girls just hate me

[BlueDays]

To the OP, I agree with the suggestion thats been made for you to ask your friends. It would be the best way to get some advice on this, because they actually know you from time spent hanging out with you and have seen how you interact at these parties. Good friends are always happy to give advice

 

[mads]

There is no key in what girls like or boys like. Everyone is different and everyone likes different things. The important thing is that you are confident in who you are, no matter what you are.

The party you went to, did you go alone there or with some friends? Often it is easier to talk to other people if you are in a group. It tends to be that people will easilier accept you, if they can see you already belong to a group.

When you say girls dont want to talk to you. What do they say, when you try to talk to them, and what kind of things are you talking about?

Do you have some female friends in your friends group? In my experience it seems that girls (and I am not saying all) think you are more interesting if there are some girls in your group.

 

[Richey]

the simple answer is that often social anxiety can lead to an obvious negative self image which people tend to avoid girls and guys so they'll avoid someone who stays quiet and seems really down ...but at the same time the person who seems negative could be completely different in a non-work environment where they feel more relaxed ...so personally i wouldn't let it bother you too much ...you can choose to seperate your work-life from your outside of work life ....there are many work environments that are uber intimidating and uncomfortable to be around ..and others that arn't as much ....

i work in hospitality so its often brutal and there is alot of lethal sarcasm and you have to try and have a hard skin, i struggle with the spontanious side of it, often someone will say something sarcastic and jokey that is a little offensive and i know they are joking but i don't have a clue how to respond it because for starters i'm busy doing the work and then out-of-nowhere someone can just put you on the spot ...

so i know i come across as sensitive and and too serious simply because i can't think of a response in the moment enough ..hospitality is for really social people or quietly confident people and i feel like i'm neither really ...i have low self esteem and it really shows but i can talk and chat to people sometimes ...

i also know there are thousands of places i could be working where i feel more relaxed and that would give me a chance to open up more ...

i work with alot of females and i know there is a sense that i'm a bit of a downer on myself ...but hey, at least i'm out there amongst it and getting some exposure if nothing else ...

i highly doubt any og the girls would want to go out with me based on my personality though ...i mean i'm quiet, reserved and a bit sensitive and i can sense my own discomfort as well ...

 

[Felgen]

i dont know y, but am 29 and never had any girls shown interest in me, they just dont want to know me, tried talking to them but they dont want to talk to me for some odd reason that i dont know, i been invited to a party i went to last time, with so many girls but i hated it cause no girl wanted to talk to me there, i dont really want to go but my friends say i should go. i dont want to go there again, and fell like a loser where everybody else is having fun.

Have you tried joining a dating site or internet community for people with anxiety? While generic shyness doesn't make it harder for a woman to get a date, social anxiety does. More than half of all girls with social anxiety in their 20's are probably single because of the condition.

Women and men use the term "nice guy" differently. Most men will use the term to describe a man who's kind and caring, regardless of how masculine or feminine he is. When women use the term, they usually mean a wussy kind of guy. You can still be both masculine and caring, and mature women aren't turned off by men who don't act like dicks.

 

[Hellhound]

Generalization senses tingling...

well there must be something wrong with you with either your look, presentation or way you act. you should ask your friends if there something about you that would make girls not being interested in you.

There's nothing wrong with you, you might not be their type or you might be approaching the wrong people, that's all. Just because those girls rejected you it doesn't mean ALL girls will.

You are probably quite sensitive too....perhaps overly polite and considerate? Big no no.... Women tend to like guys that are quite caring, but also strong and manly.

The reason I say this, is due to my own meandering experience with women, I have tried being the nice guy and it doesnt seem to work. They may be attracted to you for a while but after realizing that you actually care about them they seem to scamper...

You obviously approached the wrong girls too... Who wouldn't want someone who cares about them? Don't you think it's time to look in a different place and stop approaching the dumb people?

I have found humour often works with women. If you can make a girl laugh,then its psychologically impossible for her not to like you. Might be worth starting there... maybe.

-sigh-

Serious people exist, believe it or not. This doesn't work for everyone and it's surely not important. You don't have to be a clown in order to be liked, unless the girl in question is one of those who aren't worth your time.

You can't be too nice with women. You have to gauge it. And yes, guys good with women will usually make them laugh. That is the "pre-foreplay foreplay".

Oscar Wilde said something like (too lazy to search for the actual quote, so forgive me): "you can't expect a woman to like a man who treats her like a human being".

ROFL

But aside from the joking, I think it is true that women like a man who can make them FEEL strong emotions, whether it be what we call "good" emotions like laughter and the pleasure from compliments, and also what we call as "not so good" emotions like making them feel some sort of mild emotional pain such as a little jealousy, anger, etc.

Is it normal if I'm feeling rather upset at this post?

You're basically aplying that idiotic mentality to ALL girls. Thank you very much, you're making me consider a gender change just not to have to deal with these kind of insults :/

Oh and emotional pain is probably the last thing I need. Thank you for the offer, but I pass

 

[Hellhound]

Hands up any other females in SPW who are sick and tired of reading threads like this that tell other guys what girls "like" and "Don't like"!?

It would not be so infuriating to read if so much of it wasn't so damn negative and tinged with an obvious seething judgemental tone.

I know it is difficult when you have only had bad experiences with girls to go on. Hopefully age willl help you to understand that humans, yes girls are human too, are very complex. Attaching just one type of "set of rules" so to speak to apply to girls, is not going to be as helpful as you think.

Some of the experiences with girls that have been mentioned in this thread where the girl had "scampered" away, may be an indication that they have been put off by your negative attitude towards what girls want.

Do you really believe that a girl would be attracted to a guy that makes her feel "not so good" emotions like "jealousy" and "anger"!?.....really????? Do you realize how frustrating that is to read for girls who know how nonsensical that statement is.

Thank you for saying this! I'm happy to know I'm not the only one who gets royally pissed off at threads like this.

Some dudes here should remember that there's girls in this forum, and if you come up with stuff like this, you're going to anger a lot of them. But wait... we are supposed to like emotional pain, right? So making us angry must be okay then!

 

[BlackPuma]

I wouldn't write off all girls just yet, Elm. I know for a fact that there are some real sweethearts out there that wouldn't care whether you're bad looking or not. Girls and women are individuals too. Meaning that each and every one of them has different tastes, philosophical views, personality, tolerance and everything else that makes a person an individual. ^W^

I think you're expressing your discomfort through body language and tone of voice, and that that's what makes them uncomfortable around you. I really don't think it's hate what they're expressing at all. :3

Try to relax, be nice, and get to know them before you 'make a move'. Just remind yourself that it's merely a conversation between one person, to the next. Don't concentrate on gender so much, it's really not necessary. ~WO

 

[Dronee]

I've met women from opposite ends of good and bad. The bad ones are really horrible and as shallow as you can imagine.. and the good ones are I feel are the some of the best examples of what humanity can offer. In other words, they're humans and each person will differ.

Just try improving yourself first, especially in other areas of your life like your confidence and achievements. I was extremely lucky because once, I was in depression and just down on so many areas of my life... still, someone showed interest in me and even asked me out when I least expected it.. showed some care and concern. And I'm not really good looking or smart or buffed... But she saw something... Although my depression made it not work out between us because I didn't follow up and express interest, it proves that there are women out there who are wonderful people too... and who may like you even if your past experiences are not good ones and when you can't see anything in yourself worth liking...

Or at least that was my experience.

 

[mrb]

no one hates you those girls dont even know you dude chill just have a few drinks at the party with your mates , if a girls comes up and talks to you just be nice dont try hard to make some kind of an impression , just be yourself

 

[token_asian_friend]

There's nothing wrong with you, you might not be their type or you might be approaching the wrong people, that's all.

Ya, this.

You can't expect complete strangers at a party to automatically flock to you and want to talk to you.

Plus this.

 

[Spike Lee]

YouTube - Cyndi Lauper - Girls Just Want To Have Fun

 

[Tlachtgha]

I find threads like this very disheartening.

Isn't it sad that you can't just be yourself and have some hope of forming a straightforward relationship with a woman where you simply treat her like another human being, take an interest in her thoughts, opinions etc.
No, apparently that's no good! Behave like that and your a soft, pathetic "loser".
They want a ludicrous act, the "Bad-Boy" act - which by all accounts consists of behaving like a puerile, crude, domineering fùckwit.

I'd honestly love to believe the female posters here when they deny it's true (hardly surprising as it paints a less than flattering picture of their sex) but I've increasingly come to fear that there is actually a great deal of truth to it::

 

[NathanielWingatePeaslee]

They want a ludicrous act, the "Bad-Boy" act - which by all accounts consists of behaving like a puerile, crude, domineering fùckwit.

What is your evidence for this?

I've increasingly come to fear that there is actually a great deal of truth to it::

Based on what?

 

[mads]

I am not a bad boy or anything similar but I believe in what I do and that is one of the most important things you can do. And my girlfriend/fiancee hates those bad boy types

 

[ryan2022]

First off, women are really drawn to confidence. In most cases, more so than looks.

Secondly, try not to put them on a pedestal when you approach them. This will make life much harder, and in a way, in your head you've already psyched yourself out.

They are NOT perfect, neither are you. they have things about themselves that they don't like, or are self conscious about, guaranteed.

 

[Felgen]

If you put a woman on a pedestal, you're asking her to trade sex for favours, in other words: You're objectifying her.

 

[Shadowplay]

I'm not going to tell you how to act or behave because that would be like trying to change your personality, but I will advise you to gain some confidence. I know it's not as easy as it sounds, but even though I have no confidence at all, I wouldn't be attracted to someone who had none. Which is probably why I'm always single, because most other people wouldn't be either. Ask yourself this: how do you behave when you are around girls? I'm going to guess that you are very quiet and introverted, and give the impression that you are nervous. This will discourage girls from trying to talk to you.
Even if you have to feign confidence, it will make a difference.

 

[Felgen]

I'm not going to tell you how to act or behave because that would be like trying to change your personality, but I will advise you to gain some confidence. I know it's not as easy as it sounds, but even though I have no confidence at all, I wouldn't be attracted to someone who had none. Which is probably why I'm always single, because most other people wouldn't be either. Ask yourself this: how do you behave when you are around girls? I'm going to guess that you are very quiet and introverted, and give the impression that you are nervous. This will discourage girls from trying to talk to you.
Even if you have to feign confidence, it will make a difference.

Learning the basic social skills needed in dating is not the same as changing your personality. Learning to concentrate and remember stuff in school when you have ADD/ADHD is not the same as being someone else either.

 

[coyote]

Sexual attraction is often not the result of physical desire, but instead comes from how the person desired makes the desiring person feel about themselves.

A man may well feel good about himself if he finds that he is desired by the type of young, sexy, buxom woman that our society has held up to him as being the ideal - she therefore becomes attractive to him, because he desires her attention.

A woman may be attracted to a certain type of man, again, because having the attention of a "desirable" man makes her feel good about herself.

People - men and women - want to feel validated, recognized, accepted, desired in order to feel complete as beings in the world. As objects of someone else's desire, they are no longer at the center of the universe, shouldering the entire weight of the unbearable burden.

It's much easier to share the weight of being with someone else than it is to remain alone, ignored, or abandoned at the center of all there is and that there will be.

(hats off to J.P. Sartre)

 

[Pookah]

I find threads like this very disheartening.

Isn't it sad that you can't just be yourself and have some hope of forming a straightforward relationship with a woman where you simply treat her like another human being, take an interest in her thoughts, opinions etc.
No, apparently that's no good! Behave like that and your a soft, pathetic "loser".
They want a ludicrous act, the "Bad-Boy" act - which by all accounts consists of behaving like a puerile, crude, domineering fùckwit.

I'd honestly love to believe the female posters here when they deny it's true (hardly surprising as it paints a less than flattering picture of their sex) but I've increasingly come to fear that there is actually a great deal of truth to it::

Describe the women you are after please, with honesty.

Females can just as easily say you are after the wrong kind of woman.