour and are seeing a therapist. Another positive is that you have a girlfriend and group of friends. In my view it all comes down to negative thoughts and beliefs that we continually entertain; and when we become aware of these thoughts and beliefs as they are happening and practice not entertaining them then it all starts to change.

Best of luck with your progress. Lots of people here know exactly where you are coming from.
 
W

WhatTheF

Member
alanj said:
It sounds like classic SA behaviour to me. I used to work in an office setting and I basically lived what you described. I would be always hoping that any faxes that came in would be easy, in the sense that I alone would be able to deal with the query and would not have to consult anyone. I just wanted to do my own thing because I felt awkard and weak asking anybody to do anything for me.

It is absolutely no way to live. But it's great that you are completely aware of this unnatural behaviour and are seeing a therapist. Another positive is that you have a girlfriend and group of friends. In my view it all comes down to negative thoughts and beliefs that we continually entertain; and when we become aware of these thoughts and beliefs as they are happening and practice not entertaining them then it all starts to change.

Best of luck with your progress. Lots of people here know exactly where you are coming from.
Click to expand...

Yeah the only down side about having the girlfriend and group of friends (though by no means would I want to give them up) it made me feel like my problems weren't problems and that's just the way I was because it didn't fit into the stereotypes. Like my anxiety didn't manifest it's self as the sort of big showy panic attacks like you might see on TV or in a movie. I wish I would have realized it was a problem and tired to fix it sooner, but better late than never as they say.
 
coyote

coyote

Well-known member
I've been battling avoidance and procrastination for as long as I can recall.

Only recently have I start to figure out what's really going on.

I feel like I'm finally starting to make some progress.

I knew I'd get around to it eventually. :]
 
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