hard to talk to attractive women
- Thread starter recluse
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coyote
Well-known member
I used to be very afraid and self-conscious about talking to attractive women
working in sales and retail, i found that I had to talk to them all the time, every day
so I decided - just try to loosen up and have fun with it
they were "safe" conversations, because it was work - they were customers
I could flirt or whatever, as long as I kept it professional
After doing this for several years, it has opened up a new world for me
i am much more relaxed in talking to people in general
I found that many women wanted to flirt with me that I never suspected would
you just have to let go and lighten up - have fun
As long as you don't think you have so much at stake every time you open your mouth, it can be enjoyable
Then you build on the experience
Seriously, what do you have to risk by saying "hi?"
working in sales and retail, i found that I had to talk to them all the time, every day
so I decided - just try to loosen up and have fun with it
they were "safe" conversations, because it was work - they were customers
I could flirt or whatever, as long as I kept it professional
After doing this for several years, it has opened up a new world for me
i am much more relaxed in talking to people in general
I found that many women wanted to flirt with me that I never suspected would
you just have to let go and lighten up - have fun
As long as you don't think you have so much at stake every time you open your mouth, it can be enjoyable
Then you build on the experience
Seriously, what do you have to risk by saying "hi?"
dutchguy
Well-known member
Coyote; you're absolutely right - however, the question for most of us is probably; how do you get from point A (being terrified of talking to women) to point B (being comfortable to at least talk to them).
Getting a job in a sector where you have to talk to a lot of people (many of whom will be female) is a great way of doing this - and I would be considering doing it if I didn't already have a job - in the most female-lacking sector of all; IT.
Another option would be joining some kind of club, but one requirement for me would be that it should at least loosely match my interests (I mean, if I didn't have fun there, why would I be there?), but so far I haven't found anything in my area that I'd consider to be a fit.
Getting a job in a sector where you have to talk to a lot of people (many of whom will be female) is a great way of doing this - and I would be considering doing it if I didn't already have a job - in the most female-lacking sector of all; IT.
Another option would be joining some kind of club, but one requirement for me would be that it should at least loosely match my interests (I mean, if I didn't have fun there, why would I be there?), but so far I haven't found anything in my area that I'd consider to be a fit.
I guess it does seem like women are pretty harsh in general when it comes to male advances, and I think that's the reason for the initial fear that so many guys feel. It's that sense of 'she's going to chew me up and spit me out if I come onto her' - and everyone knows how fragile male egos are. A lot of men simply can't handle being told 'no' and they're afraid of being eaten alive as opposed to getting the gentle let down that most women really are cordial enough to give.
I tend to think it's because women get confronted with so many guys on a daily basis that they need to put up a wall. I can understand that though, since when I'm out and about I notice lots of leery men checking out attractive women and I think I'd be pretty weirded out if I were in their shoes. It's the same story when I've had a girlfriend and I see someone eyeing her up - it sparks a sense of annoyance and weariness within me. I do find that it's sort of half/half though, at least in my mind - for every woman I talk to who's distant and testy, the next will be decently warm and friendly.
What is important is to realize that if you do get the cold shoulder, it's nothing personal - nor could it ever be, as the woman brushing you off doesn't know you well enough for it to be. It's more a self-protection thing. Having said that, we live in a pretty shallow society, where having an obvious edge of some sort will make it easier for you to get your proverbial foot in the door. But that doesn't mean that regular guys have no chance. It just means you have to be creative and play your strong suits because it's true that everyone deserves happiness with someone they find attractive.
Ultimately I feel it's what I've said in the past - life is a numbers game, and the more you can network without fear, the better you'll do. Of course you'll be rejected along the way, but everyone gets rejected at some point, and you can never please everybody no matter how seemingly perfect you are. So remind yourself of your positive traits, work on some original openers, remember that a 'no' is no big deal, and get to practising.
I tend to think it's because women get confronted with so many guys on a daily basis that they need to put up a wall. I can understand that though, since when I'm out and about I notice lots of leery men checking out attractive women and I think I'd be pretty weirded out if I were in their shoes. It's the same story when I've had a girlfriend and I see someone eyeing her up - it sparks a sense of annoyance and weariness within me. I do find that it's sort of half/half though, at least in my mind - for every woman I talk to who's distant and testy, the next will be decently warm and friendly.
What is important is to realize that if you do get the cold shoulder, it's nothing personal - nor could it ever be, as the woman brushing you off doesn't know you well enough for it to be. It's more a self-protection thing. Having said that, we live in a pretty shallow society, where having an obvious edge of some sort will make it easier for you to get your proverbial foot in the door. But that doesn't mean that regular guys have no chance. It just means you have to be creative and play your strong suits because it's true that everyone deserves happiness with someone they find attractive.
Ultimately I feel it's what I've said in the past - life is a numbers game, and the more you can network without fear, the better you'll do. Of course you'll be rejected along the way, but everyone gets rejected at some point, and you can never please everybody no matter how seemingly perfect you are. So remind yourself of your positive traits, work on some original openers, remember that a 'no' is no big deal, and get to practising.
Thats harsh :
:I guess it does seem like women are pretty harsh in general when it comes to male advances, and I think that's the reason for the initial fear that so many guys feel. It's that sense of 'she's going to chew me up and spit me out if I come onto her' - and everyone knows how fragile male egos are. A lot of men simply can't handle being told 'no' and they're afraid of being eaten alive as opposed to getting the gentle let down that most women really are cordial enough to give.
I tend to think it's because women get confronted with so many guys on a daily basis that they need to put up a wall. I can understand that though, since when I'm out and about I notice lots of leery men checking out attractive women and I think I'd be pretty weirded out if I were in their shoes. It's the same story when I've had a girlfriend and I see someone eyeing her up - it sparks a sense of annoyance and weariness within me. I do find that it's sort of half/half though, at least in my mind - for every woman I talk to who's distant and testy, the next will be decently warm and friendly.
What is important is to realize that if you do get the cold shoulder, it's nothing personal - nor could it ever be, as the woman brushing you off doesn't know you well enough for it to be. It's more a self-protection thing. Having said that, we live in a pretty shallow society, where having an obvious edge of some sort will make it easier for you to get your proverbial foot in the door. But that doesn't mean that regular guys have no chance. It just means you have to be creative and play your strong suits because it's true that everyone deserves happiness with someone they find attractive.
Ultimately I feel it's what I've said in the past - life is a numbers game, and the more you can network without fear, the better you'll do. Of course you'll be rejected along the way, but everyone gets rejected at some point, and you can never please everybody no matter how seemingly perfect you are. So remind yourself of your positive traits, work on some original openers, remember that a 'no' is no big deal, and get to practising.
Very good post!