EscapeArtist
Well-known member
Do you know when you developed your AvPD, and why.
Were you abandoned, or did you abandon someone or lose someone close to you in some way?
I'm kind of giddy. I just figured it out man! I moved when I was 10 y/o. I left behind a best friend with whom I had a closer relationship to than anybody. We would play wrestle, hug, and all of this personal space stuff didn't matter with her. She was the only one it was like that with.. or at least, the last one. Her mother also thought of me as her second child, and she replaced my mother (who did not know how to be a mother) very quickly for me. I basically lived over at that house of theirs. I went along on their family vacations, I was a part of that family.. And then I was ripped away.
I had this huge revelation today. My brain had tricked myself into thinking I had a horrible childhood. I honestly could not remember these good times of my childhood, because I didn't want to, they were too painfully good. As soon as I moved up to BC, the child in me was gone, because I no longer wanted to trust anybody but myself, and because I could not handle the pain. The child was left behind in Oregon. I grieved briefly and then learned instead to use escapism to stuff the pain away for 7 years. I never let myself get close to anybody because I never wanted to lose something like that again. I am still afraid, of course, of that all.
Yeah, I figured that out by finding an old childhood disney movie, and then randomly started to bawl my freaking eyes out for 3 straight hours.
And with that revelation, I am so curious to hear why YOU have AvPD.
Were you abandoned, or did you abandon someone or lose someone close to you in some way?
I'm kind of giddy. I just figured it out man! I moved when I was 10 y/o. I left behind a best friend with whom I had a closer relationship to than anybody. We would play wrestle, hug, and all of this personal space stuff didn't matter with her. She was the only one it was like that with.. or at least, the last one. Her mother also thought of me as her second child, and she replaced my mother (who did not know how to be a mother) very quickly for me. I basically lived over at that house of theirs. I went along on their family vacations, I was a part of that family.. And then I was ripped away.
I had this huge revelation today. My brain had tricked myself into thinking I had a horrible childhood. I honestly could not remember these good times of my childhood, because I didn't want to, they were too painfully good. As soon as I moved up to BC, the child in me was gone, because I no longer wanted to trust anybody but myself, and because I could not handle the pain. The child was left behind in Oregon. I grieved briefly and then learned instead to use escapism to stuff the pain away for 7 years. I never let myself get close to anybody because I never wanted to lose something like that again. I am still afraid, of course, of that all.
Yeah, I figured that out by finding an old childhood disney movie, and then randomly started to bawl my freaking eyes out for 3 straight hours.
And with that revelation, I am so curious to hear why YOU have AvPD.