Girls: Do guys ever...

[skins]

...randomly come up to you and start talking?? i've often thought about this...say out and about just shopping, in malls etc, i see many attractive girls walking around and i often wonder if any randoms guy willl come up and try to hit on them/strike up a convo. i'm a 28yo guy, considers myself just average, not ugly or overly attractive...i never have any girls forwardly come up to me out the blue and try to strike up a convo..but i wonder if it's different the other way round? i feel society believe its the male's responisblilty to make the first move..but being a shy guy i am i feel restircted to do this...i often have the strong desire to do this, but the fear of rejection will always hold me back. but do guys actually do this?..and if so how common is it?? if it was common i'd feel more comfortable to give it a go... i feel society has moved away from this..random ppl enganging each other on a dialy basis, just randomly...you see old ppl do this all the time, it was alot different back in their day tho..there was no social networking, or stranger danger fear...so for them its natural...i encounter this all the time..old people will just come up to you and start talking..or buying a newspaper etc, will chat to the clerk...never young people tho..it seems a taboo thing to do...like all the stranger danger stuff tought to you when you were young nowdays...young people dont just engage each other randomly anymore, like they would in our grandfathers day...its like the only way to meet ppl of the opposite sex is in a nightclub or online dating etc. its so sad...but is this entirely true?...i'm asking the girls..do guys still try it?? if a guy comes up and starts trying to chat to you (just an average looking guy) do you think its strange/desperite, that he must be a weirdo who wants to rape you, or what is your mindset exactly?? i find in this day and age its harder to meet people then ever....being me i will always rely on a girl to come up and start to chat with me, which i realise is like trying to baptise a cat.

 

[coyote]

I tried to baptize my cat, Sparky

Sparky had a mean left hook

that's why i wear this eyepatch

 

[philly2bits]

I tried to baptize my cat, Sparky

Sparky had a mean left hook

that's why i wear this eyepatch

No more drunk posting you.

 

[twilightwolf-626]

Actually, walking up to a girl is not as weird as it seems, as long as you two have at least somewhat seen each other before (like as classmates in a class room, coworkers at work, at church, etc.). This is how I met my boyfriend. He walked up and started chatting with me. Of course, because of my SA I was scared of him at first, but now he's my other half.

Hope this information is at least somewhat helpful/encouraging.

 

[ichiban]

I've had random guys come up to me or my friends in a club/bar and start talking, but I don't think I've ever been hit on just randomly during the day, except by homeless people or teenagers with nothing to do but hang out on the street. While I'd love for some cute guy to come up and start talking to me in the coffee shop or wherever, I probably would've even recognize it as flirting. I think I'd be kinda thrown off by it and be wondering why some random guy was trying to have a conversation with me.

But don't let that discourage you!

 

[fitftw]

pretty women probably deal with random encounters at least once a week.

 

[MsBuzzkillington]

If not multiple times a day.

 

[skins]

thanks for the replies everyone...interesting responses, i think the general concenus is in a bar/club it happens because its expected there, but not randomly during the day while out and about...it would kinda freak you out/ thow you off...and be a bit of a fruitless exercise it seems...while i would have no hesitation in going up and chatting with someone i atleast have some association with no matter how minor, i would often ponder whether i should attempt it on randoms or not. but after reading the replies here, it seems it doen't normally happen, so i think i'll just stick with chatting to people that i can associate with...that way i would atleast a convo starter...i wouldn't have a clue the first thing to say to a random person anyway. in regards to the pretty women i don't think they get approched as much as you would think, because their extreme good looks can be quite intimidating to alot of men, and most ppl would assume they already have a partner anyway, so its a waste of time..is my theory anyway.

 

[skins]

I think its okay to make small talk with strangers when your out as long as its in a situation where they aren't busy and don't have to stop what they're doing or where they're going to talk to you. I would just make sure I only tried it if the person was alone, I figure with the absence of peer pressure/support there's less likelihood of rejection. Also, don't be too forward I guess. Like, if the girl obviously looks uncomfortable or is unresponsive, don't get pushy, although if you're a shy person I guess you're unlikely to do this anyway, in fact probably more likely to be the opposite. But if you see someone say, in a book shop, or a record shop, and clearly has the same tastes as you, then that would be an awesome opportunity to strike up a conversation. You only live once, so it's worth a try, although it's not something I do myself, but I have at times when I was a lot younger, and it did score me friends and once even a boyfriend.

thnks for your post..it made a lot of sence

 

[Liam17]

Nope. Never haha.

^^LIES lol

 

[Feathers]

^Katie maybe you didn't get the hint?

It has happened at the dorm/when I was studying... in the University city, just out and about... once a Japanese guy just started talking to me, it was fun (not for directions, he didn't know much English though...) It depends what kind of city you live in..
when I worked in tourism or at an event lol, it happened a lot.. waitresses get approached a lot too.. depends on where they work, and how it's done, how much time there is, how they take it..

sometimes maybe it was a bit weird, sometimes it was fun... sometimes I expected them to follow up later lol, sometimes was just 'huh?' or just had the conversation, not expecting anything, and a very few times just wanted to get away.. (if the guy was really odd or something) often it was nice and quite flattering (even though usually nothing happened out of it), really depends on the guy though..
When I actually dated someone I usually met them elsewhere though, not in the street..
In a small town, it may not happen so often, and people may know each other anyway, though my sis has been chatted upon by the mall too..

Basically, depends who does it and how..

It may be easier to do this in a different town/city/country than where you are at home..
It may be easier to start 'practising' on people in shops or some public offices too, they are more likely to make small talk back... If she sees you talk friendly with some older woman first, she may like you more for it (if she's a nice girl..)
Also if you see someone more often, you can maybe build some rapport - eg if you see her first you can just say a few words, then more next time...
There are even manuals on this I think Not sure if everything they teach is okay, I've seen videos online of guys approaching girls in the street.. Apparently for some it still works? (Or maybe those videos are old-ish, hm?)

 

[skins]

^Katie maybe you didn't get the hint?

It has happened at the dorm/when I was studying... in the University city, just out and about... once a Japanese guy just started talking to me, it was fun (not for directions, he didn't know much English though...) It depends what kind of city you live in..
when I worked in tourism or at an event lol, it happened a lot.. waitresses get approached a lot too.. depends on where they work, and how it's done, how much time there is, how they take it..

sometimes maybe it was a bit weird, sometimes it was fun... sometimes I expected them to follow up later lol, sometimes was just 'huh?' or just had the conversation, not expecting anything, and a very few times just wanted to get away.. (if the guy was really odd or something) often it was nice and quite flattering (even though usually nothing happened out of it), really depends on the guy though..
When I actually dated someone I usually met them elsewhere though, not in the street..
In a small town, it may not happen so often, and people may know each other anyway, though my sis has been chatted upon by the mall too..

Basically, depends who does it and how..

It may be easier to do this in a different town/city/country than where you are at home..
It may be easier to start 'practising' on people in shops or some public offices too, they are more likely to make small talk back... If she sees you talk friendly with some older woman first, she may like you more for it (if she's a nice girl..)
Also if you see someone more often, you can maybe build some rapport - eg if you see her first you can just say a few words, then more next time...
There are even manuals on this I think Not sure if everything they teach is okay, I've seen videos online of guys approaching girls in the street.. Apparently for some it still works? (Or maybe those videos are old-ish, hm?)

yeh i do recall when i went to uni it happened a fair bit, but usually from people that studied the same subjects as you and besides most people at uni are in the same boat, particularly first year students, and set out to intentionally make friends, so yeh it does happen there....

"It may be easier to do this in a different town/city/country than where you are at home.."
..I actually tried this a few times when i was travelling overseas one time. the results were a bit hit and miss, but yeh it did seem more likely when you hang around with other tourists long enough...but a confident guy i knew who would often do this once told me 'you try it on 10 people and you may get 1 that's intersted, thats just the odds of it.' but for me these sort of odds are just too discouraging for me to want to risk the damage to my self esteem haha...

intersting your sis has been chatted on at the mall..i wondered if this happens...you really do need a lot of courage to try this tho as your pick up line needs to be well thought out and somthing which will lead to a convo and not just die right there and then with silence lol...what did your sister do? if the guy was attactive and seemed normal would you exchange numbers with them? this also leads to the question, is there is any real point in doing this unless you some how work in a follow up meeting or ask for a number off the person? this adds an even harder element to it....you said you once expected the guy to follow up...i guess thats where they failed in the whole exercise then hey?..maybe if they had of asked you for your number, you may have even given it to him?

 

[Untamed88]

pretty women probably deal with random encounters at least once a week.

and then there are the girls like me who have never had a random bloke come over and talk.

 

[Falkor]

In school, a guy walked up to me and just started talking and we are good friends now. &In the bar, a guy asked to kiss, I was like, what?! Haha.
My friend was with me and she said like ''How do you do that?'' she said it never happened to her, so i said like ''He is for you then, you know i'm gay!'' LOL
So yeah, it happened to me, but I don't wanna sound arrogant. lol

 

[Feathers]

Yeah, it's easier at uni or at a work/interest-related conference or something.. or maybe a course on something you find interesting and really want to learn.. it gives you an element of excitement and 'natural' context to talk...

"It may be easier to do this in a different town/city/country than where you are at home.."
..I actually tried this a few times when i was travelling overseas one time. the results were a bit hit and miss, but yeh it did seem more likely when you hang around with other tourists long enough...but a confident guy i knew who would often do this once told me 'you try it on 10 people and you may get 1 that's intersted, thats just the odds of it.' but for me these sort of odds are just too discouraging for me to want to risk the damage to my self esteem haha...

Yup, some of the things I read suggest similar.. But think about it, if you met the love of your life, wouldn't it be worth it?

intersting your sis has been chatted on at the mall..i wondered if this happens...you really do need a lot of courage to try this tho as your pick up line needs to be well thought out and somthing which will lead to a convo and not just die right there and then with silence lol...what did your sister do?

I have no idea, my sis enjoys shopping and I hate it with a vengeance... I think it was on the way to or from the mall, not actually in the mall itself.. I think he just started chatting with her and they went part of the way together.. She found it a bit weird too, but I think she may have gone for a drink with him sometime later, or was that another guy? (someone she met through computer games, yikes) Nothing much came out of it, it was just for a drink or something.. I think it's good to meet people and widen the circle of people you know.. so even if it was just 'one more acquaintance' it was good in a way!!

if the guy was attactive and seemed normal would you exchange numbers with them?

Honestly, it really depends on the person. I'm much more weary of giving out my phone number these days, so it would really have to be pretty convincing.. I might agree to give an online contact or something..

this also leads to the question, is there is any real point in doing this unless you some how work in a follow up meeting or ask for a number off the person?

yup, you are practising talking to girls.. some people have a thread about this - to talk to people just to 'lose fear' of talking to people..

this adds an even harder element to it....you said you once expected the guy to follow up...i guess thats where they failed in the whole exercise then hey?..maybe if they had of asked you for your number, you may have even given it to him?

yup, in some cases, ha ha..

in some cases, I just wanted them to try a little harder or be more ingenious/creative about it, talk to me more first, so I could get to know them better, maybe be a bit more persistent/assertive about it or show me they really like me (but still in a nice way), perhaps to ask me again one of the next times they saw me.. I'm big on privacy so I may not have given all info right away, as I get to know someone or see him repeatedly, I may be inclined to give more info, if they ask of course.. (some guys just thought I didn't like'em if I didn't want to give info right away though.. when sometimes I liked them but wanted to get to know them better first.. if that makes sense?)

Girls can give contact info to guys they think might be just good friends too, or interesting people to talk to.. or even if they might be just bored and fancy going for a drink with a new acquaintance or something.. It doesn't have to be romantically influenced.. So just having a phone number or e-mail doesn't necessarily mean that much.. maybe it's easier to think of it that way...? You're just getting to know people, it's just a 'teeny' thing... It's important to get to know each other.. and that comes slowly, as you talk and interact and hang out more.. Again, there's advice online and threads and books about this..

 

[lurknomore]

It's never happened for me. It seems to me that most people meet potential girl/boyfriends either by going out to clubs/parties, or through mutual friends. Since I don't have real-life friends, and I wouldn't have the foggiest idea where parties and clubs are (and wouldn't dare go by myself anyway), I'm stuck being a loner.

 

[Luke1993]

I've thought about this a lot. Now as a man, I don't expect to be approached so a lot of the time I think about if I had the courage to approach a girl. I've never witnessed it happen to anybody else, so I don't really know what I would say. Just "Hi."? Wouldn't girls be suspicious/scared if somebody just randomly talked to them? Although it does seem to work in films lol

 

[Feathers]

Luke, you could always just ask for time or something? Or if you're on a bus station, when the next bus is, or if one with your number has just gone by?

It doesn't have to be anything 'profound', just something situation-appropriate!!