Feeling of extreme sadness when I see a beautiful girl.

Deus_Ex_Lemur

Well-known member
So, why... don't... you just go talk to her?

haha, oh.

Just talk to her. Is it worth a potential life time of feeling regret? Opposed to asking/talking and potentially being rejected - so you can move on.

Perhaps I should take my own advice sometimes.

Excuse me while I run through a wall and then go stare at a goat.

Then you'll be a man who stares at goats? Awesome.

But I should join you, because I would give the same advice and not take it myself. Then we could be the men who stares at goats. (I liked that movie).
 
Then you'll be a man who stares at goats? Awesome.

But I should join you, because I would give the same advice and not take it myself. Then we could be the men who stares at goats. (I liked that movie).

 

Newtype

Well-known member
It's not like we're dumb. We know that we have to talk to them in order for something to happen, but we can't. We're blocked. On a skool trip once, a girl asked me why I never talk. I told her that it's because I only talk when I have something to say... and I never have anything to say. That's the truth. I have nothing to say to these girls.
 
...I only talk when I have something to say... and I never have anything to say. That's the truth. I have nothing to say to these girls
Perhaps is due to nerves? (that is, SA)

Too much of anything is usually a bad thing (eg beauty). Too much beauty in women can "wreak havoc" with men's thoughts & emotions. That's why in some countries the women are "covered up".

I think a "beautiful" girl or woman could be
- physically: really good genes, hair/clothes/makeup/etc to "amplify" it to the Nth degree (eg to look like a "sex goddess")
- mentally: they may have (or appear to) achieved a higher state of consciousness than most (female & male), which is beautiful to behold

There'll be a few things going on, but one of the most troublesome i would say is frustration. Maybe by believing that "she" is the perfect girl (for you), might be setting yourself up for a fall. Try using the power of your imagaination. Since it "takes two to tango" see if you can imagine the possibility that although she may be perfect in YOUR eyes, what if you are NOT perfect (for her) in HER eyes?. And if that is the case (which is very possible), then your "perfect relationship" with her will never be.
 

Newtype

Well-known member
There'll be a few things going on, but one of the most troublesome i would say is frustration. Maybe by believing that "she" is the perfect girl (for you), might be setting yourself up for a fall. Try using the power of your imagaination. Since it "takes two to tango" see if you can imagine the possibility that although she may be perfect in YOUR eyes, what if you are NOT perfect (for her) in HER eyes?. And if that is the case (which is very possible), then your "perfect relationship" with her will never be.

I don't get it. If I start thinking like that, then I'll be single all my life. It's exactly the reason why I feel sad when I see them, because I think that I'm not good enough for them.
 

Mickery

Well-known member
I don't get it. If I start thinking like that, then I'll be single all my life. It's exactly the reason why I feel sad when I see them, because I think that I'm not good enough for them.

SA can be intensely egocentric - and I don't mean that in an insulting way - so sometimes you need to really take a step back and consider your how self-centered your thoughts can be.

They just people. They probably want a partner of equal or greater attractiveness, but so does everybody. Doesn't mean it's the most important aspect of a partner, who are you to say that about them? Or that they must be perfect because of they way they look, or that attractive people couldn't possibly have any problems. It's actually pretty insulting, and you end up reducing them as a person to their looks. It's not fair on them, it's not fair on you and it's not realistic, either.

I'm not glossing over the benefits and trends that come with beauty, but you can't reduce their life to what your own beliefs either. And that goes for everything. "They don't want to talk to me, they won't like me, I'll sit over here." Why is it your place to tell somebody else what they'd want, or what they should think of you?

I'm being totally hypocritical, I've actually turned down people on the basis of what I just described. "I'm not good enough.". I didn't understand until I thought about it properly just how arrogant and selfish it is to tell somebody what they should want or think.

I'm still not able to counter it very well, but being able to recognize it is helpful.
 

Newtype

Well-known member
I never said that attractive people are perfect and that they have no problems of their own. I never thought like that once in my life. It's someone else who posted something similar to that in this thread.

I understand that beautiful girls are people just like me. And it's not because they are beautiful that I can't talk to them. I can't talk to less attractive girls either. Looks is not the reason. I only mentioned beautiful girls because they are the ones that I'm attracted to and would envision myself talking to them with the hope of building a relationship. If I see a girl that I'm not attracted to, then I don't feel sad because I would never want to be with her.

It is true though that I assume what they'll think of me before I even talk to them, but everyone does that. Even if I successfully manage to get over that, I don't know if it will solve my problem. Because of SA, I was locked in my house for 10 years. Now that my SA is almost gone and I'm finally doing things with my life, I don't know if I can be there for a girl and support her as much as she needs me to.

Socially, I'm 10 years behind everyone. If I talk to a girl, she'll probably like my personality, she'll probably like how I look. But perhaps looks and personality are the only two things that I have. The rest, I have nothing. I'm not a "functioning" individual. I don't have a car, I've never had a job. I've never went to a store all by myself. I'm 23 years old and I'm still in skool. I live with my parents. I just got nothing going for me. That's why I'm reluctant to talk to girls. I don't want them to know these things.
 

AGR

Well-known member
Move here, we are all fugly XD

I never been to England but I never understood why people keep saying people there are ugly,doesnt seem like it to me,another internet saying I dont understand is people saying Sarah Jessica Parker is ugly,dont think so,she looks good for someone her age(not that she is old,but comparing with other people of her age) and more than average for sure if you compare with the "normal" population,I thought she was beautiful in Hocus Pocus......
 

GoBlue72

Well-known member
Interesting thread, and of course not a fun problem to have either. I've gone through this same type of situation throughout my life, thinking and feeling similar to what you've described. Despite being out of college for over 15 years, certain events still bring these feelings to the surface. If I'm around people I don't know and can only judge based on appearance, I get frustrated seeing pretty women. Either I think to myself "she would never want to be with me", or if I see her with a guy I see as "in my league" I think "Damnit! Even that guy can get a girl like her and I sit here like a dumbass." And if I see a woman who I don't find physically attractive, I make no effort to even engage in conversation despite feeling more confident.

It is a lot to do with self-esteem and negative thinking, as I've been doing it my entire life. I'm slowly learning that you have to feel good about yourself no matter what result comes from talking to people. And by taking the action that feels so difficult, confidence in taking that step slowly develops and becomes more and more natural.
 

Newtype

Well-known member
...or if I see her with a guy I see as "in my league" I think "Damnit! Even that guy can get a girl like her and I sit here like a dumbass." And if I see a woman who I don't find physically attractive, I make no effort to even engage in conversation despite feeling more confident.

Yes, I am the same.

It is a lot to do with self-esteem and negative thinking, as I've been doing it my entire life. I'm slowly learning that you have to feel good about yourself no matter what result comes from talking to people. And by taking the action that feels so difficult, confidence in taking that step slowly develops and becomes more and more natural.

Thanks, I'll try to follow that wisdom.
 

R3X

Well-known member
yeah,i feel the exact same way....guess it has to do with your self-esteem / self-worth....just recently,i've met this girl i was interested in,i was in a great mood but when i saw her,i've suddenly felt "sad" and dissapointment.....my mood was "down"...i felt really horrible....the best i can describe what i felt was a feeling that's like "You're NOT WORTHY of HER!Who are YOU??You've never accomplished ANYTHING!You've failed EVERYTHING!Yet you want a girl like HER?Dream on, bro!etc,etc,etc".....it's that self-destructive thinking pattern that's pretty much "Blocked" me from making ANY verbal contact with any women i'm interested in..i guess one solution i can come up with is to NOT compare yourself and the person you're interested in...hope i helped a bit though although i know it's not much of a help since i'm still "stuck" in this...lol
 
I don't get it. If I start thinking like that, then I'll be single all my life
Not necessarily ..... not being over-attracted (or "desperate") is sth women tend to find as a signifcantly attractive quality. Is all about "being real" - to yourself and to her.

Real about who she really is - a (seriously-flawed) human, a person, a daughter, a sister, etc, etc - not just a "babe".
Since there's always a real chance of being rejected, why not prepare yourself for that possible scenario, by preventing yourself becoming overly/irrationally attracted?. And in doing that I suspect that ironically, you actually may become more attractive to them.

Real about who you really need in a life-partner. It might not be the case, but if you're only "into" the most attractive women, then i suspect you might be being "blinded" by their outwards beauty.

It's exactly the reason why I feel sad when I see them, because I think that I'm not good enough for them
I don't mean to sound negative, but what if you aren't "good enough" for most of these women? (really beautiful women tend have notriously-high standards for certain aspects - such as looks, money, comforts). In her mind, she probably even rejects most guys who do have these things! (her top-priority things are satisfied, so she goes down the list, and maybe finds a lower-priority aspect (eg "things in common" or "can relate to") is not satisfied. Which brings me back to "being real" - whether two particilar people are "truly compatible" for each other (not "surface-compatible", as in most dating sites).
 
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Newtype

Well-known member
Not necessarily ..... not being over-attracted (or "desperate") is sth women tend to find as a signifcantly attractive quality. Is all about "being real" - to yourself and to her.

Real about who she really is - a (seriously-flawed) human, a person, a daughter, a sister, etc, etc - not just a "babe".
Since there's always a real chance of being rejected, why not prepare yourself for that possible scenario, by preventing yourself becoming overly/irrationally attracted?. And in doing that I suspect that ironically, you actually may become more attractive to them.

Real about who you really need in a life-partner. It might not be the case, but if you're only "into" the most attractive women, then i suspect you might be being "blinded" by their outwards beauty.


I don't mean to sound negative, but what if you aren't "good enough" for most of these women? (really beautiful women tend have notriously-high standards for certain aspects - such as looks, money, comforts). In her mind, she probably even rejects most guys who do have these things! (her top-priority things are satisfied, so she goes down the list, and maybe finds a lower-priority aspect (eg "things in common" or "can relate to") is not satisfied. Which brings me back to "being real" - whether two particilar people are "truly compatible" for each other (not "surface-compatible", as in most dating sites).

Sorry but I don't agree. Your view of beautiful women is very "hollywoodish", like the pretty girl in bad teenage movies or the attention-seekers that we see on television. Also, I never said that I'm "only into the most attractive women". I said that I'm into women who I feel attracted to. I don't see why I'd be interested in someone that I'm not attracted to.
 
Sorry but I don't agree. Your view of beautiful women is very "hollywoodish", like the pretty girl in bad teenage movies or the attention-seekers that we see on television
He he, your probably right, as due to my circumstance i'm practically limited to seeing attractive women only on television or the web.

Also, I never said that I'm "only into the most attractive women". I said that I'm into women who I feel attracted to. I don't see why I'd be interested in someone that I'm not attracted to
Fair enough - can't fault that. Which means what your saying is that you feel sad when the woman your attracted to isn't similarly attracted in return, or mybe is but nothing happens?
 

GoBlue72

Well-known member
He he, your probably right, as due to my circumstance i'm practically limited to seeing attractive women only on television or the web.

I feel like this, too. It's like, all I can give is from experience that isn't very much. Therefore, much of my knowledge(right or wrong) comes from a lifetime of TV, movies, internet, books and listening to friends' experiences. People say there's more than looks, but unless I spend everyday working with someone or living with them, that's all I usually see(other than whatever behavior/conversation I might witness amongst strangers).
 

Noop

Well-known member
this is gonna sound a little creepy... i saw what i thought was a beautiful girl on the tube today... she was a little taller then me with blondish hair, pretty face and looked normal. then she was gone.

it's like meeting with someone you'd foolishly like to talk to, but you can't at the time. i feel i could of warmed to her, but tube trains are no place for meeting people because it's in and out ;)

i have no reason to be sad, people don't know what you're thinking and why should they care.

altho, i'm allowed to think about the idea.. it's all i have.
 
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