Don’t for one moment, think my statement “I have all I want or need” came free. It was paid for. I went through a process I called “personal reform” shortly after starting this job in 1991. I was hired with high hopes from my employer, and I didn’t live up to what they thought, mainly due to my own issues. I lost respect from those I supervised, I lost respect from my own supervisors, and that resulted in a lot of shame. So much that I wanted to quit, and start fresh somewhere else. I thought long and hard about where I was going in life, so much of my failure was a pattern that followed me right from childhood, so I had to figure out what I was doing wrong, and correct it, or at least come up with a better system.
That I did. It’s too long to outline, but if at some point I need to share some of what I did, and the resources I used, I will. There is a saying I have, “when one wants help bad enough, they will find it, sometimes in unusual places.” This personal reform was my own marshal plan. I evaluated everything about myself, my behaviors and my though process. The behaviors were a problem, but more importantly, my mind needed the true work. My perspectives were wrong, and that resulted in wrong communication. My self esteem was low, which resulted in behavior that reflected that. So my plan was multi-pronged, and quite involved. I actually have a couple of notebooks I used to help me as I organized this life-system.
To sum it up, I learned a key thing: “fix the within, and you fix the without.” This means that as I changed, those in my outer environments changed how they responded to me. I earned respect (took a few years) and my leadership skills improved immensely. As I became confident that my system worked, I took on a project that worked nicely with everything I was working on. I created an organization in the region I worked in that took children ages 8 – 14, and placed them in community service projects I would set up. As the coordinator and primary leader of this organization, I had to do all the footwork. From making sure my organization had insurance, to working with local non-profits to set up the projects themselves. I had to meet and work with local leaders, and I ended up on television a couple times, and in the local papers. It was overwhelming at first because I had no idea this personal project would get so much attention. My style is not very polished, and I am not much of a diplomat. The children loved me however, the parents did too, and everyone trusted me. I had a small following of parents, and some co-workers even, joining my cause and helping me fund and supervise projects. This little personal project went on for 8 years, and I got more out of it than the kids or the parents. It developed and fine tuned my personal reforms.
My cheating wife left me 4 years ago, she stole from me, lied to me, and my desire to run this program kind of ended. However, I got everything in the divorce. My home and property, my retirement was untouched, and I kept my son who was 15 at the time. About eight months after the divorce I met a girl who was cousins with a co worker, she was 15 years younger, who had just escaped an abusive marriage. I was impressed with her, not to mention attracted, and I convinced her to date me, and eventually become my girlfriend. (she still is). I have never been as happy in a relationship as I am now. Last year, my mom whom I never really got along with, moved out of the area, and outright gave me my childhood home. She had upgraded everything, the roof, the windows, the siding, the furnace, the central air, the carpets, everything was brand new. I moved my girlfriend and her young children into the house with me, and turned my other house over to my best friend, my son. He lives there rent free, but has to take care of it. My house with my girlfriend is so comfortable, and I just feel so lucky to have everything I could possibly want. I have been at my job now for 23 years, and am making plenty of money, so between that and everything else, plus life systems that work, I feel like I'm on top of it all.
Hope that sheds light on what I was saying. I have what I want, but there was a process. Presently, I live with a reputation of being a go it aloner, but I am not alone. I have respect, my girlfriends parents (whom I went to school with, so in the beginning it was weird) say I’m the best boyfriend shes ever had. I love her and treat her with respect, and I get that treatment in return…..from ALL of them. Respect given, is respect gained. However, one begins with respecting themselves, and it goes from there.
Take care my brothers/sisters in the non-social world. My purpose here is to help others overcome some of the shame I went through, and that they might be going through now. There is hope, there are systems to fix things. I can help with that.
I have no doubt that you have worked hard to overcome many obstacles and even some tragedies in your life.
However, you have to admit that there were some lucky breaks in there.
For instance, some of us don't get a second chance at our job. Some of us can't get a job at all!
For many of us when one love leaves we are not immediately greeted with a new girlfriend/boyfriend who just shows up. Some will try for many years and still not meet that special person.
And there are very few people who can say they came though a divorce totally unscathed.
Some of us have rotten parents who will never just up and leave and give us a house. Some will have parents that expect help from the children.
Again, not trying to belittle your achievements but I think that you are assuming that we are all living the same reality when we are not.
I guess what I am trying to say that I no longer believe in "one size fits all" solutions in life. Fate and luck play WAY too big a role for that.
There are many people on this site who are not getting ANY breaks in life.
Count your many blessings, my friend. It sounds like you are living a good life!