Feeling depressed and lonely at Christmas Eve

[Juggalo]

Well I'm not a Christian either. I don't really think of it as strictly Christian. Most of our Christmas celebrations in modern times our rooted in pagan traditions surrounding Yule, the Winter Solstice, anyhow. For me its about the whole goodwill and coming together thing more than Jesus, no disrespect intended to Christians.

 

[lyricalliaisons]

I always feel terrible throughout the holidays: Thanksgiving, Christmas Eve, Christmas, & New Years. I always spend the holidays alone because my mom always goes to my aunt & uncle's house & spends the days with them, except for New Years, when she's at church. I'm too scared to go with her to the family gatherings, so I'm always alone. This year it's even worse, though, because she's in a nursing home. She could be there until after my birthday, which is over a month from now. She's only there for rehab to make her legs stronger, but I still hate it & so does she. She's been gone since December 9th. Everything is incredibly depressing this year. At least she's not voluntarily leaving me alone this year, like usual, though.

 

[backflipper144]

I have had the best Christmas this year that I can remember in a long time. I am very grateful.

Last Christmas I had just gotten into a fight with my girlfriend before she left town for a few weeks with her family, I had just graduated college but could only get a job at Jamba Juice and I had just moved into a smaller and less expensive apartment than I previously had. To top it off I didn't talk to my family back then so I was completely alone except for some new neighbors I drank with on Christmas eve, who were basically strangers to me. It was super depressing and I was so insecure. I almost went crazy.

I was alone for a few weeks and life was hard. Things started to slowly look up for me, but here's what I've learned:

You have to try to enjoy life by yourself, then you will be able to enjoy it with someone else. If you seek your fulfillment and your completion in another person, you are putting your happiness into a condition that is outside of your control. If you are the source of love and happiness, you will shine that into the world and it will be reflected back many times over.

Just be.

 

[Juggalo]

You have to try to enjoy life by yourself, then you will be able to enjoy it with someone else. If you seek your fulfillment and your completion in another person, you are putting your happiness into a condition that is outside of your control. If you are the source of love and happiness, you will shine that into the world and it will be reflected back many times over.

Just be.

Good advice. I want fulfillment in myself. But the way I feel about myself is affected by the fact that no one woman seems to find me attractive. I don't know how I can keep that from affecting me, especially when I'm a virgin whos never had a girlfriend so I don't have past relationships to look back on and say "well there was one woman that at least find me attractive at one time".

 

[Cynic]

Does anyone else feel lonely and depressed at Christmas Eve?

I used to at one time, but am well used to it now and I don't feel any more or less depressed at Xmas than at any other time. I just ignore Xmas and New Year and it passes by. No biggy.

 

[combat]

Good advice. I want fulfillment in myself. But the way I feel about myself is affected by the fact that no one woman seems to find me attractive. I don't know how I can keep that from affecting me, especially when I'm a virgin whos never had a girlfriend so I don't have past relationships to look back on and say "well there was one woman that at least find me attractive at one time".

I know where you're coming from. It's a confidence issue. Really it's just fear of the unknown, but you have to try not to let it stop you from going for what you want. I am by far no expert with women (trust me, I have serious issues with this aspect of my life), but this is what I tell myself and it seems to be working okay so far.

As to being a virgin and having no girlfriend experience, I look at it this way... by the time it gets to the point where things are getting physical then she clearly wants me enough that a little inexperience isn't going to be a deciding factor for sudden rejection. And if it is, she can go screw off because she isn't worth it.

And I know all of this is so much easier said than done. I struggle with it constantly.

 

[iamthenra]

Good advice. I want fulfillment in myself. But the way I feel about myself is affected by the fact that no one woman seems to find me attractive. I don't know how I can keep that from affecting me, especially when I'm a virgin whos never had a girlfriend so I don't have past relationships to look back on and say "well there was one woman that at least find me attractive at one time".

Same here........::

 

[Mokkat]

I don't know if I can I just "be" Im still pretty much a virgin technically and socially, and Im hoping the first might be changed after new years eve

 

[Walk]

At work, this lady said that she spent Xmas eve with her boyfriend.

My god, did that make me feel so empty. I did spend my day with my immediate family, and was ok... but since I was 10 years old, I have wanted to have a girl, a lady, so close to me, that I could spend such an important holiday as Christmas with her.

This life is hard, fellas. I hope we all keep on fighting and not give up this coming new year.

 

[combat]

I hope we all keep on fighting and not give up this coming new year.

+1. Always fight.

 

[recluse]

Not this year because for the first time in my life i have a job which requires working on Christmas eve (i only get Christmas day off) but i do know the feeling. I have my parents but it's not the same as snuggling up to a girlfriend (if i had one) in front of the fire, opening presents::

 

[ThePunisher]

Hey guys, just wanted to say thank you for all your feedback so far. And especially thanks to those who feel the same way I do. It's good to know that I'm not the only one that feels the same way about Christmas Eve. So cheers

 

[ThePunisher]

I can see what you're saying though, and I'm sure at some point you'll have someone nice to spend it with.

Ty that's very kinda of you to say

 

[ThePunisher]

also feeling lonely: no lover, no friend? family is not an option: I'd rather spend it alone like now rather than stay with my 'family'

I'm sorry to hear that, but hey at least you got us guys here on SPW

 

[ThePunisher]

is it christmas eve the day like (confused sign)

I mean like the 24th December that day mate

 

[ThePunisher]

Even around people I sometimes..well actually most of the time feel even lonelier, or isolated.
Last year Christmas was great for me, this year Im not too much in the spirit because Im broke, bought Christmas presents anyway pushing me further into debt, so I kinda feel foolish...so this year Im not as into it.

I feel for you, and this time of year isn't always happy for everyone, some people get even more depressed during this time.

Sorry to hear you're going into debt cause of christmas Well I'll be honest it is foolish but hey you're intentions are good at least

Thanks, good to know you too feel the same way I do.

 

[ThePunisher]

Well, the whole Christmas atmosphere is pretty romantic. All that stuff about goodwill toward mankind, too, makes you want to hold someone close and love them. I think.

I guess that's what I want to do, hold my lover close and one of the reasons why it's sad for me

 

[ThePunisher]

I was alone for a few weeks and life was hard. Things started to slowly look up for me, but here's what I've learned:

You have to try to enjoy life by yourself, then you will be able to enjoy it with someone else. If you seek your fulfillment and your completion in another person, you are putting your happiness into a condition that is outside of your control. If you are the source of love and happiness, you will shine that into the world and it will be reflected back many times over.

Just be.

Yeah you got a point there you have to make your own happiness. I guess you're right. But for me I guess deep down I can't help needing a lover to fill happy and as I mentioned before fill the empty void in my heart. It's just me I guess.

 

[ThePunisher]

It's understandable to feel lonely on Christmas without having someone special to share it with. I hate going to parties and dinners and seeing everyone paired up together but I have to remind myself that I could have that if I really wanted it. I'm very okay with not being in a relationship right now though. I mean of course, there are the periods where I completely hate being by myself but this is my choice too. If I wanted it bad enough I'd do something about it.

Thanks glad you feel the same way I do too. I never had that experience during christmas seeing others paired up, but I've seen it elsewhere, so I do understand how you feel.

Yeah from what I learnt you have to make the miracle happen, be the person that pulls the trigger otherwise not much will change, or if you're really lucky wait till a guardian angel comes and helps you out, which I highly doubt will happen.

 

[ThePunisher]

I don't know if I can I just "be" Im still pretty much a virgin technically and socially, and Im hoping the first might be changed after new years eve

You gotta make the change happen, take risks, but also have low expectations at first, but most importantly ask around for help. Believe me that's how I got to where I am cause of that.

But good luck with your quest